DOI Heft:
December 13, 1873
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16937#0247
December 13, 1873.]
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
235
?
son that the hook was the Dean’s, it was. How amused your brother
there seems to he !
Vanessa. “ Eternal smiles his emptiness betray,
As shallow streams run dimpling all the way.”
Cadenus. I suppose that’s the solution, though he is your brother,
for he has certainly got a very “gracious Silence” next him, as
Coriolanus says.
Vanessa. A descendant of Master Justice Silence, perhaps.
Cadenus. How do you know that the eminent Beak was a
married man ?
Vanessa. Well, he sings
“ Be merry, be merry, my wife has all.”
Cadenus. Go on.
Vanessa. Why not F
“ For women are shrews, both short and tall.”
—If you will look into Richardson, you will find that “ shrew ” is a
compliment. It belongs to “ shrewd,” and means “ keen,” “pene-
trating,” and “ sagacious.” There’s research for you ! Don’t look
alarmed. I never heard of the book till I read the Quarterly’’s
article on “ Dictionaries,” and that sent me into Papa’s library to
examine for myself.
Cadenus. You would make an invaluable wife to a literary man.
Oblige me, and do not marry a Nignoramus.
“ She did not waste on fops her beauty’s dart,
But boasts the triumph of a lettered heart.”
Vanessa. Similars for friendship, opposites for marriage. Is not
that doctrine sound ?
Cadenus. Sound and fury, signifying nothing—worse, nonsense.
Vanessa. You think, with Tennyson, “ As the husband, so the
wife is,” and that the nobleness of her nature will not have strength
to drag him up.
Cadenus.' Yes, I do, and that he will be like Gibbon, when he
could not rise from his knees, on which he had fallen to the blue-
eyed Agnes.
“ He was heavier than the Income Tax,
And twenty times more difficult to raise.”
And there’s very high authority indeed against being unequally
yoked together.
_ Vanessa. He might admire one so much, you know, and that is
nice.
Cadenus. Admiration is a feeling qui ne desire quefinir, the French
tell us.
Vanessa. Has it begun, in your case, with your opposite neigh-
bour P
Cadenus. It has not begun, in my case, with my opposite neigh-
bour. It is permitted, I hope, to answer a question with exactitude.
Vanessa {smiles). She is considered very beautiful.
Cadenus. I admire her dress’s semidiaphanity, which suggests a
better arm than it covers. But I can understand her finding favour
in the eyes of sundry persons.
Vanessa. Who would find none in yours ? However, she is
engaged to “ some gentleman who fights, or writes, or drives.”
Cadenus. Fights, if I were to guess. Her intellect would pro-
bably be dangerous to a heavy.
Vanessa. You are not to laugh at the military. I have several
relations in the Army, and they are not at all heavy. An educated
soldier, who is a clever man, and has seen service, and can talk well,
is a most delightful companion.
Cadenus. Subknocko. I agree with you to the fullest extent, and
I am sure that all your combative relations deserve such a descrip-
tion. Everybody’s relations are delightful, you know.
Vanessa. I don’t. Gratia fratrum rara est. I wonder whether
you dislike a girl for speaking good Latin. If she spoke bad French
you would tell everybody that she was a most accomplished linguist.
Cadenus. Quis vituperavit f-
Vanessa. I am not Hercules, come.
Cadenus. Who educated you—who taught you? Or, as John
Kemble said to Lady Morgan, “ Little girl, where did you get all
those hard words F ”
Vanessa. She was not Lady Morgan, then, Sir, but Miss Owenson.
And I make you her answer, “ Out of the Dictionary, Sir.”
Cadenus. Mrs. Merrydew is collecting eyes. If I make myself
agreeable to your brother, and he asks me to call, are vou ever at
home ?
Vanessa. I don’t know. Yery likely. Sometimes. Wednesday
is Mamma’s day. He is very much interested in some new invention
for improving the central fire in guns. Do you know anything
about it.
Cadenus. Luckily, I have a brief about it—that is, about a patent.
Many thanks.
Vanessa. But don’t try to persuade me you read your briefs.
That’s a Parthian shaft for you. [Going.
Cadenus (with immense expression of eye and voice). Hceret lateri
letahs arundo. [Exeunt the had'vs.
