DOI Heft:
July 19, 1873
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16937#0033
July 19, 1873.]
21
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
I
THE SERVANTS.
Mistress. “Jane, remember you must Go for the Children at Nine
o’clock, as the Patty breaks up at that Hour.”
Under Nurse. “ Please, ’M, I don’t think I can get there till my Botany
Class is over, and that’s seldom before Half-past Nine ! ! ! ”
[The Mistress of course “ Jcneiv her ’place," and said no \more !
TAUSTUS SECUNDUS.
No, thank yon, Mephistopheles; no ;
Not were it gratis, and although
Yourself Saint Michael, would I drain
That cup and live life o’er again.
1^ played my best; should I rehearse
The game, perchance might play it worse.
Nor would I, at an angel! s hand,
The gift, could I obtain, demand
Of youth restored in this new day,
On its fresh course to make my way.
Could I have wealth, too, then, in truth,
I’d choose the wealth without the youth.
For I have lived, and lived to see
Out much of all life’s good for me.
And each succeeding day destroys
Some remnant of my former joys—
Wilds are enclosed, and towns increase,
With thraldom under the Police.
I envy not the boys I know.
They trespass now where I could go,
In better days, with rod or gun,
Best days of life now nearly done!
Then Prigs’ and Pedants’ petty rule
Restricted no one out of school.
Poor struggling lad, condemned to cram
For, as the clipped word goes, “ exam.,”
Not to pursue his mind’s own bent,
But plod in grooves for dullards meant,
Then in the crowded fold to strive,
Or scramble in the swarming hive !
Of making money there’s no end
Now the rule is to grasp and spend.
I would not have my lease of life
Renewed, that I a house and wife.
With ceaseless wear of heart and brain,
In ostentation might maintain.
Yon vision tempts not me ; doth scare
With high-heeled hoofs and storied hair.
I need no angels to defend
And save me from the “ Grecian bend.”
Besides, would not again be taught
How fast all beauty falls to naught.
HYDROPHOBIA INSURANCE.
What a pity it is that the Government have given a merely local application
to their grand discovery that hydrophobia is preventible by preventing dogs from
going into the water ! To be sure the Dog-days continue to be so named because
we now know that dogs go,mad in them less frequently than anywhen else ;
but still a few cases of canine rabies may occur for want of, whereas they
might have been assuredly precluded by, sufficient precaution. At present the
only sure precaution taken against that horrid disease is limited to the Parks.
There, indeed, it is rigidly enforced by the Police, who are empowered to
restrict the liberty of dogs and their' masters with a high hand, if they are
instructed to let demagogues, supported by mobs, spout sedition unmolested.
But no steps whatsoever have been taken to prevent persons from sending
their dogs into the Thames, and there dogs go in and swim away without re-
straint, how hot soever the weather is. Even the Thames, though, is only a
partial tract of water, whence the exclusion of dogs could only hinder the
generation of hydryjihobia to a corresponding extent. Totally and entirely to
accomplish that important purpose, it is necessary that official notices should
be posted all over the United Kingdom warning all owners of dogs never to
wash them, and not to let them go into the water ever at all; and, moreover,
to _ make these measures the more certainly efficacious in keeping dogs from
going mad, it might be as well to append to them a recommendation to let no
dog have any water to drink. At present, to be sure, any admonition to the
foregoing effect would be merely hortatory ; but, before the end of the Session,
in thin Houses, when none but Ministerial Members attend, and they attend to
nothing but Ministerial designs, it would be easy to push a short Bill through
each House of Parliament to deprive dogs of access to water ; imposing penalties
for disobedience to its provisions, for the observance of which to issue an edict
instantly would doubtless be to Mr. Ayrton, if authorised, a labour of love.
Classic Epithet for a Useeul Class.—The London Carmen—“ Miserabile
Carmen.”
When you the draught of youth could sell,
A brave world ’twas wherein to dwell.
Its traces, left within my day,
Have faded well-nigh all away.
No, Bogy; not for this old man
Youth’s potion; though ’twere Chambertin !
FINAL CAUSE OF A FIRE.
Here is a cutting from a newspaper:—
“Alexandra Palace.—The Gardeners' Magazine proposes
that the ruins of the Palace on Muswell Hill should be pre-
served, and that another site within the grounds should be
selected for the new building it is intended to erect. Our horti-
cultural contemporary appears to regard the ruins as provi-
dentially provided for a display of ivies and other climbing plants
proper to ruins and historical sites.”
Assent to the idea of a special providence, as proposed
by Hamlet, is consistent with scepticism as to that of a
particular instance of providential design, imagined by
some one else. Ivies and climbing plants, by pre-arrange-
ments of creation, spring upon ruins; but that certain
ruins have been “providentially provided” by a cala-
mitous fire to accommodate future creepers is open to
doubt. If they are allowed to stand for that purpose,
assurance should first have been obtained, from a careful
survey, that they may be trusted for standing. Or else,
one of these days, when the People are wandering, or
Eienicking, or dancing among the ivy-clad ruins on the
istorical site of the Alexandra Palace, the ivy-clad
ruins will perhaps tumble down upon the People’s heads,
and somebody will then take occasion to say that “ for
this among the rest were they ordained.”
i
21
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
I
THE SERVANTS.
