DOI issue:
April 6, 1867
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0143
136
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 6, 1867.
of any reasonable proposition, and stated that he hated the ways and
scorned t,he purposes of faction. Mr. Bright never spoke better, and
perhaps it will not be considered disrespectful to I din to ask him
whether, having seen that the Commons are proof against defiance, and
are not sentimental, but will go with a speaker who talks to them like
a gentleman, he does not find a victory over such an audience better
worth having than the applause of those who couple him with Mr.
Beales and Mr. Odgers ?
Mr. Disraeli then girded up his loins for fight, and went at his
work like a man. He was in good form, and did all he knew. Even
the Star, which does not habitually smile on him, owns that his speech
was probably as good as the famous champagne oration of Charles
Townshend, mentioned last week by Mr. Punch. He stood up bravely
for the goodness of his Bill, especially exulting over the Giadstonians
on the ground that the Bill was based on a principle. He made fun of
Mr. Gladstone’s menacing manner, and rejoiced that a large piece of
furniture was between them, for Mr. Gladstone had come down on
him in the tone of a Familiar of the Inquisition. (By the way, Mr.
G.’s hatters will make their fortune if he dashes many hats down as he
has lately served his present unoffending tile.) He retorted, as to the
special franchises, that they were not his own inventions, but that of
Lord Russell and the Coalition Chancellor oe the Exchequer.
He not recognise the Lodger F—why, he was the Father of the
Lodger Franchise! But he had turned out his Ishmael into the
wilderness this time because of the principle of Bating, but was ready
to consider whether he could not be called in again. He at once sur-
rendered the Dual Vote. And he would consider anything else, in
reason. But the Government refused to treat Beform as a party
question ; they had assumed the responsibility of settling the question,
and until it should be settled they would not desert their post. Act with
us candidly and cordially, and you will find on our side a complete reci-
procity of feeling. “Pass this Bill, and then you may change the
Ministry to-morrow.” So ended Mr. Disraeli a speech which he
will find it hard to surpass.
Then was the Beform Bill read a Second Time.
Vu the Budget (and the Deficiency, Mrs. John Bull, M’m,) the
Committee is deferred until Monday next, the 8th.
Beform has of late sat upon everything else, but we have now
a little time to look up odds and ends.
Lord Derby, touching the pension to Poet Young, of course said
that he had never read a word of that bard’s works, and he did not
believe that any Prime Minister could read She books of the people he
was asked to pension. Now, you know, all that is very superb and
official, but what does a man of many engagements do in private
life when he receives a letter begging him to ask some literary friend
for a puff for the author. Surely he has something in the shape of a
sister, or a wife, or a cousin, or a lady-friend, to whom he can say, as
he is putting on his gloves, “ 0, Margaretta, or Anastasia, or
Epaphrodita, or Sal” (as the case maybe) “there’s a book in a
parcel on my table. Would you just glance through it for me, and see
whether I can decently do what the pestering idiot wants.” We are
unwilling to believe that an eminently respectable and genial nobleman
has no assistance of this kind within reach, and it is sad that England
should be laughed at for pensioning a writer whose lyrics are not
nearly as good as a tailor’s advertisement verses.
Lord Stanley states that he has had no unfriendly communica-
tions from the United States about the Alabama claims. We are
happy to hear it. Mr. Punch is ready at any moment to run over and
see Mr. Seward (at the expense of Her Majesty’s Government), as
Mr. P. wants to talk seriously to some leading Americans about Copy-
right. Besides he wants to tell them something that will make them
roar. He opened the other day an interesting account of the inaugu-
ration of the splendid Boston Library, a few years ago. Nothing
could be more imposing. But the music of the hymn that was sung as
a sort of consecration of the collection of Books, was selected from the
Pirata. Friends at a distance have only to refer to page 84 of the
account. Let us liquor.
Archbishop Longley abandons a Bill he had intended to intro-
duce, on Bitualism, because a Boyal Commission is talked of; but
Archbishop Shaftesbury declines to imitate his colleague in charge
of the Church.
Mr. Walpole is like the actress who pla\ s Tilburina, and cries in
the wrong place. If ever a ruffian deserved strangulation, it is a miner
called Wager, who murdered his wife in a most cruel manner. Mr.
Walpole weeps, and reprieves. The inefficiency of all human law is
also shown in regard to a couple of dastards, miners also, who stood
by and saw the brutal murder, but never interfered to help the implor-
ing woman. Unless the miners of that district are all scoundrels,
they will make it too hot for the disgusting cowards. We read of
black flags being hung out by some women in reproach of some engine-
drivers who did not strike; and the women of Wager’s district will
not deserve the name if they do not make a similar demonstration.