RAILWAY SUFFERERS.
he travelling Public,
which owes not
only facility of
locomotion, but
also nearly abso-
lute security there-
in, to the minute,
costly, and sponta-
neous precautions
against accidents
which endanger
life and limb, uni-
formly taken by
Railway Directors,
will grieve to hear
of the severe pe-
cuniary losses in-
curred by unfortu-
nate failure to
avert casualties of
_ that nature, in two
instances, which
have been sustained by two several Companies, the London and North-
Western, and the Lancashire and Yorkshire. Against the former of
these an action was brought last Wednesday by a Wesleyan Minister
named Telfer, in the Manchester Assize Court, for loss of livelihood
as a preacher and lecturer, through injuries received in a collision at
Widnes in November, 1872. A jury, evidently estimating both the
value of a Wesleyan Minister and the resources of a Railway Com-
pany at an equally high figure, awarded Mr. Telfer damages to the
amount of no less than £1250. At the same assizes, Mr. Kenyon, a
potato-dealer, sued the latter of the above-named companies for
serious injuries from an accident at Salford. The potato-dealer,
rated even more highly than the Methodist preacher, obtained the
compensation of £2500. These are heavy sums for poor Railway
Directors to have the discredit of losing, but though deserving of
every sympathy, they will, it is to be hoped, only redouble then-
exertions to prevent the occurrence of those lamentable mishaps too
often occurring to litigious persons, and subjecting companies to
lawsuits resulting in damages which make large holes in dividends.
Apprehended Outrage.
Canon Kingsley, the other evening, in the chair at a meeting
held at the Jews’ Infant School, Whitechapel, to promote the
reopening of certain Baths and Wash-houses, delivered some
felicitous observations on water, associated, no doubt, by his
fascinated readers with Water Babies. Other speakers having
otherwise instructed or entertained the assembly, resolutions were
adopted ; the first of them being :—“ That it is highly desirable to
reopen and place upon a permanent footing the baths and wash-
houses in Goulston Square.” As the word footing means a ground
for the foot, it is too probable that its occurrence in the above con-
nection has occasioned some desjjerate offender to perpetrate the
atrocity of calling the baths to be placed on a permanent one foot-
baths ; thus putting his own foot in it.
A Professor’s Oversight.
Professor Max Muller is something more than even a profound
scholar, so that one thinks once, twice, thrice, four, five, and six
times and more before questioning what he says. Yet, when holding
forth on Intercession Day in Westminster Abbey—thanks to broad-
minded Dean Stanley—he told the people that ‘ ‘ a religion must
sooner or later cease to exist if it ceased to be missionary,” and that
“the three religions which were alive were the three missionary
religions, the Buddhist, the Mahometan, and the Christian reli-
gions,” one cannot help so far demurring to these statements, which
imply that every other religion besides those three religions is dead,
or has only a nominal existence, as to ask what Mr. Solomons would
say ?
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
235
?
son that the hook was the Dean’s, it was. How amused your brother
there seems to he !
Vanessa. “ Eternal smiles his emptiness betray,
As shallow streams run dimpling all the way.”
Cadenus. I suppose that’s the solution, though he is your brother,
for he has certainly got a very “gracious Silence” next him, as
Coriolanus says.
Vanessa. A descendant of Master Justice Silence, perhaps.
Cadenus. How do you know that the eminent Beak was a
married man ?
Vanessa. Well, he sings
“ Be merry, be merry, my wife has all.”
Cadenus. Go on.
Vanessa. Why not F
“ For women are shrews, both short and tall.”
—If you will look into Richardson, you will find that “ shrew ” is a
compliment. It belongs to “ shrewd,” and means “ keen,” “pene-
trating,” and “ sagacious.” There’s research for you ! Don’t look
alarmed. I never heard of the book till I read the Quarterly’’s
article on “ Dictionaries,” and that sent me into Papa’s library to
examine for myself.
Cadenus. You would make an invaluable wife to a literary man.
Oblige me, and do not marry a Nignoramus.
“ She did not waste on fops her beauty’s dart,
But boasts the triumph of a lettered heart.”
Vanessa. Similars for friendship, opposites for marriage. Is not
that doctrine sound ?
Cadenus. Sound and fury, signifying nothing—worse, nonsense.
Vanessa. You think, with Tennyson, “ As the husband, so the
wife is,” and that the nobleness of her nature will not have strength
to drag him up.
Cadenus.' Yes, I do, and that he will be like Gibbon, when he
could not rise from his knees, on which he had fallen to the blue-
eyed Agnes.
“ He was heavier than the Income Tax,
And twenty times more difficult to raise.”
And there’s very high authority indeed against being unequally
yoked together.
_ Vanessa. He might admire one so much, you know, and that is
nice.
Cadenus. Admiration is a feeling qui ne desire quefinir, the French
tell us.
Vanessa. Has it begun, in your case, with your opposite neigh-
bour P
Cadenus. It has not begun, in my case, with my opposite neigh-
bour. It is permitted, I hope, to answer a question with exactitude.
Vanessa {smiles). She is considered very beautiful.
Cadenus. I admire her dress’s semidiaphanity, which suggests a
better arm than it covers. But I can understand her finding favour
in the eyes of sundry persons.
