DOI Heft:
November 4, 1882
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17753#0211
November 4, 1882.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
205
And. if you adjured the unhappy little old man to tell
you if there was anything you could do to help him, he
only shook the head belonging to somebody else which
he held under his arm violently, and said, in an inex-
AGAiNST THE GRAIN.”
Widotv Woman [to Chemist,.who was weighing a Grain of Calomel in dispensing
i Prescription for her Sick Child). “Man, ye needna' be sae Scrimpy wi’t—
ns for a puir Fatherless Bairn ! ”
IN THE BEST OF SPIRITS.
The bi-monthly Meeting of the Society for Psychical Research was held
yesterday, and, as usuad, attended largely by the supporters of the movement.
The President took the chair, punctually, at midnight; and, on opening the
proceedings, remarked with much sombre and gloomy humour on the excellent
. .nd appropriate arrangement of the Committe Room, the doors and cupboards of
which had all been provided with skeleton keys. A blue fire burning on the
dearth, and agreeably harmonising with the dim light of several lamps, accom-
panied by their own shades, also helped to throw a pleasant flicker over the
-assembled company.
The Chairman then proceeded to read the report in a hollow voice. He said
he had several important statements to make to the Meeting, and some really
very interesting evidence to lay before it. In the first place, he believed, he
was correct in assuming that it was pretty well known to the general Members
of the Society that the Committee, in taking over an assignment of the remainder
of the lease of the premises they at present occupied, did so on a distinct under-
standing, from the late tenant, that they were admirably haunted. [Cheers.)
They might say that they had paid a high premium of several hundred pounds,
not for a few old Venetian blinds, gas-fittings, and a meat-safe, which were
the sole fixtures, but for the ghost—(laughter)—that was said to appear nightly,
under most remarkable conditions, in almost every room in the house. (“ Hear,
hear!'1'1) But where was it ? [Loud laughter.) No one had seen it. (“Shame!”)
Yet the Committee had done all they could to induce it to appear. (“Hear,
hear /”) They had got a nervous housekeeper, subject to hysterical fits on the
slightest mention of an apparition, unconsciously to occupy chamber after
•chamber,but he regretted to say she had invariably slept excellently, and had
never even once been disturbed, [Uproar.) Yes, he could understand that
manifestation of feeling; for the ghost, according to the tradition of the premises,
was said to be an exceedingly satisfactory one. It was nothing more nor less
than a little decapitated old man in knee-breeches, and a figured blue-satin
coat, with somebody else's head under his arm. [ Prolonged cheering.) His coming
was attended, too, always with most encouraging manifestations. A rumbling
sound, as of coal-porters in chains, and skates tumbling downstairs, overloaded
with too much luggage, was often heard, mingled with irritable, shrieks, and
-a curious noise like the squeaking of a pig, for hours together. [Laughter.)
pressibly mournful voice, “JSrompton and Lslingtc
Then he disappeared. [Roars of laughter.) This was cer-
tainly a most interesting psychical development, and the
Committee had naturally considered a ghost of such
exceptionally first-class character as cheap at the figure.
But still they could not help asking themselves the
question, “ What had become of it ? ” (“ Hear ! ”)
Professor Porsum: rose. He said he did not believe in
these hereditary spectres, and his experience had been
quite in a different direction. He had had remarkable
things happening in his own house, but he had never
seen an apparition of any kind. He should be glad to
furnish the Society with some of his personal experi-
ences. (“ Hear !”) The gas had of late suddenly gone
out several times as he ascended the stairs, and while a
rope seemed to catch his legs and precipitate him back-
wards into the hall, a waste-paper basket would be
quickly thrust over his head by some unseen agency.
Entering his room at night, a jug of water would fre-
quently be poured mysteriously over his head, drenching
him to the skin, while busts would topple off the book-
cases as he passed, and sometimes explosions take place,
apparently quite capriciously, inside the Early English
clock on the hall-landing, as he went up to bed at night.
[Cheers.) He thought these curious phenomena ought
to occupy the attention of such a Society as theirs,
especially as they were all well attested on unimpeach-
able evidence. He happened to have had four youthful,
but intelligent, nephews staying with him on a visit at
the time, all of whom could corroborate every word of
what he had related, and bear conclusive testimony to
the interesting but continued psychical annoyance to
which he had been subjected almost from the very moment
of their arrival. [Cheers.)
