DOI Heft:
February 9, 1867
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0062
February 9, 1867.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
55
Fon Explanation of this Cut, see CARTOON.
THE POPPER PAPERS.
(.Instructive.)
My Dear Nephew, Albany, Wednesday.
It is not very often, I am happy to say, that yon and I meet
at a dinner-table. You know I do not say this from any want of the
affection which is supposed to exist between an uncle and a nephew.
I gave you a very handsome mug at your christening, some twenty-
three years ago, I always “tipped ” you in your boyhood, I made it all
right between you and my brother-in-law (best known to you as your
“ Governor ”) when you got into a hole with certain creditors, and if
you marry a lady, I dare say that your Uncle Paul’s present to her
will not be the least noticeable of the articles her bridesmaids will envy.
Nor, unless you make too dreadful an ass of yourself, shall I alter by
codicil a certain document now in the iron safe at Messrs. Growl,
Smiles, & Sniggle’s, in Lincoln’s-Inn-Fields. But I don’t think that
we are likely to seek amusement in the same circles.
However, my dear boy, I was both amused and surprised, and I
may add that I was a little gratified, at your outbreak at our friend
Sir Rocke Tapper’s on Tuesday. IIow you became acquainted with
that eminent geologist and philosopher, I don’t know. I do not
imagine that you know a saurian from a sand-piper. However, there
you were, and very elegantly attired (studs a thought too splendid),
and behaving yourself with much rationality. I was pleased to hear
you begin to talk on foreign affairs, and notably on international poli-
tics. The phenomenon was worth note. I did not expect to gain
much valuable information from you, beyond official certainty as to
Mrs. Pryme Legge’s next character in the private theatricals at
Brighton, the real reason why young Bumptious Bloater had bolted,
and perhaps a few hints on the chances of the next Derby. To my
astonishment you struck into a conversation on American affairs. My
friend Mr. Hep worth Dixon’s remarkable book, New America, was
the text, and his singular disclosures about the Mormons made the talk
of the table, as they will do for all the tables for a long time. You did
a gentleman’s justice to his gallantry, and to his vivid and startling
revelations, but you evidently thought that you had the key to the
strangest enigma of our age. I am not sure that you made this fact
quite clear to your audience, but never mind. The way in which you
explained the American Constitution to the young lady next to you
was dashing, and though you clearly knew nothing about it, that was
of less consequence, as you bored her, and she wanted to listen to the
mewing of the poet on the other side of her. He does not write good
poetry, my poor Algernon, but he has three thousand a year, and has
signified that he is only looking out for the Tenth Muse, in order to
wedlock.
But, my dear Algernon, if you are going in for political talk, what
do you think of devoting twenty minutes, or so, per day, to mastering
i a few details ? I don’t care about seeing men look up at you with that
serene and imperturbable attention which indicates that a well-bred
man is being, as you would say, awfully amused. That brilliant parallel
which you drew between the House of Lords and the Supreme Court of
| the United States, would have been worthy of Macaulay, if it had been
accurate in any one particular. What do you know about the United
States^ my dear Algernon ? Do you even know the outlines of their
Constitution? And don’t you think that as there are few houses in
London in which you will not meet the best sort of American ladies
and gentlemen, it would be a social advantage to you, not to say a
decent civility to them, to acquaint yourself with the character of their
institutions ? Do you know that 1 never met an American who had
not paid us, by anticipation, a reciprocal compliment ? One of the
prettiest American girls I ever sat next, nearly put me to my trumps
the other night about the Mutiny Act? Do you know what the
Mutiny Act means, Algernon ?
I believe that you have been confirmed, so, though your godfather,
I have nothing to do with your spiritual interests. I wonder what
good-natured parson passed you on to the Bishop. But I suppose that,
with certain contingencies, to which I have adverted, in your mind,
you will allow me to tell you three or four things about America.
They may be useful to you, and the like of you, in the time that is
coming. We shall hear a good deal of America, presently, and
especially if American respectability carries its point, and sends the
fire and the sword to protest against Salt Lake polygamy.
The United States, my dear Algernon, have a Constitution, which
is dated 17th September, 1787, and which has been “ amended ” about
ten times since. Congress may amend it.
Do you know what Congress is ? It is the American Parliament.
This has two branches, the Senate and the House of Representatives.
The former is the Upper, the latter the Lower House. Try and
remember that.
The Senate is composed thus. Each State in the Union elects two
members, by its legislatures (mind), and these Senators are chosen for
six years. Remember Senate, States, Six—three S’s. That’s enough
for one day. Now lay down my letter.
Now we’ll resume, but be sure you recollect what I have said.
Next, a Senator must be 30, and must have been a citizen for nine years.
The Senate, besides being a legislative body, has judicial functions, and
is a High Court of Impeachment. Remember this, because you read
telegrams about the impeachment of the President, and you are not to
suppose that this solemn business is performed in an oyster-cellar, or
at a liquor-bar, as I believe many eminent critics of American insti-
tutions fancy.
