DOI Heft:
December 13, 1873
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16937#0245
December 13, 1873.]
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
233
LAVISH !
Absent Man o' Business. “ 0, Me.—
me one Minute ? Take a Seat-Pray take a Chair
Meek Client. “ Thank you, I have one
(forgets his Name), will you Excuse
•Take a-”
Man o' Business. “That’s all Plight, — take Another! !”
OUR NATIVE ALLIES.
Wash me white, Sar, if I knows
Which am wussar, friends or foes.
’Fore, foe.charge me in de wind ;
Friend, him prod me on behind.
Guns ahead, but pistol near,
Pointed to dis nigger’s ear.
Shot hit harder dan a pebble:
Hurt’um like de berry debble.
P’raps de brains at once him scatter.
’Pose de shin him smash and shatter ?
Den de punishment more hitter
For a miserabobble critter.
Wot’s de nigger’s consolation
For him death or amputation P
’Cause him fight well here below
Goin’ whar good niggers go P
Yolly ! fust make dat thar out
Berry sure beyond all doubt.
Dogs, and white inferior races,
’Cause dem don’t tink, danger faces.
Rigger, he foresees objection,
’Cause him gifted with reflection.
Dat’s de reason him skedaddle
Fast and far as him can straddle.
Ob all critters, wot got most
Desprit curridge am a post.
Plant a post, and dere him stay.
Post him nehber run away,
’Cause why post him noways clebber;
Can’t tink nohow wotsomedebber.
Rigger man, possessed ob reason,
Turn him back in danger’s season,
’Cept when danger’s in de place
More at back dan in de face;
Pistol bully, bagnet-pick,
Or uncomforable kick.
Rigger fight instead of fly,
Sartain if him bolt him die.
Dere’s a chance for him in front;
Den him brave de battle’s brunt—
—Intelleck am so much bigger
Dan de passiums in de nigger.
EACTS AND FIGURES.
For the use of our own Statistical Society.
A Gentleman, in easy circumstances, residing in Belgravia, has
made the computation that Society at present owes him sixty-nine
Umbrellas, of the value in the aggregate of £53 8s. 6c?., which he
has left at various houses, or which on various pretexts have been
borrowed or abstracted from him, since he first set up housekeeping
a score of years ago.
Rotwithstanding the admirable Lectures upon Cookery, which
have excited such sensation in the fashionable world, it is believed
that at the present time only one (so-advertised) “professed ” Cook
out of fifty, wanting forty pounds a year, besides her tea and beer,
knows how to fry a sole crisp, or to dry-boil a potato, or to serve a
savoury omelette, which tastes of anything hut mildew, garlic,
grease, and superannuated eggs.
The worth of Wedding Presents has been variously estimated.
In certainly not more than thirteen cases in a hundred, the orna-
mental nick-nacks which have been selected have proved to be con-
structed of sufficient durability to last above a twelvemonth : while
the gifts which have been chosen for their positive utility have been
found upon the average scarce exceeding two per cent.
Out of five-and-twenty Cabmen, privately examined, eighteen
have alleged that, when they think it practicable, they always
charge for babies; six have stated that their rule is not to smoke
inside their cabs while waiting for a lady; eleven have declared
that they expect no extra pay for carrying in the luggage when
there is a footman present; thirteen have protested that they never
pawn left articles, not even silk umbrellas; and not fewer than
seven have professed their perfect willingness to depose on oath that
under no temptation ever have they overcharged a foreigner.
A Railway Guard computes, as the result of his own personal ex-
perience, that the fines which should be levied upon ladies of good
family, who fraudulently manage to smuggle in their lap-dogs,
beneath their cloaks and wrappers, without paying for a dog’s
ticket, exceed, upon the average, twenty thousand pounds a year.
At a Circulating Library of extensive reputation it has been shown
that ninety-three per cent, of novel-readers always turn the leaf down
when they want to mark their place, and that only two per cent, of
them have sufficient education or mental self-command to abstain
from under-scoring, or making foolish marginal reflections on the
text.
At the Cattle Show last year there were present at one time a
dozen Yegetarians, who had never since their babyhood tasted a
beefsteak.
It has been calculated lately, by a careful Statistician, that the
value of the bouquets thrown last season at the Opera, in round
numbers, amounted to eleven thousand pounds.
The Lodgers having Latchkeys at loose in the Metropolis amount,
it is believed, to one hundred and fifty thousand, seven hundred
and sixteen.
Guesses have been made as to the value of the “perquisites”
claimed yearly by the Cooks at the West End ; but it is feared that
the Police are, at present, too much interested to permit of their
collecting statistics on the subject.
London and Elsewhere.
The omnibus- and cab-men have held a meeting to deprecate the
further employment of asphalte as a pavement for the streets of
London. Among comic Irish melodies once popular there was one
in which occurs the protestation that
“London, agrah ! is the divil’s own shop.”
The asphalte pavement was designed for the abatement of noise ;
but the horses go down on it. It was laid with good intentions, but
thus, so far as it extends, the pavement of London appears to
resemble that of the locality referred to in the foregoing line.
