DOI Heft:
June 8, 1867
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0245
June 8, 1867.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
239
of the innocent gulls is owing to the demand for their feathers to deco-
rate girls’ pork-pie hats. The fact that such a demand exists, consti-
tutes rather an objection to their excessive slaughter, which the gallant
’Arry perhaps would recognise, if you put it to him in his own way,
saying, “ ’Arky, if you and your pals shoot all the gulls, there will be
no plumes for the ’ats of the gals.”
Community in sport, you know, Sir, levels social distinctions. The
Gun Club should throw itself open to the gull-shooters, ’Arry and all.
But it shouldn’t stop there. The Peers and Members of Parliament
who belong to it will do well to place themselves, in time, on a level
with the “ cads,” as they are called, who rejoice in cock-fighting and
dog-fighting. They should instantly legalise those sports. Otherwise
the lower orders, as soon as they are represented in Parliament, will
put the higher on an equality with themselves by constituting pigeon-
shooting unlawful on the score of cruelty. In the meanwhile the
pigeon-shooters might unite with the gull-shooters in a new and oom-
prehensive club, established to practise the shooting of redbreasts,
under the title of the Cock Robin Club. Yours ever, Popjoy.
MR. M'EVOY’S LITTLE GAME.
Mr. Punch, _
You will have been disgusted to see the attempt that certain
parties have been making in the House of Commons to interfere with
the quiet nomination of the Select Committee on the Ecclesiastical
Titles Act. You were doubtless in hopes that the Committee would be
appointed in huggermugger, and that we should hear nothing more
about the matter, until the British public woke up one morning and
found the Archbishop of Westminster as lawful a prelate as the
Archbishop of Canterbury.
At present the British public sleeps. May it sleep on till the Pope
enjoys his own again; and may the Ecclesiastical Titles Act be repealed
in the meanwhile ! John Bull dreams that the temporal power if his
Holiness is all but extinct; doesn’t think of the historical ups and
downs of the Papacy. The reinstatement of the Sovereign Pontiff
would make him open his eyes. If we could only get that confounded
Act abolished now, he would open them too late to be able to recover
the gone goose of his “ Protestant Constitution.”
When we have got rid of the Ecclesiastical Titles Act, Mr. Punch,
which do you think will be the better thing to do; to turn the Pro-
testant Bishops out of the House of Lords, or let in the Roman
Catholic ? We must do either the one thing or the other, or else we shall
offer a gross insult to the religion of our Roman Catholic fellow-country-
men. For the same reason we must repeal the Act of Settlement;
which cannot but grievously hurt their feelings by being calculated to
deter the Heir Apparent from going over to Rome.
A leading member of the opposition to the noiseless appointment of
Archbishop Manning’s Committee is Colonel Knox. What better
could be expected from a man with such a name ? I will call myself,
P.S. “ Hope told a flattering tale.
Spes.
A NICE LOOK OUT FOR FOX-HUNTERS.
Readers who are fond of fox-hunting will doubtless find some
interest in the following advertisement
T'O FARMERS.—The Advertiser has an invention by means of which
he can guarantee any land from being hunted over. The invention can be used
either with or without danger to life of sportsmen. Terms, 2s. and £4 4s. the season.
Foxes kiUed by contract. Address, &c.
Either with or without danger to life of sportsmen! How ex-
tremely nice and kind! The buyers pay their money, and may take
their choice. But are they quite sure it is legal to make use of an
invention which may endanger life ? Some farmers hate fox-hunters,
just as dogs hate cats, and would hardly scruple to put their lives in
danger. Still, it would be awkward to be accused of murder ; and, ii
farmers put the necks of fox-hunters in danger, they mav nossibly
imneril the safety of their own.
BROAD AND HIGH.
{An Episcopal Duet.)
Natal. Sarum.
“ Let us, Right Reverend Brotner,
Our differences smother ;
And, both decried on every side,
Embrace, and hug each other.”
“ Oh yes ! though our opinions
As apples are to 1 inions.’
The distance whole of Pole from Pole
Divides as near dominions.”
“ As Pole from Pole asunder ?
Nay, Brother, there you blunder.
Both Poles you know alike are low
The point of freezing under.”
“ We differ, then, say, Frater,
As Pole doth from Equator.
Of hot and cold extremes we hold ;
What contradiction’s greater ? ”
“ To differ we ’ll agree then;
Contrasted we shall be, then.
Folks will in you a Papist view,
And say that I’m a heathen.”
“ 0 scope for speculation 1
0 room for disputation !
How happy we to differ free:
Hooray for toleration ! ”
FEMALE SUFFRAGE.
Mr. Punch,
Women are not to have votes at Parliamentary Elections.