Mr. Knight Fryers wished to ask the Chairman a
question. He had a most exciting and thoroughly well
substantiated case of after-death apparition to com-
municate to the Society—[cheers)—but he had just re-
ceived a letter from the solicitors of the executors of
the whole family, threatening him with several actions
for libel if he revealed a word of what the unhappy
spirit had imparted to him. [Roars of laughter.) He
was quite at a loss what to do. [A Voice: “ Send it to
a Christmas Number.”) That was not a bad idea,
and he thanked the speaker. He would consult the
Company’s legal adviser. [“Oh! oh!”)
At this point a stranger, who obstinately refused to
give his name, but insisted he had been spending an
evening with the very best spirits, until he found himself
gifted not only with “second,” but also with “double
sight,” created considerable confusion by “ reading” the
thoughts of the Subscribing Committee, and endeavouring
to- enliven the meeting with a ribald commentary on their
reflections. An effort to raise a police in-spectre by
incantation to put the intruder out having signally failed,
the Chairman adjourned the discussion sine die, and drove
off from the premises in a vampire trap.
A Difficulty.-—While the Mayor of Windsor was
concocting his address to Colonel Ewart, he was, of
course, a trifle puzzled as to how to use the second person
singular, a3 “Thou art” wouldn’t come well after
“Ewart.” “You are” would have sounded like a
spoilt joke, and “Thou are” would have been ungram-
matical. These considerations were the reason for the
omission of the following very telling point, “Who,”
the Mayor was going to ask in declamatory tone, “ Who
is a first-rate soldier and a dashing leader ? Fellow
Citizens, I turn to Colonel Ewart and I say, Thou art! ”
This is where the applause was to have come in, but
the sentence was omitted, and Old Brown Windsor Soap
was tried in another form. The great merit of the
address was, that it elicited one of the manliest and
most telling replies as yet made by any of our gallant
warriors.
“ There is no cause for alarm,” said Mrs. Rams-
rotham, “the Doctor examined my chest thoroughly
with the stereoscope, the other day, and pronounced my
lungs to be perfectly sound.”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
205
And. if you adjured the unhappy little old man to tell
you if there was anything you could do to help him, he
only shook the head belonging to somebody else which
he held under his arm violently, and said, in an inex-
AGAiNST THE GRAIN.”
Widotv Woman [to Chemist,.who was weighing a Grain of Calomel in dispensing
i Prescription for her Sick Child). “Man, ye needna' be sae Scrimpy wi’t—
ns for a puir Fatherless Bairn ! ”
IN THE BEST OF SPIRITS.
The bi-monthly Meeting of the Society for Psychical Research was held
yesterday, and, as usuad, attended largely by the supporters of the movement.
The President took the chair, punctually, at midnight; and, on opening the
proceedings, remarked with much sombre and gloomy humour on the excellent
. .nd appropriate arrangement of the Committe Room, the doors and cupboards of
which had all been provided with skeleton keys. A blue fire burning on the
dearth, and agreeably harmonising with the dim light of several lamps, accom-
panied by their own shades, also helped to throw a pleasant flicker over the
-assembled company.
The Chairman then proceeded to read the report in a hollow voice. He said
he had several important statements to make to the Meeting, and some really
very interesting evidence to lay before it. In the first place, he believed, he
was correct in assuming that it was pretty well known to the general Members
of the Society that the Committee, in taking over an assignment of the remainder
of the lease of the premises they at present occupied, did so on a distinct under-
standing, from the late tenant, that they were admirably haunted. [Cheers.)
They might say that they had paid a high premium of several hundred pounds,
not for a few old Venetian blinds, gas-fittings, and a meat-safe, which were
the sole fixtures, but for the ghost—(laughter)—that was said to appear nightly,
under most remarkable conditions, in almost every room in the house. (“ Hear,
hear!'1'1) But where was it ? [Loud laughter.) No one had seen it. (“Shame!”)
