DOI Heft:
May 14, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16873#0205
May 14, 1864.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
197
One of the Finest Pisantry (in Custody, having had a Shillelagh difference with a.fellow-country man). “ Shure ! Mayn’t Oi see me Frind
ape b’ the Thrain, Sorr ? ”
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
May 2nd, Monday. Government has no intention of interfering
between the Irish landlord and the Irish tenant. The present system
seems to work very well; the tenant objects to paying his rent, and the
landlord objects to paying his debts, and the Encumbered Estates
Court and the blunderbuss smooth down any little irregularities which
interfere with general harmony.
Although the Scotch are stated to prefer notes to gold, because the
former are more easily hidden away in the “ big Ha’ Bible” and in vast
snuff boxes, Mr. Gladstone gives up his plan for increasing the issue
of bank-notes. We suspect, that being a gentleman of refined taste, he
has been shocked at the dreadful dirtiness of the paper sent up as con-
science-money by penitent Scots, and that he laeks the Yespasian
philosophy. .
“A loud and general cheer” followed Lord Clarence Paget’s
statement that the Channel squadron was in the Downs, that the stores
were nearly completed, and that the fleet would be ready to sail any-
where in twenty-four hours.
“ All in the Downs the fleet is moored,
The steamers smoking in the wind ;
Brave Admiral Dacres is on board, '
And hopes a German foe to find.
Tell us, our jovial sailors, tell us true,
Won’t you rejoice the Burglars’ Ships to view ? ”
When a young lady wants to be married (and she is quite right to
marry if the young gentleman is old enough to know his own mind,
is cheerful but steady, and reads his Punch), and her lover has no
money except his income, he usually assures his life, and settles the
amount on her and the probable babies. Would you believe it, young
aches engaged or only hoping to be, Mr. Gladstone levies a duty on
the document which secures the money ? He does; and though 124
mce gentlemen, in the ladies’ interest, to-night begged him to take off
the unkind tax, he got 161 horrible curmudgeons and lady-haters to
“e‘P him to keep it on. And yet that man speaks beautifully at a
wedding-breakfast, gushes like the champagne, and sparkles like the
iced-cake. What a world it is ! However, do not let his cruelty pre-
vent your accenting eligible offers. Your husbands will undertake so
many duties that this little one isn’t worth making a fuss about. In
Supply we had a great fight about the Dockyard at Malta, and we
passed the Penal Servitude Act. Thieves at a distance (who may keep
there) will please accept this intimation. No Cards, if they once mis-
behave.
Tuesday. Sir George Grey stated that Austrian ships had arrived
in the Downs, but that the Austrian Government had solemnly declared
that Eor The Present, the only order given to the commander was
to protect German commerce in the North Sea, and to prevent the
blockade of the Elbe and the Weser. Our Admiral was watching^ but
the Minister declined to say what orders he had in the event of the
Austrians receiving any other orders. This reticence was proper, of
course, and John Bull is an excellent policeman and a strict disci-
plinarian. While folks are off his beat, he does not touch them, but
just let them come on it.
The Sioux Indians are cruel savages, who murder women and child-
ren, and escape into our territory to avoid the vengeance of the Ameri-
can soldiery. Leave having been asked to pursue them over the
frontier, our Governor at the Red River has of course granted it,
stipulating that the miscreants shall not be extirpated upon the pre-
mises of our settlers. Mr. IIennessy spoke in a tone of remonstrance
on the subject. He probably thought that these savages had the same
claim to tenderness as the cannibal brigands sent out by the Holy See.
So do we, and so does the Colonial Secretary.
Mr. Somes, anti-beerman, stated that he proposed to. let public-
houses be open on Sundays from one to two, and from eight to nine.
Mr. Punch proposes to strike out all the words after the first “ to,” and
for “nine” to substitute “eleven.” But he is ready to enact that
drunkenness shall not be accepted as an extenuation ol other offences,
but on the contrary, that it shall be separately and severely punished.
Mr. Ewart then brought on a debate on Capital Punishments, and
a very important step was taken in reference to an important subject.
The usual exchange of assertion was made, one party alleging that
hanging was inhuman, and did not prevent crime, the other party de-
claring that it was the only punishment which produced an effect upon
the dangerous classes, and deterred them from crime. Much stress was
laid upon the frequent escape of scoundrels, who would have been
doomed to penal servitude, but whom juries could not agree to hang.