We now come to the House of Commons, or Representatives. A
member must be 25, so our “ reckless ” neighbours are more careful
than we are, and don’t choose lads just from school to vote on national
laws. A Representative must have been a citizen for seven years.
This House is elected by the people, every second year. The number
of votes given to each State is ascertained by a decennial census. Look
out decennial in Webster. There are 233 members in all. How will
you remember 233 ? Think of your own age, 23, and add 3, for your
two brothers and pretty sister. Nothing like Mnemonics for a dull
boy. Look out Mnemonics in Webster.
I won’t overburden you with facts. The President must have every
bill submitted to him, before it can be law. If he like he can Veto it,
that is, forbid it. But after that, if two-thirds of both Houses still
insist on the bill, it becomes law in spite of him. Mr. Johnson uses
his prerogative, and the Houses use theirs. Until his time, Presidents
did little in this way.
Only one word more. The President is chosen by an Electoral
College—do not confuse yourself with ideas of Magdalen or Trinity—
and this college is chosen by the vote of the people, each State having
as many Collegians as it has of Senators and Representatives. He
must be 35, a native-born American. He commands the Army and
Navy. And he is chosen for four years.
There, my dear Algernon, digest that, and take your time about it.
I don’t believe that one Englishman in fifty knows all that 1 have told
you, and yet hear us over the Chateau Margaux, and how promptly we
settle all American questions. If you wish it, one of these days, I
will tell you a little more. To sweeten the letter, I enclose you a
cheque, as I heard you say you must have that horse. Don’t ride over
my friend the 1 rince of Wales. Ever your affectionate Uncle,
Paul Poeper.
A TRUTH IN TWO LANGUAGES.
The Paris Correspondent of the Post quotes the following passage
from “ one of the despotic decrees of the season,” promulgated by a
Madame G——
“ Toilette de Bal.—Les dents sont bord^es d’une etoffe tranchant par sa couleur
avec I'fjtoffe de la robe. Le corsage trfes bas, excessivement bas, est surmont£ d’une
ornement en soie blanche, garni de tulle et de perles. Dame, il faut bien garnir
un peu.”
We should think so. “ Le corsage Ires bas, excessivement bas,” would
never do without at least a little trimming. It is a peculiarity of dress
which is not only “ tres bas, excessivement bas,” as the French say, but
likewise, and moreover, very low, excessively low—as we say in English.
Two Old Men’s Tails.—Old Eogeyism and Old Bogeyism. Let
us cut them off.
Why are Porters in great houses like Poultry? Because they are
Do(o)rkings.
55
Fon Explanation of this Cut, see CARTOON.
THE POPPER PAPERS.
(.Instructive.)
My Dear Nephew, Albany, Wednesday.
It is not very often, I am happy to say, that yon and I meet
at a dinner-table. You know I do not say this from any want of the
affection which is supposed to exist between an uncle and a nephew.
I gave you a very handsome mug at your christening, some twenty-
three years ago, I always “tipped ” you in your boyhood, I made it all
right between you and my brother-in-law (best known to you as your
“ Governor ”) when you got into a hole with certain creditors, and if
you marry a lady, I dare say that your Uncle Paul’s present to her
will not be the least noticeable of the articles her bridesmaids will envy.
Nor, unless you make too dreadful an ass of yourself, shall I alter by
codicil a certain document now in the iron safe at Messrs. Growl,
Smiles, & Sniggle’s, in Lincoln’s-Inn-Fields. But I don’t think that
we are likely to seek amusement in the same circles.
However, my dear boy, I was both amused and surprised, and I
may add that I was a little gratified, at your outbreak at our friend
Sir Rocke Tapper’s on Tuesday. IIow you became acquainted with
that eminent geologist and philosopher, I don’t know. I do not
imagine that you know a saurian from a sand-piper. However, there
you were, and very elegantly attired (studs a thought too splendid),
and behaving yourself with much rationality. I was pleased to hear
you begin to talk on foreign affairs, and notably on international poli-
tics. The phenomenon was worth note. I did not expect to gain
much valuable information from you, beyond official certainty as to
Mrs. Pryme Legge’s next character in the private theatricals at
Brighton, the real reason why young Bumptious Bloater had bolted,
and perhaps a few hints on the chances of the next Derby. To my
astonishment you struck into a conversation on American affairs. My
friend Mr. Hep worth Dixon’s remarkable book, New America, was
the text, and his singular disclosures about the Mormons made the talk
of the table, as they will do for all the tables for a long time. You did
a gentleman’s justice to his gallantry, and to his vivid and startling
revelations, but you evidently thought that you had the key to the
strangest enigma of our age. I am not sure that you made this fact
quite clear to your audience, but never mind. The way in which you
explained the American Constitution to the young lady next to you
was dashing, and though you clearly knew nothing about it, that was
of less consequence, as you bored her, and she wanted to listen to the
mewing of the poet on the other side of her. He does not write good
poetry, my poor Algernon, but he has three thousand a year, and has
signified that he is only looking out for the Tenth Muse, in order to
wedlock.
