DOI issue:
March 30, 1867
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0134
March 30, 1867.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
127
VOTES FOR LODGERS.
XiL Lodgers vote that the private
rights to tea, sugar, and groceries in
eneral be respected by the land-
ady.
Ground Floor votes that he asks
Second Floor not to come in so late
at night, and avoid difficulties with
the door-chain, the scuttle, and
Ground Floor’s boots.
Second Floor votes that he and
the neighbouring Ground and
Second Floors request his _ own
Ground Floor not to persist hi at-
tempting “In My Cottage” with
one finger on the piano.
Third Floor votes that his land-
lady’s servant brush clothes a little
better, and be instructed in the art
of removing mud from trousers.
Bachelor Lodgers vote that their
“ things ” be sewn and attended to
on going to and being returned
from the wash.
Married Lodgers vote that no
appeals be made by the landlady
from the female to the male govern-
ment.
The Ground Floor {in business
during the day) votes that the land-
lady’s children be not permitted to
play in his room.
All Floors vote for the banishment
of organ-grinders, juvenile German bands, one-legged mariners, and
howlers. _
Ground Floor and Second Floor {united) vote that themaid-of-all-work i
will not use their combs and brushes.
Everyone votes that some one gives him ten thousand a-year, on no
conditions whatever.
Everyone Else votes that anyone will treat him to Paris for one month
in the present year before August, paying all expenses.
Several Husbands vote they go to Paris, as lodgers, this year en garqon.
Wives {belonging to above-mentioned class of Voters) vote they do
nothing of the sort.
PEDIGREE PROMOTION.
Shiver my timbers, Mr. Punch, and I’m blessed if a rope’s end
isn’t wanted at the Admiralty! Only see here how the Swabs play
Old Harry with the service :—
“ A lieutenant whose commission dates from May 22, 1861, has been promoted
over the heads of three hundred and seventy of his seniors. . . . This promotion is
solely due to the fact that he is the son of a great Conservative nobleman, and a
former colleague of the present ministers.”
And see how Sir J. Hay palavers to the House about another ugly
case of pedigree promotion:—
“ He had not served his time as flag-lieutenant, and therefore he was promoted
contrary to regulations, but he was promoted on account of the merits of the distin -
guished nobleman whose son he was.”
A pretty reason that! So regulations go for nothing when a nob is
in the Navy? If the merits of the father are to promote the son, a
pretty set of officers there ’ll soon be in the service ! Why don’t
My Lords ” throw overboard all rules and regulations, and give a
middy of good birth the full rank of an admiral ? And why send a boy
to sea, if he be born of noble family ? A lad who has a pedigree might
as well be privileged to draw his pay ashore, without seeing any service
for it. Blest if I don’t think they’d save a deal of heart-burning, if
“ My Lords ” were to launch a fleet of toy ships on the Serpentine,
and put them in commission for the sons of noble swells to go and.
play at being admirals and captains, and so relieve the service of their
oppressive presence. Lieutenants who can’t hope to get promoted by
their pedigree feel naturally hurt at seeing youngsters shoved above
them, and doubtless would rejoice if all the young nobs in the Navy
were drawn away to go on active service in the Serpentine.
I remain, Mr. Punch, yours, grumbling,
An Old Salt.
Loyal and Gratifying.
On hearing that several flying columns were ordered for service in
Ireland, the Nelson’s statue and the Duke of York’s instantly sent in
to know if their columns could be of any use. Both requested an
answer through the medium of Mr. Punch's flying columns.
THE CHEAPEST THING IN THE ARMY.
Sergeant Kite presents his compliments to Mr. Punch, and begs
to say that the cheapest thing in the Army is the British Soldier. He
has the honour to remind Mr. Punch of the circumstance, that General
Peel, in moving the Army Estimates the other day, said they were
“ framed with a view to efficiency and economy.” Sergeant Kite is-
aware that they always have been. Has no doubt that efficiency ancb
economy have never ceased to be held in view by framers of Army
Estimates—at a great distance. Does not think that distance has lent
any enchantment to the view. Thinks, on the contrary, it has rendered'
the view dreary. And, in fact, that inefficiency has been combined with
profusion.
Sergeant Kite observes that the total estimate for the present year,
as stated by the General, was £14,752,200; exceeding that of last year
by £412,200. Can, however, understand that it may possibly have
been framed with a view to both economy and efficiency. Believes
that if the latter object be now at last achieved, the former will also
have been effected for the first time from time immemorial. Knows
well enough that necessary expense is not extravagance, if you get
your money’s worth for your money. Takes the liberty of pointing
out, particularly, that in framing the estimates with a view to allowing
the soldier twopence more a day, General Peel may, nevertheless,
have really framed them with a view to economy. Saw the following
statement respecting the present pay of the British soldier, in the
Post:—
“ The evidence given before the Recruiting Commission shows that the soldier,
whose gross pay amounts to one shilling and a penny per day (viz., one shilling pay
and one penny beer money), after deducting the stoppages for his rations, washing,
and ‘ necessaries,’ * on the average through the year, does not clear throe halfpence
a-day.’ ’’
Sergeant Kite understands economy to be not mere saving, but
due allotment of expenditure. May be allowed to express the idea
that when the Army costs altogether upwards of fourteen millions,
whilst the soldier gets only three-halfpence a day, the share of the
military expenditure allotted to the soldier is comparatively small.