Wednesday, a very excellent Bill, for Improving the Dwellings of the
Humbler Class, was read a Second Time on the motion of Mr. Torrens,
whose speech was worthy of the object.
Thursday. A movement in the Lords, originated by Lord Lyveden,
and supported by various peers, including the Bishop of Down for
abolishing the Catholic Ecclesiastical Titles Act. Lord Derby said,
of course, exactly what Mr. Punch said a little while ago to Mr!
O’Beirne on the subject. A little fun came up in a suggestion that it
was hardly the thing to discuss the subject in the absence of the Boy
who chalked up “No Popery,” and then ran away.
The Duke of Cambridge, of whom Sir John Pakington speaks
as veneratingly as if H.B.H. were the late Duke of Wellington,
does not see his way to the entire, abolition of the Army Cat, but
will restrict it to certain cases. The Boyal ducal will having been
signified, the House of Commons has merely had to undo the vote of
the 15th March, and vote by 225 to 131 that flogging shall not lie
abolished. Which it has done.
Friday. Conversazione as usual. The French make a row about the
proposed gift of the Plant.agenet Statues to England, so the Queen,
like a lady, absolves the Emperor from his promise.- But our dog-in-
the-manger neighbours have been informed that they really ought to take
the statues out of the back kitchen of the ga®l. If France affects to
value the articles, she should treat them decently. National Gallery
talk, and statement by Lord John Manners that there was no hurry,
the land had not been acquired, and no decision had been arrived at.
Complaint that the Servians ill-treat their Jews, for whom Lord
Stanley promised to say a word. And then a tremendously long
Irish row, originating in a citation by Sir John Gray of some
language by Mr. Justice Keogh, touching Orangemen and Catholics,
language which appears to Mr. Punch to have been perfectly justifiable.
When Irish fire spreads, Greek fire is a fool to it, and in the course of
the wrangle of several hours Sir H. Edwards alluded to Fenian
sympathisers in Parliament — the awful ceremony of taking down
his words was moved, the Speaker interfered, and Mr. Disraeli
begged the House not to revert to the quarrelling system in vogue a
quarter of a century ago. It made him feel like Rip Van Winkle.
Ultimately the words were withdrawn, and all was peace. Punch
supposes that such safety valves are necessary at times.
THE STOKERS’ STRIKE.
Time : Day of the Strike.
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
Nervous Gentleman. Impetuous Passenger.
Scene—Interior of First Class Compartment, London and Brighton Line.
Impetuous Passenger (in a conversational mood). Queer thing this
strike.
Nervous Passenger (who thinks “ queer ” is scarcely the epithet). Yes.
But I am glad to see that the men have returned to their work.
Impetuous Pass, (delighted to find some one tvho is unacquainted with
the news). Beturned ! Oh dear no : not one.
Nervous Pass. (to clinch any argument by an appeal to fact). But the
trains are running again, Sir. Here we are in one. There must be a
Stoker of course. (Is satisfied with his own proof, and would like to go to
sleep)
Impetuous Pass. A Stoker! Not a bit of it: nor a Driver either.
Nervous Pass, (beginning to feel alarmed). No Driver !
Impetuous Pass. Well. I mean no regular Driver. The fellow
we’ve got volunteered his services to drive the engine to Brighton.
Public-spirited, wasn’t it? He said he thoroughly understood the
principles on which an engine was worked, and thought he could drive
one, if he tried. ,
Nervous Pass, (wishing he could stop the train and get out). But Good
Heavens, Sir ! Good Hea .... hasn’t he ever driven one before P
Impetuous Pass, (on his own authority). Never. (With a laugh!)
Bather a dangerous thing, isn’t it P _ .
Nervous Pass, (who has no words to express his horror at the situation).
Dangerous ! Sir! ! ! it’s-(A bang is heard. Nervous Gentleman lets
down the window). Good Gracious ! What’s that? (Another bang.)
Impetuous Puss. That’s a fog-signal. It means “Danger. They use
them to-day because the fellow doesn’t understand the regular code;
and it is as well to be cautious. (Another bang, and train slackens speed.)
Nervous Pass. Cautious ! .
(Thinks that if he ever gets to Brighton, hell write to the limes.
Remembers that he wrote once before about organs, and they
didn’t put it in. Thinks he won’t write to the “ Times.” Fog-
signal. He is startled; wishes, to himself, that they wouldn’t
let off those things. Corrects himself by recollecting that if they
didn’t, something might happen. Finds, by his “ Guide,” that m
twenty minutes more the train is due at Brighton, and resigns
himself helplessly to his fate. Impetuous Person resumes con~
versation about accidents, mismanagement, signal codes, and
general carelessness. Carriage-light down. Tunnel.
