DOI Heft:
February 20, 1864
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16873#0081
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
73
February 20, 1864.]
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
February 8, Monday. The Lords, like friends (according to a late
Peer named Byron), “ met to part.” But the Judicial Committee of
the Privy Council met for an important purpose, namely, to deliver
judgment in the case connected with Essays and Reviews. The Lord
Chancellor gave it, the Bishop oe London and some Law Lords
being present. The sentence which Dr. Lushington passed upon the
Rev. Dr. Williams and the Rev. Mr. Wilson was reversed, and the
Bishop op Salisbury was ordered to pay the costs of the appeal.
Without touching needlessly upon a very grave subject, it may be stated
that henceforth Clergymen are permitted to disbelieve that every word
in The Book is true, and to “ hope ” that the most terrible of Calvi-
nistic doctrines is based on an error.
England has Remonstrated with Austria and Prussia for sanctioning
the proclamation of the Schleswig-Holstein Pretender. This is all she
intends to do, seeing no reason to imitate the honest farmer who said
he had “ remonstrated ” with an insolent exciseman, and being asked to
what effect, responded that he did not know anything about effect, but
that he had afterwards been obliged to borrow a hammer to straighten the
poker. England keeps her poker for her own fire, into which she does
not intend to put too many irons. Eriends at a distance, and near, will
please accept this intimation. Pam seemed inclined to think, or at
least to say, that Austria and Prussia might be disposed to respect
treaties. A celebrated Irishman remarked that pigs might fly, but that
they were very unlikely birds to do it. The Premier showed earnest-
ness in denouncing the doctrines put forward by the Germans.
Cows may be interested in hearing that malt, for their food, may be
manufactured free of duty, but a tenth of the weight is to be linseed
cake, to prevent cow-malt from being made into human beer. The men
“ whose talk is of bullocks ” seemed pleased.
Mr. Gladstone proposed a measure for improving the character of
our Tax-Collectors. He also proposes that Taxes shall be demanded
by post, instead of letting a Collector come to your house when you are
out, or in an ill-temper, or have not the money handy. We think that
taking into consideration how the ladies hate the very name of tax, and
bow impossible it is (Bless Them) to make them understand why such
things must be, Paterfamilias ought to be allowed grace in cases where
Materfamilias, in excessive disgust at the demand for money, has flung
the notice into the fire, or rammed it into one of the vases on the
chimney-piece, so that it has been buried under spills, ends of string,
the handle of that drawer, the solitaire marble the child left on the rug,
the brass nail, the box of Cockle’s, and the circular in aid of the
Society for Promoting Christianity among the English.
Then did Sir George Grey proceed to deal with Dn. Cranky
Cracker and his accomplices. Alter endeavouring to justify himself in
the matter of the person who ought to be the late G. V. Townley, he
introduced a Bill for altering the machinery by which mad-doctors
interpose between criminals and justice. Instead of leaving an attorney
to select any two Justices whom he thinks will favour- bis client by
selecting Cranky Crackers to inquire into the state of his mind, the
Yisiting Just ces of the Gaol are, exclusively, to select medical men in
cases of alleged insanity. Such doctors are to be registered practi-
tioners, so hundreds of dirty little men, who can be hired to say anything,
will be excluded. Next, the certificate is not to be final, but the Home
Secretary may order further inquiry. This plan does something for
the protection of Society, though not much. There was a debate, in
which a general opinion was expressed that Sir George Grey could
hardly have done otherwise than he did with Townley, and in which
Mr. Bright expressed his surprise that men could long act as Home
Secretaries, having to undergo the agonies of such responsibilities.
Many estimable persons could bear a good many agonies for a front
place in the world, and £5000 a year. Sir John Pakington com-
limented Sir George upon the firmness with which he had resisted
jambeth and other pressure in the case of Wright, which firmness
Sir John thought did. the Home Secretary “ infinite credit.” But
he thought that Townley ought to have been hung.
, Mr. Milner Gibson had a Committee of five appointed, to meet a
similar Committee of Lords, and to take all the Metropolitan Railway
schemes into consideration. If these ten gentlemen do their duty, they
will make a clean sweep of a host of plans, and construct a system of
■Railways that will be a boon to London. “K” is a little word, but
there is a world of meaning behind and before it. Runch does not think
the Committee well selected, with reference to its special duty. The
leading members are chiefly remarkable for being very conversant with
the forms of the Houses.
Tuesday. Danish talk, of course, in the Lords, and a strongly worded
declaration from Lord Restandbethankeul, in favour of upholding
treaties.
Listen! The Duke oe Somerset speaks. “We have not as yet a
good broadside gun for the Navy.” Need we add a word ?
