DOI issue:
July 21, 1877
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17731#0018
It
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 21, 1877.
THE SONG OF SHINDY.
A Pcean which Mr. Punch earnestly commends to the attention oj
Reformers, Inventors, Practical Philanthropists, and all lovers of
their kind.
I'm the only true child of Old Chaos alive,
But by Science ignored or accepted I thrive.
She is down on Disorder and Dirt, but till now
Seems tolerant still of Unlimited Row.
Men prate about Silence and fight about Peace ;
I am sworn foe of both, and my triumphs ne'er cease.
Art hears me, the Church all my powers employs,
And Progress itself is the patron of Noise;
In the Centres of Commerce I rule and rejoice,
Uplifting a harsh and cacophonous voice
Of incredible compass, from thunder to squeal.
Through roar, rattle, rumble, explosion, and peal,
Thud, clatter, and clash, all the changes I ring
On the gamut of Row ; and my voice is a thing
AVhich to rival in power or shrillness of note
Old Stentor might fruitlessly strain his huge throat.
Poor Music my rival, mine enemy Quiet,
Are nowhere with me in the race of sheer Riot;
For Silence and Song are but interludes rare
In the Devil's Tattoo that I beat everywhere.
I'm Civilisation's chief Nemesis. She,
Whilst weighted with such an Old Man of the Sea,
Is held, by the wise, mere mechanical welter,
"Whose name should be altered to wild Helter-Skelter.
Reform, which lays hands upon everything now,
Has made an exception in favour of Row ;
And Satire, which scarifies all that's absurd,
Lets me off with a feeble occasional gird.
A sour Schopenhauer may sometimes protest,
A Leech or a Babbage bewail his lost rest;
But men in the mass, howsoever annoyed,
Accept me as nuisance that none may avoid.
And yet did but Science and Satire unite
Against me, in earnest to scheme and to tight,
The ride of the last of the tyrants of Man
Would be quickly reduced to a limited span.
Should tolerant tympanums fairly revolt,
I'm afraid I should have to sing small, or to bolt,
Like most later despots, of whom which enjoys
Such irrational rule as preventible Noise ?
But Conservative dulness is Shindy's best friend,
And while that holds sway my long rule knows no end.
To stop needless Noise, from bells, whistles, or jaws,
"Would be held as subversive of Nature's first laws.
A crusade 'gainst Cacophony ? Bless you, no fear !
The Mulennium itself is precisely as near.
'Gainst despots of all sorts shout orators windy,
But who dares to head a revolt against Shindy ?
RETROSPECTIVE REGRETS.
{At the End of the Season.)
Ladies.
I'm not sure, Mart, that it
does one harm getting up at
twelve and going to bed at four
in the morning ; but I do not feel
quite as good as when I was up
at Fairholme.
Bother! I could bite my
tongue off! I wish I hadn't gone
in for being satirical when I came
Gentlemen.
Why the deuce, Charlie,
didn't I back Sylvio and Pla-
cida ? And what on earth per-
suaded you to play that knave
at the Macheaterium ? We
might have made our fortune!
Duffers!
Ah, my boy, if I'd only had
the pluck to pop that evening in
out. Charlie left me for saying j the conservatory, I know she
those cruel things to him! And j would have taken me; and now
I know I shall never love anyone ; she's gone off with O'Crcesus !
again. I could dance on my best
bonnet!
If I had only taken the box-
seat at Lord's I should have had
his coronet at my feet. Just like
my absurd shyness. My Lord
has got a nice bit of temper in
Bella, though. I ought to know
if anyone does.
Yes, I believe I have broken
his heart; but he has done
nothing desperate yet. I wish I
hadn't been so merciful. A sen-
sational denouement would have
made me the rage. Men can't
appreciate a woman nowadays!
I could have cut out the Yan-
kee Beauty into little stars and
stripes, if I hadn't caught the
measles from that stupid boy,
who ought never to have left his
I am an idiot.
I say, old man, what could
have awoke my conscience t'other
night, when that tipsy De Grun-
horn offered to swop his phaeton
and pair for Eva's bouquet ?
Donkey!
My good Benjamin, where
shall 1 find the ready to last me
through another season ? Un-
fortunate pauper that I am !
Right you are ! I ought to
have nicked the widow, after all.
She wasn't ten years older than
myself, and positively good-
looking under a white veil. Ass!
How can I get out of my stupid
promises to Ida and Ethel ?
Fortunately both the Baronet and
the M.P. are too proud to bring
school. " Why, suttinly ! " as an action. Lucky dog!
the siren with the fetching twang
says; and the Yank nowhere in j Now just look at that! If I
the betting. "Oh, snakes! " hadn't become a member of the
s Lyons Club I should never have
got mixed up with Mrs. Jeanne
Dark, and the row wouldn't have
happened, and Mabel wouldn't
have turned her back on me, and
—confound it, you know, it's
really quite too awfully big a
nuisance. Dash it all!
