DOI issue:
February 13, 1864
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16873#0070
62
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,
[February 13, 1864.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
hursday, February
4th, 1864. The young
gentlemen of the
Westminster Clas-
sical, Commercial,
and decidedly non-
Mathematical Aca-
demy re-assembled
after the holidays.
The Mistress was
not present, but one
of the Monitors,
Loud Westbury,
read a Message hi
Her name. This
had been drawn up
by the Head Master,
and some of his col-
leagues, and was
not very much ad-
mired. It was
thought to tell less
than any Message
that had ever been
sent to the Academy,
even when Pitt
Secundus had risen
to be Head Master,
and chose that no-
body should know
anything but what
he pleased to an-
nounce himself. But
it was said that
several of the Mas-
ters held differing
opinions, and had
been obliged to agree upon a Message that should express no opinion
at all, and. if so, this is not the way to manage a great school which
gives tone to English Society. However, most of the boys seemed to
think that “ Old Pam,” as they affectionately if irreverently call the
present Head Master, knew pretty well what he was about, and they
cheered him very loudly when he came, with his cane in his hand, into
the Lower School, the louder that a severe sentence had just been
passed on a low Irishman, who had been flinging mud at Old Pam, and
telling lies about him.
The Message was given, as usual, in the Upper School, where the
noblemen are taught, or it is tried to teach them. The Mistress’s
• eldest son, Edward Wales, was there, and so was his cousin George,
the soldier, who is a good-natured fellow, but too much led away by his
chums, and not quite so considerate of his inferiors as a brave boy
should be. When the Mistress comes, the re-opening of school is quite
an imposing sight, and no end of ladies come, to see how then- relations
look when being sent back to their Forms. But on Thursday there was
not much of this kind of thing. The boys of the Lower School were
sent for, and came running in with their usual noise, and with the
gown-boy at their head.
The Message began with a pleasant subject, a mention of Mr. and
Mrs. Edward Wales’s little boy, who was born at Erogmore during
the holidays, to the great joy of everybody, as his parents, and his grand-
mamma, the Mistress, are very dear to all of us.
Then the School was told of several things which were taking place
in various parts of the world, and it is right that these things should be
known, so the whole school went, as it were, into Geography class for
a short time, and was told this :—
That all the great Queens and Kings of Europe, and many of the
little ones, had in 1852 solemnly put then hands and seals to an. agree-
ment that nobody should take away any of the territories which the
King oe Denmark then possessed. Now we all know that in direct
violation of that agreement, the Germans are trying to take away two
pieces of the King’s dominions,—two duchies, called Schleswig and
Holstein. While the Message was being delivered, cannons were
roaring, and men were being killed in Schleswig, where the brave Hanes
were trying to beat back the Prussians and Austrians, and had really
done so many times, though the Germans had an immensely superior
number of men. We were told that England had tried to prevent the
fighting, and would try to stop it.
That the Japanese had behaved so ill to subjects of the Queen oe
England that it had been necessary to demand satisfaction, which the
Tycoon, the Japanese temporal ruler, had given, but one of his proud
and powerful nobles, the Prince op Satzuma, had resisted, so that
English ships had been obliged to bombard his stronghold and bring
him to his senses “ Incidentally,” a very large city had been burned |
down, and probably many thousands of its inhabitants had been killed,
while England was converting this naughty Prince to civilisation, and
this we heard that the Queen regretted, as, we dare say did the inha-
bitants of Kagosima. However, you know, “ sorry for it ” is all that a
gentleman or lady ca7i say.
That the New Zealanders continue, in the most strange way, to
dislike having then lands settled upon by settlers who will soon settle
the tattoed people out of the way altogether, but that the English are
enforcing this Law of Settlement in a vigorous manner, and will soon
have shot so many tattoed folks, that the others will see how wrong it is
to object to civilisation and Christianity.
