DOI issue:
August 16, 1873
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16937#0075
August 16, 1873.]
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
63
Me. J. F. Leith, who is an authority on the question, having for
several years seen—
“ The nice morn, on the Indian steep,
From her cabined loophole peep,”
thought that Me. (Leant Duff’s statement was satisfactory, and
that we had a right to look for better times in India. But he
strongly objected to certain taxes which we imposed. _ Among them,
Me. Leith mentioned one which all young ladies going to. the East
will agree with him in describing as mischievous and iniquitous ;
namely, the tax imposed on Suitors. This accounts for the few
marriages that take place in India. It occurs to us to add, generally,
ne sutor ultra crepidam—let no suitor go beyond his last—flirtation,
at least unless he sees that a pleasanter one is to he had.
Me. Aykton—come, Madam, he has a right to be heard on such
topics—objected to a proposal to forestal the.report of a very import-
ant Indian Committee, which lias been sitting for three years. He
pointed out, with ability, the absurdity of making mere arithmetic
the standard of judgment where novel and complex interests were
at stake. But he desired that official responsibility should be defi-
nite, and not be like a game at “ hunt the slipper.” Well, Madam,
we have heard of iron tears down Pluto’s cheek, but we do not see
Me. Ayeton among a bevy of laughing girls, passing the satin
slipper, and a joke at its smallness. Who can have told him that
there was such a game ?
Me. Fawcett withdrew his Amendment, and expressed satisfac-
| tion that greater responsibility was to be established. The Indian
| Budget passed. “Budget” is derived from the French hougette ;
but a facetious M.P., whose name wild horses or wild curates should
j not induce us to reveal, said, this afternoon, that the word reminded
jj him of a Shakspearian passage. “‘Budge!’ says the fiend. ‘Budge
' not! ’ says my conscience.” His conscience !
“ Of that he knows no more than one who dwells
Among the Highlands knows of knee-buckles.”
Lalla Bookh.
Monday.—Loed Redesdale made final protestation against paying
£3,500,000 to the United States. The Loed Chancelloe said that
it was child’s play to re-open the question now. May be so, but
have we not played rather a childish game all through the matter ?
By the way, what sort of children does Loed Selboene know ?
They must be precocious little objectionabilities, if one of their
sports is playing at Geneva Arbitrations.
In the Commons various Notices for next Session were given, but
sufficient unto the Session is the Evil thereof; we shall not mention
them, especially as Honourable Members have, probably, six months
' in which to repent their intended sins.
You know that Spain is given up to Civil War, Madam, and that
there is a triangular duel. Chaeles VII., whom we must continue
to call a Pretender until his pretensions are vindicated by success,
is, with the aid of the priests, butchering in one quarter, and the
Reds, or Communists, who are the most execrable scum of the
country, are butchering in another. Opposed to both is something
calling itself a Republican Government, which is abominably ill-
supported, but which shows spirit, and occasionally wins victories.
We recognise neither Republicans nor Carlists, but the other day
1 the piratical Communists got a ship and were going to bombard the
j women and children in Malaga. A German vessel, the Friedrich
| Carl, and an English one, the Pigeon, cut this short, and sent the
}i pirates about their business. We intend to do this whenever British
j interests or British subjects are in danger, but for the rest, the
! triangular duel must be fought out without our interference. It is
a pity, however, that the two decent parties do not coalesce, utterly
out the Commune, and then settle matters bv an appeal to
ucated classes as to the form of Government. “ Spain ” is at
j present what Italy was, a geographical expression. There is no such
j nation.
The Conspiracy Bill was nearly the last business of this Session.
. Me. Haecouet’s measure had been expanded by the Government,
j The Lords reduced it to its original form, and made it deal with
trade offences only. Me. Haecouet refused to accept it in that
form, and so the measure is lost. The artisan class will infallibly
; he told that they have a grievance here, and though practically
i there will be none, as sentences will be modified in view of what
| has taken place, it would have been better not to give the agitators
j an opening. But suppose those who think of breaking the law
j should remember a little story, and obey the law. ‘ ‘ Father, they
j say the trout are biting to-day.” “ Very well, my boy, you mind
: your cobbling, and then they won’t bite you."
