Punch (63.1872)

166

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 19, 1872.

0>K

MIND AND MATTER.

Augustus (poetical). " Look, Edith ! How Lovely are those fleecy Cloudlets dappled over the-
Edith {prosaic). "Yes. 'Xactly like Gra.vy when it's getting Cold. Isn't it?'' II

A COMPANION TO THE BULL'S-EYE.
An inquest was held on Wednesday last week on the body of an

DRAWING THE LINE.
" Ladies' United Service Club, for Widows, Wives, and Daughters of

old man named Cooney found dead iu a police-cell. CoONEY had Officers oi the Army and Navy. Age of admission not to exceed 39
been locked up on the previous Monday night by a police officer on ! ^hy this cruel restriction to " thirty-nine " ? Why exclude forty

a charge of drunkenness—because he had found him lying insensible
in the street. The insensibility of the deceased, whose drunkenness
had been taken for granted, was found, on examination post mortem,
to have been caused by a fracture of the skull, which had been
broken in two places, evidently by assault. It is bad enough to be
drunk and incapable, but incapability combined with sobriety is too
bad ; at least when a sober but incapable person is entrusted with
duties which seriously affect other people, duties like those of a
Policeman. A Policeman who cannot distinguish between the
insensibility of drunkenness and that produced by a fracture of the
skull broken in two places, must, if not himself very far from
sober, be very incapable indeed. Can no ingenious medical mechan-
ician devise a what-shall-w«-say—methysometer—an instrument
whereby to measure drunkenness, for the use of sober but incapable
Policemen P

Military Intelligence.

The War Office is advertising for tenders for the supply of
American Drill." Are we going to make our Army, in its training,
a copy of that in the United States ? If so, Honorary Colonels and
others, who are averse to change, will be glad to hear that "the
Secretary of State for War does not bind himself to accept the low-
est or any tender." (N.B. The Italics do not appear in the Adver-
tisement.)

"unprovoked assault.

The conduct of the Navy does not appear to be altogether unex-
ceptionable. A report has reached us within the last twenty-four
hours, of an officer high in the service—in fact, an Admiral—so far
forgetting himself as actually to strike his flag.'

—dear " fat, fair, and forty " ? Mr. Punch, who has thousands of
admirers of the only sex worth thinking about, who, he fears, will
never see thirty-nine again, pauses for a reply, and will only wait
a certain time for an answer. At its expiration, he intends to
"apply personally" " for particulars " at the address indicated in
the advertisement, and if the explanation as to this preference for
the figure " 39 " (can it have any reference to the Articles ?) is not
satisfactory, he will at once " promote " a rival Club with no limita-
tion of age—Mr. Punch gives no such assurance as to capital—
where forty will be as welcome as thirty, and fifty as forty, where
youth, and age, and " a certain age " will all be equally admissible
for Ballot; where, in a word, no one connected with the manage-
ment will ever be so indiscreet as to ask any questions at all on such
a delicate point as a lady's age. Mr. Punch would like to know
how many of the candidates for admission to the "Ladies' United
Service [? Matrimony] Club" will be found, on their own con-
fession, to be thirty-nine !

Teach, the Teachers.

Lord Houghton is a good friend to Ecclesia, in spite of a certain
clever saying about "that department of the Civil Service called
the Church of England." At the Congress at Leeds, where every-
body was suggesting everything for the benefit of the Establishment,
Lord Houghton gently proposed "The general Education of the
Clergy." Rem acu.

an emerald.

Says Dennis : —" I carry me purse in me hat;
And I'd like to see who'll pick a pocket like that."