DOI issue:
July 15, 1882
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17753#0025
July 15, 1882.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
17
Besides, as he says, he’d like to have a chance to suspend
the whole batch of Ministers at one blow.
In the House of Lords, to-night, rupture on Front
Opposition Bench. Marquis of Salisbury openly declares
himself at issue with Duke of Richmond. Subject,
Vagrancy Bill, Lord Stanhope, in charge of Bill, wants
to give the Vagrant five days if he calls a second time.
“But,” says the Duke, “think of the inconvenience.
Perhaps he’s a dinner engagement on the next day, or
going to a garden-party, or a small and early. How
would you like it yourselves, my Lords ? ”
“Nonsense,” says the Marquis, “don’t be too tender-
hearted. Great mainstay of the British Constitution used
to be washing the vagrant; but now he takes his bath
with courage. You must do something fresh. Let’s
have this. ”
The Marquis triumphed as usual. Bill read _ a Second
Time, and Duke of Richmond led out sobbing as he
tenderly thought of the tramp.
Business done in Commons.—Got into Committee on
Arrears Bill.
Friday Night.—House adjourned at three o’clock this
morning, and met again at two. Now it’s midnight, when
Members yawn, and Ministers nearly give themselves up
for dead. William, Lord Kensington, sits on the Bench,
near the doorway—“ William, Tell! ’’ as Lord Richard
Grosvenor observes, when the Division Bell is rung,
and he wants his fellow Whip to assist in telling. At
present, William, Lord Kensington, is supposed to be
■on duty at the doorway, to see that no Members slink out
when they ought to be in, assisting to make a House, or
■save a Division. But His Lordship is fast asleep, and if
you were to ask him, could not even tell the hour. He
was here when day broke, and even Whips must sleep
sometimes. Mr. Cotes passing through the Lobby sees
his colleague, and envies him the peaceful slumber as
Members boldly walk past him, and get clear away.
Great storm in the teapot of the House. Conservatives
got a little surprise ready for him whom they affection-
ately call Weg. Had secretly gathered in their thou-
sands, formed alliance with the Whigs, swooped down on
Weg, and, in pitched battle, defeated him. Weg says
■he ’ll resign. General impression that sentence is incom-
plete. Means he ’ll resign himself to the situation.
So will Country, which doesn’t wish further weakness
of Will to cause further weakening of Bill, or this
Liberal Session to be recorded as the Liberal Con-
Session.
Business done. — Government defeated on small
Amendment to Crime Bill by 207 votes against 194.
THE SPENDTHRIFT'S GUIDE.—No. II.
For the man who has more money than brains—or
who, having both brains and money, is disinclined to
■exercise the first and is willing to spend the second,
—there i# no occupation so costly and attractive as
keeping a Theatre. Theatres can be bought, or they
■can be rented. Buying is preferable. A Theatre that
has cost about six thousand pounds to build, with a
ground-rent of one hundred pounds a year, can easily
be purchased for twenty thousand pounds, with a ground-
rent of two hundred pounds a year. This may be con-
sidered a good Spendthrift investment. When the
purchase is completed, it is advisable to call in architects,
■decorators, and persons of taste, to see how far the
building can be re-built, and how much money it is
possible to spend upon it. The advantage of a Theatre,
as distinguished from other property erected under the
Building Acts, is that, however well you may do your
work, you may be suddenly called upon to do it over
again. A fire in a Theatre at Yokohama, stated, hut
not proved, to have been built without asbestos cement,
may inspire the Board of Works and the Lord Cham-
berlain to demand a strict application of asbestos
cement, and the Spendthrift will then have the pleasure
of partially re-constructing his property. Not one of
the least attractions of Theatre-keeping to the Spend-
thrift will be the fact that the State—Imperial and
Parochial — will claim about a thousand or twelve
hundred pounds a year in rates and taxes for the liberty
of carrying on the business of grinning through horse-
collars.
While so much money is being lavished upon archi-
ON EASTERN AFFAIRS.
Dumpy City Man. “ Voila ! I am ashamed that I am a Naturalised
Englishman ! ”
Britisher. “Never mind, Old Man. Don’t tell anyone, and they’d
NEVER SUSPECT IT ! ”
tects, builders, decorators, beadles, and the Government, it would be wicked not
to treat the dramatic profession liberally. The Spendthrift will appoint a “ lite-
rary adviser,” with the salary of an Under-Secretary of State, who will select the
most expensive scenery, properties, authors and actors. The vulgar notion that
actors should be selected for a piece, and a piece for actors, and that both should
be selected to supply a presumed public demand, should be left to tradesmen
and hucksters. Pieces and actors for the Spendthrift’s Theatre should be selected
for their high prices, and*put upon the stage in the name of Art. The lower the
receipts, the more should this policy be persisted in, until the Spendthrift’s
Theatre takes the place of the subsidised playhouses of the Continent. When the
Spendthrift is tired of his toy, he can always get a Baronetcy by asking for it,
and the toy can be generously given to his Acting-Manager. As Acting-Managers
never act, there is little chance of the new proprietor playing Hamlet, and in all
probability he will sell the place to the Salvation Army. If the Salvation Army
buy it, they will pay about two-thirds of its market-value—as part of their
Salvation is the Salvation of money—and they will take the credit of having
abolished a Sink of Iniquity.
CLUBS PAST AND PRESENT.