Considers it to be as the figure of the bread is to that of the sack in the
tavern score pulled out of Sir John Falstaff’s pocket in a play which he
had the pleasure of seeing at Drury Lane. Will acknowledge that the
proposal now made to allow the soldier threepence-halfpenny a day
clear, looks a little more like true economy. At the same time, makes
bold to ask, how many of the enjoyments of life can be had out of even
the magnificent sum of threepence-halfpenny ?
With a view to obtaining recruits lor the Army, Sergeant Kite
invites the War Office to consider whether, if the soldier is allowed
threepence-halfpenny a day, it will not be as well honestly to announce
that his pay is in reality limited to that amount of coppers? Takes
leave to say that at present what is called the gross pay of the soldier
is gross only in the sense wherein that word is applied to a deception.
Will grant that might not perhaps be thought to signify much if the
worst of it, ended with the disgust of the bamboozled recruit. But
requests attention to the fact that it prevents re-enlistment. Suggests
that disappointment at least would be prevented if recruiting sergeants
were instructed to explain to fine-spirited young men desirous of
entering the service of tne Queen, and fighting their country’s battles,
that their daily remuneration for that work, in hard money, will not
exceed the sum of threepence-halfpenny. If the offer of that reward
should not suffice, would recommend it to be raised, as by auction, to
the amount needful for tempting them to engage in a business that
consists in adventuring to be killed or maimed whilst leading a life
which, except in dignity, is little better than penal servitude.
Sergeant Kite also suggests the expediency of increasing the
soldier’s ration of meat. Is convinced that many a good soldier aban-
dons the Army as soon as he can, because he entered it expecting to
become a full private, but found that he was never anything more than
an empty one.
A Happy Name.
“ Thd^Church News announces that the Very Rev. Archpriest Popofv has gone to
Russia with a view to bring about the founding of a Uniate Church in England.”—
Pall Mall Gazette.
And if Popoee does not pop back again, no great harm will be done.
everything by turn.
Sir John Pakington may be called the Amphibious Minister, for
he is (or is supposed to be) equally in his element on land and water.
He should assume as his motto terra marique.
a caution to young men.
To a lady embonpoint in figure, and not good looking in face, you
should be careful of saying anything which she might consider “plump
and plain.”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
127
VOTES FOR LODGERS.
XiL Lodgers vote that the private
rights to tea, sugar, and groceries in
eneral be respected by the land-
ady.
Ground Floor votes that he asks
Second Floor not to come in so late
at night, and avoid difficulties with
the door-chain, the scuttle, and
Ground Floor’s boots.
Second Floor votes that he and
the neighbouring Ground and
Second Floors request his _ own
Ground Floor not to persist hi at-
tempting “In My Cottage” with
one finger on the piano.
Third Floor votes that his land-
lady’s servant brush clothes a little
better, and be instructed in the art
of removing mud from trousers.
Bachelor Lodgers vote that their
“ things ” be sewn and attended to
on going to and being returned
from the wash.
Married Lodgers vote that no
appeals be made by the landlady
from the female to the male govern-
ment.
The Ground Floor {in business
during the day) votes that the land-
lady’s children be not permitted to
play in his room.
All Floors vote for the banishment
of organ-grinders, juvenile German bands, one-legged mariners, and
howlers. _
Ground Floor and Second Floor {united) vote that themaid-of-all-work i
will not use their combs and brushes.
Everyone votes that some one gives him ten thousand a-year, on no
conditions whatever.
Everyone Else votes that anyone will treat him to Paris for one month
in the present year before August, paying all expenses.
Several Husbands vote they go to Paris, as lodgers, this year en garqon.
Wives {belonging to above-mentioned class of Voters) vote they do
nothing of the sort.
PEDIGREE PROMOTION.
Shiver my timbers, Mr. Punch, and I’m blessed if a rope’s end
isn’t wanted at the Admiralty! Only see here how the Swabs play
Old Harry with the service :—
“ A lieutenant whose commission dates from May 22, 1861, has been promoted
over the heads of three hundred and seventy of his seniors. . . . This promotion is
solely due to the fact that he is the son of a great Conservative nobleman, and a
former colleague of the present ministers.”
And see how Sir J. Hay palavers to the House about another ugly
case of pedigree promotion:—
“ He had not served his time as flag-lieutenant, and therefore he was promoted
contrary to regulations, but he was promoted on account of the merits of the distin -
guished nobleman whose son he was.”
