Punch (58.1870)

8

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[January S, 1870.

would involve only a trifling addition to me expense of the
police force. Anybody who considers how many more men
enter the medical profession than the number it is capable
of supporting, will see that there must be many of its
members who would be glad to undertake any employment
by which they could earn the living ordinarily got by a
moderately skilled workman. It may reasonably be ex-
pected that a small addition to the policeman's pay would
induce many of those unemployed medical gentlemen to
become candidates for the office of guardian and preserver
of the public. In that case it is obvious that there would
ensue a considerable diminution of those deplorable mis-
takes which arise solely from policemen's unacquaintance
with diagnosis.

WHY NOT?

Eh ! "Why hot go in for a Little Mokk False Hair, and Do the Thing

Completely ?

" WASN'T THAT A DAINTY DISH TO SET BEFORE A KING?"

The French Emperor having expressed a desire to test some of the Australian
meat, which furnislies the penny-dinners in Norton Eolgate, Mr. Tallerman,
Manager of the Australian Meat Agency, at once submitted samples to the
Tuileries. The Emperor, on the principle of fiat experimentum in corpore vili, caused
some of the meat to be cooked for the soldiers on guard. Finding that they sur-
vived it, and even, like Oliver Twist, asked for more, he ordered the same dish to
be set before the principal officers of the Imperial Household. The officers, unlike
the privates, shuddered, but eat, and, to their own amazement, relished; and then
the Emperor tried it himself, pronounced it good, and expressed his gracious
intention of causing a more extended trial to be made — we presume on the
Empress and the entourage.

The verdict of the French private soldier can hardly be regarded as conclusive.
He is capable of converting by his so potent art, not only cats, but " rats and mice,
and such small deer," to the purposes of the Gamelle. But the Officers of the
Household are used to very different fare, and where they ventured, even gourmets
need not fear to follow. Above all, the Emperor has eaten and approved. No
wonder that Mr. Tallerman the Manager has been a Taller man ever since by
several inches, and that the Australian Meat Agency is looking up, from the
humility of artizan penny dinners in Norton Eolgate to the sublimity of Imperial
banquets at the Tuileries. But, after all, it is the many " littles " that will make
the "mickle;" and in this case penny-wisdom, if the dinners only spread wide
enough, will be anything but pound-foolishness.

MEDICAL POLICE.

Several cases have lately occurred wherein the police have removed to the
Station-house persons whom they ought to have conveyed to the Hospital. They
have picked up people lying unconscious in the street, and mistaken for drunk and
incapable those who were really apoplectic and insensible. At this season of
extraordinary conviviality mistakes of that kind are likely to be made in aug-
mented number, since the enjoyments which cause a stale of intoxication are also
very often the causes which occasion a state of coma. What a pity it is that
medical knowledge is not generally blended with a constable's authority! It

weather.

Meteorologists have observed that a "close" summer
might, and very likely would be, if a step were taken by the Government which I is invariably followed by an open winter.

THE JOLLY DOCTOtlS.

{Song of the Bill Season. Ex Cathedra at a Professional
Dinner.)

Let us drink to early marriage,

May it be the general rule.
He who wedlock dares disparage,

Write that fellow down a fool.
Drink we Love, for it conduces

Matrimony to extend.
Here's to ail, discharging uses

In relation to that end.

Here's a health to linendrapers,

Silks and satins who purvey.
Prosper fashion-books and papers,

With designs of smart array.
Here's to milliners inventive,

Fabricating Beauty's arms,
Ministers of aids incentive

Which embellish native charms.

Here's to jewellers, who garnish

Damsels fair with witching things,
Gems, and gold that doth not tarnish,

They make, bless them, wedding-rings.
Here's to all who lovely features,

Form, and grace, by art enhance,
Hairdressers, perfumers, teachers

Of deportment and the dance.

Here's to novelist and poet;

Cupid's flame their writings fan.
Here's to playwrights; they too, blow it

Up, like bellows, all they can.
Here's to soft inspired musicians

In whose works fond passion glows,
Forming one of those conditions

Which to nuptials predispose.

Here's to young men sentimental,

Who have pluck to take a wife,
Braving small cares, incidental,

Slightly, to domestic life:
Delicate organisation,

Asking, oft, remedial aid,
Teething, measles, vaccination,

With expenses to be paid.

Drink the wooers, and the willing

To be won by them that woo.
Drink we cooing, drink we billing ;

And may Christmas bills ensue.
Many a fellow, single, never

Has to pay a doctor's bill;
Early marriage, then, for ever:

And success to Practice still.

Seasonable Benevolence.

For the sake of our poor neighbours, who, while the
frost lasted, were sorely pinched by cold, we were very
glad, when we walked out last Wednesday, to find the
frost was giving. _