The Factory Bill, described by some as a restriction on the
•employment of women, and by others as a measure in their interest,
was abandoned.
_ Great shout from the Tories. In came Me. Booed, the Conserva-
; tive Member for Greenwich, who had just been elected by a majority
j outnumbering all the Liberal votes put together. Liberal journals
much exercised in explaining away the vote which gives Me. Glad-
stone a Conservative colleague.
Tuesday.—Some barrister, quoting Latin in a court, pronounced
the word insuper with a long vowel, insuper. A Judge said, “ Me.
Deeaey, it is near the end of the term. Please do not make things
longer than necessary.” But here, on the very last day of the
Session, Ministers, Lords, and Commons were kept waiting for two
hours because nobody had. taken thought to provide special convey-
ance for the messenger from Osborne with the Royal Mandate for
Prorogation. This was inconvenient only for those in the House of
Lords. Everybody else had, thanks to the newspapers, which had
copies of the Message, and came out at the usual time, read the
document two hours before Loed Selboene was permitted to deliver
it in his “ slightly melancholy ” voice.
However, the order came at last, and the Message was given.
“As you have not heard its contents, I will now proceed to nar-
rate-” “In verse,” said Mr. Barlow. “But,” said Master
Tommy, “ I do not know—but perhaps Master Harry might, if you
flogged him sufficiently.” “In that case, my dear young friend,
we will see what the magic wand-” “Nay, Sir,” said Master
Tommy, “ I beg you will not take the trouble to leave your wine.”
This was
tTIjr jSflesisagc.
We ’re very glad to let you go
(Thanks for our Alfeed’s tin, you know).
We ’re quite at peace with all mankind
(Forgot Ashantee,—never mind).
Several good treaties we have made
For putting down the Slavery Trade,
And one with France, our friend rampageous,
Which commerce will find advantageous,
And four with other folks, for nicking _
R,ogues who ’d escape their- country’s kicking.
Nor are forgotten British claims
Regarding certain Yankee games.
Our Faithful Commons, ’tis a story
To say you ’re Radical, or Tory;
You vote to us such generous doles,
You are all Liberal. Bless your souls !
Our Lords and Gentlemen, with glee
Reductions in some dues we see :
The Sugar, and the Income taxes
Much lighter lie on people’s backses.
The Judicature Act’s a feat,
And Education’s now complete.
Railways you’ve handed to a trio
Who ’ll dare to beard the board-room leo.
We hope the Merchant-Shipping Act
Will save brave ships from being wrecked.
Our Income answers expectation :
Bettered’s Condition of the Nation.
For which, and other mercies, you
Know where to offer tribute due.
“ I have read worse doggerel in books professing to be poems,” said
Mr. Barlow ; “ but, as I feel that you must be ashamed of yourself,
and as I don’t like exertion after wine, you may retire. If I decide
on punishing you in the morning, I will apprise you of my intention
in time to prevent your enjoying your breakfast. Bless you ! Go
to bed.”
In the Commons, the very last speaker was Me. M. Chambers,
who most sensibly begged that nobody would think of dividing on
some ridiculous Irish question, when the Black Rod was expected.
The Black Rod came ; about twenty Commons went to hear the
Message, returned, shook hands with the Speakee, and exeunt.
So came a dull Session to dismallest end:
The Session, we’ll call it, of frlobk Bntcntions;
Although the sad pavement those articles mend
Is found in a district which nobody mentions.
The Minister fell, and the Minister rose,
Earth’s touch did not help the bewildered Anteeus,
But we’ve scrambled on somehow, less bothered by foes,
Than worried by friends. Sed nunc otia dat Deus.
Away! our brave Lords ; our bold Commons, away!
Bill, Motion, Committee, Debate, and Address, hence!
Punch, rejoicing (how much ’twere uncivil to say),
Puts his finishing rhyme to his exquisite Essence.
