DOI issue:
August 2, 1873
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16937#0061
August 2, 1873.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
49
IGNATIUS IN CONTEMPT.
(See Todd v. Todd.)
0 CONTUMACIOUS
Father Ignatius,
Not a sagacious
Donkey, to fly,
Bumptious, audacious,
My goodness gracious!
Slap in minacious
Chancery’s eye.
To pertinacious
Coxcombs, vexatious,
Maxuns mordacious
Teeth can apply.
Pooh, coriaceous-
Headed, fallacious
Mock-Monk Ignatius,
Eat humble pie!
Two of a Name.
PARSING, AND NO MISTAKE.
0, Aunty!!” “Well, Dear?” “Why, he said, ‘What’s the next Article?’
“Well, Dear?” “Why, he should say Noun, not Article.”
Mrs. Malaprop has had a great disap-
pointment. In the advertised programme
of the International Exhibition she read,
“ Organ Performance (Mr. Gladstone),
1.30.” She immediately started off to
Kensington, full of delight at the thought
of having her long cherished desire' to see
and hear one of whom she had heard and
read so much at last realised. After the
music was over, some officious busybody
destroyed all the poor old soul’s pleasure by
telling her that the performer was not the
Prime Minister.
NONCONFORMIST DELUSION.
So the friends of Mr. Miaul have pre-
sented him with a testimonial in the shape
of £10,000. They evidently flatter them-
selves that the Honourable Gentleman has
done a valuable deal of mischief to the
Established Church.
MEM. BY A COUNTRY COCKNEY.
A Cockney drops his “ ’H,” and a
Countryman carries his A.
A DREADFUL SCENE OE DRINKING.
The annual National Temperance fete, was celebrated on Tuesday
last week at the Crystal Palace. According to the Times :—
“ ‘ By arrangement,’ no beer or other intoxicating liquors were supplied to
the places open to the general crowd, although in the dining-rooms and the
saloons circumstances in this particular were as ‘ on ordinary days.’ ”
There was nothing to drink but ‘ ‘ a warm fluid about four or five
times the cost of public-house beer, and leaving the drinker more
thirsty than before.” This nectar “ was variously called lemonade,
gingerade, and such fine names.” The Times continues
‘ ‘ It was pitiful to see young persons, after tasting this stuff, and finding
their pockets and stomachs not to agree with it (all the supplies in the water-
tank heing gone), walk to the lake, and bale out and drink water a little less
wholesome than the dustheap-adulterated tanks of some of our Water
Companies.”
The writer of the above touching passages is to be pitied. Poor
fellow! The Times correspondent in the Crimea at least never
suffered the drought which appears to have been experienced by the
Times correspondent at the Temperance festival in the Crystal
Palace. But he, perhaps, contrived to “ make it out ” in some one
of the dining-rooms or saloons, where circumstances, in the par-
ticular of something to drink, were “ as on ordinary days,” and not
as on days of the full moon in a lunatic asylum.
But saloon and dining-room charges for a glass of ale are some-
times preposterous : and next year any gentleman of the Press, not
commissioned by the Band of Hope Review, or some other organ of
the Pump and the Reservoir, who may have to report the orgies of
the Teetotallers, had better take pattern from the Working Man
who sings in the popular ballad concerning Malt Liquor, with a burden
imprecating no end of blindness on those who attempt to deprive a
poor man of it, and says:—
“ Of all things thirst is far the worst,
And I holds it in such fear,
That I never goes out but I carries about
My little quart bottle of beer.”
The portable wooden barrel, slung on to the back of the reaper
about this time at work, will be requisite as the occasional com-
panion, or vade mecum, of the journalist habitans in sicco among the
fanatics in the abode where no beer is.
The managers of the National Temperance fete at the Crystal
Palace displayed much less intelligence than was to be expected of
them in not taking care that their constituents and associates should
be provided with at least an ample supply of Nature’s own provision
for quenching thirst. If they interdicted them from Bass and All-
sopp’s ale, they ought at least to have secured them a sufficiency of
Adam’s, and that good. The Ass, although the proverbial emblem
of stupidity, has at least the sense, in respect of drinking, to be very
fastidious about his water.
Punch. Dixit.
The truth about the Sparkling Glass
Thus to your heart consign:
Who drinks too little is an Ass,
Who drinks too much, a Swine.
