DOI issue:
April 2, 1864
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16873#0150
Swell (to Corpulent Cabman). 1<Haw, here’s Sixpence—get yourself—Glass—Beer.”
Cabby. “ Thank you, Sir, all the same ; but I never take it. I’m a follerin’ Mr. Bantin's adwice for Corpulence, Sib.
He says, I may take two or three Glasses o’ good Claret, or a Glass or two of Sherry Wine, or Ked Port, or Madeiry ;
any sort o’ Sperits-(Swell, deeply touched, makes the Sixpence Half.a-Crown.)
PAYNE v. PATER.
See Middlesex Sessions. Report for Wednesday and Thursday, March 2‘ird
and 24th.
Mr. Payne may be vain, to crack small jokes too fain,
And the least in the world of a prater.
But not three times Payne’s funning, or prosing or punning,
Could excuse the impert’nence of Pater.
If your Smith, Jones or Brown, when he dons wig and gown.
Peels tempted to play the dictator,
And to let loose his fury, on Judge and on Jury,
Let him take timely warning by Pater.
Punch knows not the person he’s spending his verse on,
And his luck he conceives is the greater,
Por to write himself fully both blunderer and bully,
Seems the principal object of Pater.
No doubt of his fitness to browbeat a witness.
Like a brazen-faced Bar Billingsgater,
Or a foreman to hector, who dares turn protector
Of the witness insulted by Pater.
But for higher vocations, that ask taste or patience.
Law or argument, tact or good-natur’,
Mr. Punch's impression’s that Middlesex Sessions
Wouldn’t find him a client of Pater.
When some poor wretch is bullied, his character sullied,
With additions of snob, sot, or satyr.
When jury’s been fleered at, and judge has been sneered at,
There’s an end of the prowess of Pater.
With Payne he felt pleasure his valour to measure,
Proved himself in abuse a first-rater.
But as thunder draws rain, so on pleasure came pain,
In a twenty-pound fine upon Pater.
Por Payne has an odd kin in person of Bodkin,
A practised snob-annihilator,
Pater Payne had defied, ere he’d Bodkin fit tide*
But Payne with his Bodkin floored Pater.
Then more power to the Bench, and may Counsel who’d trench
On its rights meet a stunning negatur:
And may Payne ne’er want Bodkin to pickle his rodkin
Por tickling the toby of Pater !
A Dark Saying.
I Say, Sam ? Yah, yah ! (Laughs idiotically.) _
Waal, Nigger ? Yah, yah! (Laughs more idiotically, and whistles like
a steam engine.)
Yar’s a Conundidrum. Lookee yar. If I tells you a he, why’s dat
like my ole arm-chair ? I)’ ye gib it up P ’Cos it am de seat dat I use.
Yah, yah, yah, &c. ad libitum.
The Oxford Declaration Made Easy.
“ A Pretty state of things, indeed;
Dissent will load us with derision:
Just think !—to have to take our Creed
To Little Bethel(l) for decision!
THE BURGLARY ON THE BALTIC.
We have discovered the motive at the bottom of the German mind
which prompted the invasion of Denmark. It is veneration for the
memory of Schiller. The countrymen of that great poet have thought
to do him honour by playing The Robbers.
Cabby. “ Thank you, Sir, all the same ; but I never take it. I’m a follerin’ Mr. Bantin's adwice for Corpulence, Sib.
He says, I may take two or three Glasses o’ good Claret, or a Glass or two of Sherry Wine, or Ked Port, or Madeiry ;
any sort o’ Sperits-(Swell, deeply touched, makes the Sixpence Half.a-Crown.)
PAYNE v. PATER.
See Middlesex Sessions. Report for Wednesday and Thursday, March 2‘ird
and 24th.
Mr. Payne may be vain, to crack small jokes too fain,
And the least in the world of a prater.
But not three times Payne’s funning, or prosing or punning,
Could excuse the impert’nence of Pater.
If your Smith, Jones or Brown, when he dons wig and gown.
Peels tempted to play the dictator,
And to let loose his fury, on Judge and on Jury,
Let him take timely warning by Pater.
Punch knows not the person he’s spending his verse on,
And his luck he conceives is the greater,
Por to write himself fully both blunderer and bully,
Seems the principal object of Pater.
No doubt of his fitness to browbeat a witness.
Like a brazen-faced Bar Billingsgater,
Or a foreman to hector, who dares turn protector
Of the witness insulted by Pater.
But for higher vocations, that ask taste or patience.
Law or argument, tact or good-natur’,
Mr. Punch's impression’s that Middlesex Sessions
Wouldn’t find him a client of Pater.
When some poor wretch is bullied, his character sullied,
With additions of snob, sot, or satyr.
When jury’s been fleered at, and judge has been sneered at,
There’s an end of the prowess of Pater.
With Payne he felt pleasure his valour to measure,
Proved himself in abuse a first-rater.
But as thunder draws rain, so on pleasure came pain,
In a twenty-pound fine upon Pater.
Por Payne has an odd kin in person of Bodkin,
A practised snob-annihilator,
Pater Payne had defied, ere he’d Bodkin fit tide*
But Payne with his Bodkin floored Pater.
Then more power to the Bench, and may Counsel who’d trench
On its rights meet a stunning negatur:
And may Payne ne’er want Bodkin to pickle his rodkin
Por tickling the toby of Pater !
A Dark Saying.
I Say, Sam ? Yah, yah ! (Laughs idiotically.) _
Waal, Nigger ? Yah, yah! (Laughs more idiotically, and whistles like
a steam engine.)
Yar’s a Conundidrum. Lookee yar. If I tells you a he, why’s dat
like my ole arm-chair ? I)’ ye gib it up P ’Cos it am de seat dat I use.
Yah, yah, yah, &c. ad libitum.
The Oxford Declaration Made Easy.
“ A Pretty state of things, indeed;
Dissent will load us with derision:
Just think !—to have to take our Creed
To Little Bethel(l) for decision!
THE BURGLARY ON THE BALTIC.
We have discovered the motive at the bottom of the German mind
which prompted the invasion of Denmark. It is veneration for the
memory of Schiller. The countrymen of that great poet have thought
to do him honour by playing The Robbers.