DOI issue:
August 5, 1882
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17753#0068
I
60 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI._[August 5, icq.
THE EARLY RESERVE MAN’S FIRST DAY.
| 8 a.m.—Arrived, and reported myself. They said I had come too
early. No one else had turned np. Didn’t
expect me for a week. However, promised to
find me something to do.
9 a.m.—Handed over to the Drill Instructor.
Formed into a hollow square—(very hollow—
wanted my breakfast)—and made to advance
in echelon.
10 a.m. — Sent to the Musketry Instructor.
Ordered to fire a volley with six rifles. Managed
it somehow with my feet and teeth.
11 a.m. — Forwarded to the Instructor, of
j Fortifications. Set to build a battery. Rather hard work, but
received much assistance from the use of a steam-crane which was
j put at my disposal.
12 Noon.—Despatched to the Riding-School. Taught to charge
on twelve horses. Shall join a Circus when I am disbanded.
1 p.m.—Transferred to the Band-Master. Taught to play the
drum, cymbals, cornet, and bassoon simultaneously. A useful
accomplishment.
2 p.m.—Gun Drill. Served an Armstrong. A little tiring per-
forming all the duties appertaining to Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
4 p.m.—Reviewed by the General Commanding and Staff. Marched
past in column, double companies, and close order. Said to have
kept my dressing perfectly in all these formations. General very-
pleased, and, in dismissing me, observed that I was a host in myself.
5 p.m.—Resting. Wish, on the whole, I had not been so early !
WALKER!
Me. Boucicault, in his descriptive dramatic lecture, the other
day, is said to have referred to “ Walking ” as “a lost art; ” and to
have illustrated his assumption, by taking up his hat, and showing
his audience how an Actor ought to walk off the stage. No doubt
there is something in the charge; but the real regret should lie
deeper. “ Walking off” the stage may be a lost Art, but to judge
from the crowd of raw and inexperienced young gentlemen and
ladies who now handicap the success of every piece in which they
are concerned, evidently “ walking on ” to it is nothing of the kind.
If, in fact, walking on to the stage were only half as difficult a
business as walking off, there would yet be a chance for the British
Drama.
AN IRREGULAR POSER.
The Madrid Cabinet have, through their Foreign Minister, in-
formed the European Powers that “ Spain feels called upon, in the
face of the present aspect of affairs in Egypt, to assume an attitude
She cannot refrain from having a finger in the settlement of the
great water-way to the East:—this is no doubt due to her old here-
ditary penchant for liquidation in any shape that presents itself.
There is, of course, no objection to a great Compounding Power like
Spain assuming an attitude if it pleases her ; but as, financially,
she has for some time past contented herself with a modest pose “ on
all fours,” her foreign creditors can only hail with satisfaction any
promised change of posture. If her new attitude could only find
her on her legs, she would have the thanks of every one-per-cent.
Stockholder in Europe.
PUTTING IT NICELY.
“ Arabi’s replies by wire are courteous and even considerate.”—Sensational
^Paragraph.
Certainly, you have hung those Christians most elegantly. A
thousand thanks.
Yes, meet me in the open for negotiation ; but bring no arms with
you, for I am a man of nice honour, and much relish any mark of
real confidence.
It is.true those good fellows have, as you say, looted the hotel,
and skinned the proprietor. But—que voulez-vous f Accidents will
happen. Anyhow—mille pardons !
Allah be praised, mon cher Caliph, that I am well; but voyons do
not send your troops, and oblige me to cover them with petroleum.
I shall, my Aide-de-camp, have much pleasure in allowing you to
■cut the throats of those amiable-looking, but defenceless Greeks with
a pen-knife.
My best compliments to the British Commander, and the forty-
pounder went off quite by mistake under the flag of truce. Drole,
n’est-ce pas t We will have our eye on it.
Very well, then, as you seem to wish it. Massacre the foreign
inhabitants, and give the city to the flames. But let me beg of you
to do both politely.
Thanks, mon bon Wilfrid ; I hope to be on your Committee, next
week.
Great.Improvements !—The Proposed New Theatre is in every
way admirably adapted, so we are informed by its eminent Architect,
Mr. Fibbs, for instantaneous exit. There is only one entrance to
the Stalls, so that no one can possibly lose his way, or take a wrong
passage.. There is one staircase for everybody, and the passages on
either side of the Dress Circle admit of at least one person at a time
to pass easily. This, in case of panic, is invaluable, as it insures
individuals walking out in single file, and so restores confidence.
