Punch: Punch (46.1864)

March 5, 1864.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

91

Potatoe Merchant. “ Hallo ! what Cheer ? Done Work for the . Night ? ”
Advertisement (dolefully). “ Bless you, no ; only going to get Fresh Candles ! ”

MR. BULL UPON THE DANISH QUESTION.

I don’t want to fight; but I don’t like to see
Two big bullies a small boy attack:

And. it may. be deemed selfish and sneakish in me,

While wishing the boy from his bullies were free,

My fists hi his aid to hold back.

Mind, it is not for cowardice, ’tis not for cost,

That I stand for the present aside:

And though Tories may tell me my prestige I’ve lost.

By their taunts into fighting I ’ll never be forced,

While a loophole for Peace is untried.

Yes, I own that in state-craft not seldom I’ve erred,

In diplomacy often been duped,

Eor I’ve somehow a habit of keeping my word,

A habit that seems to those statesmen absurd
Who so oft to deceive me have stooped.

That my efforts as yet have but little availed
To prevent needless bloodshed I own;

But the quarrel’s not mine: and, although I have failed,
No lair reason the critics, my course who’ve assailed,
Eor armed interference have shown.

Is my honour hi doubt ? Have I plighted my word
With my camion my counsels to back P
Then you’ll find by no fear of expense I’m deterred,
And when once the war spirit within me is stirred
’Tis not easy its fury to slack.

Eor glory, for interest, no war I will wage :

But, once shown ’tis my duty to fight.

Then ’tis fairly recorded in History’s page
That I ne’er was a sluggard to throw down my gage,
And to cry, “ Heaven prosper the Right! ”

Disinterested Opposition.

The House of Commons going into Committee of Supply
on the Naval Estimates, Mr. Bernal Osborne moved that
their consideration should be postponed till that day three
weeks. The Collective Wisdom rejected this proposal,
probably considering so precipitate an attempt to embarrass
the Government on the part of the Ex-Secretary of the
Admiralty, a proceeding somewhat out of place.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Eebruary 22, Monday. Both Houses came up lively and smiling
and bent on mischief. There has been a scheme for a covered Arcade
bet ween Regent Street and Bond Street, which would have given ladies
and swells a pleasant lounge when the weather was English. But divers
interests were menaced, and many shopkeepers very naturally objected
to a plan which would offer temptations to their esteemed patrons to
make purchases elsewhere than at existing shops. So a formidable
opposition was got up, and as, luckily, a useful charity-school would
have had to be removed, the Bishops and Clergy were interested in
resistance. The brief was given to Lord Derby, who did his work with
his accustomed adroitness, showed that the Arcade would be of no use,
dilated upon the probability that naughty persons would go there (the
excuse by virtue of which the Quadrant was uglifiedY urged that the
passage would go through an empty space, and thereby check the cir-
culation of air, and he was generally so impressive upon all points
except the real one that the Bill was thrown out, though Lord
Malmesbury, as a man of the world, could not resist the temptation of
laughing a little at his chief’s grave vaticinations of evil. Mr. Punch,
■who is a cosmopolite, often thinks with regret, when the air is drizzle
and the flags are slush, of the pleasant Arcades of Paris, and begs to
touch Lord Derby’s classical nature by adding

NOSETIA

MINARC

ADiA

Government has sent out officers to watch the mode in which the
Eederals carry on the war, in order to obtain any hints that may be
useful, but does not send similar envoys to the Confederate camp. On
the whole, Punch may possibly think that we might learn more by
studying the way in which a small nation successfully defends itself
against a large one, than by seeking lessons from commanders who have
overwhelming resources in hand, But no very brilliant ideas as to the
wav to use them.

' Punch and the Ministers on this divide ;

They’d watch the conquered, he the conquering side ”

The Commons plunged into the Dano-German, or rather the Disraelo-
Gladstone war. The Conservatives again, made demand for the
Papers, and were as angry at their being detained as a young articled
clerk is, at a slap bang, when the old gentleman in box 9 will spell the
advertisements in a journal which Mary-my-dear has warned him will
be taken “after him.” Mr. Disraeli delivered a long and cutting
speech upon the deliberate wickedness of the Cabinet in not producing
the correspondence, and exclaimed, in a Goethian spirit, “We want
light.” If he didn’t get a light, he got a light answer from Mr. Glad-
stone, who complimented him on his skill in letting off “fireworks,”
and entirely declined to follow him in “saying smart things.” In
answer to inquiries by Mr. Disraeli as to the seizure of Jutiand, Mr.
Gladstone refused to give any information, because he had none. Then
Lord Robert Cecil dilated upon the “ scorn ” with which Europe is
treating our menaces (we have made none), and then Mr. Bernal
Osborne saw his way to make capital play. “We will not have harm-
less fireworks,” he said, and boldly moved that the Navy Estimates,
which stood for discussion, should be postponed. The spear was fairly
thrown, but Mr. Roebuck spoiled the fun by declaring that the pro-
posal amounted to a vote of want of confidence, and therefore he should
support it. Then, of course, Mr. Gladstone rose up defiant, and
offered battle, and Mr. Disraeli had to bring new tactics into work.
He had a strong force with him, but it would not do to fight in earnest.

So he had to be dignified, to decline to take a vote by surprise, and to j
hold his men back. But he could not manage this with all of them,
and though he and the mass of the Conservatives walked off, Mr.
Bernal Osborne went to division, the Radical leader of 36 Tories and
11 Liberals, but as there were 220 against him, he did not turn out the
Government that time. And then Lord Palmerston came in, and
took his seat amid plaudits. Is not the game of Parliament a merry
one ?

Docks at Malta, and Dockyards at home, were the lively themes of a
wrangle until 10.30.

Tuesday. Three of the Lords spoke, and all three sensibly, upon the
Penal Servitude System. Lord Grey said, very truly, that the difficult
| question was, as to what the convict .was to do when discharged, as
• honest workmen will not labour with him. There is a problem worthy