Punch: Punch (38.1860)

May 19, 1800.]

203

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

sometimes came to see him on the same terms. And Our Dear Old
Pam, and we call him old in sign of our familiarity and affect iou, for he
is not. old, added, with reference to Mr. Horsman’s remarks—

“He has said that the Contributors to the Press are the
Favourites and Ornaments or every society into which they
enter. He is perfectly right in that expression. They are

GENERALLY MEN OF GREAT INFORMATION AND GREAT ATTAINMENTS,
AND THEREFORE THEY ARE MEN WHOSE SOCIETY MUST BE AGREEABLE.”

Suffused with ingenuous blushes, yet, conscious that the Premier’s
words are the most unimpeachable truth, Mr. Punch, as the recognised
Head and Representative of the Press of England, makes Lord
Palmerston one of those bows, to behold which is beatitude, to
imitate which is despair.

Mr. Punch would add, that his friend Mr. Disraeli bore testimony
to the utility of press strictures, and said that, provided they were
able, he did not—even when they were directed against himself—object
to “ general malignity.” This must have been meant for the Saturday
Pevieic, which compares Vivian Grey to Louis Napoleon. Certainly
it had no application to Mr. Punch, who has never flung at Mr. Dis-
raeli anything more hurtful than a soft-boiled rosebud.

The great business of the evening being done, the adjourned debate
on the Wine Licences Bill was resumed, and after a great deal of
i opposition, some of it foolish and the rest hypocritical, Mr. Gladstone
replied, and the Pot,house-«m-Pump Coalition was smashed up by a
• majority of 267 to 193.

Tuesday. Lord Ebury on Prayer-Book Reform. He suggested a
great, many alterations, of much theological importance, and wished
i for a commission to prepare the same. The Archbishop of Canter-
bury said, that there was no possibility of theologians agreeing on any
subject, and therefore the subject had best be let alone. Thus spoke
the Evangelical Hierarch. The Bishop of London denied that there
was any real practical grievance. Thus spoke the Common-sense
Hierarch. The Bishop of Oxford believed that changing formularies
would lead to attempts at change of doctrines, and the proposal was
dangerous. Thus spoke the High-Church Hierarch. In spite, there-
fore, of Dr. Sumner, t.heologiaus can agree upon occasion, and as Mr.
Puff says in the Critic, “when they do agree their unanimity is
wonderful.” Three lay-lords charged on the same side as the
spirituals, and Lord Ebury, borne down by such an array of
championship, withdrew his motion, and probably by this time has
become a Highly Particular Baptist.

Lord John Russell stated that he had ordered the appointment of
a salaried official to protect the graves of our heroes who died in the
Crimea.

Mr. Bentinck had a grievance. He knew a boy who wanted to be
a factory boy at Portsmouth ; and this boy being plucked by the Civil
Service Examiners because he could not spell, Mr. Bentinck wanted
to see the Examination papers. He declared that the boy spelt as well
as a great many Members of Parliament. The proposal that Mr.
Bentinck should, in fact, examine the Examiners, was too prepos-
terous, and it was, of course, rejected. Mr. Bovill, who is a lawyer
of great eminence, disapproves of the Government plan for dealing
with Stock-Exchange transactions, and had introduced a Bill of his
own, legalising bond tide business, but not gambling ; but his measure
was rejected, on the principle that business should be free, and people
should take care of themselves.

Then came the motion for the Third Reading of the Paper-Duty
Repeal Bill, on which there was a spirited debate, Sir Stafford
Northcote moving as an amendment that, in the present state of the
revenue, we ought, not to throw away a Million and a Quarter of
Revenue. The old arguments were urged, as were some new ones •
but Mr. Gladstone said that opposition was too late—the House haa
pledged itself to the remission, and had laid on new taxes to supply the
place of the Duty. To recoil would be to shock public faith in the
Legislature. Mr. Disraeli, in a slashing attack on the Chancellor
of the X, denied bis position, derided his finance, and said that the
Mouse ought to re-consider a premature and precipitate vote. And on
division, the Bill had what is termed, we believe, a Squeak for it; for
the numbers were 219 to 209—whereat the Conservatives cheered
woundily. Nay, they actually got another vote, that of Mr. Herbert
Ingram, who has been labouring for years to get the Duty taken off,
and who, leading the van of his friends, as he thought, got into the
lobby with the Noes, and, despite himself, was made by the Speaker
to record a vote against his favourite measure. Mr. Punch, however,
thus sets him right with Boston and The Ages.

Wednesday. Chiefly remarkable for determined but unsuccessful
attempts to overthrow the Bill for protecting the poor girls who work
in the Bleaching and Dyeing factories from being themselves Bleached
by heat and hideous hours until they lie down to Die. Sir James
Graham took an opportunity of declaring his belief that the women of
Eugland were not deteriorating; and in proof that the men were not,
he adduced the recent display of valour by the British Lion, as repre-
sented by Sir Thomas de Sayers.

