DOI Heft:
January 19, 1867
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0036
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 19, 1867.
HOW TO PLEASE AMERICA.
Ye Gentlemen, of England who sail upon the seas, give
ear unto the paragraph that follows, if you please :—
“ A fund is being raised for the families of the six poor men who
were so unfortunately swept overboard from the yacht Fleetwing
during her recent match from New York to Cowes.”
Of course all British yachtsmen will heartily contribute
to so laudable a fund, and there will be a race between
them, doubtless, to decide who can the most quickly draw
the largest cheque. _ So all that Commodore Punch need
add is, that _ subscriptions may be paid to the credit of
the “Fleetwing Fund” at the National Bank, Charing
Cross, and that the biggest contributions will be thankfully
received.
RETALIATION EOR LADIES.
Thrice welcome, Thaw, Deliverer, comes,
The greedy cabman scowls and swears,
And thinks upon the awful sums
Extorted from his bullied Pares.
How, in those days when snow was ice,
He waged bis war on great and small,
At times exacted ten-fold price.
At times refused to go at all.
Now, blest be Thaw, the snow is mud
Which rains and carts will clear away,
It drips with tears, it falls with thud,
In turn the Public has its day.
When next the greedy Cabman begs
For extra sixpence, answer “No”—
What joy to knock him off his legs
With “ Please remember New Year's Snow.”
SHIVERlISATION.
Mr. Gelidouche (to himself, shivering as he breaks the ice in his bath). “Sh—sh—
6H ! Wish i wash Knight i’ Middle Agesh—b’fore all this—tzt ! (sneezes)
Shanatory Shivilisation was thought of—(sniffs). P’posterous Rubbish ! ”
A Terrible Temptation.
We never see a lady with her hair frizzled out in front,
without fearing lest some wag should tell us that he thinks
she ought to call it cheveux de friz.
A WARNING TO OXFORD.
It may not be generally known that Logic is a most
intoxicating study, it being so easy to get drunk on the
premises.
HAPPY THOUGHTS.
(Evening at Bovor. A Game at Whist.)
Evening, after dinner. On the moat in a punt with Englefield.
Dark night: cold : damp : romantic, but for this. Englefield says
abruptly, “ Capital point.” I ask here, what ? He replies, “ Two
fellows, one the Villain, the other Injured Innocence, in punt: real
water easily done on the stage. Villain suddenly knocks Injured Inno-
cence into the water: he sinks : is caught in the weeds below : never
rises again. Or, on second thought, isn’t drowned, but turns up,
somehow in the last Act.” I own it a good idea, and propose going
in-doors, as I see Mrs. Childers making tea.
In-doors.—Stenton, the philosopher, says, “Tea is an incentive.
So much tea is found in every man’s brain.” Poss says it ought to be
a caution to anybody not to use hot-water to his face, or he might
turn his head into a tea-pot. I’m sorry Poss turns this interesting
theme into ridicule, as I like hearing Stenton’s conversation. He has
a deep bass voice which is very impressive. There is a pause. Con-
sidering that we are all more or less clever here, it is wonderful how
dull we are. I suppose that the truth is we avoid merely frivolous and
common-place topics. Englefield, who is a nuisance sometimes,
suddenly looks at me, and asks me to “ say something funny.”
I smile on him pityingly. Childers says, “Come, you’re last from
town, haven’t you got any good stories ? ” This poses me : I know
fellows who could recollect a hundred. I know fellows, merely super-
ficial shallow men, who are never silent, who have a story or a joke for
everything. I consider, “ Let me see ” : I try to think of one. The
beginnings of twenty stories occur to me, mistily. Also the com-
mencements of riddles as far as “ Why is a --,” or “ When is a-.”
I’ve got some noted down in my pocket-book, if I could only get out
of the room and refer to it quietiy, in the passage. I can’t take it out
before everybody; that’s the worst of an artificial memory.
Happy Thought.—To read two pages of Macmillan’s Jest Book every
morning while dressing, committing at least one story to memory.