That England has made a treaty with Austria, France, Prussia, and
Russia, by which she gives up the Ionian Islands, and annexes them to
Greece, and is making a treaty with the King of Greece, who is fool-
ishly styled King of the Hellenes (a Frenchi6ed title, and not to be
compared with the other and noble one), as to the terms of the union,
about which we shall hear a good deal more.
That the condition of England was “ on the whole ” satisfactory, and
that she might look for much cotton from lands which have hitherto
given her bat little.
That some Bishops and other grave persons had been, ordered by the
Queen of England to examine and to revise the forms of words by
which clergymen bind themselves not to preach anything but what is
said in the Prayer Book to be right.
This was all the Message had to say. Nothing about America, where
a dreadful war is going on; nothing about Poland, where the Russians
are doing very cruel and unjust things ; nothing about Mexico, to which
a bran-new German Emperor is going to be sent, if he can borrow
money for clothes and housekeeping; nothing about China, where
English soldiers have helped the Imperialists to a victory, after which
these people committed most savage massacres. We all thought that
the Masters had been so busily quarrelling that they had had no time to
read the newspapers. However, it did not much matter, and Monitor
Lord Westbury having read the Message very well, minding his
stops, sounding his aitches, and not dropping his voice at the end of
sentences, the Schools were dismissed until the regular hours for getting
to work. It is thought by the boys that there will be a good many
fights this half, and h is certain that there will be a great many impo-
sitions.
Mr. Punch having, with his usual exquisite flexibility of pen, thus
pleasantly allegorised the introductory ceremonial of Thursday last,, pro-
ceeds to the sterner—in fact to the Laurence Sterner duty of making a
Sentimental Journey through the debates of the Session. He doubts
not that he shall come to the episode of the Donkey in good time, and
promises not to forget the rope’s end, or its use. Meantime let us
overhaul the Debate on the Address.
The Marquis of Sligo, who moved it, astonished the Brownes, his
namesakes, by appearing in the elegant uniform of the London Irish
Volunteers. Lord Abercromby, the seconder, was “ barely audible,”
which shows that though his place is at Tulliboddy, he, when hi his
place, is not a body like Tully.
Then, of course, the Earl of Derby stood up, to open the bombard-
ment, and. having pleasantly chaffed Lord Sligo for having alluded to
many matters not in the Speech, of which Lord Derby supposed that
the Volunteer had not seen the latest edition, the Earl proceeded to make
notes on that document, and mentioned that 110 new cotton mills are
preparing to open in his Lordship’s part of the country when trade shall
improve. He then invited Earl Russell to a little mill. He got. to
work at once. Lord Russell had turned out the Tories by the trick
of promising Parliamentary Reform, and being safely in office, had
thrown that notion overboard, told people to rest and be thankful, and
turned to foreign politics. As to these his policy had been “ meddle
and muddle.” Nihil quod tetigit non—conturbavit. He was like Bottom,
wanting to play every paid, including Moonshine and Lion, and like the
latter, knowing when to roar like a sucking dove. (These pleasantries
riled Fart. John, who could reply with nothing newer than, that Earl
Edward had drawn on his memory for his wit, and on his imagination
for his facts—0 ! 0 ! 0 !) Then Lord Derby waxed grave, and let
into his antagonist on a great number of points of foreign policy, hoping
we were not committed to a disastrous war with Germany, or to the
betrayal of Denmark, who had trusted us. Lastly, the Earl declared
that the vessel of the State was hi a most perilous position, and he had
no confidence in the incompetent hands of the Ministry.
The Earl Russell was prompt to meet his foe, contradicted him
generally, and in detail, and afflicted the Peers by going at great length
into the Schleswig-Holstein business. The Danish Minister here.had
expressly said that Denmark expected no material (which means physical)
aid from us, but only sympathy. A despatch from the Prussian Minister
stated that Prussia and Austria, though invading, meant to adhere to the
Treaty. (But please to wait until you have read something later.—P.)
Earl Grey, the Heraclitus of the Peers, and Earl Granville, their
Democritus, having respectively wept and smiled over most subjects,
the Address was voted, and the Lords adjourned at 9'35.
