Punch: Punch (52.1867)

April 13, 1867.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

153

Happy Thought.—Scarf, next time I ride ; with a pin in it.

My face is such a curious colour, a muddy yellow. Wish I ’d come
up to my room at once, instead of stopping in the hall. How different
to when 1 started. Meditate on this, before the glass ; “ So in life, we
set out gaily and briskly (as I did on the chestnut), we go on—we go
on—odd :—lost the simile.” The footman comes in with hot water.
He is familiar in consequence of that dressing up as a German friend
the other day. He says, “ I suppose you ain’t much accustomed to
riding a-horseLack, Sir.” I should like to put him on a wild Arab in
a desert: hate familiarity. Tell him to call me in time for dressing.
He is now going to sound the first gong. That’s an hour before dinner.

Happy Thought.—Cup of tea. Toast? suggested by footman. Amend-
ment adopted.

How delicious (in bath) is this dreaminess. All dangers of the day
past and gone. I feel, triumphantly, that I have seen a hare killed.
I should like to hunt every day. At least, I should like to enjoy a
bath, tea and toast like this every day.

Happy Thought.—When I go up to town again practise leaping in
hunting grounds, so much a lesson. Don’t believe Hick Turpin, on
Black Bess, ever cleared a turnpike gate.

Happy Thought.—I could clear a turnpike gate—with a ticket. Wish
I’d said this in conversation : brilliant: needn’t have said anything
else for a whole evening. Note it down when I’m out of my bath.
Read a book recommended bv Eridoline, with her name in it. Novel:
Saint Alice. Good. Read Eridoline’s name again. Drowsy. If I
don’t take care T shall be asleep. * * *

Happy Thought.—Dressing gown : arm-chair. Plenty of time before
dinner—delicious drowsiness. * * * Footman enters: I have been
asleep. Referring to my watch, same time as when I was in my bath :
stopped. They’ve begun dinner.

Happy Thought.—Say, “ I ’ll be down directly.”

EXCURSIONISTS IN DANGER.

he comfort of the community
on Sunday is threatened by
two Liquor Bills, about to be
smuggled, if possible, through
Parliament. One of them is
in the charge of Mr. Graves,
and the other in that of Mr.
J. A. Smith, Mr. Bazley, and
Mr. Baines. Into the pro-
visions of these measures, re-
spectively, it is unnecessary to
go, further than to say that
both the one and the other
are designed to deprive excur-
sionists on Sunday of all pro-
vision, food as weli as drink.
Mr. Roebuck, doubtless, is
aware of the attempts on the
liberty of the subject and the
enjoyments of the people,
which the Sabbatarians and
teetotallers are making in the
House of Commons, and will
- take care not to be out of his
place at the proper time for
frustrating their insidious
machinations.

companies, and to introduce another, leaving in blank all the figures as to price, the
rate of dividend, and the standard of gas.”

He was quite right in saying that he would withdraw any Bill that was
satisfactory to the Gas Companies, because any s*ich Bill must be emi-
nently unsatisfactory to a victimised public. As for the blanks, Mr.
Punch proposes to fill them up in a way which will put down a good
deal of dishonesty.

CHILDREN, PLEASE ATTEND.

Said Mr. Gladstone, on the Budget,—

“ Duties are not to be considered as what they are in themselves, but as regards
what they are as outworks and defences of the great branches of the revenue.
{Hear, hear.) Now, what would be the effect of abolishing the duty on Comfits?
Why, there would be an enormous increase in the importation, and we should
doubtless be ultimately able to put them in our tea, and use them with as much
satisfaction as we now do that article called sugar. {Hear, hear, and laughter.) In
fact, Comfits would become little less than sugar under another name.”

There, dears, and Mr. Punch’s darlings. Get your beloved parents
to explain this to you, and tell you that in buying goody-goodies you
keep the Crown on your kind Queen’s head, help to pay for all the
pretty soldiers, and for the beautiful ships which you see in Portsmouth
harbour, when you are taken to the Isle of Wight. And then, Punch
thinks, you may ask to have your pocket-money increased from three-
pence to fourpence a week, and your parents do not love their country
if they refuse you this.

very unfair.

