DOI issue:
June 22, 1867
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16879#0260
June 22, 1867.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Parliament, or rather the Commons, resumed work on Thursday,
June 13th, when Mr. Disraeli again addressed himself to the work of
Reform.
Previous votes had given him Forty-Five English seats to allot. So
we came to hear how he proposed to distribute them, and whether it
would be necessary to get up a Forty-Five Rebellion against the
Government of the House of Brunswick.
He had thought it best to reconsider the whole of his earlier propo-
sitions on this subject, and he requested the Committee to forget them.
It has been necessary to forget a good many things during these Reform
debates, so that no difficult feat of anti-mnemonics was demanded, lu
fact, so non-egotistical are the faithful Commons that they sometimes
forget themselves. The former plan being duly forgotten, Mr. Disraeli
proposed this new one—
1. London is to have four additional Members. The Tower
Hamlets are to be split, and the new Members are to sit for
a region to be called Hackney.
Members laughed, and Mr. Disraeli said that the name was not
unclassical, which he proved by a quotation. He had better have told
the Committee where Hackney is. It is between Islington, Shore-
ditch, Bethnal Green, or some of those barbarous regions, and was
once a fashionable quarter. Hackney School for young ladies is re-
peatedly alluded to by the comic playwrights of the old days—
Wycherley, and Shadwell, among others—it was the thing for rich
citizen girls to have been educated at Hackney. On second thoughts,
Mr. Punch does not see what these facts have to do with the Reform
Bill, but he will let his reading appear, for all that.
2. A new borough called Chelsea to return two Members.
This is right enough, and we hope that if he will accept the representa-
tion Mr. Thomas Carlyle will be the first Member chosen, not that he
can desire to come among the Shams and Wind-bags and emit unde-
sirable Talk, but that Chelsea may enjoy the historic honour of having
sent the great Philosopher to the House. Carlyle for Chelsea. Let
that be instantly placarded on every wall, inscribed on every hoarding,
and let him otherwise know nothing about it until Mr. Gladstone
and Mr. Mill lead him to the Speaker to be sworn.
3. He will give a Member to each of these constituencies, whom we
will enumerate in Rabelaisian fashion :
The darlings of Darlington.
The fishers in Hartlepool.
The meddling beggars of Middlesborough.
The sons of burnt fathers of Burnley.
The Trojans of S. Helen’s.
The barnfowls of Barnsley.
The Doos of Dewsbury.
The stale wits of Stalevbridge.
The cockfighters of Wedgbury.
The shrimpers of Gravesend.
The stockfish of Stockton.
The looters of Luton.
4. An additional Member unto
The small fry of Salford.
The meticulous of Merthyr Tydvil.
5. Two Members for the University of London, and this he thinks
might be united with the University of Durham.
We see no reason, except one akin to Fluellen’s. London is on
the Thames and Durham is on the Wear, and there is dead cats in
both.
6. Having disposed of 20 seats there are 25 more to be given away,
i and these are to be devoted to The Counties. In this fashion. Let
us split
West Kent—and give two new Members.
North Lancashire, the same.
South Lancashire, one only.
East Surrey, two.
Then let us take
Moist Lincolnshire,
Sparry Derbyshire,
Creamy Devonshire,
Clownish Zomersetshire,
Hard-riding West Riding,
Grinning Cheshire,
Pancake Norfolk,
Pottering Staffordshire,
Calfish Essex,
split each in three, and give each part two Members. Thus are the
45 seats given away. The counties to be dealt with contain, said Mr.
Disraeli, something like Four Millions of people, exclusive of borough
voters, and represent all the great industries, Agricultural, Manufac-
turing, Mineral. He declared that the selection had been made on
higher grounds than any considerations of party, and he should be
sorry if time were wasted in refuting charges of a minute character.
The Boundary Commissioners must now, he added, be empowered
to go to work, and he promised clauses for that purpose. The Chan-
cellor of the Exchequer sat down amid cheers.
Mr. Laing approved of most of the scheme, but contended that
there should be a grant of additional representation to six of our
largest cities. But what about the seven new Members for Scotland ?