Without adverting to what was threatened, or promised, in the Com-
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,
[February 13, 1864.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
hursday, February
4th, 1864. The young
gentlemen of the
Westminster Clas-
sical, Commercial,
and decidedly non-
Mathematical Aca-
demy re-assembled
after the holidays.
The Mistress was
not present, but one
of the Monitors,
Loud Westbury,
read a Message hi
Her name. This
had been drawn up
by the Head Master,
and some of his col-
leagues, and was
not very much ad-
mired. It was
thought to tell less
than any Message
that had ever been
sent to the Academy,
even when Pitt
Secundus had risen
to be Head Master,
and chose that no-
body should know
anything but what
he pleased to an-
nounce himself. But
it was said that
several of the Mas-
ters held differing
opinions, and had
been obliged to agree upon a Message that should express no opinion
at all, and. if so, this is not the way to manage a great school which
gives tone to English Society. However, most of the boys seemed to
think that “ Old Pam,” as they affectionately if irreverently call the
present Head Master, knew pretty well what he was about, and they
cheered him very loudly when he came, with his cane in his hand, into
the Lower School, the louder that a severe sentence had just been
passed on a low Irishman, who had been flinging mud at Old Pam, and
telling lies about him.
The Message was given, as usual, in the Upper School, where the
noblemen are taught, or it is tried to teach them. The Mistress’s
• eldest son, Edward Wales, was there, and so was his cousin George,
the soldier, who is a good-natured fellow, but too much led away by his
chums, and not quite so considerate of his inferiors as a brave boy
should be. When the Mistress comes, the re-opening of school is quite
an imposing sight, and no end of ladies come, to see how then- relations
look when being sent back to their Forms. But on Thursday there was
not much of this kind of thing. The boys of the Lower School were
sent for, and came running in with their usual noise, and with the
gown-boy at their head.
The Message began with a pleasant subject, a mention of Mr. and
Mrs. Edward Wales’s little boy, who was born at Erogmore during
the holidays, to the great joy of everybody, as his parents, and his grand-
mamma, the Mistress, are very dear to all of us.
Then the School was told of several things which were taking place
in various parts of the world, and it is right that these things should be
known, so the whole school went, as it were, into Geography class for
a short time, and was told this :—
That all the great Queens and Kings of Europe, and many of the
little ones, had in 1852 solemnly put then hands and seals to an. agree-
ment that nobody should take away any of the territories which the
King oe Denmark then possessed. Now we all know that in direct
violation of that agreement, the Germans are trying to take away two
pieces of the King’s dominions,—two duchies, called Schleswig and
Holstein. While the Message was being delivered, cannons were
roaring, and men were being killed in Schleswig, where the brave Hanes
were trying to beat back the Prussians and Austrians, and had really
done so many times, though the Germans had an immensely superior
number of men. We were told that England had tried to prevent the
fighting, and would try to stop it.
That the Japanese had behaved so ill to subjects of the Queen oe
England that it had been necessary to demand satisfaction, which the
Tycoon, the Japanese temporal ruler, had given, but one of his proud
and powerful nobles, the Prince op Satzuma, had resisted, so that
English ships had been obliged to bombard his stronghold and bring
him to his senses “ Incidentally,” a very large city had been burned |
down, and probably many thousands of its inhabitants had been killed,
while England was converting this naughty Prince to civilisation, and
this we heard that the Queen regretted, as, we dare say did the inha-
bitants of Kagosima. However, you know, “ sorry for it ” is all that a
gentleman or lady ca7i say.
That the New Zealanders continue, in the most strange way, to
dislike having then lands settled upon by settlers who will soon settle
the tattoed people out of the way altogether, but that the English are
enforcing this Law of Settlement in a vigorous manner, and will soon
have shot so many tattoed folks, that the others will see how wrong it is
to object to civilisation and Christianity.
That England has made a treaty with Austria, France, Prussia, and
Russia, by which she gives up the Ionian Islands, and annexes them to
Greece, and is making a treaty with the King of Greece, who is fool-
ishly styled King of the Hellenes (a Frenchi6ed title, and not to be
compared with the other and noble one), as to the terms of the union,
about which we shall hear a good deal more.