Childers proposes “ Whist.” I never feel certain of myself at
whist: I point to the fact that they are four without me. Poss Felmyr
says if I’ll sit down, he ’ll cut in presently. “ I play? ” I reply, “ Yes,
a little.” I am Stenton’s partner: Englefield and Childers are
against us. Sixpenny points, shilling on the rub. Stenton says to
me, “ You ’ll score.” Scoring always puzzles me. I know it’s done
with half-a-crown, a shilling, a sixpence, and a silver candlestick.
Sometimes one bit of money’s under the candlestick, sometimes two.
Happy Thought.—To watch Englefield scoring: soon pick it up
again.
First Rubber.—Stenton deals : Childers is first hand, I’m second.
Hearts trumps : the Queen. It’s wonderful how quick they are in
arranging their cards. After I’ve sorted all mine carefully, I find a
trump among the clubs. Having placed him in his position on the
right of my hand, I find a stupid Three of Clubs among the spades:
settled him. Lastly, a King of Diamonds upside down, which seems to
entirely disconcert me; put him right. Englefield says, “ Come, be
quick ” : Stenton tells me “ Not to hurry myself.” I say I’m quite
ready, and wonder to myself what Childers will lead.
Childers leads the Queen of Clubs. I consider for a moment what
is the duty of second-hand; the word “finessing” occurs to me here.
I can’t recollect if putting on a three of the same suit is finessing :
put on the three, and look at my partner to see how he likes it. He
is watching the table. Englefield lets it go, my partner lets it go—
the trick is Childers’s. I feel that somehow it’s lost through my
fault. His lead again: spades. This takes me so by surprise that I
have to re-arrange my hand, as the spades have got into a lump.
I have two spades, an ace and a five. Let me see, “If 1 play the
five I ”-1 can’t see the consequence. “ If I play the ace it must
win, unless it’s trumped.” Stenton says in a deep voice, “Play
away.” The three look from one to the other. Being flustered, I
play the Ace : the trick is mine. I wish it wasn’t, as I have to lead :
I’d give something if I might consult Poss, who is behind me, or my
partner. All the cards look ready for playing, yet I don’t like to
disturb them. Let me think what’s been played already. Stenton
[January 19, 1867.
HOW TO PLEASE AMERICA.
Ye Gentlemen, of England who sail upon the seas, give
ear unto the paragraph that follows, if you please :—
“ A fund is being raised for the families of the six poor men who
were so unfortunately swept overboard from the yacht Fleetwing
during her recent match from New York to Cowes.”
Of course all British yachtsmen will heartily contribute
to so laudable a fund, and there will be a race between
them, doubtless, to decide who can the most quickly draw
the largest cheque. _ So all that Commodore Punch need
add is, that _ subscriptions may be paid to the credit of
the “Fleetwing Fund” at the National Bank, Charing
Cross, and that the biggest contributions will be thankfully
received.
RETALIATION EOR LADIES.
Thrice welcome, Thaw, Deliverer, comes,
The greedy cabman scowls and swears,
And thinks upon the awful sums
Extorted from his bullied Pares.
How, in those days when snow was ice,
He waged bis war on great and small,
At times exacted ten-fold price.
At times refused to go at all.
Now, blest be Thaw, the snow is mud
Which rains and carts will clear away,
It drips with tears, it falls with thud,
In turn the Public has its day.
When next the greedy Cabman begs
For extra sixpence, answer “No”—
What joy to knock him off his legs
With “ Please remember New Year's Snow.”
SHIVERlISATION.
Mr. Gelidouche (to himself, shivering as he breaks the ice in his bath). “Sh—sh—
6H ! Wish i wash Knight i’ Middle Agesh—b’fore all this—tzt ! (sneezes)
Shanatory Shivilisation was thought of—(sniffs). P’posterous Rubbish ! ”
A Terrible Temptation.
We never see a lady with her hair frizzled out in front,
without fearing lest some wag should tell us that he thinks
she ought to call it cheveux de friz.
A WARNING TO OXFORD.
It may not be generally known that Logic is a most
intoxicating study, it being so easy to get drunk on the
premises.
HAPPY THOUGHTS.
(Evening at Bovor. A Game at Whist.)