All-Macs and Orl-leans.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
17
Besides, as he says, he’d like to have a chance to suspend
the whole batch of Ministers at one blow.
In the House of Lords, to-night, rupture on Front
Opposition Bench. Marquis of Salisbury openly declares
himself at issue with Duke of Richmond. Subject,
Vagrancy Bill, Lord Stanhope, in charge of Bill, wants
to give the Vagrant five days if he calls a second time.
“But,” says the Duke, “think of the inconvenience.
Perhaps he’s a dinner engagement on the next day, or
going to a garden-party, or a small and early. How
would you like it yourselves, my Lords ? ”
“Nonsense,” says the Marquis, “don’t be too tender-
hearted. Great mainstay of the British Constitution used
to be washing the vagrant; but now he takes his bath
with courage. You must do something fresh. Let’s
have this. ”
The Marquis triumphed as usual. Bill read _ a Second
Time, and Duke of Richmond led out sobbing as he
tenderly thought of the tramp.
Business done in Commons.—Got into Committee on
Arrears Bill.
Friday Night.—House adjourned at three o’clock this
morning, and met again at two. Now it’s midnight, when
Members yawn, and Ministers nearly give themselves up
for dead. William, Lord Kensington, sits on the Bench,
near the doorway—“ William, Tell! ’’ as Lord Richard
Grosvenor observes, when the Division Bell is rung,
and he wants his fellow Whip to assist in telling. At
present, William, Lord Kensington, is supposed to be
■on duty at the doorway, to see that no Members slink out
when they ought to be in, assisting to make a House, or
■save a Division. But His Lordship is fast asleep, and if
you were to ask him, could not even tell the hour. He
was here when day broke, and even Whips must sleep
sometimes. Mr. Cotes passing through the Lobby sees
his colleague, and envies him the peaceful slumber as
Members boldly walk past him, and get clear away.
Great storm in the teapot of the House. Conservatives
got a little surprise ready for him whom they affection-
ately call Weg. Had secretly gathered in their thou-
sands, formed alliance with the Whigs, swooped down on
Weg, and, in pitched battle, defeated him. Weg says
■he ’ll resign. General impression that sentence is incom-
plete. Means he ’ll resign himself to the situation.
So will Country, which doesn’t wish further weakness
of Will to cause further weakening of Bill, or this
Liberal Session to be recorded as the Liberal Con-
Session.
Business done. — Government defeated on small
Amendment to Crime Bill by 207 votes against 194.
THE SPENDTHRIFT'S GUIDE.—No. II.
For the man who has more money than brains—or
who, having both brains and money, is disinclined to
■exercise the first and is willing to spend the second,
—there i# no occupation so costly and attractive as
keeping a Theatre. Theatres can be bought, or they
■can be rented. Buying is preferable. A Theatre that
has cost about six thousand pounds to build, with a
ground-rent of one hundred pounds a year, can easily
be purchased for twenty thousand pounds, with a ground-
rent of two hundred pounds a year. This may be con-
sidered a good Spendthrift investment. When the
purchase is completed, it is advisable to call in architects,
■decorators, and persons of taste, to see how far the
building can be re-built, and how much money it is
possible to spend upon it. The advantage of a Theatre,
as distinguished from other property erected under the
Building Acts, is that, however well you may do your
work, you may be suddenly called upon to do it over
again. A fire in a Theatre at Yokohama, stated, hut
not proved, to have been built without asbestos cement,
may inspire the Board of Works and the Lord Cham-
berlain to demand a strict application of asbestos
cement, and the Spendthrift will then have the pleasure
of partially re-constructing his property. Not one of
the least attractions of Theatre-keeping to the Spend-
thrift will be the fact that the State—Imperial and
Parochial — will claim about a thousand or twelve
hundred pounds a year in rates and taxes for the liberty
of carrying on the business of grinning through horse-
collars.
While so much money is being lavished upon archi-
ON EASTERN AFFAIRS.
Dumpy City Man. “ Voila ! I am ashamed that I am a Naturalised
Englishman ! ”
Britisher. “Never mind, Old Man. Don’t tell anyone, and they’d
NEVER SUSPECT IT ! ”
tects, builders, decorators, beadles, and the Government, it would be wicked not
to treat the dramatic profession liberally. The Spendthrift will appoint a “ lite-
rary adviser,” with the salary of an Under-Secretary of State, who will select the
most expensive scenery, properties, authors and actors. The vulgar notion that
actors should be selected for a piece, and a piece for actors, and that both should
be selected to supply a presumed public demand, should be left to tradesmen
and hucksters. Pieces and actors for the Spendthrift’s Theatre should be selected
for their high prices, and*put upon the stage in the name of Art. The lower the
receipts, the more should this policy be persisted in, until the Spendthrift’s
Theatre takes the place of the subsidised playhouses of the Continent. When the
Spendthrift is tired of his toy, he can always get a Baronetcy by asking for it,
and the toy can be generously given to his Acting-Manager. As Acting-Managers
never act, there is little chance of the new proprietor playing Hamlet, and in all
probability he will sell the place to the Salvation Army. If the Salvation Army
buy it, they will pay about two-thirds of its market-value—as part of their
Salvation is the Salvation of money—and they will take the credit of having
abolished a Sink of Iniquity.
CLUBS PAST AND PRESENT.
All-Macs and Orl-leans.