Fnd of Scene.
PUNCH OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 6, 1867.
of any reasonable proposition, and stated that he hated the ways and
scorned t,he purposes of faction. Mr. Bright never spoke better, and
perhaps it will not be considered disrespectful to I din to ask him
whether, having seen that the Commons are proof against defiance, and
are not sentimental, but will go with a speaker who talks to them like
a gentleman, he does not find a victory over such an audience better
worth having than the applause of those who couple him with Mr.
Beales and Mr. Odgers ?
Mr. Disraeli then girded up his loins for fight, and went at his
work like a man. He was in good form, and did all he knew. Even
the Star, which does not habitually smile on him, owns that his speech
was probably as good as the famous champagne oration of Charles
Townshend, mentioned last week by Mr. Punch. He stood up bravely
for the goodness of his Bill, especially exulting over the Giadstonians
on the ground that the Bill was based on a principle. He made fun of
Mr. Gladstone’s menacing manner, and rejoiced that a large piece of
furniture was between them, for Mr. Gladstone had come down on
him in the tone of a Familiar of the Inquisition. (By the way, Mr.
G.’s hatters will make their fortune if he dashes many hats down as he
has lately served his present unoffending tile.) He retorted, as to the
special franchises, that they were not his own inventions, but that of
Lord Russell and the Coalition Chancellor oe the Exchequer.
He not recognise the Lodger F—why, he was the Father of the
Lodger Franchise! But he had turned out his Ishmael into the
wilderness this time because of the principle of Bating, but was ready
to consider whether he could not be called in again. He at once sur-
rendered the Dual Vote. And he would consider anything else, in
reason. But the Government refused to treat Beform as a party
question ; they had assumed the responsibility of settling the question,
and until it should be settled they would not desert their post. Act with
us candidly and cordially, and you will find on our side a complete reci-
procity of feeling. “Pass this Bill, and then you may change the
Ministry to-morrow.” So ended Mr. Disraeli a speech which he
will find it hard to surpass.
Then was the Beform Bill read a Second Time.
Vu the Budget (and the Deficiency, Mrs. John Bull, M’m,) the
Committee is deferred until Monday next, the 8th.
Beform has of late sat upon everything else, but we have now
a little time to look up odds and ends.
Lord Derby, touching the pension to Poet Young, of course said
that he had never read a word of that bard’s works, and he did not
believe that any Prime Minister could read She books of the people he
was asked to pension. Now, you know, all that is very superb and
official, but what does a man of many engagements do in private
life when he receives a letter begging him to ask some literary friend
for a puff for the author. Surely he has something in the shape of a
sister, or a wife, or a cousin, or a lady-friend, to whom he can say, as
he is putting on his gloves, “ 0, Margaretta, or Anastasia, or
Epaphrodita, or Sal” (as the case maybe) “there’s a book in a
parcel on my table. Would you just glance through it for me, and see
whether I can decently do what the pestering idiot wants.” We are
unwilling to believe that an eminently respectable and genial nobleman
has no assistance of this kind within reach, and it is sad that England
should be laughed at for pensioning a writer whose lyrics are not
nearly as good as a tailor’s advertisement verses.
Lord Stanley states that he has had no unfriendly communica-
tions from the United States about the Alabama claims. We are
happy to hear it. Mr. Punch is ready at any moment to run over and
see Mr. Seward (at the expense of Her Majesty’s Government), as
Mr. P. wants to talk seriously to some leading Americans about Copy-
right. Besides he wants to tell them something that will make them
roar. He opened the other day an interesting account of the inaugu-
ration of the splendid Boston Library, a few years ago. Nothing
could be more imposing. But the music of the hymn that was sung as
a sort of consecration of the collection of Books, was selected from the
Pirata. Friends at a distance have only to refer to page 84 of the
account. Let us liquor.
Archbishop Longley abandons a Bill he had intended to intro-
duce, on Bitualism, because a Boyal Commission is talked of; but
Archbishop Shaftesbury declines to imitate his colleague in charge
of the Church.
Mr. Walpole is like the actress who pla\ s Tilburina, and cries in
the wrong place. If ever a ruffian deserved strangulation, it is a miner
called Wager, who murdered his wife in a most cruel manner. Mr.
Walpole weeps, and reprieves. The inefficiency of all human law is
also shown in regard to a couple of dastards, miners also, who stood
by and saw the brutal murder, but never interfered to help the implor-
ing woman. Unless the miners of that district are all scoundrels,
they will make it too hot for the disgusting cowards. We read of
black flags being hung out by some women in reproach of some engine-
drivers who did not strike; and the women of Wager’s district will
not deserve the name if they do not make a similar demonstration.