Evening, after dinner. On the moat in a punt with Englefield.
Dark night: cold : damp : romantic, but for this. Englefield says
abruptly, “ Capital point.” I ask here, what ? He replies, “ Two
fellows, one the Villain, the other Injured Innocence, in punt: real
water easily done on the stage. Villain suddenly knocks Injured Inno-
cence into the water: he sinks : is caught in the weeds below : never
rises again. Or, on second thought, isn’t drowned, but turns up,
somehow in the last Act.” I own it a good idea, and propose going
in-doors, as I see Mrs. Childers making tea.
In-doors.—Stenton, the philosopher, says, “Tea is an incentive.
So much tea is found in every man’s brain.” Poss says it ought to be
a caution to anybody not to use hot-water to his face, or he might
turn his head into a tea-pot. I’m sorry Poss turns this interesting
theme into ridicule, as I like hearing Stenton’s conversation. He has
a deep bass voice which is very impressive. There is a pause. Con-
sidering that we are all more or less clever here, it is wonderful how
dull we are. I suppose that the truth is we avoid merely frivolous and
common-place topics. Englefield, who is a nuisance sometimes,
suddenly looks at me, and asks me to “ say something funny.”
I smile on him pityingly. Childers says, “Come, you’re last from
town, haven’t you got any good stories ? ” This poses me : I know
fellows who could recollect a hundred. I know fellows, merely super-
ficial shallow men, who are never silent, who have a story or a joke for
everything. I consider, “ Let me see ” : I try to think of one. The
beginnings of twenty stories occur to me, mistily. Also the com-
mencements of riddles as far as “ Why is a --,” or “ When is a-.”
I’ve got some noted down in my pocket-book, if I could only get out
of the room and refer to it quietiy, in the passage. I can’t take it out
before everybody; that’s the worst of an artificial memory.
Happy Thought.—To read two pages of Macmillan’s Jest Book every
morning while dressing, committing at least one story to memory.
Childers proposes “ Whist.” I never feel certain of myself at
whist: I point to the fact that they are four without me. Poss Felmyr
says if I’ll sit down, he ’ll cut in presently. “ I play? ” I reply, “ Yes,
a little.” I am Stenton’s partner: Englefield and Childers are
against us. Sixpenny points, shilling on the rub. Stenton says to
me, “ You ’ll score.” Scoring always puzzles me. I know it’s done
with half-a-crown, a shilling, a sixpence, and a silver candlestick.
Sometimes one bit of money’s under the candlestick, sometimes two.
Happy Thought.—To watch Englefield scoring: soon pick it up
again.
First Rubber.—Stenton deals : Childers is first hand, I’m second.
Hearts trumps : the Queen. It’s wonderful how quick they are in
arranging their cards. After I’ve sorted all mine carefully, I find a
trump among the clubs. Having placed him in his position on the
right of my hand, I find a stupid Three of Clubs among the spades:
settled him. Lastly, a King of Diamonds upside down, which seems to
entirely disconcert me; put him right. Englefield says, “ Come, be
quick ” : Stenton tells me “ Not to hurry myself.” I say I’m quite
ready, and wonder to myself what Childers will lead.
Childers leads the Queen of Clubs. I consider for a moment what
is the duty of second-hand; the word “finessing” occurs to me here.
I can’t recollect if putting on a three of the same suit is finessing :
put on the three, and look at my partner to see how he likes it. He
is watching the table. Englefield lets it go, my partner lets it go—
the trick is Childers’s. I feel that somehow it’s lost through my
fault. His lead again: spades. This takes me so by surprise that I
have to re-arrange my hand, as the spades have got into a lump.
I have two spades, an ace and a five. Let me see, “If 1 play the
five I ”-1 can’t see the consequence. “ If I play the ace it must
win, unless it’s trumped.” Stenton says in a deep voice, “Play
away.” The three look from one to the other. Being flustered, I
play the Ace : the trick is mine. I wish it wasn’t, as I have to lead :
I’d give something if I might consult Poss, who is behind me, or my
partner. All the cards look ready for playing, yet I don’t like to
disturb them. Let me think what’s been played already. Stenton