DOI issue:
January 30, 1864
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16873#0058
50
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[JANUARY JO, 1864.
Short-sighted Captain of Company to Dirty Private. “ Your Belts are always Dirty, Sir, what the D—ce do you mean by
it, Sir!”
Dirty Private. “ Plase, Sir, I think it rather hard eor me to clean anything with my naked h'eye, and have them inspected
through a Magnieying Glass.”
A LADY ON SCHLESWIG-HOLSTEIN.
Dear Mr. Punch, Tuesday.
Op course, like everybody else, loving and admiring our darling
Princess op Wales, I felt shocked and hurt at the wicked attempt to
take away her father’s duchies. I do not pretend to understand the
question, not being'a strong-minded woman, but I should not like any
body to come and deprive me of a large piece of my garden, though a
horrible railway threatens to do so, and my husband, who has no more
feeling for flowers than a blind man, is quite delighted at the idea of
compensation, as if a few hundred pounds could compensate me for the
taking away :my beautiful little beds which I have laid out so carefully,
and watered so regularly that I have caught at least twenty colds, one
on the top of another. But men are so inconsistent.
But I was going to say that I read in- the Times that the Duke with
uhe long name, Augustus like, is one of the most splendidly handsome
men in the world, tremendously tall, with a most princelike air, and a
little sadness, poor dear fellow, arising from his early misfortunes, at
which the Emperor (whom you may call handsome if you like, but I
won’t and shan’t) made such unfeeling fun in that letter which you had
no business to print. Now you must see that it is impossible, for a
woman at all events, to feel animosity against a noble-looking creature
like that.
What I want you to do is, to use your influence to arrange things
pleasantly. I do not know whether this magnificent Prince, whom it is
a shame to call Pretender (and you might say Chevalier at least), is
married or not. Perhaps it could be arranged for his wife, if he has one,
to retire in some way, on a morganatic pension, don’t they call it ?—you
know. Then he might marry some Princess of Denmark, and rule over
the Duchies as dear Lord Carlisle does over Ireland. I am sure this
is practical, though you men never allow that women can suggest any-
thing. Because it is not to be endured that Lord Bussell (whom I
dare say you will call a beauty, it would be just like yon) should be
allowed to persecute that beautiful Duke. Please give your mind to the
subject, and oblige,
Your sincere admirer,
Gloticester Crescent. Bosa Matilda Spoons.
THE NATIONAL SHAKSPEABL COMMITTEE.
De mortuis nil nisi Verum. The National Shakspeare Committee,
if not actually dead, is in articulo, and the article is in the last Athenreum,
the organ of the dominant executive. The Memorial absurdity is at an
end, or, as its originators say “ may be left to tune.” This result was
a certainty, after the statement which the seceding members of the
Committee submitted to the public, after the Times had delivered a
crushing condemnation of the scheme, and presented a pleasant physio-
logical sketch of “ animalcules,” and after the Daily News, Telegraph,
and other journals had expressed either pity or contempt for the con-
dition of the Committee. The leading journal of Scotland observes :—
“ The London Committee has split up ; aH its best members having seceded from
it; and the rump is far too weak to wriggle itself into public favour even to the
amount of £30,000.”—Scotsman.
But it is well to die decently, and not with untruths in one’s mouth.
The Athenaeum cannot disband its men without falsely charging the
seceders with having retired because a plan of their own was not
adopted, such plan having in fact been merely a suggestion of three out
of the retiring body, and having been formally declared by them to be
only a suggestion, to be considered at a future time. And the Athenaeum
offers a long list of names which it pretends are those of the executive,
the fact being that they are names of distinguished persons, scarcely
one of whom has ever taken the slightest part in the proceedings, or set
his foot in the committee room. That, it will be seen, can by no possi-
bility be a description of the executive that has rubied the scheme. It
is enough to record these two mis-statements, and to wish the moribund
clique a better frame of mind.
ENSINGTON.—WANTED, in the neighbourhood of this delightful
k suburb, a few good, civil, honest and obliging tradesmen, who are not above
attending to a customer, and are generally capable of minding their own business.
The present tradespeople in this district being either millionnaires or muffs, the
inhabitants are hardly so well served as they would wish to be ; and, as they are
charged the best of prices for the articles they purchase, they think they ought by
rights to have the best of goods supplied to them. Further particulars as to the
sort of shops required may be obtained at any dinner-table between Hammersmith
and Knightsbridge any evening in the week.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[JANUARY JO, 1864.