Wholesome Notice {by a Local Board of Health at a Watering-
place).—No Crab allowed, on the beach, undressed.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
49
IGNATIUS IN CONTEMPT.
(See Todd v. Todd.)
0 CONTUMACIOUS
Father Ignatius,
Not a sagacious
Donkey, to fly,
Bumptious, audacious,
My goodness gracious!
Slap in minacious
Chancery’s eye.
To pertinacious
Coxcombs, vexatious,
Maxuns mordacious
Teeth can apply.
Pooh, coriaceous-
Headed, fallacious
Mock-Monk Ignatius,
Eat humble pie!
Two of a Name.
PARSING, AND NO MISTAKE.
0, Aunty!!” “Well, Dear?” “Why, he said, ‘What’s the next Article?’
“Well, Dear?” “Why, he should say Noun, not Article.”
Mrs. Malaprop has had a great disap-
pointment. In the advertised programme
of the International Exhibition she read,
“ Organ Performance (Mr. Gladstone),
1.30.” She immediately started off to
Kensington, full of delight at the thought
of having her long cherished desire' to see
and hear one of whom she had heard and
read so much at last realised. After the
music was over, some officious busybody
destroyed all the poor old soul’s pleasure by
telling her that the performer was not the
Prime Minister.
NONCONFORMIST DELUSION.
So the friends of Mr. Miaul have pre-
sented him with a testimonial in the shape
of £10,000. They evidently flatter them-
selves that the Honourable Gentleman has
done a valuable deal of mischief to the
Established Church.
MEM. BY A COUNTRY COCKNEY.
A Cockney drops his “ ’H,” and a
Countryman carries his A.
A DREADFUL SCENE OE DRINKING.
The annual National Temperance fete, was celebrated on Tuesday
last week at the Crystal Palace. According to the Times :—
“ ‘ By arrangement,’ no beer or other intoxicating liquors were supplied to
the places open to the general crowd, although in the dining-rooms and the
saloons circumstances in this particular were as ‘ on ordinary days.’ ”
There was nothing to drink but ‘ ‘ a warm fluid about four or five
times the cost of public-house beer, and leaving the drinker more
thirsty than before.” This nectar “ was variously called lemonade,
gingerade, and such fine names.” The Times continues
‘ ‘ It was pitiful to see young persons, after tasting this stuff, and finding
their pockets and stomachs not to agree with it (all the supplies in the water-
tank heing gone), walk to the lake, and bale out and drink water a little less
wholesome than the dustheap-adulterated tanks of some of our Water
Companies.”
The writer of the above touching passages is to be pitied. Poor
fellow! The Times correspondent in the Crimea at least never
suffered the drought which appears to have been experienced by the
Times correspondent at the Temperance festival in the Crystal
Palace. But he, perhaps, contrived to “ make it out ” in some one
of the dining-rooms or saloons, where circumstances, in the par-
ticular of something to drink, were “ as on ordinary days,” and not
as on days of the full moon in a lunatic asylum.
But saloon and dining-room charges for a glass of ale are some-
times preposterous : and next year any gentleman of the Press, not
commissioned by the Band of Hope Review, or some other organ of
the Pump and the Reservoir, who may have to report the orgies of
the Teetotallers, had better take pattern from the Working Man
who sings in the popular ballad concerning Malt Liquor, with a burden
imprecating no end of blindness on those who attempt to deprive a
poor man of it, and says:—
“ Of all things thirst is far the worst,
And I holds it in such fear,
That I never goes out but I carries about
My little quart bottle of beer.”
The portable wooden barrel, slung on to the back of the reaper
about this time at work, will be requisite as the occasional com-
panion, or vade mecum, of the journalist habitans in sicco among the
fanatics in the abode where no beer is.
The managers of the National Temperance fete at the Crystal
Palace displayed much less intelligence than was to be expected of
them in not taking care that their constituents and associates should
be provided with at least an ample supply of Nature’s own provision
for quenching thirst. If they interdicted them from Bass and All-
sopp’s ale, they ought at least to have secured them a sufficiency of
Adam’s, and that good. The Ass, although the proverbial emblem
of stupidity, has at least the sense, in respect of drinking, to be very
fastidious about his water.
Punch. Dixit.
The truth about the Sparkling Glass
Thus to your heart consign:
Who drinks too little is an Ass,
Who drinks too much, a Swine.
Wholesome Notice {by a Local Board of Health at a Watering-
place).—No Crab allowed, on the beach, undressed.