A pretty reason that! So regulations go for nothing when a nob is
in the Navy? If the merits of the father are to promote the son, a
pretty set of officers there ’ll soon be in the service ! Why don’t
My Lords ” throw overboard all rules and regulations, and give a
middy of good birth the full rank of an admiral ? And why send a boy
to sea, if he be born of noble family ? A lad who has a pedigree might
as well be privileged to draw his pay ashore, without seeing any service
for it. Blest if I don’t think they’d save a deal of heart-burning, if
“ My Lords ” were to launch a fleet of toy ships on the Serpentine,
and put them in commission for the sons of noble swells to go and.
play at being admirals and captains, and so relieve the service of their
oppressive presence. Lieutenants who can’t hope to get promoted by
their pedigree feel naturally hurt at seeing youngsters shoved above
them, and doubtless would rejoice if all the young nobs in the Navy
were drawn away to go on active service in the Serpentine.
I remain, Mr. Punch, yours, grumbling,
An Old Salt.
Loyal and Gratifying.
On hearing that several flying columns were ordered for service in
Ireland, the Nelson’s statue and the Duke of York’s instantly sent in
to know if their columns could be of any use. Both requested an
answer through the medium of Mr. Punch's flying columns.
THE CHEAPEST THING IN THE ARMY.
Sergeant Kite presents his compliments to Mr. Punch, and begs
to say that the cheapest thing in the Army is the British Soldier. He
has the honour to remind Mr. Punch of the circumstance, that General
Peel, in moving the Army Estimates the other day, said they were
“ framed with a view to efficiency and economy.” Sergeant Kite is-
aware that they always have been. Has no doubt that efficiency ancb
economy have never ceased to be held in view by framers of Army
Estimates—at a great distance. Does not think that distance has lent
any enchantment to the view. Thinks, on the contrary, it has rendered'
the view dreary. And, in fact, that inefficiency has been combined with
profusion.
Sergeant Kite observes that the total estimate for the present year,
as stated by the General, was £14,752,200; exceeding that of last year
by £412,200. Can, however, understand that it may possibly have
been framed with a view to both economy and efficiency. Believes
that if the latter object be now at last achieved, the former will also
have been effected for the first time from time immemorial. Knows
well enough that necessary expense is not extravagance, if you get
your money’s worth for your money. Takes the liberty of pointing
out, particularly, that in framing the estimates with a view to allowing
the soldier twopence more a day, General Peel may, nevertheless,
have really framed them with a view to economy. Saw the following
statement respecting the present pay of the British soldier, in the
Post:—
“ The evidence given before the Recruiting Commission shows that the soldier,
whose gross pay amounts to one shilling and a penny per day (viz., one shilling pay
and one penny beer money), after deducting the stoppages for his rations, washing,
and ‘ necessaries,’ * on the average through the year, does not clear throe halfpence
a-day.’ ’’
Sergeant Kite understands economy to be not mere saving, but
due allotment of expenditure. May be allowed to express the idea
that when the Army costs altogether upwards of fourteen millions,
whilst the soldier gets only three-halfpence a day, the share of the
military expenditure allotted to the soldier is comparatively small.
Considers it to be as the figure of the bread is to that of the sack in the
tavern score pulled out of Sir John Falstaff’s pocket in a play which he
had the pleasure of seeing at Drury Lane. Will acknowledge that the
proposal now made to allow the soldier threepence-halfpenny a day
clear, looks a little more like true economy. At the same time, makes
bold to ask, how many of the enjoyments of life can be had out of even
the magnificent sum of threepence-halfpenny ?
With a view to obtaining recruits lor the Army, Sergeant Kite
invites the War Office to consider whether, if the soldier is allowed
threepence-halfpenny a day, it will not be as well honestly to announce
that his pay is in reality limited to that amount of coppers? Takes
leave to say that at present what is called the gross pay of the soldier
is gross only in the sense wherein that word is applied to a deception.
Will grant that might not perhaps be thought to signify much if the
worst of it, ended with the disgust of the bamboozled recruit. But
requests attention to the fact that it prevents re-enlistment. Suggests
that disappointment at least would be prevented if recruiting sergeants
were instructed to explain to fine-spirited young men desirous of
entering the service of tne Queen, and fighting their country’s battles,
that their daily remuneration for that work, in hard money, will not
exceed the sum of threepence-halfpenny. If the offer of that reward
should not suffice, would recommend it to be raised, as by auction, to
the amount needful for tempting them to engage in a business that
consists in adventuring to be killed or maimed whilst leading a life
which, except in dignity, is little better than penal servitude.
Sergeant Kite also suggests the expediency of increasing the
soldier’s ration of meat. Is convinced that many a good soldier aban-
dons the Army as soon as he can, because he entered it expecting to
become a full private, but found that he was never anything more than
an empty one.
A Happy Name.
“ Thd^Church News announces that the Very Rev. Archpriest Popofv has gone to
Russia with a view to bring about the founding of a Uniate Church in England.”—
Pall Mall Gazette.
And if Popoee does not pop back again, no great harm will be done.
everything by turn.
Sir John Pakington may be called the Amphibious Minister, for
he is (or is supposed to be) equally in his element on land and water.
He should assume as his motto terra marique.
a caution to young men.
To a lady embonpoint in figure, and not good looking in face, you
should be careful of saying anything which she might consider “plump
and plain.”