DOI issue:
March 23, 1867
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0130
ORTHODOX.
Hunting Friend. “ But I thought you made a Difference in Lent?”
Conscientious, but Sporting Parson. “ iSo I do— always Hunt in Black!”
PEEPS AT PARIS.
PEEP THE SECOND.
Here I am again. Most of the hints which I shall give you will be
from personal experience—extracts, in fact, from Peeps's Diary. Gene-
rally speaking, yon must prepare yourself for disappointment. I mean
the Emperor cannot ask every visitor this year to the Tweellyrees.
French pronounced as spelt in my Guide for the convenience of travellers.
The Tweellyrees is the Palace. It was built by King Tweellyree
the First. This I have never heard before, nor is it what you will
find in any ordinary history. If yon could, what’s the good of this ?
Logic.
Your “effays” and “Baggarge,” by which words the ignorant
foreigners mean trunks, portmanteaus, and so forth, will be examined
by the Doo-any-of-yer, or a name not unlike this. It would be, this
year at all events, a custom more honoured in the breach than the
observance. Hamlet says this, though he never was inconvenienced
| in this manner.
A slight smattering of French will carry you anywhere. Mind, you
have just as much right to complain of a Frenchman’s ignorance of
English, as he of your ignorance of French. To whom shall you com-
plain? I answer, “ 0 Meneestrr d’arnstroocshiong poobleeki.e. (if you
want to know to whom you are talking) to the Minister of Public
Instruction. He will summon everyone whom you will point out as
unable to speak English, and after a severe reprimand, will give them
an hour a-day, reading, writing, and arithmetic, at the complainant’s
expense.
This is how they manage these things in France. Take my advice,
j and practise talking French for at least three weeks before quitting
your native country, By “native country” need I explain that I
allude to England ? Renounce all English words for butter, bread,
knives, and forks. Dine at French Bestowrongs in London; learn the
names of dishes, and refuse to understand or speak one single word of
English. Let your formula be, “ Never say yes,” but like the little
pig, which has for centuries amused the infantile mind in the nursery
narrative, “ stop at home and say wee, wee, wee.”
As to Dress. Never, when in a Kaffy, ridicule or caricature a French-
man’s hat, but always take off your own. Kaffy is the name for a shop,
a maggyz.ang, where they sell kaffy, known in England as coffee.
Lekeirs (liquors, such as Odyvee, Marryskeno, and so forth) day Glars,
i.e., ices, and other delicacies.
N.B. Among other delicious things ask for Granny dorarngsh; in
English some relation to oranges : translate it with a spoon.
To. continue the subject of Dress. Observe this as a rule, treat
dressing, in all cases,* as a scientific game of whist.
Thus lead the fashion, and the others, if they can, must follow suit.
But more important than anything this year is to settle at once
where you’ll live. Whether you’ll settle in a Ru, a Bullvard, a Plarce,
a Hotel, the Ongverong dep Parry (as Malmazoim), or 0 segond in the
Sharmseleesay. 0 segond means on the second floor, for evermore,
like Nancy—a place in France, by the way, with a bishop to it.
Think over this, as far as it goes, and we ’ll go further next time.
* “ Small dressing cases.’' Fine opportunities throughout these Peeps for adver-
tisers : chance lost here.
CHRISTMAS COME AGAIN.
Christmas comes but once a-vear, thoughtless people say.
Something very like it came again the other day.
Therefore I, to brighten returning winter’s gloom,
Stuck the usual evergreens up about the room ;
Tried beneath the mistletoe to kiss the little dears;
Christmas-boxes got of them—they did box my ears.
Dined on turkey, roast-beef, plum-pudding, and mince-pie:
Piled huge logs upon the fire ; sat and drank thereby,
Bishop—stuff ’gainst frost and snow to fortify the frame—
Till my nose, they tell me, got ruddy as the flame ;
Sang old songs, told stories, and, having had enough.
Played snap-dragon, afterwards tried at blindman’s-buff.
Fell on sleep, awoke up-stairs—may be I was led :
Don’t remember having been carried off to bed.