Yet the Committee had done all they could to induce it to appear. (“Hear,
hear /”) They had got a nervous housekeeper, subject to hysterical fits on the
slightest mention of an apparition, unconsciously to occupy chamber after
•chamber,but he regretted to say she had invariably slept excellently, and had
never even once been disturbed, [Uproar.) Yes, he could understand that
manifestation of feeling; for the ghost, according to the tradition of the premises,
was said to be an exceedingly satisfactory one. It was nothing more nor less
than a little decapitated old man in knee-breeches, and a figured blue-satin
coat, with somebody else's head under his arm. [ Prolonged cheering.) His coming
was attended, too, always with most encouraging manifestations. A rumbling
sound, as of coal-porters in chains, and skates tumbling downstairs, overloaded
with too much luggage, was often heard, mingled with irritable, shrieks, and
-a curious noise like the squeaking of a pig, for hours together. [Laughter.)
pressibly mournful voice, “JSrompton and Lslingtc
Then he disappeared. [Roars of laughter.) This was cer-
tainly a most interesting psychical development, and the
Committee had naturally considered a ghost of such
exceptionally first-class character as cheap at the figure.
But still they could not help asking themselves the
question, “ What had become of it ? ” (“ Hear ! ”)
Professor Porsum: rose. He said he did not believe in
these hereditary spectres, and his experience had been
quite in a different direction. He had had remarkable
things happening in his own house, but he had never
seen an apparition of any kind. He should be glad to
furnish the Society with some of his personal experi-
ences. (“ Hear !”) The gas had of late suddenly gone
out several times as he ascended the stairs, and while a
rope seemed to catch his legs and precipitate him back-
wards into the hall, a waste-paper basket would be
quickly thrust over his head by some unseen agency.
Entering his room at night, a jug of water would fre-
quently be poured mysteriously over his head, drenching
him to the skin, while busts would topple off the book-
cases as he passed, and sometimes explosions take place,
apparently quite capriciously, inside the Early English
clock on the hall-landing, as he went up to bed at night.
[Cheers.) He thought these curious phenomena ought
to occupy the attention of such a Society as theirs,
especially as they were all well attested on unimpeach-
able evidence. He happened to have had four youthful,
but intelligent, nephews staying with him on a visit at
the time, all of whom could corroborate every word of
what he had related, and bear conclusive testimony to
the interesting but continued psychical annoyance to
which he had been subjected almost from the very moment
of their arrival. [Cheers.)
Mr. Knight Fryers wished to ask the Chairman a
question. He had a most exciting and thoroughly well
substantiated case of after-death apparition to com-
municate to the Society—[cheers)—but he had just re-
ceived a letter from the solicitors of the executors of
the whole family, threatening him with several actions
for libel if he revealed a word of what the unhappy
spirit had imparted to him. [Roars of laughter.) He
was quite at a loss what to do. [A Voice: “ Send it to
a Christmas Number.”) That was not a bad idea,
and he thanked the speaker. He would consult the
Company’s legal adviser. [“Oh! oh!”)
At this point a stranger, who obstinately refused to
give his name, but insisted he had been spending an
evening with the very best spirits, until he found himself
gifted not only with “second,” but also with “double
sight,” created considerable confusion by “ reading” the
thoughts of the Subscribing Committee, and endeavouring
to- enliven the meeting with a ribald commentary on their
reflections. An effort to raise a police in-spectre by
incantation to put the intruder out having signally failed,
the Chairman adjourned the discussion sine die, and drove
off from the premises in a vampire trap.
A Difficulty.-—While the Mayor of Windsor was
concocting his address to Colonel Ewart, he was, of
course, a trifle puzzled as to how to use the second person
singular, a3 “Thou art” wouldn’t come well after
“Ewart.” “You are” would have sounded like a
spoilt joke, and “Thou are” would have been ungram-
matical. These considerations were the reason for the
omission of the following very telling point, “Who,”
the Mayor was going to ask in declamatory tone, “ Who
is a first-rate soldier and a dashing leader ? Fellow
Citizens, I turn to Colonel Ewart and I say, Thou art! ”
This is where the applause was to have come in, but
the sentence was omitted, and Old Brown Windsor Soap
was tried in another form. The great merit of the
address was, that it elicited one of the manliest and
most telling replies as yet made by any of our gallant
warriors.
“ There is no cause for alarm,” said Mrs. Rams-
rotham, “the Doctor examined my chest thoroughly
with the stereoscope, the other day, and pronounced my
lungs to be perfectly sound.”