Danish talk in the Commons, and Lord Palmerston believing that
Austria and Prussia will give up Schleswig-Holstein when the Consti-
tution shall have been revoked. If they do, the King having offered
to revoke it without war, and England having offered to be witness
to his engagement that he should, the deaths of all who have been
slain in the fights are simply atrocious Murders, committed by the King
oe Prussia and the Emperor of Austria.
Mr. Seymour Fitzgerald gave the Ministers a well-deserved
wigging for not producing the Danish papers. Mr. Layard said that
they would take three weeks to print. “ Send them to the Times,” said
Lord Derby, when receiving a similar reply; we should then have
had them in eigkt-and-forty hours. Pam came to the rescue, but could
make no case. It may be that the printers for the House require three
weeks, but as it was known that the documents would be wanted, why
were not nine-tenths of them in hand a fortnight ago ? Echo answers
that Government meant to keep them back as long as possible.
Then we debated the burning of Kagosima, Mr. Buxton moving a
resolution of regret at that “ incident.” He sketched with some power
the horrors which such a conflagration must have caused in a large city.
Lord Stanley thought that we had behaved ill or foolishly in most of
our dealings with Japan. Lord Robert Montague approved the
burning the city. Mr. Kinglake condemned our policy. Mr.
Layard made an amusing speech, defended ah that had been done, and
did not believe that the damage had been so awful as was represented,
as Orientals were accustomed, to conflagrations, and always ready to
bolt. Mr. W. Forster rebuked Lord Russell for writing letters on
international law instead of minding his own business, which was to
understand Japanese affairs. Sir Roundell Palmer said that we
had a right to burn the city, and that Admiral Kuper had behaved
with great forbearance. Mr. Whiteside, of course dissented, and
complimented the commercial gentlemen for condemning an act per-
petrated in the interest of]trade. Lord Palmerston made a long mid
spirited—we had nearly written Cheeky— defence of the whole proceeding,
and hoped that no British Admiral would ever be fired upon without
returning the fire. He proposed to move the previous question, that
is, to prevent the expression of an opinion by the House, but the
Commons would not stand this, and divided (which it is very unusual
to do so early in the Session) when 164 voted that it was right to burn
Kagosima, and 85 thought it was wrong.
Ash Wednesday is the day on which we make the actors and
actresses go without their salaries, in order that somebody may begin
Lent with a penance. The Houses made holiday, and we hope enjoyed
salt-fish and egg-sauce. We didn’t—the fish was hard, and there was
not nearly enough sauce; but such is life.
Thursday. Lord Derby wanted the Steam Rams papers, and Lord
Russell would not give them, alleging that the production might
injure the Government case. Aries is giving Taurus a deal of bother.
Greenwich Hospital has been discovered to be a perfect marvel of
misappropriation of funds, and petty annoyances to inmates. We never
could understand why the old Salts looked so awfully crusty when we
beheld them sunning their old wrinkles as we strolled up from the
Railway to Mr. Quarterhart’s and Mrs. Maine’s. But the whole
business is to be overhauled.
Mr. Gladstone proposed to enable the Scotch banks to issue some
new bank-notes to replace others that had “ lapsed.” The £1 paper is
very convenient, and when a Scotchman finds twenty shillings he can
always make a note of it.
Ferrand the Furious, in his usual wild bull of Bashan fashion,
demanded the names of all persons who have ever acted as Charity
Commissioners. The bull was appropriately answered by one Lowe.
The names are to be given. There is reform-work to be done hi this
direction, but scarcely by the Fiery Ferrand.
Friday. The conflagration of the Ballet, and the means of escape
provided for an audience in case of fire, were subjects which occupied
the Commons for a few minutes. Lord Sydney, Chamberlain, has
written to the green-rooms, advising caution. Shall we parody Lady
Mary ? We will. Singeth the corps of “Jesuits of the short robe:”—
“ Terpsichore's children, fears forgot,
We dance, Lord Sydney’s care ;
And what is much a happier lot,
We’ll have no gas-lights bare."
Then came a debate about the Federal cruisers, and there were very
strong expressions of dissatisfaction at the outrages they commit upon
English vessels. But Lord Palmerston assures us that the American
Government is always very civil and sorry. However, murder by
Federals is now alleged, and though New York is not Japan, we really
think that some lit lie notice ought to be taken of the affair. As Mr.
Keeled says in lioice Killed, “ If it’s murder, mention it.”
Unparliamentary Intelligence.
Two Cabmen drinking beer together at the bar of the Spotted Dog,
one of them made a questionable statement relative to a circumstance
which bad occurred the week before. Whereupon the other said
“That’s unhistorical.” His companion promptly retorted, “You’re
another!”