All the passages from Pit, Stalls, Dress Circle, and Boxes meet in
■>ne common and convenient outlet, so that everyone, whether he has
paid a guinea or two-and-sixpence, has an equal chance of safety.
1 he Gallery alone has a staircase to itself, but this was unavoidable.
1 here is admirable accommodation for smokers; and at least ten
refreshment bars. The roof, being a sliding one, can be taken off at
a moment’s notice.. In short, there is no danger to be apprehended
from the construction of such a theatre as this.
The Adjutant’s Hoss Again!
This appears in the Somerset County Gazette .—
WANTED, a good CHARGER, by a Mounted Infantry Officer. Must
' canter like a rocking-horse, and be warranted to stand fire. Apply to
&c., &c , The Barracks, &c.
It seems a pity that our Adjutant is not satisfied with his last
mount. But, perhaps, as “ the Charger ” must “be warranted to
stand fire,” our gallant and high-spirited friend has some intention
of volunteering for Egypt ?
WHAT NEXT?
Among the varied and ever-increasing attractions at the Alhambra,
the spirited management has at length announced, apparently,
nothing less than nightly “ Confirmations.” If this is the case, and
proves to be some clever move of the Church and Stage Guild, it will
be interesting to know the name of the enterprising Bishop whose
services Mr. William Holland has managed to secure. Anyhow,
the idea sounds excellent, and appears to be capable of infinite
expansion. Baptism, marriage, vaccination, decease, bankruptcy—
anything in short requiring a “ certificate,” might be worked into
the bills of most of the leading West-End Houses with advantage
and point; for, in these days of personal announcement, no vulgarity
is deemed to be too excessive to be out of place in a theatrical adver-
tisement. Taking a strictly ecclesiastical view of the matter,
“ Orders ” would seem to be the only other downright institution of
a kindred stamp hitherto utilised in this line with success. However,
“ Confirmation ” is a step further on, and we shall watch the move-
ment with marked interest.
Old Distich adapted to an Air from Arari’s Overture.—
(Suggested by his Offer to enter a Monastery.)—When the Devil
was sick, The Devil a Monk would be ; When the Devil was well,
The Devil a Monk was he.
Instrument of War—a Loot.
Here is a representation of a modern
Arab Orpheus, Sir, with his
Loot. Such a chap ought to be
drawn—(here he is)—and quar-
tered—(so he is, with Arabi).
Eminent Egyptians.
In spite of the War, two emi-
nent Egyptians suspected of en-
tertaining a sneaking partiality—
or pashality — for Arabi Bey,
will, it is stated for certain, not
quit our shores. Their names
are Herne Bey and Pegwell
Bey. The latter is at present
actively interested in a large
Shrimp Pottery Business not far
from Ramsgate. Herne Bey is
apathetic. The equivalent for
| Arabi’s. title in the East of
London is “ Tiger Bey.”
August 12th—Shooting to be
Let.—A Gentleman who has got
a tremendous lot of shooting in
his great toe, would be happy to
get rid of it on almost any terms.
—Address, Herr Schutz, Corn
! Exchange.
60 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI._[August 5, icq.
THE EARLY RESERVE MAN’S FIRST DAY.
| 8 a.m.—Arrived, and reported myself. They said I had come too
early. No one else had turned np. Didn’t
expect me for a week. However, promised to
find me something to do.
9 a.m.—Handed over to the Drill Instructor.
Formed into a hollow square—(very hollow—
wanted my breakfast)—and made to advance
in echelon.
10 a.m. — Sent to the Musketry Instructor.
Ordered to fire a volley with six rifles. Managed
it somehow with my feet and teeth.
11 a.m. — Forwarded to the Instructor, of
j Fortifications. Set to build a battery. Rather hard work, but
received much assistance from the use of a steam-crane which was
j put at my disposal.
12 Noon.—Despatched to the Riding-School. Taught to charge
on twelve horses. Shall join a Circus when I am disbanded.
1 p.m.—Transferred to the Band-Master. Taught to play the
drum, cymbals, cornet, and bassoon simultaneously. A useful
accomplishment.