197
One of the Finest Pisantry (in Custody, having had a Shillelagh difference with a.fellow-country man). “ Shure ! Mayn’t Oi see me Frind
ape b’ the Thrain, Sorr ? ”
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
May 2nd, Monday. Government has no intention of interfering
between the Irish landlord and the Irish tenant. The present system
seems to work very well; the tenant objects to paying his rent, and the
landlord objects to paying his debts, and the Encumbered Estates
Court and the blunderbuss smooth down any little irregularities which
interfere with general harmony.
Although the Scotch are stated to prefer notes to gold, because the
former are more easily hidden away in the “ big Ha’ Bible” and in vast
snuff boxes, Mr. Gladstone gives up his plan for increasing the issue
of bank-notes. We suspect, that being a gentleman of refined taste, he
has been shocked at the dreadful dirtiness of the paper sent up as con-
science-money by penitent Scots, and that he laeks the Yespasian
philosophy. .
“A loud and general cheer” followed Lord Clarence Paget’s
statement that the Channel squadron was in the Downs, that the stores
were nearly completed, and that the fleet would be ready to sail any-
where in twenty-four hours.
“ All in the Downs the fleet is moored,
The steamers smoking in the wind ;
Brave Admiral Dacres is on board, '
And hopes a German foe to find.
Tell us, our jovial sailors, tell us true,
Won’t you rejoice the Burglars’ Ships to view ? ”
When a young lady wants to be married (and she is quite right to
marry if the young gentleman is old enough to know his own mind,
is cheerful but steady, and reads his Punch), and her lover has no
money except his income, he usually assures his life, and settles the
amount on her and the probable babies. Would you believe it, young
aches engaged or only hoping to be, Mr. Gladstone levies a duty on
the document which secures the money ? He does; and though 124
mce gentlemen, in the ladies’ interest, to-night begged him to take off
the unkind tax, he got 161 horrible curmudgeons and lady-haters to
“e‘P him to keep it on. And yet that man speaks beautifully at a
wedding-breakfast, gushes like the champagne, and sparkles like the
iced-cake. What a world it is ! However, do not let his cruelty pre-
vent your accenting eligible offers. Your husbands will undertake so
many duties that this little one isn’t worth making a fuss about. In
Supply we had a great fight about the Dockyard at Malta, and we
passed the Penal Servitude Act. Thieves at a distance (who may keep
there) will please accept this intimation. No Cards, if they once mis-
behave.
Tuesday. Sir George Grey stated that Austrian ships had arrived
in the Downs, but that the Austrian Government had solemnly declared
that Eor The Present, the only order given to the commander was
to protect German commerce in the North Sea, and to prevent the
blockade of the Elbe and the Weser. Our Admiral was watching^ but
the Minister declined to say what orders he had in the event of the
Austrians receiving any other orders. This reticence was proper, of
course, and John Bull is an excellent policeman and a strict disci-
plinarian. While folks are off his beat, he does not touch them, but
just let them come on it.
The Sioux Indians are cruel savages, who murder women and child-
ren, and escape into our territory to avoid the vengeance of the Ameri-
can soldiery. Leave having been asked to pursue them over the
frontier, our Governor at the Red River has of course granted it,
stipulating that the miscreants shall not be extirpated upon the pre-
mises of our settlers. Mr. IIennessy spoke in a tone of remonstrance
on the subject. He probably thought that these savages had the same
claim to tenderness as the cannibal brigands sent out by the Holy See.
So do we, and so does the Colonial Secretary.
Mr. Somes, anti-beerman, stated that he proposed to. let public-
houses be open on Sundays from one to two, and from eight to nine.
Mr. Punch proposes to strike out all the words after the first “ to,” and
for “nine” to substitute “eleven.” But he is ready to enact that
drunkenness shall not be accepted as an extenuation ol other offences,
but on the contrary, that it shall be separately and severely punished.
Mr. Ewart then brought on a debate on Capital Punishments, and
a very important step was taken in reference to an important subject.
The usual exchange of assertion was made, one party alleging that
hanging was inhuman, and did not prevent crime, the other party de-
claring that it was the only punishment which produced an effect upon
the dangerous classes, and deterred them from crime. Much stress was
laid upon the frequent escape of scoundrels, who would have been
doomed to penal servitude, but whom juries could not agree to hang.