Punch (58.1870)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 5, 1870.

SHOCKING RESULT OF DARK VEILS.

We Humbly beg this Young Lady's Pardon (who is really rather a
Pretty Girl), but, being Short-sighted, we positively took her for a
Lady of Colour !

COMING LEGISLATION.

It is generally understood that if the Bill which has been introduced into the
House of Commons, requiring Railway Companies to provide hot-water tins for

third and second class passengers in severe weather becomes law, it will be followed Al t , Mg length, was proof

up by other measures equally necessary lor the comfort and convenience or the a <U,\,_f tW m^rprl prn„rl_

public.

TEMPLE DIVIDED AGAINST HIMSELE.

" It seemed to me that what was allowed to Frederick
Temple might not be allowed to the Bishop op Exeter."—The

Bishop of Exeter's Apologia pro Vita sud.

Can a man cut himself in two—

Array one half 'gainst 'tother;
And call on his discreeter half

His bolder half to smother?
From broad paths, that as presbyter

He trod, his foot withdraw,
For the strait ways where Bishops move,

Like Agag, o'er the straw,
That tells us of confinement

To the bounds of holy awe,
Of horror of disturbance,

And submission to Church law ?
Old liberties in humble pie

Was it well done to dish up,
And what's allowed to Schoolmaster,

Own not allowed to Bishop ?

Such creed of self-dismemberment

Proclaimed in deed and word,
By tutors, priests, and schoolmasters,

New mitred, we have heard.
Have seen, in haven of the Bencli

Shut out from tides and gales,
Explorers of high latitudes

Furl their adventurous sails;
Seen souls that chafed 'gainst articles,

Content in narrower pales ;
Seen nice ex-weighers of the truth

Wink at false weights and scales :
Known old foes glad old feuds to patch,

Old fictions glad to fish up,
And own what's safe for Schoolmaster

Is dangerous for Bishop.

But those who felt such compromise

Matter of shame and ruth,
Hoped that at length the Church had found

A Temple vowed to truth !
Where Faith had but one lot of weights,

Belief one set of measures ;
Where Conscience was too stiff to bend

To church- or lay-men's pleasures;
Where Truth was key of corner-stones,

And Duty first of treasures ;
Where Exeter held Rugby's rod,
Time-serving souls to swish up,
Who preached that right in Schoolmaster
Could e'er be wrong in Bishop ?

Against that mitred crowd-
The chill of those averted eyes,
That horror deep and loud !

The following are a few of the Bills stated to be in active preparation :—

A Bill to oblige Railway Companies to have the Doors of their Carriages Th* back that we deemed duty-steeled

closed quietlv and gently, and not slammed with the Noise and Violence now _io b^^rT bef;n b50l!f j «

aunoyingly customary. * H«we thought champion to the death

A Bill to compel Omnibus Passengers to pay their Fare before they leave the „ 01 tree speech and tree thought,

Conveyance, or at least, to be ready to tender it when they alight; and not to Happy dispatch episcopal

detain the Vehicle while they feel in all their Pockets lor their Purses, or request UP°^ blf8™ ba8 w[ou51, !-

change for Hail-a-Sovereign * or a ll,Sht Keverend> s™> m vam

A Bill to restrain young Persons under Twelve from driving their Hoops along ! w^e,» f^-ft?*1"^ • uqp,l i *

the public Pavement Wno 11 n,old what's right m Schoolmaster

A Bill to prevent Women wearing Colours unsuitable to their Complexion, i Can ne'er be wr0DS m BlshoP !

and generally from adopting such prevailing Fashions in Dress as are not becoming | _____________

to their Age and Appearance.

A Bill to put down Encores at public Concerts and Entertainments. Well Done "Waterford !

A Bill to abolish all Fees and Gratuities at Theatres and other Places of Amuse-
ment, and to regulate and restrict Calls before the Curtain. Every week we have returns relating to the public

A Bill to make compulsory the Presence of a Railway Director or High Official health, the public revenue, the number of paupers in the

in every Passenger Train. metropolis, the number of visitors at the South Kensington

A Bill constituting it a punishable Offence to introduce a Manufactured Article Museum, &c.; but tins last week there has been a welcome

as Wine, under the designation of Port, Sherry, or Champagne, when it is not addition to the usual list, which has given Mr. Punch
Port, Sherry, or Champagne.

A Bill to disestablish the Weather as a Topic of Conversation.

A Bill for the Introduction of a new Set of Figures in the Quadrille.

A Bill for the better Regulation of Wedding Breakfasts, and for the more
rational Observance of Christmas.

particular pleasure—the return of Mr. Bernal Osborne
to the House of Commons. By whatever epithet this
Session of Parliament may be distinguished, there is now
no fear that it will be known as the Dull Session.

Hibernian Order.—An Irish correspondent informs
Con for Cold Weather.—When is a man like a foal? When he's a little ho(a)rse. us, that in Tipperary tumult is the Order of the Day.