DOI issue:
July 29, 1882
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17753#0048
40
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 29, 1882,
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
St. Martin-le- Wellingtons. French Polish. Grand Old Boots. Home-made—sold Brummagem
Grand Old Boots. at Oxford. Polish.
ENDS OF GOVERNMENT.
One here—
the other
in Ireland.
Monday Night, July 17.—Getting; so used to Ministerial resigna-
tions that the Bright affair went off rather flatly. At first, thought
there was going to be no speech at all. When time came, Mr.
Bright, sitting in old corner-seat below the Gangway, made no sign.
Like the operative in indigent circumstances, occasionally alluded
to in speeches and newspaper articles, he had no story to tell.
Quite surprised to think House should require explanation.
“ Just like Bright,” Harcourt says. “ Whatever he does is right.
No room for questioning. Nothing to explain, and nothing to defend.”
Also quite delightful his placid assumption of being right, and the
Cabinet wrong, on a point where they chance to differ. Speech like
Forster’s in this respect, only, happily, shorter.
Good grind at Arrears Bill. Going through Clauses now hand
over hand. At midnight Dr. Lyons rose with prodigious speech and
elaborate scheme for raising the money to pay off Arrears without
costing anybody a farthing. Sort of “ How-to-live-on-sixpenee-a-
day-and-save-eightpence ” speech. House first amazed, then indig-
nant ; but Dr. Lyons, in intervals of attending patients, had thought
the matter out. Besides, speech probably in print in Dublin, and
must be delivered. Members below the Gangway howled. Members
opposite roared. Dr. Lyons accustomed to this sort of thing. A
patient in a dentist’s chair having his tooth pulled out, does not like
it; but operation designed for his good, and must be gone through.
House catches him up at every point. “ In these trying circum-
stances-” says the Doctor. “ Yah ! yah ! yah ! ” roars the Com-
mittee. “As the painful operation goes on-” he innocently
remarks ; and loud cheering gives the observation quite a new point.
Lyon Playfair scores one. Some one rises, and asks whether
: this long harangue is in order.
“I understand,” says the Chairman, “that the Hon. Member
proposes to show that the funds might come from other sources than
the Church Temporalities F ”
Exactly ! ” says Dr. Lyons, grateful for this acknowledgment of
his purpose.
“ Then,” says Lyon Playfair, “ I shall be glad when the Hon.
Member approaches that part of his speech.”
A little rough this, after the Doctor’s been operating for half-an-
hour. Business done.—Arrears Bill.
Tuesday Night.—Wonder why when Conservatives were in power
they didn’t make Sir John Hay First Lord or at least Secretary to
the Admiralty. Sir J ohn not only a gallant sailor, but a stirring
orator, and a perfect whale at all-night sitting. Boasts that he never
left the quarter-deck through all the storm that resulted in suspen-
sion of Irish Members and. the passage of the Crime Bill. To-day
has been up delivering stirring Alexandrines on the misconduct of
Government in Egypt.
“If we only had Hay there!” Mr. Warton murmurs, “or if
! he’d been in Childers’ place, how different it would have been.”
| Grand old man Sir J ohn looked, shaking reefs out of his coat-tails
with his left hand, whilst waving his right as if it held cutlass
and he was boarding the Treasury Bench. Vociferous cheering
from the party of boarders behind, including Alderman Fowler,
who wanted to sing a stave of “ Rule Britannia.” Sir James Hogg
thought Speaker would object, so Alderman contented himself with
a chorus of “ Yah! yah ! yah ! ”
Wilfrid Lawson had his joke with the House about the bombard-
ment. Now, House has joke with Sir Wilfrid. Was to have come
on to-night with Local Option Motion. Been severely engaged for
several days preparing impromptu jokes and repartees. Had the old
ones out on the beach, as it were, overhauling them, caulking and
tarring where necessary. Tremendous excitement amongst Temper-
ance Societies. Extra rations of ginger-beer served out. Came
down at Nine o’Clock prepared for pleasant evening. Licensed
Victuallers here, too, in great force. No difficulty in distinguishing
the two parties as they stand in the Hall waiting admittance.