Change of Title.—From The Priest in Absolution to Absolute
Pollution in the Priest.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Lire the two lions upon Afric's burning shore in Bombastes I work the harder it is. The most flagrant jobs die hardest, and there
Furioso, two Earls of Mar confront each other rampant in the is no job so bad but it can find a Parliamentary mouthpiece, if it but
Peerage Roll of Scotland. As "the last lion thought the first a cry loud enough. A good job needs no defender. The point is to
bore," so, doubtless, thinks the Earl of Mar and Kellle by the make the best of a bad one. , u.
creation of 1567 of Mr. Ersklne Gooleve, who claims to be Earl of Jf^^ft^ Blf-h Amb/!l ^J?^fJ f Chancellor of
, . * , u the Exchequer) has not informed the Sultan that it may be neces-
Alar by the creation ot 1451 :— sary for Great Britain t? pCCupy Constantinople and the Dardanelles
" Creations clashing—'tis a shock of worlds! " f°r the protection of British interests. The French Government has
not come to any understanding with the English as to naval opera-
The Dcke of Bcccleuch [Lords, Monday, July 9), who moved to tions in the East. So Monday's lies are settled,
reverse the order of nature by putting the second creation before ; The arrest of two Plumstead patriots with the significant names
the first, was fain, in the end, to agree to the Lord Chancellor's , of " Cowing" and " Deadman," charged with riot in resisting en-
suggestion of a Select Committee. Well may we say that a Select closure, exercises Mr. Boord. The stout assertion of public rights
Committee is the end of all things, when even the order of creation in common grounds has no stronger friend than Mr. Punch. But Mr.
—though it be only a creation of Scotch Peers—is referred to it. De Morgan is distinctly becoming not only a nuisance himself, but,a
Earl Fortescue thinks the lower middle-class have not their fair \ cause of nuisance in others, and will have to be taught, sharply if
share of the good things that should faU from the rich table of the [ need be, that he is not Mirabeau, but De Morgan—always bearing
Endowed Schools, objects to their management by the Charity j in mind that the last thing he ought to be made is a Martyr.
Commissioners, and moves for returns which he thinks will bear out j Navigating Sub-Lieutenants, Isle of Wight Paupers, Easter
both conclusions. The Duke of Richmond grants the returns, and Monday Field Days, Herring Fisheries, Dartmouth Naval College,
defends the Commissioners, who are only discharging a very thank- Land Sales in the Forest of Dean, the British Flag in Central Africa,
less duty laid on them by Parliament. Let who will try to build on Naval Chaplains marked with the Holy Cross, that blessed
our old Educational foundations, they will find the more urgent the Brotherhood, the Holy Cross Society, as a whole, and lastly, the
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 21, 1877.
THE SONG OF SHINDY.
A Pcean which Mr. Punch earnestly commends to the attention oj
Reformers, Inventors, Practical Philanthropists, and all lovers of
their kind.
I'm the only true child of Old Chaos alive,
But by Science ignored or accepted I thrive.
She is down on Disorder and Dirt, but till now
Seems tolerant still of Unlimited Row.
Men prate about Silence and fight about Peace ;
I am sworn foe of both, and my triumphs ne'er cease.
Art hears me, the Church all my powers employs,
And Progress itself is the patron of Noise;
In the Centres of Commerce I rule and rejoice,
Uplifting a harsh and cacophonous voice
Of incredible compass, from thunder to squeal.
Through roar, rattle, rumble, explosion, and peal,
Thud, clatter, and clash, all the changes I ring
On the gamut of Row ; and my voice is a thing
AVhich to rival in power or shrillness of note
Old Stentor might fruitlessly strain his huge throat.
Poor Music my rival, mine enemy Quiet,
Are nowhere with me in the race of sheer Riot;
For Silence and Song are but interludes rare
In the Devil's Tattoo that I beat everywhere.
I'm Civilisation's chief Nemesis. She,
Whilst weighted with such an Old Man of the Sea,
Is held, by the wise, mere mechanical welter,
"Whose name should be altered to wild Helter-Skelter.
Reform, which lays hands upon everything now,
Has made an exception in favour of Row ;
And Satire, which scarifies all that's absurd,
Lets me off with a feeble occasional gird.
A sour Schopenhauer may sometimes protest,
A Leech or a Babbage bewail his lost rest;
But men in the mass, howsoever annoyed,
Accept me as nuisance that none may avoid.
And yet did but Science and Satire unite
Against me, in earnest to scheme and to tight,
The ride of the last of the tyrants of Man
Would be quickly reduced to a limited span.
Should tolerant tympanums fairly revolt,
I'm afraid I should have to sing small, or to bolt,
Like most later despots, of whom which enjoys
Such irrational rule as preventible Noise ?
But Conservative dulness is Shindy's best friend,
And while that holds sway my long rule knows no end.
To stop needless Noise, from bells, whistles, or jaws,
"Would be held as subversive of Nature's first laws.
A crusade 'gainst Cacophony ? Bless you, no fear !
The Mulennium itself is precisely as near.
'Gainst despots of all sorts shout orators windy,
But who dares to head a revolt against Shindy ?
RETROSPECTIVE REGRETS.