The Footing of the Most Favoueed Nation.—Being kicked
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
63
Me. J. F. Leith, who is an authority on the question, having for
several years seen—
“ The nice morn, on the Indian steep,
From her cabined loophole peep,”
thought that Me. (Leant Duff’s statement was satisfactory, and
that we had a right to look for better times in India. But he
strongly objected to certain taxes which we imposed. _ Among them,
Me. Leith mentioned one which all young ladies going to. the East
will agree with him in describing as mischievous and iniquitous ;
namely, the tax imposed on Suitors. This accounts for the few
marriages that take place in India. It occurs to us to add, generally,
ne sutor ultra crepidam—let no suitor go beyond his last—flirtation,
at least unless he sees that a pleasanter one is to he had.
Me. Aykton—come, Madam, he has a right to be heard on such
topics—objected to a proposal to forestal the.report of a very import-
ant Indian Committee, which lias been sitting for three years. He
pointed out, with ability, the absurdity of making mere arithmetic
the standard of judgment where novel and complex interests were
at stake. But he desired that official responsibility should be defi-
nite, and not be like a game at “ hunt the slipper.” Well, Madam,
we have heard of iron tears down Pluto’s cheek, but we do not see
Me. Ayeton among a bevy of laughing girls, passing the satin
slipper, and a joke at its smallness. Who can have told him that
there was such a game ?
Me. Fawcett withdrew his Amendment, and expressed satisfac-
| tion that greater responsibility was to be established. The Indian
| Budget passed. “Budget” is derived from the French hougette ;
but a facetious M.P., whose name wild horses or wild curates should
j not induce us to reveal, said, this afternoon, that the word reminded
jj him of a Shakspearian passage. “‘Budge!’ says the fiend. ‘Budge
' not! ’ says my conscience.” His conscience !
“ Of that he knows no more than one who dwells
Among the Highlands knows of knee-buckles.”
Lalla Bookh.
Monday.—Loed Redesdale made final protestation against paying
£3,500,000 to the United States. The Loed Chancelloe said that
it was child’s play to re-open the question now. May be so, but
have we not played rather a childish game all through the matter ?
By the way, what sort of children does Loed Selboene know ?
They must be precocious little objectionabilities, if one of their
sports is playing at Geneva Arbitrations.
In the Commons various Notices for next Session were given, but
sufficient unto the Session is the Evil thereof; we shall not mention
them, especially as Honourable Members have, probably, six months
' in which to repent their intended sins.
You know that Spain is given up to Civil War, Madam, and that
there is a triangular duel. Chaeles VII., whom we must continue
to call a Pretender until his pretensions are vindicated by success,
is, with the aid of the priests, butchering in one quarter, and the
Reds, or Communists, who are the most execrable scum of the
country, are butchering in another. Opposed to both is something
calling itself a Republican Government, which is abominably ill-
supported, but which shows spirit, and occasionally wins victories.
We recognise neither Republicans nor Carlists, but the other day
1 the piratical Communists got a ship and were going to bombard the
j women and children in Malaga. A German vessel, the Friedrich
| Carl, and an English one, the Pigeon, cut this short, and sent the
}i pirates about their business. We intend to do this whenever British
j interests or British subjects are in danger, but for the rest, the
! triangular duel must be fought out without our interference. It is
a pity, however, that the two decent parties do not coalesce, utterly
out the Commune, and then settle matters bv an appeal to
ucated classes as to the form of Government. “ Spain ” is at
j present what Italy was, a geographical expression. There is no such
j nation.
The Conspiracy Bill was nearly the last business of this Session.
. Me. Haecouet’s measure had been expanded by the Government,
j The Lords reduced it to its original form, and made it deal with
trade offences only. Me. Haecouet refused to accept it in that
form, and so the measure is lost. The artisan class will infallibly
; he told that they have a grievance here, and though practically
i there will be none, as sentences will be modified in view of what
| has taken place, it would have been better not to give the agitators
j an opening. But suppose those who think of breaking the law
j should remember a little story, and obey the law. ‘ ‘ Father, they
j say the trout are biting to-day.” “ Very well, my boy, you mind
: your cobbling, and then they won’t bite you."