Deep conspiracy against Wilfrid. Bowled out. Proposal that
he should make speech in Octagon Hall. Wilfrid won’t. Says
some of the jokes will do for public meetings, others stand over for
next Session. In rather low spirits himself. Only thing that cheers
him is cessation of firing in Alexandria.
“ Now the two Quakers are out of the Cabinet, we ’ll have no more
towns bombarded,” he says.
Business done.—Arrears Bill in Committee.
Wednesday Afternoon.—Good deal of excitement this afternoon
of one kind or another. Nobody here just when wanted to move
their Amendments. Enter a few minutes after ; quite surprised to
find opportunity gone. Mr. Warton says it’s all a plot of Chairman
of Committees.
“ All arranged beforehand,” he says, stoking himself afresh with
snuff. “ I saw Lyon Playfair look round to see if Gregory and
Rathrone were in their places. Not there, so off he goes to lunch.
Always away twelve minutes, at least. To-day, came back in nine
minutes. Found Committee empty, and so rattled through Bill.
His dodging of Gregory really disgraceful. Met him in the Lobby,
just as he was coming back. Gregory going towards the House,
and would be in time to move his Amendment. Lyon Playfair
whispered in his ear that a remarkable infant had been deposited on
the steps of Westminster Hall. Gregory, Treasurer of Foundling
Institution first, Member of Parliament afterwards. Went off to
investigate contents of the basket. When he came back, found his
Amendment passed over in his absence. It’s my opinion the Chair-
man of Committees is equal to anything.”
After Arrears Bill, Mr. Stansfeld on with his unsavoury measure.
Mr. Speaker’s advice to Women about to enter the Gallery : Don’t!
But they did, a round dozen of them. Terribly angry that the
speeches were so short, and that Mr. O’Shaughnessy, in particular,
spoke so low that they could not hear a word he said.
Business done.—Arrears Bill through Committee.
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 29, 1882,
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
St. Martin-le- Wellingtons. French Polish. Grand Old Boots. Home-made—sold Brummagem
Grand Old Boots. at Oxford. Polish.
ENDS OF GOVERNMENT.
One here—
the other
in Ireland.
Monday Night, July 17.—Getting; so used to Ministerial resigna-
tions that the Bright affair went off rather flatly. At first, thought
there was going to be no speech at all. When time came, Mr.
Bright, sitting in old corner-seat below the Gangway, made no sign.
Like the operative in indigent circumstances, occasionally alluded
to in speeches and newspaper articles, he had no story to tell.
Quite surprised to think House should require explanation.
“ Just like Bright,” Harcourt says. “ Whatever he does is right.
No room for questioning. Nothing to explain, and nothing to defend.”
Also quite delightful his placid assumption of being right, and the
Cabinet wrong, on a point where they chance to differ. Speech like
Forster’s in this respect, only, happily, shorter.
Good grind at Arrears Bill. Going through Clauses now hand
over hand. At midnight Dr. Lyons rose with prodigious speech and
elaborate scheme for raising the money to pay off Arrears without
costing anybody a farthing. Sort of “ How-to-live-on-sixpenee-a-
day-and-save-eightpence ” speech. House first amazed, then indig-
nant ; but Dr. Lyons, in intervals of attending patients, had thought
the matter out. Besides, speech probably in print in Dublin, and
must be delivered. Members below the Gangway howled. Members
opposite roared. Dr. Lyons accustomed to this sort of thing. A
patient in a dentist’s chair having his tooth pulled out, does not like
it; but operation designed for his good, and must be gone through.
House catches him up at every point. “ In these trying circum-
stances-” says the Doctor. “ Yah ! yah ! yah ! ” roars the Com-
mittee. “As the painful operation goes on-” he innocently
remarks ; and loud cheering gives the observation quite a new point.
Lyon Playfair scores one. Some one rises, and asks whether
: this long harangue is in order.
