DOI issue:
March 19, 1870
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16885#0118
March 19, 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
109
MORE HAPPY THOUGHTS.
In five days I leave this. Sorry ; but must get back. Dyngwell
thinks, he says, of running with me to the " gay and festive village,"—
he means Paris,—" and going on the scoop for a short burst of it." I,
represent to him, gravely, that I can't go on the scoop; tojrhiW\rt ^ iff ~Lt ljSht wine, chicken sandwiches, and French
Madame Dremel lends me a triumphal car in the shape of a
magnificent carriage and pair, and coachman in livery (looking, on the
whole, something like a foreign ambassador's equipage in Hvde Park),
and Dr. Caspar is determined to see the last of me. It's a long
journey to Paris ; ten hours.
uim-ov-uB uiui, ftiuruij, vuab x tail u gu (Jii uijc oluujj j iu which i;i " - , e tX. • i— A-------1----
his answer is, "Never mind, Cockalorum, we '11 bustle 'em somehow " ! ^terat^re11 PrePar.e ior ™e ?a7 capital. Get Dyngwell to talk
Dyngwell asks me to come and have a chat in his room. We fall | *reach aii the way there. Good practice,
into German and French. I propose talking in both languages as a Happy Thought.—Ask Dyngwell and. Commander to get light wine
capital plan for foreigners. He says, " Who's a foreigner ? " I reply,
"We are," which seems to astonish him. He had thought that
Englishmen never could be foreigners.
Happy Thovght.—Suggest that he was thinking of Kule Britannia
and sandwiches, also.
Dr. Caspar's interest secures us a carriage to ourselves—not to be
disturbed on any account.
Happy Thought':—As invalids.
and. chorus. "Never, never, never, never, never shall be" foreigners. , Before going, take the names and addresses of everyone I leave
1 say, for practice, will he talk German to me ? He won't. For Peun:?d- Will write to them ; must see them ; will all meet again,
practice, will I talk French to him ? I will. He doesn't understand •■ jovially—somewhere. We all mean what we say : at the time,
a word I say. Be says he catches one now and then. We read French j ^ere's °14 Cockalorum ! " shouts Dyngwell, catching sight oi
to each other. Getting tired of this, he draws my attention to his our good-humoured, kind-hearted Professor's hat. I ask him to
exercises, and professes to be getting " Quite the German."
Happy Thought.—To test him and his system. Represent the con-
ventionality of his exercises. Get one of mine (intended for my forth-
watch for the first volume of my Typ. Develop. He says, " He will do
so, with the greatest possible interest."
Happy Thought—-Paid the Bill.
coming "Method of learning German, French and English simultane- Happy Thought.—Less than I 'd expected. Grand Monarque excel-
ously," if Popgood and Grooly will have it. Wish they'd answer j lent and moderate.
telegrams) and try him. In making this note I feel as if I was doing it for a Guide-Book.
For Beginners—I am fat (gross). You are poor. We are fat and j Winter is beginning. Can't help locking forward, away from the
poor. Am 1 fat or poor? Are you ill or fat? He is old and little, i German stoves, to the wood fires of France and the roaring logs and
Is he little or old? I am rich (reich) and fatigued. Are you little | coal of England. Good-bye, sulphur waters ! Farewell, Miss Elisa !
(klein), and fat (gross), and rich and ill (krank) ? Impromptu in my Pocket-book :—
Next Exercise.—I am not tall. They are short and idle. Is the
father good and fat? The mother is happy and tall. The father and
the mother are small and polite. My aunt is with the shoemaker, but
my uncle is in the garden. The wife of the doctor (des Arztes) is in
the fat carpenter's garden.
I have seen the tailor's uncle's boots (i.e. I have the boots of the
uncle of the tailor seen).
This is what Dyngwell says is his difficulty; viz., that the verb is
(so to speak) round the corner; or comes, as it were, at the end of the
book.
Happy Thought.—There are more things in heaven and earth, Dyng-
well, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Dyngwell puts before me his idea of our exercise.
DyngweWs German Exercise.—Will the Cockalorum liquor? The
old Cockalorum is moppy. The tailor was bustled a bit by the wife of
the Cockalorum. The old cove went on the scoop. The venerable
Cockalorum ain't in good form. The shoemaker is a Hass. The
carpenter's grandmother was quite the drunkard. The gardener has
the papsylals in his great toe. Act on the square, boys, and be quite the
c'rrect card, yourvashup. The carpenter retired to his virtuous downy.
