DOI Heft:
December 9, 1882
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17753#0271
265
December 9, 1882.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
PRACTISING REPARTEE.
“ HOW INATTENTIVE YOU ARE, TOMMY ! WHAT I SAY GOES IN AT ONE EAR
AND OUT OF THE OTHER ! AND WHY DO YOU LEAN YOUR HEAD ON YOUR HAND
LIKE THAT ? ”
“TO PREVENT WHAT YOU SAY GOING OUT AT THE OTHER Ear, MlSS
Sharp ! ”
ECHOES EROM “THE OPENING CEREMONY.”
(.December ith, 1882.)
Her Most. Gr-c-s M-j-sty. Well, it has passed off very successfully, and I
am so glad that the horses were not frightened by the dreadful Griffin !
H.R.JI. the Prince of W-l-s. Rather new all this—even I haven’t done it
before. But with such a large hall we surely might have smoked!
H.R.II. the Duke of C-nn-ght. Wish I didn’t look so martial. I must
remember that I’m a Bencher of Gray’s Inn !
H.S.H. the Duke of T-ck. Great mistake mixing up Inns of Court Volunteers
with the affair ! As a Colonel in the Army, I can’t help resenting it!
The Lord Ch-nc-ll-r. I wish I had taken lessons of Mr. George Grossmith
in the art of walking backwards!
General Lord W-ls-l-y. Oh, very tame indeed after the reception of the
Troops from Egypt! On my word—quite an anti-climax !
Earl Gr-nv-lle. I wonder if I ought to do anything as Lord Warden of the
Cinque Ports ! It would give me a chance of escaping from Musurus Pasha.
The First Lord of the Tr-s-ry. I am not sure that the Cloture would not
have been as useful here as elsewhere. However, just at present, we can’t spare
it from St. Stephen’s.
Right Hon. Sir W-ll-m H-rc-rt. If Selbourne had resigned, I could have
done it so much better myself! But some people are fearfully inconsiderate!
Right Hon. J-s-ph Ch-mb-rl-n. What a splendid Vestry Hall this place
would make!
Mr. Sh-w L-f-vre (First Co?nmissioner). I really think they might make
a little more fuss about me, considering I gave them all the tickets ! But what
should I do without Mitford ?
Mr. Justice H-wk-ns. I think I will inaugurate my first appearance on the
Bench in this place by giving seven years’ penal servitude to a boy for derisively
lengthening his nose at a policeman !
Mr. Baron H-ddl-st-ne. Really, this little gathering is very gratifying.
But how my back aches from bowing !
The Right Honourable the L-rd M-y-r. And to think that anything of this
sort should be done without giving me a baronetcy I
An Undistinguished Utter Barrister. After twenty-
five years’ absence from London on my estate in the
country, I find my call to the Bar useful at last! Only
drawback—both wig and gown a little too small for me !
Decorated Crowd of Notables. Very grand and satis-*
fying—especially the luncheon at the Middle Temple !
PRACTICAL VENICE.
[By a Commercial Childe Harold.)
I stood in Venice on the Bridge of Sighs ;
A factory, a mill on either hand :
I saw from out the wave tall chimneys rise,
And wharves and busy steam-cranes edge the strand,
And palaces to warehouses expand.
A murky air, where sunshine never smiles,
As black as Bradford. This was once the land
Where poets sang its countless marble piles.
And Ruskin wrote and revelled in its sunny isles !
In Venice Ruskin’s echoes are no more,
And steam has stopped the songless gondolier ;
Her palaces are crammed with goods galore,
And barcarolles no longer meet the ear:
Those days are past—but Enterprise is here.
Shares fall, Stocks fade, but Commerce doth not die,
But reckons dodges more than Doges dear,
And gain above artistic sanctity ;
Accounting best on earth, the Trade of Italy !
GAMBETTA'S SHOT AND PLOT.
[From Contemporary Memoires d ne Servir & Rien.)
All was ready. The faithful Reinach had been with
him all the previous evening, and having no longer tick
{Vasil) at Brebant’s since he went out of office, con-
sented to stay to dinner even before he was asked.