For the present they are only to place at the top of the poll their own
bonnets and chignons. The unmarried are not to be allowed to give
even a single vote, and handsome candidates must cease to think of
buxom widows as certain plumpers. Perhaps we should have been
more gallant, but for the dreadful thought that once allow women to
vote, and they would soon claim to have a voice in the House, and
become M.P.’s, and then there would be an end even to the little
business that we now transact. But it will come to this: someday
you will be shocked by reading that “the honourable and beautiful
Member for Maryborough then got on her legs to move that better
accommodation should be provided in the Gentlemen’s gallery.” One
consideration may possibly prevent the admission of the Ladies to the
House as Members—their utter uselessness in divisions, for, naturally,
they would always be pairing. On the other hand, they might prove an
acceptable addition to the number of Members eligible to serve on
Committees, for no woman would ever think of claiming to be excused
on account of her age.
One can hardly fancy a Woman in Opposition!
An Old and Ugly M.P.
Doing1 the Old ’Un.
We are glad to hear that Mr. Chaplin, the owner of Hermit, has
given £12,000 of his winnings to the fund for restoring Lincoln
Cathedral. Considering who the Old Gentleman is, who in the proverb
is said to “ look over Lincoln,” this is a highly appropriate gift. He
will henceforth look over the Cathedral with more satisfaction than
ever. We would suggest that another £12,000 of Mr. C.’s Derby
winnings might advantageously be given towards the foundation of
a “ Chaplaincy” for the Jockey Club, with a “box” at Tattersall’s
attached.
The Bill of the Session.—William Gladstone.
TEMPERANCE'AND SOBRIETY.
The National Temperance League, which may also be called tbe
Rational Temperance League, because, unlike the United Kingdom
Alliance, it seeks to make people restrict their beverages to water and
slops by moral suasion, and not by interference with liberty, the other
evening held its annual conversazione in Willis’s Rooms. The Cold-
stream Band was in attendance on this occasion, to which its name
seems appropriate. It is said to have performed an admirable selection
of music. This perhaps included the Water-Music of Handel. When
the performers had done playing, they possibly did not go away and
have any beer. The Chair, at this Temperance meeting, was occupied
by Mr. Samuel Bowley, who enlarged upon the advantages of
not pushing about the bowl.
From the Lord. Chamberlain’s Office.
Why is a Lord in Waiting at Court unsuited, by his professional
duty, for joining in a quadrille set of eight ?
Because he’s always dancing a-ten-dance.
Sophistry !—If 'punishment is Capital, why should you change it ?
Let well alone.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
239
of the innocent gulls is owing to the demand for their feathers to deco-
rate girls’ pork-pie hats. The fact that such a demand exists, consti-
tutes rather an objection to their excessive slaughter, which the gallant
’Arry perhaps would recognise, if you put it to him in his own way,
saying, “ ’Arky, if you and your pals shoot all the gulls, there will be
no plumes for the ’ats of the gals.”
Community in sport, you know, Sir, levels social distinctions. The
Gun Club should throw itself open to the gull-shooters, ’Arry and all.
But it shouldn’t stop there. The Peers and Members of Parliament
who belong to it will do well to place themselves, in time, on a level
with the “ cads,” as they are called, who rejoice in cock-fighting and
dog-fighting. They should instantly legalise those sports. Otherwise
the lower orders, as soon as they are represented in Parliament, will
put the higher on an equality with themselves by constituting pigeon-
shooting unlawful on the score of cruelty. In the meanwhile the
pigeon-shooters might unite with the gull-shooters in a new and oom-
prehensive club, established to practise the shooting of redbreasts,
under the title of the Cock Robin Club. Yours ever, Popjoy.
MR. M'EVOY’S LITTLE GAME.
Mr. Punch, _
You will have been disgusted to see the attempt that certain
parties have been making in the House of Commons to interfere with
the quiet nomination of the Select Committee on the Ecclesiastical
Titles Act. You were doubtless in hopes that the Committee would be
appointed in huggermugger, and that we should hear nothing more
about the matter, until the British public woke up one morning and
found the Archbishop of Westminster as lawful a prelate as the
Archbishop of Canterbury.
At present the British public sleeps. May it sleep on till the Pope
enjoys his own again; and may the Ecclesiastical Titles Act be repealed
in the meanwhile ! John Bull dreams that the temporal power if his
Holiness is all but extinct; doesn’t think of the historical ups and
downs of the Papacy. The reinstatement of the Sovereign Pontiff
would make him open his eyes. If we could only get that confounded
Act abolished now, he would open them too late to be able to recover
the gone goose of his “ Protestant Constitution.”
When we have got rid of the Ecclesiastical Titles Act, Mr. Punch,
which do you think will be the better thing to do; to turn the Pro-
testant Bishops out of the House of Lords, or let in the Roman
Catholic ? We must do either the one thing or the other, or else we shall
offer a gross insult to the religion of our Roman Catholic fellow-country-
men. For the same reason we must repeal the Act of Settlement;
which cannot but grievously hurt their feelings by being calculated to
deter the Heir Apparent from going over to Rome.