My Aunt and my Uncle. The noble swell was all there. Well, my
Lord and Marquis, how was you to-morrow ? Flallo! says the Dook.
Quite the tittup, says the Duchess. The Cockalorum was on. I '11
have your German Exercise!
Now," says Dyngwell, " get that into real up and down German,
Fairest of all Aachen's daughters,
Thou who gave'st me sulphur waters,
See, I go to winter quarters ;
Medical adviser
Says I may, so fare thee well,
What I feel I cannot tell,
No, nor in thy language spell,
Pretty Miss Elisa.
Dyngwell says " Elisa" is pronounced "Elesa." Oh, is it? very
well.
Happy Thought. -Think of rhymes and settle Dyngwell. Lssa—
Please, Sur—teaser—greaser—tea, Sir—she, Sir—we, Sir—Pisa, &c.
To my Friend * * * *
" Youthful friend, say, have you quaffrd
At her hands the sulphur draught ? "
" Whose hands, if you please, Sir ? "
Then I answer, " She the nymph
Of the boilin? sulphur lymph,
Lovely Miss Elisa."
What's " Lymph ? " says Dyngwell.
Happy Thought. To say, "My dear fellow, I suppose you've never
read any poetry?" Dr. Caspar draws our attention to the Station.
•and you '11 be quite the scholar." j (If DyNGWEIlL''s going to be unpleasant on the journey, I shali travel
Sunday.—In the Jesuits' Church. Expect, from seeing the crowd, ■ in another compartment with the Commander.)
that I am going to see something peculiarly grand. Edge myself as j Once more, adieu. Tickets. Luggage.
near as possible to the front row of people all standing. A German
hymn which I don't understand.
Happy Thought.—Never offend prejudices. Look devotional, and
hum as much of the tune as I can catch.
No ceremonial, but a sermon. After the first twenty minutes look
round to see if there's any chance of getting out quietly. None.
Wedged in. Think of saying Ich bin sehr Krank, and getting them
to let me pass. Say this to my next neighbour. He shakes his head :
either he won't believe me, or doesn't understand. Try it once more
and give it up. Sermon lasts one hour at least.
Happy Thought (for any one who doesn't understand the language and
is uncertain what service he is going to hear).—Get close to the door.
Day of Departure.—Early in the morning get weighed at Miss
Catherine's, I mean Miss Caroline's. Find I'm considerably
less.
Happy Thought.—Thinner.
Say good-bye to everybody. Dyngwell will accompany me to
Paris. Everybody in hotel suddenly seems to find an opportunity for j
coming into my room. Waiters, chambermaids, porters, boots and An Unlucky Uuesuion.
Happy Thought.—Booked through, and change nowhere ; so whatever
they say to us in German, French, or Dutch, we don't stir.
Where is the Commander?
Train in motion. Farewell. Au revoir. Hands to hats. The last
hand, the last hat, I can just see; and also sudden appearance of the
Commander, too late. He had stopped behind to tell the Professor the
Mongoose story ([ hear afterwards) and was obliged to leave in the
middle. Aix, farewell!
Happy Thought.—-To be prepared for everyone, beginning with Mil-
bur* in London coming up and saying, "Well; left all your Aches
behind?" on my telling him that I've just come from Aix.
Happy Thought—Shall simply observe I've been staying at Aachen.
Telegraph to Fridoline from Paris. "Home, sweet Home!
Wherever I wander, there's no place like Home! "—that is, of course,
when the drains are not up, and the Inspector of Nuisances is not
bothering about the grounds. Fid Paris to England.
people whom I've never seen before. I call in to see the Bathman
and the Doucheman. They receive their gratuity sorrowfully, being
puzzled at the non-success of the vapour-bath in my case as compared
with that of Der Andere Mann.
The Commander appears at the hotel door. He is also coming to
Paris. " Capital fun, we three," he says. He promises that he '11 tell
us the story of the Mongoose in the train.
Watermore is a strict teetotaller (and just a little bald on the top ot
his head). Imagine, then, his horror at being asked, the other day at
Thoropitt's by the assistant who was cutting his hair, whether he ever
applied stimulants to it!