Yon. 65.
8—2
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
233
LAVISH !
Absent Man o' Business. “ 0, Me.—
me one Minute ? Take a Seat-Pray take a Chair
Meek Client. “ Thank you, I have one
(forgets his Name), will you Excuse
•Take a-”
Man o' Business. “That’s all Plight, — take Another! !”
OUR NATIVE ALLIES.
Wash me white, Sar, if I knows
Which am wussar, friends or foes.
’Fore, foe.charge me in de wind ;
Friend, him prod me on behind.
Guns ahead, but pistol near,
Pointed to dis nigger’s ear.
Shot hit harder dan a pebble:
Hurt’um like de berry debble.
P’raps de brains at once him scatter.
’Pose de shin him smash and shatter ?
Den de punishment more hitter
For a miserabobble critter.
Wot’s de nigger’s consolation
For him death or amputation P
’Cause him fight well here below
Goin’ whar good niggers go P
Yolly ! fust make dat thar out
Berry sure beyond all doubt.
Dogs, and white inferior races,
’Cause dem don’t tink, danger faces.
Rigger, he foresees objection,
’Cause him gifted with reflection.
Dat’s de reason him skedaddle
Fast and far as him can straddle.
Ob all critters, wot got most
Desprit curridge am a post.
Plant a post, and dere him stay.
Post him nehber run away,
’Cause why post him noways clebber;
Can’t tink nohow wotsomedebber.
Rigger man, possessed ob reason,
Turn him back in danger’s season,
’Cept when danger’s in de place
More at back dan in de face;
Pistol bully, bagnet-pick,
Or uncomforable kick.
Rigger fight instead of fly,
Sartain if him bolt him die.
Dere’s a chance for him in front;
Den him brave de battle’s brunt—
—Intelleck am so much bigger
Dan de passiums in de nigger.
EACTS AND FIGURES.
For the use of our own Statistical Society.
A Gentleman, in easy circumstances, residing in Belgravia, has
made the computation that Society at present owes him sixty-nine
Umbrellas, of the value in the aggregate of £53 8s. 6c?., which he
has left at various houses, or which on various pretexts have been
borrowed or abstracted from him, since he first set up housekeeping
a score of years ago.
Rotwithstanding the admirable Lectures upon Cookery, which
have excited such sensation in the fashionable world, it is believed
that at the present time only one (so-advertised) “professed ” Cook
out of fifty, wanting forty pounds a year, besides her tea and beer,
knows how to fry a sole crisp, or to dry-boil a potato, or to serve a
savoury omelette, which tastes of anything hut mildew, garlic,
grease, and superannuated eggs.
The worth of Wedding Presents has been variously estimated.
In certainly not more than thirteen cases in a hundred, the orna-
mental nick-nacks which have been selected have proved to be con-
structed of sufficient durability to last above a twelvemonth : while
the gifts which have been chosen for their positive utility have been
found upon the average scarce exceeding two per cent.
Out of five-and-twenty Cabmen, privately examined, eighteen
have alleged that, when they think it practicable, they always
charge for babies; six have stated that their rule is not to smoke
inside their cabs while waiting for a lady; eleven have declared
that they expect no extra pay for carrying in the luggage when
there is a footman present; thirteen have protested that they never
pawn left articles, not even silk umbrellas; and not fewer than
seven have professed their perfect willingness to depose on oath that
under no temptation ever have they overcharged a foreigner.
A Railway Guard computes, as the result of his own personal ex-
perience, that the fines which should be levied upon ladies of good
family, who fraudulently manage to smuggle in their lap-dogs,
beneath their cloaks and wrappers, without paying for a dog’s
ticket, exceed, upon the average, twenty thousand pounds a year.
At a Circulating Library of extensive reputation it has been shown
that ninety-three per cent, of novel-readers always turn the leaf down
when they want to mark their place, and that only two per cent, of
them have sufficient education or mental self-command to abstain
from under-scoring, or making foolish marginal reflections on the
text.
At the Cattle Show last year there were present at one time a
dozen Yegetarians, who had never since their babyhood tasted a
beefsteak.
It has been calculated lately, by a careful Statistician, that the
value of the bouquets thrown last season at the Opera, in round
numbers, amounted to eleven thousand pounds.
The Lodgers having Latchkeys at loose in the Metropolis amount,
it is believed, to one hundred and fifty thousand, seven hundred
and sixteen.
Guesses have been made as to the value of the “perquisites”
claimed yearly by the Cooks at the West End ; but it is feared that
the Police are, at present, too much interested to permit of their
collecting statistics on the subject.
London and Elsewhere.
The omnibus- and cab-men have held a meeting to deprecate the
further employment of asphalte as a pavement for the streets of
London. Among comic Irish melodies once popular there was one
in which occurs the protestation that
“London, agrah ! is the divil’s own shop.”
The asphalte pavement was designed for the abatement of noise ;
but the horses go down on it. It was laid with good intentions, but
thus, so far as it extends, the pavement of London appears to
resemble that of the locality referred to in the foregoing line.
Yon. 65.
8—2