DOI issue:
February 27, 1864
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16873#0091
February 27, 1864.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
83
I
PANTOMIMIC ATROCITIES IN 1864.
to
thin
IR, — Pantomimic atrocities
this year are greater than
has ever been known before.
The poor babies have been
principally^the sufferers. As
many as 2,753 have fallen
victims to the severity of
the season since last Boxing-
night. Two pbrish nightly
at Drury Lane Theatre.
Their cries before receiving
the last spoonful of pap have
fenerally been of the most
eart-rending description—
so much so, as to have made
the heart of Mr. Maithus
out-Herod Herod himself
in leaping with joy, if he
could only have heard them.
This “murder of the inno-
cents,” far from being visited
with shouts of indignation,
is hailed every evening with
the most joyous peals of
laughter, more especially by
the female portion of the
theatrical community. No
measures have yet been taken
put a _ stop to this fearful increase of pantomimic infanticide, though we cannot help
iking it must tend eventually to harden the hearts of the spectators. Not even a single
inquest has been held upon their mangled bodies: in fact, the only persons who have sat upon
them have been the Clown and Pantaloon, who have taken the most malicious delight in falling
! upon them one after another, with all their
might. An elderly gentleman has been blown
nightly from a gun. It is not known what par-
ticular offence he has committed, but he has been
thrust into the mouth of the gaping Armstrong,
without so much as his name or address being
asked, and in an instant stuck against all parts
of the building.
Pour dozen charity boys have been forced into
cisterns, and, the lid being instantly put on, have
never appeared on the surface again. Police-
men, tso, have been the favourite objects of ill-
treatment. They have been subjected to every
form of indignity; been cuffed, pelted, kicked,
bonnetted—but, all things considered, have borne
it with considerable good humour. Every kind
of practical joke has been practised upon them,
and amongst others that of throwing them into a
hot cauldron, apparently for no other purpose
than that of changing their colour from blue to
red. This, we are credibly informed, is only a
playful allusion to the crustacean tribe to which
they are popularly supposed to belong. No
deaths have fortunately resulted from this culinary
practice, but still the inhumanity of the pro-
ceeding cannot be too loudly condemned.
The red-hot poker, also, has this year been
most freely used, but we have not heard of any
fatal cases that have occurred from the liberal
application of it. Beyond making the patient
jump and howl a little, it does not seem to inflict
much injury. However, the Legislature should
look to it. I remain, yours respectfully,
A Sort-hearted Philanthropist.
CHILDREN AND THEIR TORMENTORS. •
Were we to illustrate a fairy tale, and wished to drawr an ogre, we
should like to see a photograph of the writer of the following :—
UOARDING SCHOOLS WANTED, in London, for a boy, nine years,
U and two girls, six and seven years old, requiring firm discipline, having become
wild and unruly, through neglect occasioned by family misfortunes. No holiday
could he given, as holidays destroy any good effected at school. The father, quite
a gentleman, can only pay 20 guineas each. This advertisement is only intended
for schools of pre-eminent efficiency for such cases, and prosperous enough to be
able and willing to accept such terms, and undertake the needed task of reformation
for the sake of the schools’ own additional credit of success. Particulars and refe-
rences, by letter only
Opinions doubtless differ as to what is meant by the expression
“ quite a gentleman,” and possibly there may be people in the world
who may think the term applied without a shadow of unfitness to a
man who wants to send his children away out of his sight, and to get
them lodged and boarded, and supplied with needful schooling, at the
cost in a great measure of the persons who receive them. As for his
pretending that he disapproves of holidays on the ground of their des-
troying the good effects of school, that pretence is so transparent that
half an eye may see through it. Of course his true objection is that,
were his children allowed holidays, they would have to live in them at
his expense : and besides, as he has evidently no love for his children,
he no doubt dislikes occasions that bring them to his sight. As for its
conducing to the “credit” of a school to help unnatural fathers thus to
get rid of their children, surely no one but a Squeers could indulge in
' such a thought. If through neglect at home, a child becomes unruly
and requires to be “ reformed,” it is right that at a proper age it should
he sent to school, if proper means are wanting for teaching it at home.
But a girl six years old can scarcely be so “wild” as to require, for her
taming, utter banishment from home: nor can she be much bettered by
being badly fed for twenty pounds a year, and, worse still, taught to
grow up without knowing what “home” means.
“OH DHAR! WHAT CAN THE MATTER BE?”
Is there anybody in the House of Commons who is fond of asking
riddles, and knows anything about India ? If so, will he kindly ask
the Government this _ conundrum, which Mr. Punch has just received
from one who gives his real name and signs himself “a Pensioner :”—
“ Question. In order to keep self and three moje from grinding want, what
description, quantity, &c., of mechanism is necessary to be employed to compel the
immediate distribution of the Dhar Prize Money, seeing it was disbursed to the
troops serving in India during the month of April, 1863
-n vl1-6 mechanism which impelled the long-delayed distribution of the
Delhi Prize Money was set in motion by a thump or two from Mr.