{At the End of the Season.)
Ladies.
I'm not sure, Mart, that it
does one harm getting up at
twelve and going to bed at four
in the morning ; but I do not feel
quite as good as when I was up
at Fairholme.
Bother! I could bite my
tongue off! I wish I hadn't gone
in for being satirical when I came
Gentlemen.
Why the deuce, Charlie,
didn't I back Sylvio and Pla-
cida ? And what on earth per-
suaded you to play that knave
at the Macheaterium ? We
might have made our fortune!
Duffers!
Ah, my boy, if I'd only had
the pluck to pop that evening in
out. Charlie left me for saying j the conservatory, I know she
those cruel things to him! And j would have taken me; and now
I know I shall never love anyone ; she's gone off with O'Crcesus !
again. I could dance on my best
bonnet!
If I had only taken the box-
seat at Lord's I should have had
his coronet at my feet. Just like
my absurd shyness. My Lord
has got a nice bit of temper in
Bella, though. I ought to know
if anyone does.
Yes, I believe I have broken
his heart; but he has done
nothing desperate yet. I wish I
hadn't been so merciful. A sen-
sational denouement would have
made me the rage. Men can't
appreciate a woman nowadays!
I could have cut out the Yan-
kee Beauty into little stars and
stripes, if I hadn't caught the
measles from that stupid boy,
who ought never to have left his
I am an idiot.
I say, old man, what could
have awoke my conscience t'other
night, when that tipsy De Grun-
horn offered to swop his phaeton
and pair for Eva's bouquet ?
Donkey!
My good Benjamin, where
shall 1 find the ready to last me
through another season ? Un-
fortunate pauper that I am !
Right you are ! I ought to
have nicked the widow, after all.
She wasn't ten years older than
myself, and positively good-
looking under a white veil. Ass!
How can I get out of my stupid
promises to Ida and Ethel ?
Fortunately both the Baronet and
the M.P. are too proud to bring
school. " Why, suttinly ! " as an action. Lucky dog!
the siren with the fetching twang
says; and the Yank nowhere in j Now just look at that! If I
the betting. "Oh, snakes! " hadn't become a member of the
s Lyons Club I should never have
got mixed up with Mrs. Jeanne
Dark, and the row wouldn't have
happened, and Mabel wouldn't
have turned her back on me, and
—confound it, you know, it's
really quite too awfully big a
nuisance. Dash it all!
Change of Title.—From The Priest in Absolution to Absolute
Pollution in the Priest.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Lire the two lions upon Afric's burning shore in Bombastes I work the harder it is. The most flagrant jobs die hardest, and there
Furioso, two Earls of Mar confront each other rampant in the is no job so bad but it can find a Parliamentary mouthpiece, if it but
Peerage Roll of Scotland. As "the last lion thought the first a cry loud enough. A good job needs no defender. The point is to
bore," so, doubtless, thinks the Earl of Mar and Kellle by the make the best of a bad one. , u.
creation of 1567 of Mr. Ersklne Gooleve, who claims to be Earl of Jf^^ft^ Blf-h Amb/!l ^J?^fJ f Chancellor of
, . * , u the Exchequer) has not informed the Sultan that it may be neces-
Alar by the creation ot 1451 :— sary for Great Britain t? pCCupy Constantinople and the Dardanelles
" Creations clashing—'tis a shock of worlds! " f°r the protection of British interests. The French Government has
not come to any understanding with the English as to naval opera-
The Dcke of Bcccleuch [Lords, Monday, July 9), who moved to tions in the East. So Monday's lies are settled,
reverse the order of nature by putting the second creation before ; The arrest of two Plumstead patriots with the significant names
the first, was fain, in the end, to agree to the Lord Chancellor's , of " Cowing" and " Deadman," charged with riot in resisting en-
suggestion of a Select Committee. Well may we say that a Select closure, exercises Mr. Boord. The stout assertion of public rights
Committee is the end of all things, when even the order of creation in common grounds has no stronger friend than Mr. Punch. But Mr.
—though it be only a creation of Scotch Peers—is referred to it. De Morgan is distinctly becoming not only a nuisance himself, but,a
Earl Fortescue thinks the lower middle-class have not their fair \ cause of nuisance in others, and will have to be taught, sharply if
share of the good things that should faU from the rich table of the [ need be, that he is not Mirabeau, but De Morgan—always bearing
Endowed Schools, objects to their management by the Charity j in mind that the last thing he ought to be made is a Martyr.
Commissioners, and moves for returns which he thinks will bear out j Navigating Sub-Lieutenants, Isle of Wight Paupers, Easter
both conclusions. The Duke of Richmond grants the returns, and Monday Field Days, Herring Fisheries, Dartmouth Naval College,
defends the Commissioners, who are only discharging a very thank- Land Sales in the Forest of Dean, the British Flag in Central Africa,
less duty laid on them by Parliament. Let who will try to build on Naval Chaplains marked with the Holy Cross, that blessed
our old Educational foundations, they will find the more urgent the Brotherhood, the Holy Cross Society, as a whole, and lastly, the