" Fictile Ivories."—False Teeth.
ol.
4—2
109
MORE HAPPY THOUGHTS.
In five days I leave this. Sorry ; but must get back. Dyngwell
thinks, he says, of running with me to the " gay and festive village,"—
he means Paris,—" and going on the scoop for a short burst of it." I,
represent to him, gravely, that I can't go on the scoop; tojrhiW\rt ^ iff ~Lt ljSht wine, chicken sandwiches, and French
Madame Dremel lends me a triumphal car in the shape of a
magnificent carriage and pair, and coachman in livery (looking, on the
whole, something like a foreign ambassador's equipage in Hvde Park),
and Dr. Caspar is determined to see the last of me. It's a long
journey to Paris ; ten hours.
uim-ov-uB uiui, ftiuruij, vuab x tail u gu (Jii uijc oluujj j iu which i;i " - , e tX. • i— A-------1----
his answer is, "Never mind, Cockalorum, we '11 bustle 'em somehow " ! ^terat^re11 PrePar.e ior ™e ?a7 capital. Get Dyngwell to talk
Dyngwell asks me to come and have a chat in his room. We fall | *reach aii the way there. Good practice,
into German and French. I propose talking in both languages as a Happy Thought.—Ask Dyngwell and. Commander to get light wine
capital plan for foreigners. He says, " Who's a foreigner ? " I reply,
"We are," which seems to astonish him. He had thought that
Englishmen never could be foreigners.
Happy Thovght.—Suggest that he was thinking of Kule Britannia
and sandwiches, also.
Dr. Caspar's interest secures us a carriage to ourselves—not to be
disturbed on any account.
Happy Thought':—As invalids.
and. chorus. "Never, never, never, never, never shall be" foreigners. , Before going, take the names and addresses of everyone I leave
1 say, for practice, will he talk German to me ? He won't. For Peun:?d- Will write to them ; must see them ; will all meet again,
practice, will I talk French to him ? I will. He doesn't understand •■ jovially—somewhere. We all mean what we say : at the time,
a word I say. Be says he catches one now and then. We read French j ^ere's °14 Cockalorum ! " shouts Dyngwell, catching sight oi
to each other. Getting tired of this, he draws my attention to his our good-humoured, kind-hearted Professor's hat. I ask him to
exercises, and professes to be getting " Quite the German."
Happy Thought.—To test him and his system. Represent the con-
ventionality of his exercises. Get one of mine (intended for my forth-
watch for the first volume of my Typ. Develop. He says, " He will do
so, with the greatest possible interest."
Happy Thought—-Paid the Bill.
coming "Method of learning German, French and English simultane- Happy Thought.—Less than I 'd expected. Grand Monarque excel-
ously," if Popgood and Grooly will have it. Wish they'd answer j lent and moderate.
telegrams) and try him. In making this note I feel as if I was doing it for a Guide-Book.
For Beginners—I am fat (gross). You are poor. We are fat and j Winter is beginning. Can't help locking forward, away from the
poor. Am 1 fat or poor? Are you ill or fat? He is old and little, i German stoves, to the wood fires of France and the roaring logs and
Is he little or old? I am rich (reich) and fatigued. Are you little | coal of England. Good-bye, sulphur waters ! Farewell, Miss Elisa !
(klein), and fat (gross), and rich and ill (krank) ? Impromptu in my Pocket-book :—
Next Exercise.—I am not tall. They are short and idle. Is the
father good and fat? The mother is happy and tall. The father and
the mother are small and polite. My aunt is with the shoemaker, but
my uncle is in the garden. The wife of the doctor (des Arztes) is in
the fat carpenter's garden.
I have seen the tailor's uncle's boots (i.e. I have the boots of the
uncle of the tailor seen).
This is what Dyngwell says is his difficulty; viz., that the verb is
(so to speak) round the corner; or comes, as it were, at the end of the
book.
Happy Thought.—There are more things in heaven and earth, Dyng-
well, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Dyngwell puts before me his idea of our exercise.
DyngweWs German Exercise.—Will the Cockalorum liquor? The
old Cockalorum is moppy. The tailor was bustled a bit by the wife of
the Cockalorum. The old cove went on the scoop. The venerable
Cockalorum ain't in good form. The shoemaker is a Hass. The
carpenter's grandmother was quite the drunkard. The gardener has
the papsylals in his great toe. Act on the square, boys, and be quite the
c'rrect card, yourvashup. The carpenter retired to his virtuous downy.