Mr. Ayrton preferred Mr. Disraeli’s plan to Mr. Laing’s.
A Sir M. W. Ridley, Member for North Northumberland, was
pleased with what had been said about Durham University. Punch
is not. The project is an absurd one. We think the University should
have Members, and we really do not see that tea-and-shrimps want
representation. Transfer the seats from snobbish Gravesend to scholastic
Durham.
Colonel Sykes warned Mr. Disraeli that Scotland was going to
cry. Mourn, hapless Caledonia, mourn! but first be sure that you
have anything to apprehend.
Mr. Cardwell reserved debate, but was sorry there were to be only
forty-five new Members.
Mr. Newdegate very sensibly demanded the reprinting of the
whole Bill as amended. There is some absurd hitch about this
rinting, though the printer’s bill is enormous. In America we should
ave a new edition every twenty minutes.
Sir F. Goldsmid made a cynical remark touching the alleged merits
of Durham, and seemed to imply that its union with London would be
somewhat the reverse of an honour to the latter—a sort of unequal
marriage.
Mr. Candlish suddenly interpolated a demand that Mr. Disraeli
would tell him what a Dwelling-House meant.
Mr. Disraeli could not. It was a question for Common Law.
England was not over-represented. He should not help Scotland at
the expense of England, though this was done in 1832. Ireland was
probably not prepared to make any sacrifice. If the House thought
that Caledonia ought to have more Members, the representation ought
to be increased.
Colonel Sykes said that before the Union Scotland had 67 Mem-
bers, now she had but 53. This, Mr. Punch observes, is a capital
illustration of the saying that there is nothing so deceptive as figures
except facts. When we wedded Scotland, we took her to our heart in
earnest, and every English Member is a Member for Scotland. In
the old time she was a distant and barbarous region about which
we knew nothing, except that when the Scots were not murdering one
another they were coming over the border to murder us. Now the
invasion is the other way, and we are all Scots. It would be a delicate
compliment if the Scotch Members would say that they had perfect
confidence in English good feeling, and begged that the House might
not be crowded on their account. A bride-cake to a bawbee cookie
they just do nothing of the kind. Reform was postponed until Monday.
Then came a thundering debate on Great Ordnance. Mr. H. Baillie
declared that the Armstrong gun was chosen for jobbing reasons, and
that it is a failure. He denounced field-guns, ship-guns, and the Snider.
Of course he was answered, but who can tell where the truth lies ?
There is a grand naval review coming off. Man a couple of ships with
garotters, and make them fire ball, with a promise of free passage to
Siberia to the crew that sinks their enemy.
We voted a couple of millions or so for Naval Estimates.
Friday. A Compulsory Vaccination Bill made progress in Committee.
It may startle sundry to be told, as the House was told by Lord
Robert Montagu (a Lord, Mrs. Grundy, mind, and no mere hireling
of a newspaper scribbler!) that the deaths by small-pox, in England,
have increased from 4,000 to between 6 and 7,000 a year. Therefore
it is fit that we be peremptory with fools who neglect the semi-miracu-
lous preventive. By the way, some Quacks rail against it, and offer
their trash as a substitute. Could not a clause be introduced for
whipping them ?
Debate whether the House should allow to remain on its records a pe-
tition presented some weeks ago by Mr. Bright in favour of mercy to
the Fenians. It was a foolishly-written affair, and its reference to the
severities practised by the British forces in India and Jamaica excited
the wrath of Major Anson, who moved its being expunged. Mr.
Mill approved the sentiments of the petition, though not all its
expressions, and Mr. Disraeli said that no aspersions could injure our
gallant Army, and that he held by the rule that liberty of petition
should be indulged even to licence. Herein Mr. Punch cordially
concurs—let no Englishman, let his nonsense be as flagrant as it may,
say that he is gagged. The House went away, leaving a handful—54,
who, by 43 to 11, decided that the petition might remain.