Vanessa. Who would find none in yours ? However, she is
engaged to “ some gentleman who fights, or writes, or drives.”
Cadenus. Fights, if I were to guess. Her intellect would pro-
bably be dangerous to a heavy.
Vanessa. You are not to laugh at the military. I have several
relations in the Army, and they are not at all heavy. An educated
soldier, who is a clever man, and has seen service, and can talk well,
is a most delightful companion.
Cadenus. Subknocko. I agree with you to the fullest extent, and
I am sure that all your combative relations deserve such a descrip-
tion. Everybody’s relations are delightful, you know.
Vanessa. I don’t. Gratia fratrum rara est. I wonder whether
you dislike a girl for speaking good Latin. If she spoke bad French
you would tell everybody that she was a most accomplished linguist.
Cadenus. Quis vituperavit f-
Vanessa. I am not Hercules, come.
Cadenus. Who educated you—who taught you? Or, as John
Kemble said to Lady Morgan, “ Little girl, where did you get all
those hard words F ”
Vanessa. She was not Lady Morgan, then, Sir, but Miss Owenson.
And I make you her answer, “ Out of the Dictionary, Sir.”
Cadenus. Mrs. Merrydew is collecting eyes. If I make myself
agreeable to your brother, and he asks me to call, are vou ever at
home ?
Vanessa. I don’t know. Yery likely. Sometimes. Wednesday
is Mamma’s day. He is very much interested in some new invention
for improving the central fire in guns. Do you know anything
about it.
Cadenus. Luckily, I have a brief about it—that is, about a patent.
Many thanks.
Vanessa. But don’t try to persuade me you read your briefs.
That’s a Parthian shaft for you. [Going.
Cadenus (with immense expression of eye and voice). Hceret lateri
letahs arundo. [Exeunt the had'vs.
RAILWAY SUFFERERS.
he travelling Public,
which owes not
only facility of
locomotion, but
also nearly abso-
lute security there-
in, to the minute,
costly, and sponta-
neous precautions
against accidents
which endanger
life and limb, uni-
formly taken by
Railway Directors,
will grieve to hear
of the severe pe-
cuniary losses in-
curred by unfortu-
nate failure to
avert casualties of
_ that nature, in two
instances, which
have been sustained by two several Companies, the London and North-
Western, and the Lancashire and Yorkshire. Against the former of
these an action was brought last Wednesday by a Wesleyan Minister
named Telfer, in the Manchester Assize Court, for loss of livelihood
as a preacher and lecturer, through injuries received in a collision at
Widnes in November, 1872. A jury, evidently estimating both the
value of a Wesleyan Minister and the resources of a Railway Com-
pany at an equally high figure, awarded Mr. Telfer damages to the
amount of no less than £1250. At the same assizes, Mr. Kenyon, a
potato-dealer, sued the latter of the above-named companies for
serious injuries from an accident at Salford. The potato-dealer,
rated even more highly than the Methodist preacher, obtained the
compensation of £2500. These are heavy sums for poor Railway
Directors to have the discredit of losing, but though deserving of
every sympathy, they will, it is to be hoped, only redouble then-
exertions to prevent the occurrence of those lamentable mishaps too
often occurring to litigious persons, and subjecting companies to
lawsuits resulting in damages which make large holes in dividends.
Apprehended Outrage.
Canon Kingsley, the other evening, in the chair at a meeting
held at the Jews’ Infant School, Whitechapel, to promote the
reopening of certain Baths and Wash-houses, delivered some
felicitous observations on water, associated, no doubt, by his
fascinated readers with Water Babies. Other speakers having
otherwise instructed or entertained the assembly, resolutions were
adopted ; the first of them being :—“ That it is highly desirable to
reopen and place upon a permanent footing the baths and wash-
houses in Goulston Square.” As the word footing means a ground
for the foot, it is too probable that its occurrence in the above con-
nection has occasioned some desjjerate offender to perpetrate the
atrocity of calling the baths to be placed on a permanent one foot-
baths ; thus putting his own foot in it.
A Professor’s Oversight.
Professor Max Muller is something more than even a profound
scholar, so that one thinks once, twice, thrice, four, five, and six
times and more before questioning what he says. Yet, when holding
forth on Intercession Day in Westminster Abbey—thanks to broad-
minded Dean Stanley—he told the people that ‘ ‘ a religion must
sooner or later cease to exist if it ceased to be missionary,” and that
“the three religions which were alive were the three missionary
religions, the Buddhist, the Mahometan, and the Christian reli-
gions,” one cannot help so far demurring to these statements, which
imply that every other religion besides those three religions is dead,
or has only a nominal existence, as to ask what Mr. Solomons would
say ?