1 unch s cudgel, and this same motive power is ever kept in readiness
to be similarly used. Of course our Military Swells are not the sort of
people to be bothered about prize money and trifles of that sort, while
any more important work is on their hands: but now tbat they have
done the job of clearing Colonel Crawley, perhaps they may find
leisure in the course of the next year or so to give five minutes’ thought
to the other Indian matter which is referred to them above.
A JOKE EROM THE COMMISSIONERS IN LUNACY.
A Sense of justice compels us to publish the following jocose, but
genuine epistle:—
“ Office of Commissioners in lunacy, 19, White7iaUPla.ee, S. W., Feb. 16, 1S64.
“ Sir,—In reference to a statement in a notice on the Isle of Man Lunatics, con-
tained in the number of Punch for Saturday next, I have the honour to state that
it was on the llt/i. of November, 1861, that the attention of the Secretary of State
was called by The Commissioners in Lunacy, to the inadequacy of the provision
made for these lunatics, and the necessity of making some immediate and tem-
porary arrangement in regard to them.
“ The fact is adverted to in the 71st page of the 16th Report of the Commissioners
in Lunacy, laid before Parliament in the month of July, 1862.
“ I am, Sir, your obedient servant,
“ The Editor of Punch." “W. C. Spring Rice.”
Eor the publication of the foregoing letter, we owe some apology to
Sir George Grey, because its essential point, namely, the statement
that the attention of the Secretary of State was called on the 11th of
November, 1861, to the condition of Lunatics in the Isle of Man, which
has remained the same as it was then till now in 1864, appears to be a
joke at the Home Secretary’s expense.
EAWCETT AND BRIGHTON.
Clear head, sharp tongue, devoid of whim,
A slave to neither cant nor passion:
If all blind folk resembled him,
We could wish blindness were the fashion.
No, he }s not blind. But Brighton is.
And it’s no use for her to cry out.
Disfranchised—while true Liberals hiss—
“ See, there goes Brighton with her eye out.”
To-morrow
Is in legal phraseology, a Pies non, for are we not being continually
told that To-morrow never comes? By the bye, the name of the Coming
Man must be To-morrow, which fully accounts for tbat tardy gentleman
never making his appearance. Perhaps, unused, as be must be, to the
ways of this world, he has incautiously taken his ticket on the Great
Eastern Railway ?
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
83
I
PANTOMIMIC ATROCITIES IN 1864.
to
thin
IR, — Pantomimic atrocities
this year are greater than
has ever been known before.
The poor babies have been
principally^the sufferers. As
many as 2,753 have fallen
victims to the severity of
the season since last Boxing-
night. Two pbrish nightly
at Drury Lane Theatre.
Their cries before receiving
the last spoonful of pap have
fenerally been of the most
eart-rending description—
so much so, as to have made
the heart of Mr. Maithus
out-Herod Herod himself
in leaping with joy, if he
could only have heard them.
This “murder of the inno-
cents,” far from being visited
with shouts of indignation,
is hailed every evening with
the most joyous peals of
laughter, more especially by
the female portion of the
theatrical community. No
measures have yet been taken
put a _ stop to this fearful increase of pantomimic infanticide, though we cannot help
iking it must tend eventually to harden the hearts of the spectators. Not even a single
inquest has been held upon their mangled bodies: in fact, the only persons who have sat upon
them have been the Clown and Pantaloon, who have taken the most malicious delight in falling
! upon them one after another, with all their
might. An elderly gentleman has been blown
nightly from a gun. It is not known what par-
ticular offence he has committed, but he has been
thrust into the mouth of the gaping Armstrong,
without so much as his name or address being
asked, and in an instant stuck against all parts
of the building.
Pour dozen charity boys have been forced into
cisterns, and, the lid being instantly put on, have
never appeared on the surface again. Police-
men, tso, have been the favourite objects of ill-
treatment. They have been subjected to every
form of indignity; been cuffed, pelted, kicked,
bonnetted—but, all things considered, have borne
it with considerable good humour. Every kind
of practical joke has been practised upon them,
and amongst others that of throwing them into a
hot cauldron, apparently for no other purpose
than that of changing their colour from blue to
red. This, we are credibly informed, is only a
playful allusion to the crustacean tribe to which
they are popularly supposed to belong. No
deaths have fortunately resulted from this culinary
practice, but still the inhumanity of the pro-
ceeding cannot be too loudly condemned.
The red-hot poker, also, has this year been
most freely used, but we have not heard of any
fatal cases that have occurred from the liberal
application of it. Beyond making the patient
jump and howl a little, it does not seem to inflict
much injury. However, the Legislature should
look to it. I remain, yours respectfully,
A Sort-hearted Philanthropist.