Thursday. Lord Derby sees a chance of doing mischief to the

Government, and is going in, he says, for a fight, with little Lord
Monteagle for a backer. Encouraged by the small majority on the
Paper Bill, their Lordships declare that they will not permit such a
throwing away of revenue, and mean to oppose the Second Reading in
the Loras. This is the first time Mr. Punch has heard that, by the
Constitution as now established, the Lords have anything to do, except
formally, with questions of Taxation, and he hopes that Derby and
Monteagle will not take it unkind if, in the event of their persisting
in the menaced course, he should feel it his duty to send a Eourpenny j-
Telegram from Chancery Lane to the Tower of London, instructing j.
the Constable to see that the Axe is comfortably sharp, and to order [
blocks for two.

In the Commons, a long and rather amusing discussion on the Wine 1
Licences Bill, in Committee, was every now' and then agreeably and
satisfactorily broken by the Pothouse and Pump Party trying a struggle, :
and getting a tremendous floorer.

Friday. The Central America question is, according to Lord Wode- .1
house, in a satisfactory way to settlement; but he insisted on being j
mysterious for the present. Lord Stratford de Redcliffe made a f
really interesting speech on behalf of the Protestants in Turkey, who, ’
he says—and he knows more of the matter than anybody in the world [
— are about the only honest and truth-telling subjects the Padishah \
has. The Sultan himself likes them, but of course the scoundrels who j
are in authority in Turkey do not, and they are exposed to persecution j
and danger. He urged that they ought to be protected. Lord i
Wodehouse agreed, but said that it was not so much the Turks, as j
the Christians of other than Protestant views, who were malignant j
against the latter. He hoped, however, to do something for the Pro- j
testants. A Bill for dealing with Church “brawlers” was read a !
Second time. It will, if passed, bring the persons who yell, and throw ;
hassocks, and kick down altar-rails,—persons termed by Lord Ckan- f
worth “miscreants,”—under the speedy and unfavourable notice of a I
Police Magistrate.

Charley Napier brought up the Gun-boat frauds, and insisted upon j
having somebody hanged, in which Lord C. Paget promised to oblige
him, if possible. Lord John Russell made his usual multifarious
reply to the Catechism of the Westminster Assembly of Divines, but
the only point for notice was his solemn asseveration that he does
mean to go on with the Reform Bill. There was a debate about
Sir Charles Trevelyan, the Governor of Madras, who so much i
disapproves of Mr. Wilson’s plan for taxing India, that he has t
issued his own Protest against it, for which insubordination Lord j
Palmerston, with much regret at losing so able a man, dismissed
him by the next post, and appointed in liis place Sir Henry Ward, \
Governor of Ceylon, who is favourably known for having so L
sharply and speedily put down the rascals in the Ionian Islands, who
rebelled some few years ago. Sir Joseph Paxton appointed his Com-
mittee on the Thames Embankment, and it seems a very sensibly-selected
Committee, to whose recommendations men of business, and practical
statesmen, must lend respectful attention. Mr. Punch, however, will
occasionally look into the Committee-room and keep all straight.

The political atmosphere looks cloudy, and there seems a storm
coming up. Mr. Gladstone is particularly recommended to look out
his umbrella.

DEAR LORD GREY. j

i

(song BY L—D J—N R—SS—L.)

I

He’s all my fancy painted him ; he’s fractious, he’s malign;

Though his party’s not another’s, it never will be mine.

He loved us not, he never meant what he professed to say:

Oh ! the tie, the tie is broken between me and Dear Lord Grey.

f-

His speeches are all taken down—they stand in black and white:

His envious eye now languishes, now flashes with despite.

His speech is spoken not for us, but quite the other way:

Oh! the tie, the tie is broken between me and Dear Lord Grey.

Old stories he has hoarded up to cast them in my face;

1 little thought that he could be so vengeful and so base.

The secrets of our camp how mean to publish aud betray !

Oh ! the tie, the tie is broken between me aud Dear Lord Grey.

The struggle now will soon be o’er, the weary conflict cease.

My pledge at last will be redeemed, and I shall be at, peace.

And when Reform is set at rest, the Whigs will haply say -.

Oh ! the tie, the tie is broken between us and Dear Lord Grey.

For the Opera Stalls.

“ So Mario and Mongini take subscriptions for the Sicilian revo-
lutionists,” observed Lord Palmerston to Mr. Punch the other
evening. “Just so,” replied the latter nobleman, “and there’s
Twenty Pounds to begin with.” “Eh, how do you mean?” asked
Pam. “ Why, my dear Lord, there are ttco tenners.”