Wednesday, a very excellent Bill, for Improving the Dwellings of the
Humbler Class, was read a Second Time on the motion of Mr. Torrens,
whose speech was worthy of the object.
Thursday. A movement in the Lords, originated by Lord Lyveden,
and supported by various peers, including the Bishop of Down for
abolishing the Catholic Ecclesiastical Titles Act. Lord Derby said,
of course, exactly what Mr. Punch said a little while ago to Mr!
O’Beirne on the subject. A little fun came up in a suggestion that it
was hardly the thing to discuss the subject in the absence of the Boy
who chalked up “No Popery,” and then ran away.
The Duke of Cambridge, of whom Sir John Pakington speaks
as veneratingly as if H.B.H. were the late Duke of Wellington,
does not see his way to the entire, abolition of the Army Cat, but
will restrict it to certain cases. The Boyal ducal will having been
signified, the House of Commons has merely had to undo the vote of
the 15th March, and vote by 225 to 131 that flogging shall not lie
abolished. Which it has done.
Friday. Conversazione as usual. The French make a row about the
proposed gift of the Plant.agenet Statues to England, so the Queen,
like a lady, absolves the Emperor from his promise.- But our dog-in-
the-manger neighbours have been informed that they really ought to take
the statues out of the back kitchen of the ga®l. If France affects to
value the articles, she should treat them decently. National Gallery
talk, and statement by Lord John Manners that there was no hurry,
the land had not been acquired, and no decision had been arrived at.
Complaint that the Servians ill-treat their Jews, for whom Lord
Stanley promised to say a word. And then a tremendously long
Irish row, originating in a citation by Sir John Gray of some
language by Mr. Justice Keogh, touching Orangemen and Catholics,
language which appears to Mr. Punch to have been perfectly justifiable.
When Irish fire spreads, Greek fire is a fool to it, and in the course of
the wrangle of several hours Sir H. Edwards alluded to Fenian
sympathisers in Parliament — the awful ceremony of taking down
his words was moved, the Speaker interfered, and Mr. Disraeli
begged the House not to revert to the quarrelling system in vogue a
quarter of a century ago. It made him feel like Rip Van Winkle.
Ultimately the words were withdrawn, and all was peace. Punch
supposes that such safety valves are necessary at times.
THE STOKERS’ STRIKE.
Time : Day of the Strike.
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
Nervous Gentleman. Impetuous Passenger.
Scene—Interior of First Class Compartment, London and Brighton Line.
Impetuous Passenger (in a conversational mood). Queer thing this
strike.
Nervous Passenger (who thinks “ queer ” is scarcely the epithet). Yes.
But I am glad to see that the men have returned to their work.
Impetuous Pass, (delighted to find some one tvho is unacquainted with
the news). Beturned ! Oh dear no : not one.
Nervous Pass. (to clinch any argument by an appeal to fact). But the
trains are running again, Sir. Here we are in one. There must be a
Stoker of course. (Is satisfied with his own proof, and would like to go to
sleep)
Impetuous Pass. A Stoker! Not a bit of it: nor a Driver either.
Nervous Pass, (beginning to feel alarmed). No Driver !
Impetuous Pass. Well. I mean no regular Driver. The fellow
we’ve got volunteered his services to drive the engine to Brighton.
Public-spirited, wasn’t it? He said he thoroughly understood the
principles on which an engine was worked, and thought he could drive
one, if he tried. ,
Nervous Pass, (wishing he could stop the train and get out). But Good
Heavens, Sir ! Good Hea .... hasn’t he ever driven one before P
Impetuous Pass, (on his own authority). Never. (With a laugh!)
Bather a dangerous thing, isn’t it P _ .
Nervous Pass, (who has no words to express his horror at the situation).
Dangerous ! Sir! ! ! it’s-(A bang is heard. Nervous Gentleman lets
down the window). Good Gracious ! What’s that? (Another bang.)
Impetuous Puss. That’s a fog-signal. It means “Danger. They use
them to-day because the fellow doesn’t understand the regular code;
and it is as well to be cautious. (Another bang, and train slackens speed.)
Nervous Pass. Cautious ! .
(Thinks that if he ever gets to Brighton, hell write to the limes.
Remembers that he wrote once before about organs, and they
didn’t put it in. Thinks he won’t write to the “ Times.” Fog-
signal. He is startled; wishes, to himself, that they wouldn’t
let off those things. Corrects himself by recollecting that if they
didn’t, something might happen. Finds, by his “ Guide,” that m
twenty minutes more the train is due at Brighton, and resigns
himself helplessly to his fate. Impetuous Person resumes con~
versation about accidents, mismanagement, signal codes, and
general carelessness. Carriage-light down. Tunnel.
Fnd of Scene.