Short-sighted Captain of Company to Dirty Private. “ Your Belts are always Dirty, Sir, what the D—ce do you mean by
it, Sir!”
Dirty Private. “ Plase, Sir, I think it rather hard eor me to clean anything with my naked h'eye, and have them inspected
through a Magnieying Glass.”
A LADY ON SCHLESWIG-HOLSTEIN.
Dear Mr. Punch, Tuesday.
Op course, like everybody else, loving and admiring our darling
Princess op Wales, I felt shocked and hurt at the wicked attempt to
take away her father’s duchies. I do not pretend to understand the
question, not being'a strong-minded woman, but I should not like any
body to come and deprive me of a large piece of my garden, though a
horrible railway threatens to do so, and my husband, who has no more
feeling for flowers than a blind man, is quite delighted at the idea of
compensation, as if a few hundred pounds could compensate me for the
taking away :my beautiful little beds which I have laid out so carefully,
and watered so regularly that I have caught at least twenty colds, one
on the top of another. But men are so inconsistent.
But I was going to say that I read in- the Times that the Duke with
uhe long name, Augustus like, is one of the most splendidly handsome
men in the world, tremendously tall, with a most princelike air, and a
little sadness, poor dear fellow, arising from his early misfortunes, at
which the Emperor (whom you may call handsome if you like, but I
won’t and shan’t) made such unfeeling fun in that letter which you had
no business to print. Now you must see that it is impossible, for a
woman at all events, to feel animosity against a noble-looking creature
like that.
What I want you to do is, to use your influence to arrange things
pleasantly. I do not know whether this magnificent Prince, whom it is
a shame to call Pretender (and you might say Chevalier at least), is
married or not. Perhaps it could be arranged for his wife, if he has one,
to retire in some way, on a morganatic pension, don’t they call it ?—you
know. Then he might marry some Princess of Denmark, and rule over
the Duchies as dear Lord Carlisle does over Ireland. I am sure this
is practical, though you men never allow that women can suggest any-
thing. Because it is not to be endured that Lord Bussell (whom I
dare say you will call a beauty, it would be just like yon) should be
allowed to persecute that beautiful Duke. Please give your mind to the
subject, and oblige,
Your sincere admirer,
Gloticester Crescent. Bosa Matilda Spoons.
THE NATIONAL SHAKSPEABL COMMITTEE.
De mortuis nil nisi Verum. The National Shakspeare Committee,
if not actually dead, is in articulo, and the article is in the last Athenreum,
the organ of the dominant executive. The Memorial absurdity is at an
end, or, as its originators say “ may be left to tune.” This result was
a certainty, after the statement which the seceding members of the
Committee submitted to the public, after the Times had delivered a
crushing condemnation of the scheme, and presented a pleasant physio-
logical sketch of “ animalcules,” and after the Daily News, Telegraph,
and other journals had expressed either pity or contempt for the con-
dition of the Committee. The leading journal of Scotland observes :—
“ The London Committee has split up ; aH its best members having seceded from
it; and the rump is far too weak to wriggle itself into public favour even to the
amount of £30,000.”—Scotsman.
But it is well to die decently, and not with untruths in one’s mouth.
The Athenaeum cannot disband its men without falsely charging the
seceders with having retired because a plan of their own was not
adopted, such plan having in fact been merely a suggestion of three out
of the retiring body, and having been formally declared by them to be
only a suggestion, to be considered at a future time. And the Athenaeum
offers a long list of names which it pretends are those of the executive,
the fact being that they are names of distinguished persons, scarcely
one of whom has ever taken the slightest part in the proceedings, or set
his foot in the committee room. That, it will be seen, can by no possi-
bility be a description of the executive that has rubied the scheme. It
is enough to record these two mis-statements, and to wish the moribund
clique a better frame of mind.
ENSINGTON.—WANTED, in the neighbourhood of this delightful
k suburb, a few good, civil, honest and obliging tradesmen, who are not above
attending to a customer, and are generally capable of minding their own business.
The present tradespeople in this district being either millionnaires or muffs, the
inhabitants are hardly so well served as they would wish to be ; and, as they are
charged the best of prices for the articles they purchase, they think they ought by
rights to have the best of goods supplied to them. Further particulars as to the
sort of shops required may be obtained at any dinner-table between Hammersmith
and Knightsbridge any evening in the week.