A leading member of the opposition to the noiseless appointment of
Archbishop Manning’s Committee is Colonel Knox. What better
could be expected from a man with such a name ? I will call myself,
P.S. “ Hope told a flattering tale.
Spes.
A NICE LOOK OUT FOR FOX-HUNTERS.
Readers who are fond of fox-hunting will doubtless find some
interest in the following advertisement
T'O FARMERS.—The Advertiser has an invention by means of which
he can guarantee any land from being hunted over. The invention can be used
either with or without danger to life of sportsmen. Terms, 2s. and £4 4s. the season.
Foxes kiUed by contract. Address, &c.
Either with or without danger to life of sportsmen! How ex-
tremely nice and kind! The buyers pay their money, and may take
their choice. But are they quite sure it is legal to make use of an
invention which may endanger life ? Some farmers hate fox-hunters,
just as dogs hate cats, and would hardly scruple to put their lives in
danger. Still, it would be awkward to be accused of murder ; and, ii
farmers put the necks of fox-hunters in danger, they mav nossibly
imneril the safety of their own.
BROAD AND HIGH.
{An Episcopal Duet.)
Natal. Sarum.
“ Let us, Right Reverend Brotner,
Our differences smother ;
And, both decried on every side,
Embrace, and hug each other.”
“ Oh yes ! though our opinions
As apples are to 1 inions.’
The distance whole of Pole from Pole
Divides as near dominions.”
“ As Pole from Pole asunder ?
Nay, Brother, there you blunder.
Both Poles you know alike are low
The point of freezing under.”
“ We differ, then, say, Frater,
As Pole doth from Equator.
Of hot and cold extremes we hold ;
What contradiction’s greater ? ”
“ To differ we ’ll agree then;
Contrasted we shall be, then.
Folks will in you a Papist view,
And say that I’m a heathen.”
“ 0 scope for speculation 1
0 room for disputation !
How happy we to differ free:
Hooray for toleration ! ”
FEMALE SUFFRAGE.
Mr. Punch,
Women are not to have votes at Parliamentary Elections.
For the present they are only to place at the top of the poll their own
bonnets and chignons. The unmarried are not to be allowed to give
even a single vote, and handsome candidates must cease to think of
buxom widows as certain plumpers. Perhaps we should have been
more gallant, but for the dreadful thought that once allow women to
vote, and they would soon claim to have a voice in the House, and
become M.P.’s, and then there would be an end even to the little
business that we now transact. But it will come to this: someday
you will be shocked by reading that “the honourable and beautiful
Member for Maryborough then got on her legs to move that better
accommodation should be provided in the Gentlemen’s gallery.” One
consideration may possibly prevent the admission of the Ladies to the
House as Members—their utter uselessness in divisions, for, naturally,
they would always be pairing. On the other hand, they might prove an
acceptable addition to the number of Members eligible to serve on
Committees, for no woman would ever think of claiming to be excused
on account of her age.
One can hardly fancy a Woman in Opposition!
An Old and Ugly M.P.
Doing1 the Old ’Un.
We are glad to hear that Mr. Chaplin, the owner of Hermit, has
given £12,000 of his winnings to the fund for restoring Lincoln
Cathedral. Considering who the Old Gentleman is, who in the proverb
is said to “ look over Lincoln,” this is a highly appropriate gift. He
will henceforth look over the Cathedral with more satisfaction than
ever. We would suggest that another £12,000 of Mr. C.’s Derby
winnings might advantageously be given towards the foundation of
a “ Chaplaincy” for the Jockey Club, with a “box” at Tattersall’s
attached.
The Bill of the Session.—William Gladstone.
TEMPERANCE'AND SOBRIETY.
The National Temperance League, which may also be called tbe
Rational Temperance League, because, unlike the United Kingdom
Alliance, it seeks to make people restrict their beverages to water and
slops by moral suasion, and not by interference with liberty, the other
evening held its annual conversazione in Willis’s Rooms. The Cold-
stream Band was in attendance on this occasion, to which its name
seems appropriate. It is said to have performed an admirable selection
of music. This perhaps included the Water-Music of Handel. When
the performers had done playing, they possibly did not go away and
have any beer. The Chair, at this Temperance meeting, was occupied
by Mr. Samuel Bowley, who enlarged upon the advantages of
not pushing about the bowl.
From the Lord. Chamberlain’s Office.
Why is a Lord in Waiting at Court unsuited, by his professional
duty, for joining in a quadrille set of eight ?
Because he’s always dancing a-ten-dance.
Sophistry !—If 'punishment is Capital, why should you change it ?
Let well alone.