Said Mr. Pollard-Urquhart, on Taxation,—

“ When he remembered the sentiments which the right hon urable gentleman,
the Chancellor of the Exchequer, had in younger days expressed in Sybil he
was much surprised that he had not done more to relieve the poorer classes from,
certain taxes under which they especially suffered."

“ Must one swear to the truth of a song ? ” asked the late Mr. M.
Prior. Is a novelist, when he becomes a Minister (and any good
novelist ought to be offered office), to be bound by all the pretty theories
he may have woven around his groups of lovers ? Is Lord Lytton
to stand by Eugene Aram’s views touching the taking of property from
the unworthy, and killing them if they do not like that redistribution ?
Is Lord Brougham, as a Statesman, accountable for the sentiments
in a remarkable fiction which was suppressed? Is-but the inter-

rogatories would stretch out to the crack of doom. Echo gives a
comprehensive answer in the negative, and adds that Mr. Urquhart
had better shut up.

MISBRR1MUS.

Said Mr. H. B. Sheridan, on the Marine Insurance,—

“ That if there was any one in that House deserving of commiseration it was-
himself. (A laugh.) His expectations had been excited, perhaps unwarrantably,
with respect to the reduction of the duty on fire insurance. {Hear, hear.)"

Mr. Sheridan deserves something better than commiseration. He
deserves praise and honour, and he shall have them, too. He perse-
veres, very creditably, in his attempts to demolish a noxious tax, and
one of these days he will succeed. Meantime, let him rejoice, for the
Eye is upon him, and winks affably.

IGNORANCE NOT BLISS.

Said Colonel French, on Burlington House,—

“ May I ask the noble Lord what he means by Italian Gothic? {Laughter.)

“Loud J. Manners. The honourable and gallant gentleman had better consult
the honourable gentleman (Mr. Layard) who sits next to him. {Laughter.)"

Though a Colonel of Militia, Mr. French has known things. He
obtained “ several science premiums in college.” Either Architecture
was not one of his pursuits, or he has forgotten what he learned. We
hope Mr. Layard (no one could do it better) explained to the future
Lord de Freyne that Italian Gothic means the Gothic that was
erected in Italy. Italy is in the South of Europe.



DIAMONDS OF DEBATE.

In studying, with microscopic eye, the debates in Parliament, Mr.
Punch occasionally lights upon gems, or rather sparks, which, though
they are not of sufficiently pure water to be set in his magnificent
Essence, may be just worth picking out. Therefore, he arranges a
few, of recent discovery, and renders them priceless by the addition of
a little gold of his own:—

WHO WAS THE BOOBY?

Said Mr. Disraeli, in his Budget Speech,—

“ I am responsible for a very familiar expr-ession with regard to the public debt,
which I shall not repeat to this committee. I did say to a great booby on the
hus'ings of my country—quoting the amount of the public debt as a reason why
this country could not discharge its duties to itself and defend its independence—
that the public debt might be compared to the incision of a most troublesome,
although not one of the most unpopular insects.”

The word was “flea-bite.” But who was the Great Booby? The
nation demands the name.

VERY PROPER FEELING.

Said Sir Stafford Northcote, on a Gas Bill,—

“ He should be inclined to withdraw the present Bill if satisfactory to the gas

A MEMBER EOR CORRUPTION.

Said Mr. Scourfield, on Bribery,—

“ It would be better to group all the corrupt boroughs—(laughter)—and let them
return one member between them—(laughter)—if they could find a man bold enough
to accept their representation. (Laughter.)"

These “laughs,” on a subject which some folks think a grave one,
indicate that certain Members of Parliament have no niore learned to
consider bribery a crime than a jockey considers it one to run as
“ ordered,” or than a cabman thinks it one to overcharge a lady. And
as to “ bold enough,” let the grouping be made, and Mr. Punch will
pay all the bribes, if it be proved that there is auy difficulty in getting
a candidate who moves in the best society.

British. Jurors for the Paris Exhibition.

The jurymen who recommended Mr. Wager and Mr. Longhurst
to mercy should be sent to figure in the British department of the
Great Exhibition at Paris. Then they might be compared, by students
of character, with the French jurors who find murders such as those
which were committed by the abovenamed criminals to have been
accompanied by extenuating circumstances.