Weiss was there later, and the three Proclamations, to
Paris, to France, and to Europe had been finally
approved, and sent to the secret printing office of the
Republique Francaise, which, as everybody knows, is
situated next door to the coal-cellar of the Ville
d’Avray Villa. General Campenon had been going
to and from Paris all the afternoon, and finally brought
back the act of agreement by which he was to as-
sume the Presidency of the Republic for a fortnight,
when the Plebiscitum would assuredly nominate Leon.
The army was to rise the next morning, and by noon
Grevy and Brinon were to be playing billiards together
at Mazas. But it was noticed by observant conspirators
during the evening that at dominoes he did not get rid
of the double-six with his usual masterly prompti-
tude: and that when he proclaimed, “ As partout /”
his toniturant voice faltered. Only when they brought
the contributions from Belleville (seven francs, five
centimes, and a packet of caporal) was he observed to
smile and murmur, “My brave Bellevillois, I knew
they would believe that I’m doing it out of a disin-
terested love of Socialism : they always do.”
But the next morning, when we were girding on our
arms for the fray, and they were bringing round Cam-
pejson’s war-horse to the back-door, our noble Leon was
seen to aim his ninth revolver at his little finger, press
the trigger, and fall back, exclaiming, “ I am wounded !
Sauve! I shan’t be able to try a coup d'etat for a
fortnight now.”
This is the authentic history. All others are guaranteed
spurious; as, for instance, the graphic account of his
duel in the Tuileries Gardens (shut for the purpose) with
Gkevy’s son-in law, Wilson ; his rash attempt on the
life of Rochefort, when his pistol providentially ex-
ploded in his hand ; the vengeful attack of Madame
Edmond Adam, with whom he is en delicatesse, which
was cleverly contrived so as to disable the very hand
which would have signed a decree consigning her to
New Caledonia—all these are fables of that Fontaine
which contains three-sous-a-liner’s ink.
But perhaps the most ridiculous rumour of all is that
which asserts that the ex-Dictator had just simply such
an accident as will happen to plethoric civilians verging
on middle age, who will insist in playing with firearms.
The Paris of Victor Hug-o is not going to be taken in
by prosaic accounts like that.
Vol. 83.
9
December 9, 1882.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
PRACTISING REPARTEE.
“ HOW INATTENTIVE YOU ARE, TOMMY ! WHAT I SAY GOES IN AT ONE EAR
AND OUT OF THE OTHER ! AND WHY DO YOU LEAN YOUR HEAD ON YOUR HAND
LIKE THAT ? ”
“TO PREVENT WHAT YOU SAY GOING OUT AT THE OTHER Ear, MlSS
Sharp ! ”
ECHOES EROM “THE OPENING CEREMONY.”
(.December ith, 1882.)
Her Most. Gr-c-s M-j-sty. Well, it has passed off very successfully, and I
am so glad that the horses were not frightened by the dreadful Griffin !
H.R.JI. the Prince of W-l-s. Rather new all this—even I haven’t done it
before. But with such a large hall we surely might have smoked!
H.R.II. the Duke of C-nn-ght. Wish I didn’t look so martial. I must
remember that I’m a Bencher of Gray’s Inn !
H.S.H. the Duke of T-ck. Great mistake mixing up Inns of Court Volunteers
with the affair ! As a Colonel in the Army, I can’t help resenting it!
The Lord Ch-nc-ll-r. I wish I had taken lessons of Mr. George Grossmith
in the art of walking backwards!
General Lord W-ls-l-y. Oh, very tame indeed after the reception of the
Troops from Egypt! On my word—quite an anti-climax !
Earl Gr-nv-lle. I wonder if I ought to do anything as Lord Warden of the
Cinque Ports ! It would give me a chance of escaping from Musurus Pasha.
The First Lord of the Tr-s-ry. I am not sure that the Cloture would not
have been as useful here as elsewhere. However, just at present, we can’t spare
it from St. Stephen’s.
Right Hon. Sir W-ll-m H-rc-rt. If Selbourne had resigned, I could have
done it so much better myself! But some people are fearfully inconsiderate!
Right Hon. J-s-ph Ch-mb-rl-n. What a splendid Vestry Hall this place
would make!
