DOI Heft:
August 2, 1873
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16937#0053
August 2, 1873.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
41
IMPERTINENT YOUTH.
(.A Song of Sympathy.')
Returning home one eve, of late,
I mused on life’s decreasing span.
There passed by me a living freight
Of parish children in a van.
How they did laugh, and cheer, and shout!
Had liquor loosed each infant’s tongue F
I never laughed and roared without
Having had too much, old or young.
And, as I cast at them an eye,
They waved, as though to catch my sight,
Their hands and handkerchiefs on high,
In testimony of delight.
But on my mind there dawns a thought,
Whose truth may probable appear ;
Perhaps those children had been taught,
And schooled, and drilled, to shout and cheer.
More joy than children can contain
I understand, if that can be,
That they might vent in acts insane;
But why make signs of it to me ?
Shelfungus.
WORSE THAN “A PLAIN COOK.”
“ Plain Woman wanted, to assist a Lady in Housework, for
Two Rooms rent-free. References.”
The lady who publishes this Want must he of a highly
sanguine temperament if she expects to receive a single
answer to her advertisement. She cannot hut he alto-
gether ignorant of her own sex, to imagine for one
moment that any member of it would ever acknowledge
herself to be that “impossible she a “ plain woman ” !
The “references” will not he required. It would he
idle for us to give the address. It will never he wanted.
THE PASSIONATE PILGRIM.”
Enthusiastic Pedestrian. “Am I on the Right Road for Stratford,—
Shakspeare’s Town, you know, my Man. You’ve often heard of Shak-
SPEARE ? ”
Rustic. ‘ ‘ Ees. Be you he ? ”
THE donkey’s QUESTION.
The announcement of every new discovery of which
the use cannot he at once foreseen is met with a bray.
The Latin for ee-haw is “ Cui bono f ”
NEW CODE OE HEALTH.
Mr. Punch sees advertised “ The Ten Laws of Health.” He has
not read the little work, and disclaims all intention of rivalry in
putting forth his own views on the all-important subject of which it
treats. But the interest he feels in every sanitary movement must
he his excuse for making known to the world a few simple rules
which he has never known to fail, when rigidly observed, and
perseveringly attended to :—
1. Winter and summer, spring and autumn, always take your
breakfast in bed.
2. In eating and drinking, deny yourself nothing which you
fancy. .Inclination is the only safe rule in these cases.
3.. A light supper is your best safeguard against sleeplessness, indi-
gestion, dreams of unpaid hills and poor relations, and other noctur-
nal disturbances. A lobster, or a buttered crab, or some pickled
salmon, or a nice veal cutlet, or, if there is nothing else at hand, a
hearty meal of toasted cheese, will have a wonderful effect upon you,
and cause you to feel in the morning quite another man.
4. Thick soles to hoots and shoes would he a laughable mistake, if
they did not lead to such deplorable consequences. They make the
wearer uncomfortable, and cause the feet to present an unsightly
appearance. Besides, the noise they produce inflicts positive harm
on persons of sensitive nerves.
5. Never get up later than twelve. Never go to bed after three.
Nine hours’ sleep is enough for anyone. Perhaps a simpler rule is
never to get up or to go to bed until you feel disposed.
6. If you have the chance of riding, do not waste time, and tissue,
and. hoot and shoe-leather by walking. Those old-fashioned notions
which some people still entertain about the necessity of exercise
only show how long a superstition will linger on.
7. It js only necessary to think of the incredible number of young
and delicate females who go out to dinners, dances, and other evening
“ntertainments, at the most inclement periods of the year, lightly
and airily clad, to be convinced that it is sheer nonsense to take
precautions against damp and the night air.
8. If business, or some other disagreeable necessity, compels you
to breakfast early and dine late, on no account he induced to eat
anything in the interval. Dinner is far too important an occurrence
to be encountered with a demoralised appetite.
9. Always sleep after dinner, and, if you have the opportunity,
after luncheon (which should he hot and heavy) as well.
10. If you must pay attention to your diet, restrict yourself to
pork, veal, curries and other highly-seasoned, dishes, broad beans,
pickles, pine-apples, salmon ana cucumber, ices, sweets, filberts,
buttered toast, pastry in profusion, and all Lsorts of cool cups and
summer beverages.
Platform Amalgamation.
It is proposed that the United Kingdom Alliance, the Temperance
League, the Anti-Tobacco Society, and all the other confederacies
for minding other peoples’ business, shall amalgamate themselves
together into one comprehensive hand of busybodies, under the
name of “The Pragmatic Association.”
THE LOVED AND LOST.
They whom the gods love die young; so ’tis said,
Yet they are mostly mourned by friends bereft.
But very few lament old people dead,
Save some they leave behind with nought else left.
CURIOUS AND TRUE.
Considering the antipathy to swine which is the characteristic of
the ancient Hebrew religion, it is at least strange that the place
chosen by the Jews for their cemetery should he at West Ham.