That the condition of England was “ on the whole ” satisfactory, and
that she might look for much cotton from lands which have hitherto
given her bat little.
That some Bishops and other grave persons had been, ordered by the
Queen of England to examine and to revise the forms of words by
which clergymen bind themselves not to preach anything but what is
said in the Prayer Book to be right.
This was all the Message had to say. Nothing about America, where
a dreadful war is going on; nothing about Poland, where the Russians
are doing very cruel and unjust things ; nothing about Mexico, to which
a bran-new German Emperor is going to be sent, if he can borrow
money for clothes and housekeeping; nothing about China, where
English soldiers have helped the Imperialists to a victory, after which
these people committed most savage massacres. We all thought that
the Masters had been so busily quarrelling that they had had no time to
read the newspapers. However, it did not much matter, and Monitor
Lord Westbury having read the Message very well, minding his
stops, sounding his aitches, and not dropping his voice at the end of
sentences, the Schools were dismissed until the regular hours for getting
to work. It is thought by the boys that there will be a good many
fights this half, and h is certain that there will be a great many impo-
sitions.
Mr. Punch having, with his usual exquisite flexibility of pen, thus
pleasantly allegorised the introductory ceremonial of Thursday last,, pro-
ceeds to the sterner—in fact to the Laurence Sterner duty of making a
Sentimental Journey through the debates of the Session. He doubts
not that he shall come to the episode of the Donkey in good time, and
promises not to forget the rope’s end, or its use. Meantime let us
overhaul the Debate on the Address.
The Marquis of Sligo, who moved it, astonished the Brownes, his
namesakes, by appearing in the elegant uniform of the London Irish
Volunteers. Lord Abercromby, the seconder, was “ barely audible,”
which shows that though his place is at Tulliboddy, he, when hi his
place, is not a body like Tully.
Then, of course, the Earl of Derby stood up, to open the bombard-
ment, and. having pleasantly chaffed Lord Sligo for having alluded to
many matters not in the Speech, of which Lord Derby supposed that
the Volunteer had not seen the latest edition, the Earl proceeded to make
notes on that document, and mentioned that 110 new cotton mills are
preparing to open in his Lordship’s part of the country when trade shall
improve. He then invited Earl Russell to a little mill. He got. to
work at once. Lord Russell had turned out the Tories by the trick
of promising Parliamentary Reform, and being safely in office, had
thrown that notion overboard, told people to rest and be thankful, and
turned to foreign politics. As to these his policy had been “ meddle
and muddle.” Nihil quod tetigit non—conturbavit. He was like Bottom,
wanting to play every paid, including Moonshine and Lion, and like the
latter, knowing when to roar like a sucking dove. (These pleasantries
riled Fart. John, who could reply with nothing newer than, that Earl
Edward had drawn on his memory for his wit, and on his imagination
for his facts—0 ! 0 ! 0 !) Then Lord Derby waxed grave, and let
into his antagonist on a great number of points of foreign policy, hoping
we were not committed to a disastrous war with Germany, or to the
betrayal of Denmark, who had trusted us. Lastly, the Earl declared
that the vessel of the State was hi a most perilous position, and he had
no confidence in the incompetent hands of the Ministry.
The Earl Russell was prompt to meet his foe, contradicted him
generally, and in detail, and afflicted the Peers by going at great length
into the Schleswig-Holstein business. The Danish Minister here.had
expressly said that Denmark expected no material (which means physical)
aid from us, but only sympathy. A despatch from the Prussian Minister
stated that Prussia and Austria, though invading, meant to adhere to the
Treaty. (But please to wait until you have read something later.—P.)
Earl Grey, the Heraclitus of the Peers, and Earl Granville, their
Democritus, having respectively wept and smiled over most subjects,
the Address was voted, and the Lords adjourned at 9'35.
Without adverting to what was threatened, or promised, in the Com-