“I understand,” says the Chairman, “that the Hon. Member
proposes to show that the funds might come from other sources than
the Church Temporalities F ”
Exactly ! ” says Dr. Lyons, grateful for this acknowledgment of
his purpose.
“ Then,” says Lyon Playfair, “ I shall be glad when the Hon.
Member approaches that part of his speech.”
A little rough this, after the Doctor’s been operating for half-an-
hour. Business done.—Arrears Bill.
Tuesday Night.—Wonder why when Conservatives were in power
they didn’t make Sir John Hay First Lord or at least Secretary to
the Admiralty. Sir J ohn not only a gallant sailor, but a stirring
orator, and a perfect whale at all-night sitting. Boasts that he never
left the quarter-deck through all the storm that resulted in suspen-
sion of Irish Members and. the passage of the Crime Bill. To-day
has been up delivering stirring Alexandrines on the misconduct of
Government in Egypt.
“If we only had Hay there!” Mr. Warton murmurs, “or if
! he’d been in Childers’ place, how different it would have been.”
| Grand old man Sir J ohn looked, shaking reefs out of his coat-tails
with his left hand, whilst waving his right as if it held cutlass
and he was boarding the Treasury Bench. Vociferous cheering
from the party of boarders behind, including Alderman Fowler,
who wanted to sing a stave of “ Rule Britannia.” Sir James Hogg
thought Speaker would object, so Alderman contented himself with
a chorus of “ Yah! yah ! yah ! ”
Wilfrid Lawson had his joke with the House about the bombard-
ment. Now, House has joke with Sir Wilfrid. Was to have come
on to-night with Local Option Motion. Been severely engaged for
several days preparing impromptu jokes and repartees. Had the old
ones out on the beach, as it were, overhauling them, caulking and
tarring where necessary. Tremendous excitement amongst Temper-
ance Societies. Extra rations of ginger-beer served out. Came
down at Nine o’Clock prepared for pleasant evening. Licensed
Victuallers here, too, in great force. No difficulty in distinguishing
the two parties as they stand in the Hall waiting admittance.
Deep conspiracy against Wilfrid. Bowled out. Proposal that
he should make speech in Octagon Hall. Wilfrid won’t. Says
some of the jokes will do for public meetings, others stand over for
next Session. In rather low spirits himself. Only thing that cheers
him is cessation of firing in Alexandria.
“ Now the two Quakers are out of the Cabinet, we ’ll have no more
towns bombarded,” he says.
Business done.—Arrears Bill in Committee.
Wednesday Afternoon.—Good deal of excitement this afternoon
of one kind or another. Nobody here just when wanted to move
their Amendments. Enter a few minutes after ; quite surprised to
find opportunity gone. Mr. Warton says it’s all a plot of Chairman
of Committees.
“ All arranged beforehand,” he says, stoking himself afresh with
snuff. “ I saw Lyon Playfair look round to see if Gregory and
Rathrone were in their places. Not there, so off he goes to lunch.
Always away twelve minutes, at least. To-day, came back in nine
minutes. Found Committee empty, and so rattled through Bill.
His dodging of Gregory really disgraceful. Met him in the Lobby,
just as he was coming back. Gregory going towards the House,
and would be in time to move his Amendment. Lyon Playfair
whispered in his ear that a remarkable infant had been deposited on
the steps of Westminster Hall. Gregory, Treasurer of Foundling
Institution first, Member of Parliament afterwards. Went off to
investigate contents of the basket. When he came back, found his
Amendment passed over in his absence. It’s my opinion the Chair-
man of Committees is equal to anything.”
After Arrears Bill, Mr. Stansfeld on with his unsavoury measure.
Mr. Speaker’s advice to Women about to enter the Gallery : Don’t!
But they did, a round dozen of them. Terribly angry that the
speeches were so short, and that Mr. O’Shaughnessy, in particular,
spoke so low that they could not hear a word he said.
Business done.—Arrears Bill through Committee.