Hunting Friend. “ But I thought you made a Difference in Lent?”
Conscientious, but Sporting Parson. “ iSo I do— always Hunt in Black!”
PEEPS AT PARIS.
PEEP THE SECOND.
Here I am again. Most of the hints which I shall give you will be
from personal experience—extracts, in fact, from Peeps's Diary. Gene-
rally speaking, yon must prepare yourself for disappointment. I mean
the Emperor cannot ask every visitor this year to the Tweellyrees.
French pronounced as spelt in my Guide for the convenience of travellers.
The Tweellyrees is the Palace. It was built by King Tweellyree
the First. This I have never heard before, nor is it what you will
find in any ordinary history. If yon could, what’s the good of this ?
Logic.
Your “effays” and “Baggarge,” by which words the ignorant
foreigners mean trunks, portmanteaus, and so forth, will be examined
by the Doo-any-of-yer, or a name not unlike this. It would be, this
year at all events, a custom more honoured in the breach than the
observance. Hamlet says this, though he never was inconvenienced
| in this manner.
A slight smattering of French will carry you anywhere. Mind, you
have just as much right to complain of a Frenchman’s ignorance of
English, as he of your ignorance of French. To whom shall you com-
plain? I answer, “ 0 Meneestrr d’arnstroocshiong poobleeki.e. (if you
want to know to whom you are talking) to the Minister of Public
Instruction. He will summon everyone whom you will point out as
unable to speak English, and after a severe reprimand, will give them
an hour a-day, reading, writing, and arithmetic, at the complainant’s
expense.
This is how they manage these things in France. Take my advice,
j and practise talking French for at least three weeks before quitting
your native country, By “native country” need I explain that I
allude to England ? Renounce all English words for butter, bread,
knives, and forks. Dine at French Bestowrongs in London; learn the
names of dishes, and refuse to understand or speak one single word of
English. Let your formula be, “ Never say yes,” but like the little
pig, which has for centuries amused the infantile mind in the nursery
narrative, “ stop at home and say wee, wee, wee.”
As to Dress. Never, when in a Kaffy, ridicule or caricature a French-
man’s hat, but always take off your own. Kaffy is the name for a shop,
a maggyz.ang, where they sell kaffy, known in England as coffee.
Lekeirs (liquors, such as Odyvee, Marryskeno, and so forth) day Glars,
i.e., ices, and other delicacies.
N.B. Among other delicious things ask for Granny dorarngsh; in
English some relation to oranges : translate it with a spoon.
To. continue the subject of Dress. Observe this as a rule, treat
dressing, in all cases,* as a scientific game of whist.
Thus lead the fashion, and the others, if they can, must follow suit.
But more important than anything this year is to settle at once
where you’ll live. Whether you’ll settle in a Ru, a Bullvard, a Plarce,
a Hotel, the Ongverong dep Parry (as Malmazoim), or 0 segond in the
Sharmseleesay. 0 segond means on the second floor, for evermore,
like Nancy—a place in France, by the way, with a bishop to it.
Think over this, as far as it goes, and we ’ll go further next time.
* “ Small dressing cases.’' Fine opportunities throughout these Peeps for adver-
tisers : chance lost here.
CHRISTMAS COME AGAIN.
Christmas comes but once a-vear, thoughtless people say.
Something very like it came again the other day.
Therefore I, to brighten returning winter’s gloom,
Stuck the usual evergreens up about the room ;
Tried beneath the mistletoe to kiss the little dears;
Christmas-boxes got of them—they did box my ears.
Dined on turkey, roast-beef, plum-pudding, and mince-pie:
Piled huge logs upon the fire ; sat and drank thereby,
Bishop—stuff ’gainst frost and snow to fortify the frame—
Till my nose, they tell me, got ruddy as the flame ;
Sang old songs, told stories, and, having had enough.
Played snap-dragon, afterwards tried at blindman’s-buff.
Fell on sleep, awoke up-stairs—may be I was led :
Don’t remember having been carried off to bed.