We finished by hearing Lord Stanley expound and defend what he
had done in re Luxemburg. On the whole, it is clear that his conduct
was highly expedient, for it averted immediate war, at no very
great risk.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Parliament, or rather the Commons, resumed work on Thursday,
June 13th, when Mr. Disraeli again addressed himself to the work of
Reform.
Previous votes had given him Forty-Five English seats to allot. So
we came to hear how he proposed to distribute them, and whether it
would be necessary to get up a Forty-Five Rebellion against the
Government of the House of Brunswick.
He had thought it best to reconsider the whole of his earlier propo-
sitions on this subject, and he requested the Committee to forget them.
It has been necessary to forget a good many things during these Reform
debates, so that no difficult feat of anti-mnemonics was demanded, lu
fact, so non-egotistical are the faithful Commons that they sometimes
forget themselves. The former plan being duly forgotten, Mr. Disraeli
proposed this new one—
1. London is to have four additional Members. The Tower
Hamlets are to be split, and the new Members are to sit for
a region to be called Hackney.
Members laughed, and Mr. Disraeli said that the name was not
unclassical, which he proved by a quotation. He had better have told
the Committee where Hackney is. It is between Islington, Shore-
ditch, Bethnal Green, or some of those barbarous regions, and was
once a fashionable quarter. Hackney School for young ladies is re-
peatedly alluded to by the comic playwrights of the old days—
Wycherley, and Shadwell, among others—it was the thing for rich
citizen girls to have been educated at Hackney. On second thoughts,
Mr. Punch does not see what these facts have to do with the Reform
Bill, but he will let his reading appear, for all that.
2. A new borough called Chelsea to return two Members.
This is right enough, and we hope that if he will accept the representa-
tion Mr. Thomas Carlyle will be the first Member chosen, not that he
can desire to come among the Shams and Wind-bags and emit unde-
sirable Talk, but that Chelsea may enjoy the historic honour of having
sent the great Philosopher to the House. Carlyle for Chelsea. Let
that be instantly placarded on every wall, inscribed on every hoarding,
and let him otherwise know nothing about it until Mr. Gladstone
and Mr. Mill lead him to the Speaker to be sworn.
3. He will give a Member to each of these constituencies, whom we
will enumerate in Rabelaisian fashion :
The darlings of Darlington.
The fishers in Hartlepool.
The meddling beggars of Middlesborough.
The sons of burnt fathers of Burnley.
The Trojans of S. Helen’s.
The barnfowls of Barnsley.
The Doos of Dewsbury.
The stale wits of Stalevbridge.
The cockfighters of Wedgbury.
The shrimpers of Gravesend.
The stockfish of Stockton.
The looters of Luton.
4. An additional Member unto
The small fry of Salford.
The meticulous of Merthyr Tydvil.
5. Two Members for the University of London, and this he thinks
might be united with the University of Durham.
We see no reason, except one akin to Fluellen’s. London is on
the Thames and Durham is on the Wear, and there is dead cats in
both.
6. Having disposed of 20 seats there are 25 more to be given away,
i and these are to be devoted to The Counties. In this fashion. Let
us split
West Kent—and give two new Members.
North Lancashire, the same.
South Lancashire, one only.
East Surrey, two.
Then let us take
Moist Lincolnshire,
Sparry Derbyshire,
Creamy Devonshire,
Clownish Zomersetshire,
Hard-riding West Riding,
Grinning Cheshire,
Pancake Norfolk,
Pottering Staffordshire,
Calfish Essex,
split each in three, and give each part two Members. Thus are the
45 seats given away. The counties to be dealt with contain, said Mr.
Disraeli, something like Four Millions of people, exclusive of borough
voters, and represent all the great industries, Agricultural, Manufac-
turing, Mineral. He declared that the selection had been made on
higher grounds than any considerations of party, and he should be
sorry if time were wasted in refuting charges of a minute character.
The Boundary Commissioners must now, he added, be empowered
to go to work, and he promised clauses for that purpose. The Chan-
cellor of the Exchequer sat down amid cheers.
Mr. Laing approved of most of the scheme, but contended that
there should be a grant of additional representation to six of our
largest cities. But what about the seven new Members for Scotland ?
