Punch (46.1864)

May 21, 1864 ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

207

THE STICKLEBACK POACHERS DETECTED.

A SKETCH ON THE SERPENTINE.

TALLY HO THE GRINDER;

OR, LORD WESTS CRY’S COUNTY COU RTS’ BILL.

The Tallyman lias, heretofore,

Than greedy wolf unkinder,

With legal engine ground the poor,

Sing, Tallyho the Grinder !

A wife would run a man in debt
Who didn’t duly mind her ;

Then he was in the huckster’s net:

Sing, Tallyho the Grinder!

In County Court the victim, sued,

Of justice not a finder,

Had out of him the money screwed:

Sing, Tallyho the Grinder !

But now is Westbury’s new Bill
Bor Tallymen a binder

Brom screwing so poor people still:

Sing, Tallyho the Grinder!

’Twill strike a heavy Wow at tick,

A stunner and a blinder,_

And disappoint the tally trick,

Sing, Tallyho the Grinder!

To tempt a wife, then, with a gown,

Trust not the spouse behind her;

The word’s “ Cash up and stumpy down ! ”
Sing, Tallyho the Grinder!

Agricultural Distress.

In the Agricultural districts there has lately been much
distress, arising from the inability of large farmers to
resolve the following problem :—

Q. If a man, having one Dairy, found that the building
another was of vital consequence to the pecuniary interests
of his milk-trade, why ought the erection of such house,
as aforesaid, to be a matter of but minor importance ?

The answer to this is:—Because such a building as
above-mentioned would be, from its very nature, only a
Second-dairy Consideration.

(Mem.—We thought it would have been better ie the Park-keeper had

LOOKED AFTER THE ROUGHS AND THEIR YELPING DOGS, WHO RUSH AFTER THE

Horses in the Ride, instead of interfering with these poor little Anglers.)

An Answer Required.—Dr. Cullen says the back-
bone of Ireland has gone to America. He omitted to state
when the jawbone was to follow.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OE PARLIAMENT.

May 11. Monday. Yes, only the eleventh of May, but the public
will be happy to hear that the Session is already considered as virtually
over. “ Its neck is understood to be broken,” says the Times, and the
Chancellor this week spoke of the impending “massacre of the
innocents.’’ This is truly delightful, and who knows but that some of
these days it may not be discovered that the sun can rise, and men can
dine, and the young can marry and be given hi marriage, and under-
takers can prosper, and all in the absence of Parliaments. We are
horribly in advance of our age, we know ; but every year some
superstition is vanishing, and why should not Mr. Lefevre’s wig
fly up to the stars and shine with Berenice’s hair.

Lord Campbell tried to get up a Polish demonstration, and Lord
Russell replied to him in so exquisitely Whiggish a way that it ought
not to be forgotten. “Poland’s true policy is to wait until the Russian
Liberal Party shall come into power.” The dear little old man thinks
but of lobbies, and divisions, and party cheers at four in the morning,
and fancies that he hears Prince Suwarroff, and Duke Constantine,
and Baron Knoutemall announcing that they merely hold their
places until His Constitutional Majesty the Emperor shall be pleased
to nominate _ their successors. Russian heads must be punched
considerably in the meantime. As a burlesque writer would probably
say—

A Russian Speaker now were out of place.

Czars must nap pepper ere they give the Mace. ”

In the Commons there was a curious scene. It was announced that
the Conference had arranged an armistice, for a month, between the
Danes and the Germans. A lew minutes later a telegram was read,
stating that three Danish vessels had engaged five Austrian vessels near
Heligoland, that the Danes were victorious, and the Austrians were
hurrying away for Heligoland, so as to be in English waters. The
House of Commons rang with cheering.

We had a long Supply debate, with a little infusion of Catholic and
Protestant rancour (a school question) to make it endurable—the Part -
nership Bill was much mangled, and will probably be withdrawn, and
Fred Peel brought in a Bill enabling the Queen to grant a lease for 999
years of the College of Physicians, in Pall Mall East. Ah! Long before
that lease shall be out it is to be hoped that the world will have learned
to do without physicians, of any kind.

Tuesday. Lord Ellenborough withdrew his Bill for establishing a
sort of Council to revise Capital Sentences, the Government having
assented to the appointment of a “Hanging Committee.” Lord Redes-
dale expressed his dislike of “extenuating circumstances.” They never
were so ingeniously pleaded, in Mr. Punch’s recollection, as when a
Frenchman, who had murdered his father, and also his mother, hoped
that the Court would have mercy on a poor Orphan.

Mr. White, of Brighton, objected to our present system of taxation.
Mr. Gladstone admitted that it had objectionable points, but said that
the question was not how to do what was best in theory, but how to
get the money out of people’s pockets. The House was Counted Out.

Wednesday. This day was rather remarkable. It may be mentioned
in history with tbe days on which Cassar crossed the Rubicon, Mario
went over to the Covent Garden Opera, and Lord Derby abandoned the
Reform Ministers. Mr. Baines moved the Second Reading of his Bill
for lowering the suffrage in boroughs to £6. This is avowedly a Radical
measure. The Conservatives have always opposed it on their own
grounds. The Liberals (since they have been in office) have met such
proposals by objecting that they were made at a wrong time; that the
public did not care about the matter; that the franchise might properly
be lowered, but that the amount proposed was not a wise one; that the
scheme was only fragmentary; that the Government ought to have
charge of such measure, and so forth; and this sort of thing was
expected from tbe Minister who might have to speak to-day. But Mr.
Cave having moved the previous question the Chancellor of thj