The Factory Bill, described by some as a restriction on the
•employment of women, and by others as a measure in their interest,
was abandoned.
_ Great shout from the Tories. In came Me. Booed, the Conserva-
; tive Member for Greenwich, who had just been elected by a majority
j outnumbering all the Liberal votes put together. Liberal journals
much exercised in explaining away the vote which gives Me. Glad-
stone a Conservative colleague.
Tuesday.—Some barrister, quoting Latin in a court, pronounced
the word insuper with a long vowel, insuper. A Judge said, “ Me.
Deeaey, it is near the end of the term. Please do not make things
longer than necessary.” But here, on the very last day of the
Session, Ministers, Lords, and Commons were kept waiting for two
hours because nobody had. taken thought to provide special convey-
ance for the messenger from Osborne with the Royal Mandate for
Prorogation. This was inconvenient only for those in the House of
Lords. Everybody else had, thanks to the newspapers, which had
copies of the Message, and came out at the usual time, read the
document two hours before Loed Selboene was permitted to deliver
it in his “ slightly melancholy ” voice.
However, the order came at last, and the Message was given.
“As you have not heard its contents, I will now proceed to nar-
rate-” “In verse,” said Mr. Barlow. “But,” said Master
Tommy, “ I do not know—but perhaps Master Harry might, if you
flogged him sufficiently.” “In that case, my dear young friend,
we will see what the magic wand-” “Nay, Sir,” said Master
Tommy, “ I beg you will not take the trouble to leave your wine.”
This was
tTIjr jSflesisagc.
We ’re very glad to let you go
(Thanks for our Alfeed’s tin, you know).
We ’re quite at peace with all mankind
(Forgot Ashantee,—never mind).
Several good treaties we have made
For putting down the Slavery Trade,
And one with France, our friend rampageous,
Which commerce will find advantageous,
And four with other folks, for nicking _
R,ogues who ’d escape their- country’s kicking.
Nor are forgotten British claims
Regarding certain Yankee games.
Our Faithful Commons, ’tis a story
To say you ’re Radical, or Tory;
You vote to us such generous doles,
You are all Liberal. Bless your souls !
Our Lords and Gentlemen, with glee
Reductions in some dues we see :
The Sugar, and the Income taxes
Much lighter lie on people’s backses.
The Judicature Act’s a feat,
And Education’s now complete.
Railways you’ve handed to a trio
Who ’ll dare to beard the board-room leo.
We hope the Merchant-Shipping Act
Will save brave ships from being wrecked.
Our Income answers expectation :
Bettered’s Condition of the Nation.
For which, and other mercies, you
Know where to offer tribute due.
“ I have read worse doggerel in books professing to be poems,” said
Mr. Barlow ; “ but, as I feel that you must be ashamed of yourself,
and as I don’t like exertion after wine, you may retire. If I decide
on punishing you in the morning, I will apprise you of my intention
in time to prevent your enjoying your breakfast. Bless you ! Go
to bed.”
In the Commons, the very last speaker was Me. M. Chambers,
who most sensibly begged that nobody would think of dividing on
some ridiculous Irish question, when the Black Rod was expected.
The Black Rod came ; about twenty Commons went to hear the
Message, returned, shook hands with the Speakee, and exeunt.
So came a dull Session to dismallest end:
The Session, we’ll call it, of frlobk Bntcntions;
Although the sad pavement those articles mend
Is found in a district which nobody mentions.
The Minister fell, and the Minister rose,
Earth’s touch did not help the bewildered Anteeus,
But we’ve scrambled on somehow, less bothered by foes,
Than worried by friends. Sed nunc otia dat Deus.
Away! our brave Lords ; our bold Commons, away!
Bill, Motion, Committee, Debate, and Address, hence!
Punch, rejoicing (how much ’twere uncivil to say),
Puts his finishing rhyme to his exquisite Essence.
The Footing of the Most Favoueed Nation.—Being kicked