But, my dear Algernon, if you are going in for political talk, what
do you think of devoting twenty minutes, or so, per day, to mastering
i a few details ? I don’t care about seeing men look up at you with that
serene and imperturbable attention which indicates that a well-bred
man is being, as you would say, awfully amused. That brilliant parallel
which you drew between the House of Lords and the Supreme Court of
| the United States, would have been worthy of Macaulay, if it had been
accurate in any one particular. What do you know about the United
States^ my dear Algernon ? Do you even know the outlines of their
Constitution? And don’t you think that as there are few houses in
London in which you will not meet the best sort of American ladies
and gentlemen, it would be a social advantage to you, not to say a
decent civility to them, to acquaint yourself with the character of their
institutions ? Do you know that 1 never met an American who had
not paid us, by anticipation, a reciprocal compliment ? One of the
prettiest American girls I ever sat next, nearly put me to my trumps
the other night about the Mutiny Act? Do you know what the
Mutiny Act means, Algernon ?
I believe that you have been confirmed, so, though your godfather,
I have nothing to do with your spiritual interests. I wonder what
good-natured parson passed you on to the Bishop. But I suppose that,
with certain contingencies, to which I have adverted, in your mind,
you will allow me to tell you three or four things about America.
They may be useful to you, and the like of you, in the time that is
coming. We shall hear a good deal of America, presently, and
especially if American respectability carries its point, and sends the
fire and the sword to protest against Salt Lake polygamy.
The United States, my dear Algernon, have a Constitution, which
is dated 17th September, 1787, and which has been “ amended ” about
ten times since. Congress may amend it.
Do you know what Congress is ? It is the American Parliament.
This has two branches, the Senate and the House of Representatives.
The former is the Upper, the latter the Lower House. Try and
remember that.
The Senate is composed thus. Each State in the Union elects two
members, by its legislatures (mind), and these Senators are chosen for
six years. Remember Senate, States, Six—three S’s. That’s enough
for one day. Now lay down my letter.
Now we’ll resume, but be sure you recollect what I have said.
Next, a Senator must be 30, and must have been a citizen for nine years.
The Senate, besides being a legislative body, has judicial functions, and
is a High Court of Impeachment. Remember this, because you read
telegrams about the impeachment of the President, and you are not to
suppose that this solemn business is performed in an oyster-cellar, or
at a liquor-bar, as I believe many eminent critics of American insti-
tutions fancy.
We now come to the House of Commons, or Representatives. A
member must be 25, so our “ reckless ” neighbours are more careful
than we are, and don’t choose lads just from school to vote on national
laws. A Representative must have been a citizen for seven years.
This House is elected by the people, every second year. The number
of votes given to each State is ascertained by a decennial census. Look
out decennial in Webster. There are 233 members in all. How will
you remember 233 ? Think of your own age, 23, and add 3, for your
two brothers and pretty sister. Nothing like Mnemonics for a dull
boy. Look out Mnemonics in Webster.
I won’t overburden you with facts. The President must have every
bill submitted to him, before it can be law. If he like he can Veto it,
that is, forbid it. But after that, if two-thirds of both Houses still
insist on the bill, it becomes law in spite of him. Mr. Johnson uses
his prerogative, and the Houses use theirs. Until his time, Presidents
did little in this way.
Only one word more. The President is chosen by an Electoral
College—do not confuse yourself with ideas of Magdalen or Trinity—
and this college is chosen by the vote of the people, each State having
as many Collegians as it has of Senators and Representatives. He
must be 35, a native-born American. He commands the Army and
Navy. And he is chosen for four years.
There, my dear Algernon, digest that, and take your time about it.
I don’t believe that one Englishman in fifty knows all that 1 have told
you, and yet hear us over the Chateau Margaux, and how promptly we
settle all American questions. If you wish it, one of these days, I
will tell you a little more. To sweeten the letter, I enclose you a
cheque, as I heard you say you must have that horse. Don’t ride over
my friend the 1 rince of Wales. Ever your affectionate Uncle,
Paul Poeper.
A TRUTH IN TWO LANGUAGES.
The Paris Correspondent of the Post quotes the following passage
from “ one of the despotic decrees of the season,” promulgated by a
Madame G——
“ Toilette de Bal.—Les dents sont bord^es d’une etoffe tranchant par sa couleur
avec I'fjtoffe de la robe. Le corsage trfes bas, excessivement bas, est surmont£ d’une
ornement en soie blanche, garni de tulle et de perles. Dame, il faut bien garnir
un peu.”
We should think so. “ Le corsage Ires bas, excessivement bas,” would
never do without at least a little trimming. It is a peculiarity of dress
which is not only “ tres bas, excessivement bas,” as the French say, but
likewise, and moreover, very low, excessively low—as we say in English.
Two Old Men’s Tails.—Old Eogeyism and Old Bogeyism. Let
us cut them off.
Why are Porters in great houses like Poultry? Because they are
Do(o)rkings.