Punch (73.1877)

162 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 13, 1877.

OUR CHINAMAN I ACS ABROAD.

Scene—A Room in a Historic. French Palace,
Mild (Bgr fikmi Dumeanottr of thk Prigsbyp, wno collect Ortextal Blue, before a " Vase ex Porcelaixe pe Sevres.

ANOTHER NEW NOVEL.

With ax Explanatory Preface.

To the Public from the Editor.

In our absence our responsible Bepresentative has pledged us to
the production of a new Work. In the interests of the public, and
to acquit ourselves of any charge of carelessness or want of discrimi-
nation, we publish his account of "how he did it," addressed to
ourselves.

******

Sir,—This is how it was. I was seated in your sanctum * repre-
senting you, Sir, magnificently. In the Editor's absence, the sanc-
tummest is always locked up, so I have to send out for anything I
want, which is a nuisance to be remedied in future. Through the
glass doors I perceived, on the day in question the tops of two
heads, and of one bonnet, just appearing above the grained portion
of the glass. They were trying to peer in. Two peers and a peeress.
Thinking that it might be the Duke of * * * * * * * *, the Marquis
of * * * * *, and the Princess * * * *. I stooped, and quietly stealing
to the door, opened it suddenly.

They came in: in a lump: flop, like the tradesman in a panto-
mime, when he comes out of his shop in a hurry, and tumbles over
the Clown.

They were not the distinguished visitors I had expected.

The party consisted of a short, stout Gentleman with a quick
bright eye and astonished hair ; a taller Gentleman, with an austere
manner and a stubbly moustache, and (reserving the best to the last),

_* For the information of the general reader, it is necessary to say that our
private office is divided into our sanctum, our sanctummer, and our sinetum-
mest. "When in our sanctum the clerk or outer-Tyler knows that we are at
home to all comers. In our sanctummer we are at home to some comers —

In our sanc^owmer

AVe '11 see some comer ;
But in our sanctummest we are at home to nobody. There the wicked cease
to trouble, and the leary is at rest. Our sanctummest is fitted up like a
diving-bell, after a style of our own.—Ed.

an elegant Lady in a sky-blue dress, whose beauty, and umbrella, were
of a type rarely seen in these islands. She was tall, aquiline, and
determined. Instinctively I acknowledged a Presence. Victor
Hugo Junior himself would have admitted as much. She would
have served him for a heroine on a desolate island.
" We wish to see the Editor," they said.

" You might have looked all the day through that glass door," I
replied, politely, " but you wouldn't have seen him."

" Young man! " said the Lady, coming down on me with the
umbrella, reprovingly.*

" We must see the Editor! " cried the two men.

" Must you?" I answered. Then, adjusting my lips to the
speaking-tube, I called down to the clerk, " Mr. Howard De
Courcey", send out for a foreign Bradshaw and a Map of Europe."

" Why those ? " asked the Presence, sternly.

"Because, my dear Madam," I returned, "the Editor is some-
where on the Continent, and if you must see him, you have only to
select your train, and-"

" This is trilling ! " they all three said, as if they'd practised it
together—tenor, baritone, and contralto.

I admitted that it was, and asked—what then P

The shorter Gentleman responded for the rest.

" You, Sir," he said, " are, I take it, the Editor's locum tenens."

I replied that I wouldn't be called names by him, or anybody.

They apologised so profusely that they got quite hot over it.

Then I requested the Lady to be seated. She was quite the Lady ;
she sat down, and sat up.

The little Gentleman recommenced:

" Are you a responsible person ? " he asked.

" What's that to you ? " was my ready but courteous reply.

" Because if you are,"saidNumber Two, shinning the first speaker,
to warn him not to offend me, " we have something to say to you.
Permit me to introduce ourselves as the New Provincial Novel Com-
pany, Limited."

I bowed.

" Incorporated," the Lady explained, "to provide suitable reading
* An extraordinary scene to take place in our office.—En.