Punch: Punch (83.1882)

November 18, 1882.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

229

OUT-SVlATTHBWiNG ARNOLD !

THE GRAND YOUNG MAN;

OR, FATHER WILLIAM ‘ EWART” ANSWERED.

“ You look young, little Randolph,” the Old One cried,
“Let you ’re up on your legs, every day ;

You have impudence too, an amazing amount!

Now tell me the reason, 1 pray.”

“ Your wisdom, your years,” little Randolph replied,
And the honours that some think your due,

Merely force me to strut in your path and proclaim
I’m as good every bit, Sir, as you.”

“ You are young, little Randolph,” the Old One cried,

“ If your elders excite but your jeers;

But tell me, now do, how it comes that, though young,
You are so ill-behaved for your years.”

“ I am so ill-behaved,” little Randolph replied,

‘ ‘ Because I believe in myself,

And regard such old fogies as Noethcote and you
As lumber but fit for the shelf.”

“You’re too good, little Randolph,” the Old One criedr
“ And of gumption you’re certainly full;

But I never could quite understand why you seem
To enjoy playing frog to my bull.”

“ Old pippin, it’s clear,” little Randolph replied,

“ A fine Grand Old Man you may be,—

But I’m making my game, and the public all round
Hail the coming Grand Young ’ Tin in me ! ”

“ Belt v. Lawes.”—What a grand day for the Last i
of the Barons when a real Live Dowager Duchess sat by
His Lordship on the Bench, and gave her testimony in
the Belt Case from that exalted situation. 0 wasn’t the
' Baron a proud and happy man! and 0 so polite and
sweet! But why should Duchesses be exempt from the
ordinary rules as to the position of witnesses ? Didn’t the j
late Lord Mayor, on the last day of his existence (as Chief
Magistrate), get into the box? Of course, we mustn’t
make any remarks while this case is subjudice, or we shall
incur the Baron’s awful wrath (“ Bring me my boots ! ”
cried the Baron, intending them for an offender’s head),
but we may say that, as far as the sound of a name goes
for anything, we shouldn’t like to do anything against
the Laws. Joke for the Baron when he sums up.

Sir Pompey Bedell. “And pray then, Mr. Grigsby, by what Scale do you

RANK THE DIFFERENT CLASSES THAT MAKE HP THE POPULATION OF ENGLAND ? ”

Mr. Grigsby. “Well, first of all, I put those who live by the exer-
cise of an Intellectual Profession, like myself.” {G. is a Briefless Barrister
who writes Comic Songs.) “Next to these I place the Aristocracy, on
account of their ‘pooty manners,’ Then comes the Working-Man, who
earns his Bread by the Sweat of his Brow. After him (a good long
WAY, OF COURSE), THE CRIMINAL CLASSESJ AND, LAST OF ALL, THE MIDDLE
Class, of which you, Sir Pompey, are at once a Pillar and an Orna-
ment. Tata ! ” {.Bigs Sir Pompey in the ribs, and skedaddles.

Why should Sir Charles Rivers Wilson, C.B., have
been badgered about the “ Eagle Pass and Air Line ” —
which sounds as if the scheme were still in nubibus, and
the stations “castles in the air”—into quitting the
Trustee-ship which he was assisting to steer much to
the public advantage ? Flow on, thou shining Rivers,
and may thy banks be always sound ! and we venture to
think that, in this instance, the difficulty about Rivers
might have been bridged over, in which case, Rivers need
not have been crossed in this meddle-and-muddling style.

OUR BOOKING-OfflCE.

Longman’s New Monthly Magazine gives, as far as quality goes,
a good sixpenn’orth, though, in spite of the varied attractions,
and even of Mr. Anstey’s story, which is a very funny idea, and
sounds like a series of those German comic picture-sheets told in
one short tale, we could wish it were all James Payn, as by the
time we ’d reached the end of the Third Chapter of “ Thicker than
Water,” it was most annoying to find that a month must elapse
before we shall hear any more of it; and by that time we shall have
quite forgotten the commencement. It’s one of the best openings
James Payn has given for some time ; in fact, it is as sparkling as
the opening of Cham-pagne.. “Thicker than Water, or a Tale

of the Thames, and the Magic Microscope ”-but we will not

anticipate. The plan of interleaving this magazine with occasional
advertisements may be very profitable, but it is calculated to spoil
the reader’s temper, and does not improve its appearance.

The Pig Family (published by Griffith and Farran), by
Arthur A. Gibson.—Good nursery book, illustrated by a talented
Artist, who must have had a stye in his eye.

Our Little Ones.—A biggish book for them, profusely illustrated
by an army of Artists. We were going to have said “a host of
Artists,” only as, in these days of art-patronage, there are so many
of ’em, and hostesses too, the expression is liable to misconstruc-

tion. The illustration to “ Willie and Pussie,” which is repeated on
the Wrapper, is especially good. .

Fairy Gifts, illustrated by Kate Greenaway, can be obtained for
a small sum. The Fairies have appointed, as trustees for their gifts,
Messrs. Griffith and Farran in London, E. P. Dillon in Kew
York, and probably other trustees for I arran parts.

The cover of Fairy Land is superior to Fairy Gifts; a fact that
may be interesting to Fairy Sportsmen. The stories in both are
amusing, and considerably above the average.

If you want to ascertain the real value of a book intended for
children, try it on them, and see how they like it. We did this with
Miss Clarkson’s Fly Away Fairies, and elicited such rapturous
exclamations as “ 0,'isn’t it pretty ! ” “ 0, isn’t that pretty ! ” with
other notes of admiration. Such “ Child’s Lights” are safe guides.

Wee Babies, by Ida Waugh, which—this from the united nursery |
voice—“ We babies like very very much. Boo’ful! ! ’’

Mrs. Ramsbotham has a young Cousin, who is just about to sail
as a Midshipman, and she wishes to know which would be the most
suitable and useful present to give him— a Sexton or a (Quadroon •

Why does a Card-sharper wear a side-pocket in his overcoatJ
Just to “ keep his hand in.” (Sold again !)