Punch (58.1870)

156

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 16, 1870.

THE ALTERNATIVE.

Artist (to Model who has called to ask if he shall take his Pictures down to the R. Academy on Tuesday night). " You he too Latb,

SmITHERS. bulford was here just now, and I promised him the JOB."

Smithers. " Very sorry, Sir. But—(with hesitation)—if so be, Sir—it might 'appen, Sir—in case they was—to bk

fetched away, SlR-"

Artist (savagely). " If they 're Rejected, you mean.—I'll let you Know ! "

THE DANCE OF DAVID.

" An elder, who is also Precentor, in a Free Church not fifty miles from
Inverness, lately attended the marriage of his eldest son, and in the evening
joined the young couple and others in a reel, by way of leading off the dance.
This having come to the ears of the other elders of the church, they held a
conclave, to which David was summoned. He made a full confession, and
has been suspended from his office of Precentor for three calendar months.
David has been an elder and Precentor for twenty years. So much the more
reason, argued the Kirk Session, why he ought to know better than to make
merry at his son's marriage."—Inverness Courier.

A PROFESSOR OF MUSIC AND BEER.

MM. Rothschild, in Paris, have been defrauded by an employe
of some trifling sum—2,500,000 francs or so. It would be, iu the
circumstances, like speaking of the halfpence which one leaves in the
pocket/-of a great-coat, and which tumble out in brushing, bat for a
fact,—the dishonest party, whose German name is Tassius,

" Was a great lover of Music and Beer."

This should be observed upon. He must have loved bad music
and bad beer,—Wagner and swipes, let us say. For the love of
Elder David, the Precentor, his son's wedding dance attended, j either article, when genuine, bespeaks a noble and gentle nature ; and
Elder David, the Precentor, from his office was suspended, [ the united love ought to have gone near to form a perfect character;

Though Old David, the Psalmist, danced, we know, 'fore the ark, i whereas, no doubt that Tassius had a lean and hungry look. We
Elder David, the Precentor, must not dance for the lark. know persons who love Music and Beer—but then it is a case of

Let the fate of Elder David, the Precentor, in terrorem, j Handel and Bass, or Allsopp — and they are the very last people in

Hang o'er the heads of elders, when they list to " Tullochgorum" ; the world to steal two millions and a half of francs, or any other sum.

But one point in the punishment appropriate one feels,
That such elders, when suspended, be suspended by the heels !

A Molten M.P.

The journals should be more discriminating.

Out of his Depth.

"Ocean Screwing."—Our old friend, Commodore Trunnion, R.N.
A newspaper contents-board, the other day exhibited a startling (now on the Retired List), who does not look with much favour on the
announcement:— redactions in the Navy Estimates, seeing this as a heading in one

" Liquidation of Sir W. Russell, M.P." °f tue PaPers> jumped at once to the conclusion that it must mean

This notification came out on or near Lady Day. It would have \ admiralty conomy.
been less astounding if it had appeared at Midsummer.

something in a name.

We like a quiet, tenor, and mean, therefore, to go to Covent Garden
to hear Signor Naudin. | hers is always made at home, and of Civil oranges.

very polite.

With reference to a paragraph which appeared in a recent number
of Punch, touching on the manufacture of marmalade, our esteemed
friend and correspondent, Mrs. Malaprop, writes to inform us that