Punch (58.1870)

234

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June li, 1870.

ANY ORNAMENTS FOR YOUR FlRE-STOVES ?

Little Flora (in great distress). " Oh, Mamma, look here ! Jack says it's Aunt Fax^tv ! She \s got on her Beautiful Ball-

Dkess wiih the Roses on it, and she's Stuck in the Chimney!"

i

THE CA.NA.DIAN VOLUNTEERS' SONG.

Air—" The Canadian Boat Song."

Fenian rogues, colleagued in crime,

Marauders, once more they liave tailed this time,
Scum of the earth, which alone to skim
The hangman is meet, aud base work for him !
Lo, brothers, lo, the thieves run fast,
The rascals off sheer, and the danger's past.

Whilst plunder's flag those foemen furl,

As high as a kick can a caitiff hurl,
The villains who that banner bore,
The frontier we foot, each scoundrel, o'er ;
Ho, brothers ho. the knaves run fast!
Their rifles, for fear, are behind them cast.

Up, away, skyward, trembling loon,
Aloft as far as the palefaced moon,
Shame of the Green Isle, Erin fair,
Erom tip of toe through fields of air !
So brothers, so the brute flies fast,
And won't he come down with a bump at last!

Brief, but Obscure.

Mrs. Malaprop spent the Queen's Birthday very pleasantly at
Hampton Court, listening to the band of the Lancets. But one thing
rather puzzled her. Certain busts were pointed out to her as those of
the Roman Emperors, Caesar aud Pompey and the rest of them ; and
yet she noticed that under every one was the word—objectionable
anywhere, but particularly so in such a place as Hampton Court
Palace—Imp.

WHOLESALE TOBACCO-STOPPERS.

We learn that at the annual meeting of the British Anti-Tobacco
Society—

"The report asserted that the lunatic asylu-ns were filled with persons
whose malady had been mainly produced by the use of tobacco. It also stated
that smokers were generally tipplers, and impervious to the truths of religion."

There is no great step, perhaps between insanity and atheism, for
lunatics and atheists alike are wanting reason. But the statement
that smokers are usually irreligious is not more true than the assertion
that they usually are lunatics. Either statement is as true, or it may be
as false, as the assumption that smokers are "generally tipplers ;" and
we are not surprised to find that the tobacco-stoppers should have
ended their report by sweepingly affirming that—

" The great majority of diseases afflicting mankind was produced by
smoking."

Doctors will, no doubt, attest the truth of this assertion. Everybody
knows, indeed, that scarlet fever, rheumatism, ague, gout, lumbago,
sciatica, sore-throat, neuralgia, tic-doloureux, dysentery, cholera, bron-
chitis, quinsy, asthma, toothache, small-pox, whooping-cough, aud
measles, are all diseases mainly resulting from tobacco. In genera^
estimation merely general assertions are held of little value; but this
fact is forgotten by the Anti-Smoke Society, who never seem to shrink
from going the whole hog in their protests against pig-tail.

Beware of Pickpockets

The House of Rothschild has issued the prospectus of a new
Spanish loan on the security of the Almaden quicksilver mines. Let
investors look at the present position of Spanish bondholders and be
wise. Spanish Governments may lead on quicksilver, but they pay in
remarkably slow gold.