CHILDREN AND THEIR TORMENTORS. •
Were we to illustrate a fairy tale, and wished to drawr an ogre, we
should like to see a photograph of the writer of the following :—
UOARDING SCHOOLS WANTED, in London, for a boy, nine years,
U and two girls, six and seven years old, requiring firm discipline, having become
wild and unruly, through neglect occasioned by family misfortunes. No holiday
could he given, as holidays destroy any good effected at school. The father, quite
a gentleman, can only pay 20 guineas each. This advertisement is only intended
for schools of pre-eminent efficiency for such cases, and prosperous enough to be
able and willing to accept such terms, and undertake the needed task of reformation
for the sake of the schools’ own additional credit of success. Particulars and refe-
rences, by letter only
Opinions doubtless differ as to what is meant by the expression
“ quite a gentleman,” and possibly there may be people in the world
who may think the term applied without a shadow of unfitness to a
man who wants to send his children away out of his sight, and to get
them lodged and boarded, and supplied with needful schooling, at the
cost in a great measure of the persons who receive them. As for his
pretending that he disapproves of holidays on the ground of their des-
troying the good effects of school, that pretence is so transparent that
half an eye may see through it. Of course his true objection is that,
were his children allowed holidays, they would have to live in them at
his expense : and besides, as he has evidently no love for his children,
he no doubt dislikes occasions that bring them to his sight. As for its
conducing to the “credit” of a school to help unnatural fathers thus to
get rid of their children, surely no one but a Squeers could indulge in
' such a thought. If through neglect at home, a child becomes unruly
and requires to be “ reformed,” it is right that at a proper age it should
he sent to school, if proper means are wanting for teaching it at home.
But a girl six years old can scarcely be so “wild” as to require, for her
taming, utter banishment from home: nor can she be much bettered by
being badly fed for twenty pounds a year, and, worse still, taught to
grow up without knowing what “home” means.
“OH DHAR! WHAT CAN THE MATTER BE?”
Is there anybody in the House of Commons who is fond of asking
riddles, and knows anything about India ? If so, will he kindly ask
the Government this _ conundrum, which Mr. Punch has just received
from one who gives his real name and signs himself “a Pensioner :”—
“ Question. In order to keep self and three moje from grinding want, what
description, quantity, &c., of mechanism is necessary to be employed to compel the
immediate distribution of the Dhar Prize Money, seeing it was disbursed to the
troops serving in India during the month of April, 1863
-n vl1-6 mechanism which impelled the long-delayed distribution of the
Delhi Prize Money was set in motion by a thump or two from Mr.
1 unch s cudgel, and this same motive power is ever kept in readiness
to be similarly used. Of course our Military Swells are not the sort of
people to be bothered about prize money and trifles of that sort, while
any more important work is on their hands: but now tbat they have
done the job of clearing Colonel Crawley, perhaps they may find
leisure in the course of the next year or so to give five minutes’ thought
to the other Indian matter which is referred to them above.
A JOKE EROM THE COMMISSIONERS IN LUNACY.
A Sense of justice compels us to publish the following jocose, but
genuine epistle:—
“ Office of Commissioners in lunacy, 19, White7iaUPla.ee, S. W., Feb. 16, 1S64.
“ Sir,—In reference to a statement in a notice on the Isle of Man Lunatics, con-
tained in the number of Punch for Saturday next, I have the honour to state that
it was on the llt/i. of November, 1861, that the attention of the Secretary of State
was called by The Commissioners in Lunacy, to the inadequacy of the provision
made for these lunatics, and the necessity of making some immediate and tem-
porary arrangement in regard to them.
“ The fact is adverted to in the 71st page of the 16th Report of the Commissioners
in Lunacy, laid before Parliament in the month of July, 1862.
“ I am, Sir, your obedient servant,
“ The Editor of Punch." “W. C. Spring Rice.”
Eor the publication of the foregoing letter, we owe some apology to
Sir George Grey, because its essential point, namely, the statement
that the attention of the Secretary of State was called on the 11th of
November, 1861, to the condition of Lunatics in the Isle of Man, which
has remained the same as it was then till now in 1864, appears to be a
joke at the Home Secretary’s expense.
EAWCETT AND BRIGHTON.
Clear head, sharp tongue, devoid of whim,
A slave to neither cant nor passion:
If all blind folk resembled him,
We could wish blindness were the fashion.
No, he }s not blind. But Brighton is.
And it’s no use for her to cry out.
Disfranchised—while true Liberals hiss—
“ See, there goes Brighton with her eye out.”
To-morrow
Is in legal phraseology, a Pies non, for are we not being continually
told that To-morrow never comes? By the bye, the name of the Coming
Man must be To-morrow, which fully accounts for tbat tardy gentleman
never making his appearance. Perhaps, unused, as be must be, to the
ways of this world, he has incautiously taken his ticket on the Great
Eastern Railway ?