Mr. Sh-w L-f-vre (First Co?nmissioner). I really think they might make
a little more fuss about me, considering I gave them all the tickets ! But what
should I do without Mitford ?
Mr. Justice H-wk-ns. I think I will inaugurate my first appearance on the
Bench in this place by giving seven years’ penal servitude to a boy for derisively
lengthening his nose at a policeman !
Mr. Baron H-ddl-st-ne. Really, this little gathering is very gratifying.
But how my back aches from bowing !
The Right Honourable the L-rd M-y-r. And to think that anything of this
sort should be done without giving me a baronetcy I
An Undistinguished Utter Barrister. After twenty-
five years’ absence from London on my estate in the
country, I find my call to the Bar useful at last! Only
drawback—both wig and gown a little too small for me !
Decorated Crowd of Notables. Very grand and satis-*
fying—especially the luncheon at the Middle Temple !
PRACTICAL VENICE.
[By a Commercial Childe Harold.)
I stood in Venice on the Bridge of Sighs ;
A factory, a mill on either hand :
I saw from out the wave tall chimneys rise,
And wharves and busy steam-cranes edge the strand,
And palaces to warehouses expand.
A murky air, where sunshine never smiles,
As black as Bradford. This was once the land
Where poets sang its countless marble piles.
And Ruskin wrote and revelled in its sunny isles !
In Venice Ruskin’s echoes are no more,
And steam has stopped the songless gondolier ;
Her palaces are crammed with goods galore,
And barcarolles no longer meet the ear:
Those days are past—but Enterprise is here.
Shares fall, Stocks fade, but Commerce doth not die,
But reckons dodges more than Doges dear,
And gain above artistic sanctity ;
Accounting best on earth, the Trade of Italy !
GAMBETTA'S SHOT AND PLOT.
[From Contemporary Memoires d ne Servir & Rien.)
All was ready. The faithful Reinach had been with
him all the previous evening, and having no longer tick
{Vasil) at Brebant’s since he went out of office, con-
sented to stay to dinner even before he was asked.
Weiss was there later, and the three Proclamations, to
Paris, to France, and to Europe had been finally
approved, and sent to the secret printing office of the
Republique Francaise, which, as everybody knows, is
situated next door to the coal-cellar of the Ville
d’Avray Villa. General Campenon had been going
to and from Paris all the afternoon, and finally brought
back the act of agreement by which he was to as-
sume the Presidency of the Republic for a fortnight,
when the Plebiscitum would assuredly nominate Leon.
The army was to rise the next morning, and by noon
Grevy and Brinon were to be playing billiards together
at Mazas. But it was noticed by observant conspirators
during the evening that at dominoes he did not get rid
of the double-six with his usual masterly prompti-
tude: and that when he proclaimed, “ As partout /”
his toniturant voice faltered. Only when they brought
the contributions from Belleville (seven francs, five
centimes, and a packet of caporal) was he observed to
smile and murmur, “My brave Bellevillois, I knew
they would believe that I’m doing it out of a disin-
terested love of Socialism : they always do.”
But the next morning, when we were girding on our
arms for the fray, and they were bringing round Cam-
pejson’s war-horse to the back-door, our noble Leon was
seen to aim his ninth revolver at his little finger, press
the trigger, and fall back, exclaiming, “ I am wounded !
Sauve! I shan’t be able to try a coup d'etat for a
fortnight now.”
This is the authentic history. All others are guaranteed
spurious; as, for instance, the graphic account of his
duel in the Tuileries Gardens (shut for the purpose) with
Gkevy’s son-in law, Wilson ; his rash attempt on the
life of Rochefort, when his pistol providentially ex-
ploded in his hand ; the vengeful attack of Madame
Edmond Adam, with whom he is en delicatesse, which
was cleverly contrived so as to disable the very hand
which would have signed a decree consigning her to
New Caledonia—all these are fables of that Fontaine
which contains three-sous-a-liner’s ink.
But perhaps the most ridiculous rumour of all is that
which asserts that the ex-Dictator had just simply such
an accident as will happen to plethoric civilians verging
on middle age, who will insist in playing with firearms.
The Paris of Victor Hug-o is not going to be taken in
by prosaic accounts like that.
Vol. 83.
9