You. 46.
3—2
73
February 20, 1864.]
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
February 8, Monday. The Lords, like friends (according to a late
Peer named Byron), “ met to part.” But the Judicial Committee of
the Privy Council met for an important purpose, namely, to deliver
judgment in the case connected with Essays and Reviews. The Lord
Chancellor gave it, the Bishop oe London and some Law Lords
being present. The sentence which Dr. Lushington passed upon the
Rev. Dr. Williams and the Rev. Mr. Wilson was reversed, and the
Bishop op Salisbury was ordered to pay the costs of the appeal.
Without touching needlessly upon a very grave subject, it may be stated
that henceforth Clergymen are permitted to disbelieve that every word
in The Book is true, and to “ hope ” that the most terrible of Calvi-
nistic doctrines is based on an error.
England has Remonstrated with Austria and Prussia for sanctioning
the proclamation of the Schleswig-Holstein Pretender. This is all she
intends to do, seeing no reason to imitate the honest farmer who said
he had “ remonstrated ” with an insolent exciseman, and being asked to
what effect, responded that he did not know anything about effect, but
that he had afterwards been obliged to borrow a hammer to straighten the
poker. England keeps her poker for her own fire, into which she does
not intend to put too many irons. Eriends at a distance, and near, will
please accept this intimation. Pam seemed inclined to think, or at
least to say, that Austria and Prussia might be disposed to respect
treaties. A celebrated Irishman remarked that pigs might fly, but that
they were very unlikely birds to do it. The Premier showed earnest-
ness in denouncing the doctrines put forward by the Germans.
Cows may be interested in hearing that malt, for their food, may be
manufactured free of duty, but a tenth of the weight is to be linseed
cake, to prevent cow-malt from being made into human beer. The men
“ whose talk is of bullocks ” seemed pleased.
Mr. Gladstone proposed a measure for improving the character of
our Tax-Collectors. He also proposes that Taxes shall be demanded
by post, instead of letting a Collector come to your house when you are
out, or in an ill-temper, or have not the money handy. We think that
taking into consideration how the ladies hate the very name of tax, and
bow impossible it is (Bless Them) to make them understand why such
things must be, Paterfamilias ought to be allowed grace in cases where
Materfamilias, in excessive disgust at the demand for money, has flung
the notice into the fire, or rammed it into one of the vases on the
chimney-piece, so that it has been buried under spills, ends of string,
the handle of that drawer, the solitaire marble the child left on the rug,
the brass nail, the box of Cockle’s, and the circular in aid of the
Society for Promoting Christianity among the English.
Then did Sir George Grey proceed to deal with Dn. Cranky
Cracker and his accomplices. Alter endeavouring to justify himself in
the matter of the person who ought to be the late G. V. Townley, he
introduced a Bill for altering the machinery by which mad-doctors
interpose between criminals and justice. Instead of leaving an attorney
to select any two Justices whom he thinks will favour- bis client by
selecting Cranky Crackers to inquire into the state of his mind, the
Yisiting Just ces of the Gaol are, exclusively, to select medical men in
cases of alleged insanity. Such doctors are to be registered practi-
tioners, so hundreds of dirty little men, who can be hired to say anything,
will be excluded. Next, the certificate is not to be final, but the Home
Secretary may order further inquiry. This plan does something for
the protection of Society, though not much. There was a debate, in
which a general opinion was expressed that Sir George Grey could
hardly have done otherwise than he did with Townley, and in which
Mr. Bright expressed his surprise that men could long act as Home
Secretaries, having to undergo the agonies of such responsibilities.
Many estimable persons could bear a good many agonies for a front
place in the world, and £5000 a year. Sir John Pakington com-
limented Sir George upon the firmness with which he had resisted
jambeth and other pressure in the case of Wright, which firmness
Sir John thought did. the Home Secretary “ infinite credit.” But
he thought that Townley ought to have been hung.
, Mr. Milner Gibson had a Committee of five appointed, to meet a
similar Committee of Lords, and to take all the Metropolitan Railway
schemes into consideration. If these ten gentlemen do their duty, they
will make a clean sweep of a host of plans, and construct a system of
■Railways that will be a boon to London. “K” is a little word, but
there is a world of meaning behind and before it. Runch does not think
the Committee well selected, with reference to its special duty. The
leading members are chiefly remarkable for being very conversant with
the forms of the Houses.
Tuesday. Danish talk, of course, in the Lords, and a strongly worded
declaration from Lord Restandbethankeul, in favour of upholding
treaties.
Listen! The Duke oe Somerset speaks. “We have not as yet a
good broadside gun for the Navy.” Need we add a word ?