Mistress. “Jane, remember you must Go for the Children at Nine
o’clock, as the Patty breaks up at that Hour.”
Under Nurse. “ Please, ’M, I don’t think I can get there till my Botany
Class is over, and that’s seldom before Half-past Nine ! ! ! ”
[The Mistress of course “ Jcneiv her ’place," and said no \more !
TAUSTUS SECUNDUS.
No, thank yon, Mephistopheles; no ;
Not were it gratis, and although
Yourself Saint Michael, would I drain
That cup and live life o’er again.
1^ played my best; should I rehearse
The game, perchance might play it worse.
Nor would I, at an angel! s hand,
The gift, could I obtain, demand
Of youth restored in this new day,
On its fresh course to make my way.
Could I have wealth, too, then, in truth,
I’d choose the wealth without the youth.
For I have lived, and lived to see
Out much of all life’s good for me.
And each succeeding day destroys
Some remnant of my former joys—
Wilds are enclosed, and towns increase,
With thraldom under the Police.
I envy not the boys I know.
They trespass now where I could go,
In better days, with rod or gun,
Best days of life now nearly done!
Then Prigs’ and Pedants’ petty rule
Restricted no one out of school.
Poor struggling lad, condemned to cram
For, as the clipped word goes, “ exam.,”
Not to pursue his mind’s own bent,
But plod in grooves for dullards meant,
Then in the crowded fold to strive,
Or scramble in the swarming hive !
Of making money there’s no end
Now the rule is to grasp and spend.
I would not have my lease of life
Renewed, that I a house and wife.
With ceaseless wear of heart and brain,
In ostentation might maintain.
Yon vision tempts not me ; doth scare
With high-heeled hoofs and storied hair.
I need no angels to defend
And save me from the “ Grecian bend.”
Besides, would not again be taught
How fast all beauty falls to naught.
HYDROPHOBIA INSURANCE.
What a pity it is that the Government have given a merely local application
to their grand discovery that hydrophobia is preventible by preventing dogs from
going into the water ! To be sure the Dog-days continue to be so named because
we now know that dogs go,mad in them less frequently than anywhen else ;
but still a few cases of canine rabies may occur for want of, whereas they
might have been assuredly precluded by, sufficient precaution. At present the
only sure precaution taken against that horrid disease is limited to the Parks.
There, indeed, it is rigidly enforced by the Police, who are empowered to
restrict the liberty of dogs and their' masters with a high hand, if they are
instructed to let demagogues, supported by mobs, spout sedition unmolested.
But no steps whatsoever have been taken to prevent persons from sending
their dogs into the Thames, and there dogs go in and swim away without re-
straint, how hot soever the weather is. Even the Thames, though, is only a
partial tract of water, whence the exclusion of dogs could only hinder the
generation of hydryjihobia to a corresponding extent. Totally and entirely to
accomplish that important purpose, it is necessary that official notices should
be posted all over the United Kingdom warning all owners of dogs never to
wash them, and not to let them go into the water ever at all; and, moreover,
to _ make these measures the more certainly efficacious in keeping dogs from
going mad, it might be as well to append to them a recommendation to let no
dog have any water to drink. At present, to be sure, any admonition to the
foregoing effect would be merely hortatory ; but, before the end of the Session,
in thin Houses, when none but Ministerial Members attend, and they attend to
nothing but Ministerial designs, it would be easy to push a short Bill through
each House of Parliament to deprive dogs of access to water ; imposing penalties
for disobedience to its provisions, for the observance of which to issue an edict
instantly would doubtless be to Mr. Ayrton, if authorised, a labour of love.
Classic Epithet for a Useeul Class.—The London Carmen—“ Miserabile
Carmen.”
When you the draught of youth could sell,
A brave world ’twas wherein to dwell.
Its traces, left within my day,
Have faded well-nigh all away.
No, Bogy; not for this old man
Youth’s potion; though ’twere Chambertin !
FINAL CAUSE OF A FIRE.
Here is a cutting from a newspaper:—
“Alexandra Palace.—The Gardeners' Magazine proposes
that the ruins of the Palace on Muswell Hill should be pre-
served, and that another site within the grounds should be
selected for the new building it is intended to erect. Our horti-
cultural contemporary appears to regard the ruins as provi-
dentially provided for a display of ivies and other climbing plants
proper to ruins and historical sites.”
Assent to the idea of a special providence, as proposed
by Hamlet, is consistent with scepticism as to that of a
particular instance of providential design, imagined by
some one else. Ivies and climbing plants, by pre-arrange-
ments of creation, spring upon ruins; but that certain
ruins have been “providentially provided” by a cala-
mitous fire to accommodate future creepers is open to
doubt. If they are allowed to stand for that purpose,
assurance should first have been obtained, from a careful
survey, that they may be trusted for standing. Or else,
one of these days, when the People are wandering, or
Eienicking, or dancing among the ivy-clad ruins on the
istorical site of the Alexandra Palace, the ivy-clad
ruins will perhaps tumble down upon the People’s heads,
and somebody will then take occasion to say that “ for
this among the rest were they ordained.”
i