Punch (65.1873)

October 11, 1873.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

141

POLITICAL ECONOMY.

Madge. “What are you Looking so Sorry about, Arthur?”
Arthur. “ Mul tip rig a tion !’ ’

Madge. “ 0, I know all about Multiplication 1 ”

Arthur. “Do you? What’s Twice Ten, then?”

Madge. “ 0, Twenty-One, of course ! ”

Arthur. “No, it’s not! It’s only Twenty/”

Madge. “Ah, but everything’s riz, you know!”

STRONG-MINDED SOCIAL SCIENCE.

There are two subjects in connection with the Rights of Women, and their
interests, which might have been discussed by the Social Science Congress, but
have not.

Next year, perhaps, these omissions will be supplied; unless Progress shall
have anticipated the Reforms which have failed to be advocated.

A paper then will, otherwise, perhaps, be read, urging the necessity for the
enactment of a Permissive Prohibitory Marriage Bill, to limit the number of
churches and other places licensed in any district for the celebration or perform-
ance of matrimony. In this essay will be pointed out and demonstrated the
right of women to be protected from their own weakness, which makes them
consent to be reduced to matrimonial slavery. Attention will also be directed
to the need of a, measure tending to limit the continually increasing population,
which makes life less pleasant and more expensive every day, and will, if not
checked, make Posterity so numerous as to be a burden to itself.

An address will, perhaps, also be delivered by a lady endowed with superior
strength of mind, suggesting the expediency of extending Woman’s mission by
employing women, willing and able to officiate, in the capacity of executioner.
For this step in the direction of Progress might be advanced the argument that
a task, in which all gentleness consistent with efficiency is desirable, would be
wisely intrusted to the gentler sex. An additional suggestion that could be
made is that in pursuance of analogy, which couples the opposite sexes in the
antagonistic relation of marriage and that of dancing, Mr. Ketch should have
his ministrations limited to female offenders, whilst the feminine Finisher of
the Law should be appointed to finish it upon good-for-nothing men.

Damages for Damages.

To the Wild Irishman and the Flying Scotchman hath come the grief so
often and so patiently endured by the Tame Englishman. Let us hope that
justice will be served out hot by the Avenging Juryman.

LYRIC EOR LORD LUSK.

He’s the Coming Lord Mayor,

And he cometh from where
Flow the Clyde, and the Spey, and the Usk;
Let’s strike up a song,

To a tune on the gong,

In praise of brave Alderman Lusk.

He says he’s “ thick-skinned,”

But he shall not be pinned
To a word that’s as rough as a husk.

He means he don’t mind
Any joke, free and kind,

So here’s one for Alderman Lusk.

If he asks us to dine,

We will eat and will wine,

Till there’s pressure on waistcoat and busk ;
And My Lord’s Loving Cup
Punch and Dame will suck up,

To the health of his Lordship, bold Lusk.

We’ll come dressed very swell,

And emitting a smell
Of patchouli, otto, and musk;

Or less old-fashioned scent
On our wipes will be sprent
For our banquet with excellent Lusk.

But his life’s not all glee ;

He must sit, don’t you see,

From ten in the morning till dusk.

And serve justice out, hot,

To knave, blockhead, and sot:

No sinecure, eh, jolly Lusk ?

He ’ll detect lies and crams.

Into bubbles and shams
He ’ll run, let us hope, a keen tusk;

And swindlers, who go
For a “ Limited Co.”

He ’ll limit to Quod, the stern Lusk.

And now, noble friend,

This soft lyric must end,

Our throat is as ary as a rusk;

So, “ Hip, hip, hooray ! ”

Is the last we shall say
For the present, in re Andrew Lusk.

TRAGL-COMIC INTELLIGENCE.

A Foreign Gentleman the other day committed a rash
act in an hotel at an English watering-place. He left
behind him a scrap of paper whereon were traced the
following words:—

“I have been drugged last night in my drink. I am discon-
sol. I am rob all mon l’argent and mon watch d’or. I take my
life deliberate.”

The newspaper paragraph which contains the foregoing
inscription is headed “ Tragical Death.” Every instance
of death is of course an event more or less tragical; but
to render that epithet peculiarly apposite in any parti-
cular case, that case ought, one thinks, to be a case in
which any peculiarity savouring of antithesis to tragedy
is not very conspicuous. Broken English, interlarded
with French, produces an effect which can hardly, in
any circumstances, be regarded as other than comical.

Tunnel under the Sea.

{From, a Correspondent.)

They’ve advanced a step in this matter, I am glad
to read, though I don’t know who “they” may mean.
But shall we ever go to Boulogne from Folkestone by a
Tunnel ? 0 happy day! But tell that to the Sub-
Marines. I will subscribe willingly to it as a Season
ticket-holder, for being afraid to cross by boat, I am
always habitans in sicco. But, on board, I’m more
habitans in sicko than ever. Hurry ’em up and oblige.

Communicated.—A “ Home Ruler ”—My Wife.