Von. 65.
2—2
41
IMPERTINENT YOUTH.
(.A Song of Sympathy.')
Returning home one eve, of late,
I mused on life’s decreasing span.
There passed by me a living freight
Of parish children in a van.
How they did laugh, and cheer, and shout!
Had liquor loosed each infant’s tongue F
I never laughed and roared without
Having had too much, old or young.
And, as I cast at them an eye,
They waved, as though to catch my sight,
Their hands and handkerchiefs on high,
In testimony of delight.
But on my mind there dawns a thought,
Whose truth may probable appear ;
Perhaps those children had been taught,
And schooled, and drilled, to shout and cheer.
More joy than children can contain
I understand, if that can be,
That they might vent in acts insane;
But why make signs of it to me ?
Shelfungus.
WORSE THAN “A PLAIN COOK.”
“ Plain Woman wanted, to assist a Lady in Housework, for
Two Rooms rent-free. References.”
The lady who publishes this Want must he of a highly
sanguine temperament if she expects to receive a single
answer to her advertisement. She cannot hut he alto-
gether ignorant of her own sex, to imagine for one
moment that any member of it would ever acknowledge
herself to be that “impossible she a “ plain woman ” !
The “references” will not he required. It would he
idle for us to give the address. It will never he wanted.
THE PASSIONATE PILGRIM.”
Enthusiastic Pedestrian. “Am I on the Right Road for Stratford,—
Shakspeare’s Town, you know, my Man. You’ve often heard of Shak-
SPEARE ? ”
Rustic. ‘ ‘ Ees. Be you he ? ”
THE donkey’s QUESTION.
The announcement of every new discovery of which
the use cannot he at once foreseen is met with a bray.
The Latin for ee-haw is “ Cui bono f ”
NEW CODE OE HEALTH.
Mr. Punch sees advertised “ The Ten Laws of Health.” He has
not read the little work, and disclaims all intention of rivalry in
putting forth his own views on the all-important subject of which it
treats. But the interest he feels in every sanitary movement must
he his excuse for making known to the world a few simple rules
which he has never known to fail, when rigidly observed, and
perseveringly attended to :—
1. Winter and summer, spring and autumn, always take your
breakfast in bed.
2. In eating and drinking, deny yourself nothing which you
fancy. .Inclination is the only safe rule in these cases.
3.. A light supper is your best safeguard against sleeplessness, indi-
gestion, dreams of unpaid hills and poor relations, and other noctur-
nal disturbances. A lobster, or a buttered crab, or some pickled
salmon, or a nice veal cutlet, or, if there is nothing else at hand, a
hearty meal of toasted cheese, will have a wonderful effect upon you,
and cause you to feel in the morning quite another man.
4. Thick soles to hoots and shoes would he a laughable mistake, if
they did not lead to such deplorable consequences. They make the
wearer uncomfortable, and cause the feet to present an unsightly
appearance. Besides, the noise they produce inflicts positive harm
on persons of sensitive nerves.
5. Never get up later than twelve. Never go to bed after three.
Nine hours’ sleep is enough for anyone. Perhaps a simpler rule is
never to get up or to go to bed until you feel disposed.
6. If you have the chance of riding, do not waste time, and tissue,
and. hoot and shoe-leather by walking. Those old-fashioned notions
which some people still entertain about the necessity of exercise
only show how long a superstition will linger on.
7. It js only necessary to think of the incredible number of young
and delicate females who go out to dinners, dances, and other evening
“ntertainments, at the most inclement periods of the year, lightly
and airily clad, to be convinced that it is sheer nonsense to take
precautions against damp and the night air.
8. If business, or some other disagreeable necessity, compels you
to breakfast early and dine late, on no account he induced to eat
anything in the interval. Dinner is far too important an occurrence
to be encountered with a demoralised appetite.
9. Always sleep after dinner, and, if you have the opportunity,
after luncheon (which should he hot and heavy) as well.
10. If you must pay attention to your diet, restrict yourself to
pork, veal, curries and other highly-seasoned, dishes, broad beans,
pickles, pine-apples, salmon ana cucumber, ices, sweets, filberts,
buttered toast, pastry in profusion, and all Lsorts of cool cups and
summer beverages.
Platform Amalgamation.
It is proposed that the United Kingdom Alliance, the Temperance
League, the Anti-Tobacco Society, and all the other confederacies
for minding other peoples’ business, shall amalgamate themselves
together into one comprehensive hand of busybodies, under the
name of “The Pragmatic Association.”
THE LOVED AND LOST.
They whom the gods love die young; so ’tis said,
Yet they are mostly mourned by friends bereft.
But very few lament old people dead,
Save some they leave behind with nought else left.
CURIOUS AND TRUE.
Considering the antipathy to swine which is the characteristic of
the ancient Hebrew religion, it is at least strange that the place
chosen by the Jews for their cemetery should he at West Ham.
Von. 65.
2—2