Danish talk in the Commons, and Lord Palmerston believing that
Austria and Prussia will give up Schleswig-Holstein when the Consti-
tution shall have been revoked. If they do, the King having offered
to revoke it without war, and England having offered to be witness
to his engagement that he should, the deaths of all who have been
slain in the fights are simply atrocious Murders, committed by the King
oe Prussia and the Emperor of Austria.
Mr. Seymour Fitzgerald gave the Ministers a well-deserved
wigging for not producing the Danish papers. Mr. Layard said that
they would take three weeks to print. “ Send them to the Times,” said
Lord Derby, when receiving a similar reply; we should then have
had them in eigkt-and-forty hours. Pam came to the rescue, but could
make no case. It may be that the printers for the House require three
weeks, but as it was known that the documents would be wanted, why
were not nine-tenths of them in hand a fortnight ago ? Echo answers
that Government meant to keep them back as long as possible.
Then we debated the burning of Kagosima, Mr. Buxton moving a
resolution of regret at that “ incident.” He sketched with some power
the horrors which such a conflagration must have caused in a large city.
Lord Stanley thought that we had behaved ill or foolishly in most of
our dealings with Japan. Lord Robert Montague approved the
burning the city. Mr. Kinglake condemned our policy. Mr.
Layard made an amusing speech, defended ah that had been done, and
did not believe that the damage had been so awful as was represented,
as Orientals were accustomed, to conflagrations, and always ready to
bolt. Mr. W. Forster rebuked Lord Russell for writing letters on
international law instead of minding his own business, which was to
understand Japanese affairs. Sir Roundell Palmer said that we
had a right to burn the city, and that Admiral Kuper had behaved
with great forbearance. Mr. Whiteside, of course dissented, and
complimented the commercial gentlemen for condemning an act per-
petrated in the interest of]trade. Lord Palmerston made a long mid
spirited—we had nearly written Cheeky— defence of the whole proceeding,
and hoped that no British Admiral would ever be fired upon without
returning the fire. He proposed to move the previous question, that
is, to prevent the expression of an opinion by the House, but the
Commons would not stand this, and divided (which it is very unusual
to do so early in the Session) when 164 voted that it was right to burn
Kagosima, and 85 thought it was wrong.
Ash Wednesday is the day on which we make the actors and
actresses go without their salaries, in order that somebody may begin
Lent with a penance. The Houses made holiday, and we hope enjoyed
salt-fish and egg-sauce. We didn’t—the fish was hard, and there was
not nearly enough sauce; but such is life.
Thursday. Lord Derby wanted the Steam Rams papers, and Lord
Russell would not give them, alleging that the production might
injure the Government case. Aries is giving Taurus a deal of bother.
Greenwich Hospital has been discovered to be a perfect marvel of
misappropriation of funds, and petty annoyances to inmates. We never
could understand why the old Salts looked so awfully crusty when we
beheld them sunning their old wrinkles as we strolled up from the
Railway to Mr. Quarterhart’s and Mrs. Maine’s. But the whole
business is to be overhauled.
Mr. Gladstone proposed to enable the Scotch banks to issue some
new bank-notes to replace others that had “ lapsed.” The £1 paper is
very convenient, and when a Scotchman finds twenty shillings he can
always make a note of it.
Ferrand the Furious, in his usual wild bull of Bashan fashion,
demanded the names of all persons who have ever acted as Charity
Commissioners. The bull was appropriately answered by one Lowe.
The names are to be given. There is reform-work to be done hi this
direction, but scarcely by the Fiery Ferrand.
Friday. The conflagration of the Ballet, and the means of escape
provided for an audience in case of fire, were subjects which occupied
the Commons for a few minutes. Lord Sydney, Chamberlain, has
written to the green-rooms, advising caution. Shall we parody Lady
Mary ? We will. Singeth the corps of “Jesuits of the short robe:”—
“ Terpsichore's children, fears forgot,
We dance, Lord Sydney’s care ;
And what is much a happier lot,
We’ll have no gas-lights bare."
Then came a debate about the Federal cruisers, and there were very
strong expressions of dissatisfaction at the outrages they commit upon
English vessels. But Lord Palmerston assures us that the American
Government is always very civil and sorry. However, murder by
Federals is now alleged, and though New York is not Japan, we really
think that some lit lie notice ought to be taken of the affair. As Mr.
Keeled says in lioice Killed, “ If it’s murder, mention it.”
Unparliamentary Intelligence.
Two Cabmen drinking beer together at the bar of the Spotted Dog,
one of them made a questionable statement relative to a circumstance
which bad occurred the week before. Whereupon the other said
“That’s unhistorical.” His companion promptly retorted, “You’re
another!”
You. 46.
3—2