My Aunt and my Uncle. The noble swell was all there. Well, my
Lord and Marquis, how was you to-morrow ? Flallo! says the Dook.
Quite the tittup, says the Duchess. The Cockalorum was on. I '11
have your German Exercise!
Now," says Dyngwell, " get that into real up and down German,
Fairest of all Aachen's daughters,
Thou who gave'st me sulphur waters,
See, I go to winter quarters ;
Medical adviser
Says I may, so fare thee well,
What I feel I cannot tell,
No, nor in thy language spell,
Pretty Miss Elisa.
Dyngwell says " Elisa" is pronounced "Elesa." Oh, is it? very
well.
Happy Thought. -Think of rhymes and settle Dyngwell. Lssa—
Please, Sur—teaser—greaser—tea, Sir—she, Sir—we, Sir—Pisa, &c.
To my Friend * * * *
" Youthful friend, say, have you quaffrd
At her hands the sulphur draught ? "
" Whose hands, if you please, Sir ? "
Then I answer, " She the nymph
Of the boilin? sulphur lymph,
Lovely Miss Elisa."
What's " Lymph ? " says Dyngwell.
Happy Thought. To say, "My dear fellow, I suppose you've never
read any poetry?" Dr. Caspar draws our attention to the Station.
•and you '11 be quite the scholar." j (If DyNGWEIlL''s going to be unpleasant on the journey, I shali travel
Sunday.—In the Jesuits' Church. Expect, from seeing the crowd, ■ in another compartment with the Commander.)
that I am going to see something peculiarly grand. Edge myself as j Once more, adieu. Tickets. Luggage.
near as possible to the front row of people all standing. A German
hymn which I don't understand.
Happy Thought.—Never offend prejudices. Look devotional, and
hum as much of the tune as I can catch.
No ceremonial, but a sermon. After the first twenty minutes look
round to see if there's any chance of getting out quietly. None.
Wedged in. Think of saying Ich bin sehr Krank, and getting them
to let me pass. Say this to my next neighbour. He shakes his head :
either he won't believe me, or doesn't understand. Try it once more
and give it up. Sermon lasts one hour at least.
Happy Thought (for any one who doesn't understand the language and
is uncertain what service he is going to hear).—Get close to the door.
Day of Departure.—Early in the morning get weighed at Miss
Catherine's, I mean Miss Caroline's. Find I'm considerably
less.
Happy Thought.—Thinner.
Say good-bye to everybody. Dyngwell will accompany me to
Paris. Everybody in hotel suddenly seems to find an opportunity for j
coming into my room. Waiters, chambermaids, porters, boots and An Unlucky Uuesuion.
Happy Thought.—Booked through, and change nowhere ; so whatever
they say to us in German, French, or Dutch, we don't stir.
Where is the Commander?
Train in motion. Farewell. Au revoir. Hands to hats. The last
hand, the last hat, I can just see; and also sudden appearance of the
Commander, too late. He had stopped behind to tell the Professor the
Mongoose story ([ hear afterwards) and was obliged to leave in the
middle. Aix, farewell!
Happy Thought.—-To be prepared for everyone, beginning with Mil-
bur* in London coming up and saying, "Well; left all your Aches
behind?" on my telling him that I've just come from Aix.
Happy Thought—Shall simply observe I've been staying at Aachen.
Telegraph to Fridoline from Paris. "Home, sweet Home!
Wherever I wander, there's no place like Home! "—that is, of course,
when the drains are not up, and the Inspector of Nuisances is not
bothering about the grounds. Fid Paris to England.
people whom I've never seen before. I call in to see the Bathman
and the Doucheman. They receive their gratuity sorrowfully, being
puzzled at the non-success of the vapour-bath in my case as compared
with that of Der Andere Mann.
The Commander appears at the hotel door. He is also coming to
Paris. " Capital fun, we three," he says. He promises that he '11 tell
us the story of the Mongoose in the train.
Watermore is a strict teetotaller (and just a little bald on the top ot
his head). Imagine, then, his horror at being asked, the other day at
Thoropitt's by the assistant who was cutting his hair, whether he ever
applied stimulants to it!
" Fictile Ivories."—False Teeth.
ol.
4—2