Punch (58.1870)

April 23. 1870.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 159

THE INVALID AUTHOR.

Wife. "Why, Nurse is Reading a Book, Darling! "Who Gave it her?" Husband. "I did, my Dear."
Wife. "What Book is it?" Husband. "It's my last."

Wife. "Darling ! When you Knew how Important it is that she shouldn't Go to Sleep/"

MATBIMONIAL QUALIFICATION FOR M.P.
Mr. Punch—Sir,

tuency, nor bias them in their choice of a Candidate. But I would
insist on every single member, as soon as elected, pledging his honour to
Mr. Speaker that he is engaged, and if he continued independent for three
calendar months, he should no longer have a seat in the Assembly,
lo reason with Mr Isinglass-I mean my husband-on | Mamma qmte conCurs with me in reference to this highly essential

mode of testing the domesticity of Jionourable Gentlemen, and expresses
her earnest desire to see it in operation as soon as possible.

Toleration is all very well in its place, but toleration for those whc-
have no incumbrance, she candidly confesses she has no patience with it.

The Olives. Isabella Isinglass.

P.S. I should like to know what becomes of all the Cbiltern hundreds
which our representatives so frequently accept when about to travel on
the Continent. Do they pay interest when the ''little accommodation"
is returned't—I. I.

such a subject would be perfectly ridiculous, and therefore, Mr. Punch,
I address myself to you, knowing that if you cannot entirely adopt my
views, you will admit at least that there is some force in my arguments.

Mr. Isinglass is so wedded to his cigar and his evening paper, that
nothing will startle him but a violent hail-storm on the conservatory,
or an overture by my dear Mamma on our new piano. If I tell him
that something ought to be done in Parliament, he merely says " ha! "
and if I remark that, he, as a Man, ought to see it properly effected, he
simply says, " ho ! "

The subject on which I desire to address you, Mr. Punch, as the
Head of a Pamily, is Cab fares. How very absurd it is to call a Baby a
" person." {Person, you know, in a Parliamentary document sweeps
everything before it, but a Lady in the house carries no weight at all.)
Yes ! and for a baby we are to be charged three times as much as if it
were a small parcel! That is the thin edge of the wedge. What do
you think of having to pay extra for every infant of whatever age't Por
instance. I am caught in a shower of ram half a mile from home. I
have with me—1 Adolphus ; 2. Prederick ; 3. Percy ; 4. George ;
5. Baby and Maid. What will it cost me for my ride ? os. Qd., unless
I am very much out in my calculation.

I only mention this, not that 1 am much concerned about it in a
pecuniary sense, but as illustrating how unfit Parliament is to legislate
for married people. The truth is, I believe that a very large majority
of the Commons (three-fourths or even three-fifths) is composed of
single men, who never dream about small socks and shoes, and who
consequently never introduce a measure that will embrace them. Do I
therefore advocate female suffrage 'i Certainly not. That would
aggravate the evil—we should then have a Parliament consisting
entirely of tall black-whiskered bachelors.

No! My scheme is very different. I would not dictate to a consti-

A Cherub in a Cradle.

Jack Ketch was once a baby ;

Hushaby, Johnny !
We know not what we may be :

Hey ninny nonny !
Did Mamma nurse and dress it P

When it was tetchy
Then dance it, did she, bless it.

Crying, " Ketchy Ketchy ! " ?

A Little Hagiological Alteration.

" The Bank of England stands in three parishes, covering a good third of
St. Margaret, Lothbury, and more than two-thirds of St. Christopher-le-
Stock."—Daily News,

As this last-mentioned Saint is so much taken up with the Bank, it
is proposed in future to call him Sc. Christopher-le-Bank Stock.