Mr. Ayrton preferred Mr. Disraeli’s plan to Mr. Laing’s.
A Sir M. W. Ridley, Member for North Northumberland, was
pleased with what had been said about Durham University. Punch
is not. The project is an absurd one. We think the University should
have Members, and we really do not see that tea-and-shrimps want
representation. Transfer the seats from snobbish Gravesend to scholastic
Durham.
Colonel Sykes warned Mr. Disraeli that Scotland was going to
cry. Mourn, hapless Caledonia, mourn! but first be sure that you
have anything to apprehend.
Mr. Cardwell reserved debate, but was sorry there were to be only
forty-five new Members.
Mr. Newdegate very sensibly demanded the reprinting of the
whole Bill as amended. There is some absurd hitch about this
rinting, though the printer’s bill is enormous. In America we should
ave a new edition every twenty minutes.
Sir F. Goldsmid made a cynical remark touching the alleged merits
of Durham, and seemed to imply that its union with London would be
somewhat the reverse of an honour to the latter—a sort of unequal
marriage.
Mr. Candlish suddenly interpolated a demand that Mr. Disraeli
would tell him what a Dwelling-House meant.
Mr. Disraeli could not. It was a question for Common Law.
England was not over-represented. He should not help Scotland at
the expense of England, though this was done in 1832. Ireland was
probably not prepared to make any sacrifice. If the House thought
that Caledonia ought to have more Members, the representation ought
to be increased.
Colonel Sykes said that before the Union Scotland had 67 Mem-
bers, now she had but 53. This, Mr. Punch observes, is a capital
illustration of the saying that there is nothing so deceptive as figures
except facts. When we wedded Scotland, we took her to our heart in
earnest, and every English Member is a Member for Scotland. In
the old time she was a distant and barbarous region about which
we knew nothing, except that when the Scots were not murdering one
another they were coming over the border to murder us. Now the
invasion is the other way, and we are all Scots. It would be a delicate
compliment if the Scotch Members would say that they had perfect
confidence in English good feeling, and begged that the House might
not be crowded on their account. A bride-cake to a bawbee cookie
they just do nothing of the kind. Reform was postponed until Monday.
Then came a thundering debate on Great Ordnance. Mr. H. Baillie
declared that the Armstrong gun was chosen for jobbing reasons, and
that it is a failure. He denounced field-guns, ship-guns, and the Snider.
Of course he was answered, but who can tell where the truth lies ?
There is a grand naval review coming off. Man a couple of ships with
garotters, and make them fire ball, with a promise of free passage to
Siberia to the crew that sinks their enemy.
We voted a couple of millions or so for Naval Estimates.
Friday. A Compulsory Vaccination Bill made progress in Committee.
It may startle sundry to be told, as the House was told by Lord
Robert Montagu (a Lord, Mrs. Grundy, mind, and no mere hireling
of a newspaper scribbler!) that the deaths by small-pox, in England,
have increased from 4,000 to between 6 and 7,000 a year. Therefore
it is fit that we be peremptory with fools who neglect the semi-miracu-
lous preventive. By the way, some Quacks rail against it, and offer
their trash as a substitute. Could not a clause be introduced for
whipping them ?
Debate whether the House should allow to remain on its records a pe-
tition presented some weeks ago by Mr. Bright in favour of mercy to
the Fenians. It was a foolishly-written affair, and its reference to the
severities practised by the British forces in India and Jamaica excited
the wrath of Major Anson, who moved its being expunged. Mr.
Mill approved the sentiments of the petition, though not all its
expressions, and Mr. Disraeli said that no aspersions could injure our
gallant Army, and that he held by the rule that liberty of petition
should be indulged even to licence. Herein Mr. Punch cordially
concurs—let no Englishman, let his nonsense be as flagrant as it may,
say that he is gagged. The House went away, leaving a handful—54,
who, by 43 to 11, decided that the petition might remain.
We finished by hearing Lord Stanley expound and defend what he
had done in re Luxemburg. On the whole, it is clear that his conduct
was highly expedient, for it averted immediate war, at no very
great risk.