Punch (58.1870)

no PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 1.9, 1870.

O YE FAIR!

Be Warned in Time! " Pcena, fede claudo" (that is, Eetribution in the Shape of a Deformed Foot) will over-
take vou all who "Weak High Heels and Nabrow Boots ; for soon the Female Tootsicum is to be Worn Bare and of
its Natural Size, in the manner we have Endeavoured to Depict Above.

SENSE FROM THE EAKL OF SHAFTESBURY.

Hear Lord Shaftesbury. He speaks on the subject of biblical
revision, in a letter sent to the Tunes. Therein, at least the following
passage will be heartily applauded by all men, except the quacks, and
humbugs, and snobs :—

" And I will mention that a rude and sudden descent from the majestic and
touching tones of our wonderful version to the thin, Frenchified, and squeak-
ing sentences in modern use would be an irreparable shock to every English-
speaking man who has drunk in the old and generous language almost with
his mother's milk."

Yes. Fancy the Authorised Version of the Old and New Testament
re-written in the phraseology of advertising puffs. And it would be if,
in so far as it was re-written, it were re-written in such phraseology as
that of modern devotion; that, for example, wherein occasional services
for thanksgiving and fasting days have of Jate years been usually com-
posed. Fancy the sacred text, possibly befouled even with the word
"reliable"! ,

But then, there is no reason why mistranslations, here and there, in
the Bible, should not be corrected in sound English. And surely all
such mistranslations need to be corrected with every care. Take
another text than that of Holy Writ; the next to it in value with most
"English-speaking" men. No doubt the Earl of Shaftesbury has
read Shakspeare—at least Bowdler's Shakspeare. Although Shaks-
peare's great works are plays, doubtless Lord Shaftesbury has at
least read them. He knows that they contain disputed passages,
doubtful_words, and indubitable blunders. He never would dream of
questioning the expediency of endeavouring to restore, as faithfully as
possible, Shakspeare's original text. He must be desirous of its
restoration if he venerates Shakspeare, and the more desirous the
more he venerates him. May it please his Lordship, therefore, to con-
sider whether his desire to get Shakspeare's text genuine would not
be increased rather than lessened by the knowledge that interpolations
and false readings, therein abounding, gave occasion to sceptics for
questioning the authenticity of the divine Williams ?

But honour to the Earl of Shaftesbury for his declaration on
behalf of the good old " well of English undented," and against the vile
modern sink of Frenchified and fine English undeodorised.

Fancy Shakspeare in fine English;—

Falstaff loq. Henry, I am no less astonished when I consider the
localities in which you are accustomed to employ your leisure, than
amazed in reflecting on the associates by whom you are surrounded.
Because, whilst on the one hand it is undeniable that a familiar
medicinal herb extends its growth with a rapidity proportionate to the
pressure it receives from passing footsteps, it is on the other equally
certain that juvenility, the greater the measure in which it is dissipated,
the more speedily does it experience the effects of friction.

Railway Economy.

Our Railway Directors decline to provide

For the public foot-warmers in chill winter-tide.

They contend that such comforts would cost them too dear,

And their shareholders' grumbling and growling they fear;

But this is at best a lame, feeble excuse _

For refusing what elsewhere are widely in use.

In hot water so oft they've been found, we suppose

They dread burning their fingers while warming our toes.

National Defensive Provision.

The Times, in a leader, timeously asks, " What is the true function
of the Militia ? Is it to feed the Line, or to provide a permanent pro-
tection for these shores?" The latter, certainly. Let the Militia
provide a permanent protection for these shores, and we can trust the
Commissariat to feed the Line.

The Height of Sefdiness.—Coat-collar more shiny than bcots.