2 p.m.—Gun Drill. Served an Armstrong. A little tiring per-
forming all the duties appertaining to Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
4 p.m.—Reviewed by the General Commanding and Staff. Marched
past in column, double companies, and close order. Said to have
kept my dressing perfectly in all these formations. General very-
pleased, and, in dismissing me, observed that I was a host in myself.
5 p.m.—Resting. Wish, on the whole, I had not been so early !
WALKER!
Me. Boucicault, in his descriptive dramatic lecture, the other
day, is said to have referred to “ Walking ” as “a lost art; ” and to
have illustrated his assumption, by taking up his hat, and showing
his audience how an Actor ought to walk off the stage. No doubt
there is something in the charge; but the real regret should lie
deeper. “ Walking off” the stage may be a lost Art, but to judge
from the crowd of raw and inexperienced young gentlemen and
ladies who now handicap the success of every piece in which they
are concerned, evidently “ walking on ” to it is nothing of the kind.
If, in fact, walking on to the stage were only half as difficult a
business as walking off, there would yet be a chance for the British
Drama.
AN IRREGULAR POSER.
The Madrid Cabinet have, through their Foreign Minister, in-
formed the European Powers that “ Spain feels called upon, in the
face of the present aspect of affairs in Egypt, to assume an attitude
She cannot refrain from having a finger in the settlement of the
great water-way to the East:—this is no doubt due to her old here-
ditary penchant for liquidation in any shape that presents itself.
There is, of course, no objection to a great Compounding Power like
Spain assuming an attitude if it pleases her ; but as, financially,
she has for some time past contented herself with a modest pose “ on
all fours,” her foreign creditors can only hail with satisfaction any
promised change of posture. If her new attitude could only find
her on her legs, she would have the thanks of every one-per-cent.
Stockholder in Europe.
PUTTING IT NICELY.
“ Arabi’s replies by wire are courteous and even considerate.”—Sensational
^Paragraph.
Certainly, you have hung those Christians most elegantly. A
thousand thanks.
Yes, meet me in the open for negotiation ; but bring no arms with
you, for I am a man of nice honour, and much relish any mark of
real confidence.
It is.true those good fellows have, as you say, looted the hotel,
and skinned the proprietor. But—que voulez-vous f Accidents will
happen. Anyhow—mille pardons !
Allah be praised, mon cher Caliph, that I am well; but voyons do
not send your troops, and oblige me to cover them with petroleum.
I shall, my Aide-de-camp, have much pleasure in allowing you to
■cut the throats of those amiable-looking, but defenceless Greeks with
a pen-knife.
My best compliments to the British Commander, and the forty-
pounder went off quite by mistake under the flag of truce. Drole,
n’est-ce pas t We will have our eye on it.
Very well, then, as you seem to wish it. Massacre the foreign
inhabitants, and give the city to the flames. But let me beg of you
to do both politely.
Thanks, mon bon Wilfrid ; I hope to be on your Committee, next
week.
Great.Improvements !—The Proposed New Theatre is in every
way admirably adapted, so we are informed by its eminent Architect,
Mr. Fibbs, for instantaneous exit. There is only one entrance to
the Stalls, so that no one can possibly lose his way, or take a wrong
passage.. There is one staircase for everybody, and the passages on
either side of the Dress Circle admit of at least one person at a time
to pass easily. This, in case of panic, is invaluable, as it insures
individuals walking out in single file, and so restores confidence.
All the passages from Pit, Stalls, Dress Circle, and Boxes meet in
■>ne common and convenient outlet, so that everyone, whether he has
paid a guinea or two-and-sixpence, has an equal chance of safety.
1 he Gallery alone has a staircase to itself, but this was unavoidable.
1 here is admirable accommodation for smokers; and at least ten
refreshment bars. The roof, being a sliding one, can be taken off at
a moment’s notice.. In short, there is no danger to be apprehended
from the construction of such a theatre as this.
The Adjutant’s Hoss Again!
This appears in the Somerset County Gazette .—
WANTED, a good CHARGER, by a Mounted Infantry Officer. Must
' canter like a rocking-horse, and be warranted to stand fire. Apply to
&c., &c , The Barracks, &c.
It seems a pity that our Adjutant is not satisfied with his last
mount. But, perhaps, as “ the Charger ” must “be warranted to
stand fire,” our gallant and high-spirited friend has some intention
of volunteering for Egypt ?
WHAT NEXT?
Among the varied and ever-increasing attractions at the Alhambra,
the spirited management has at length announced, apparently,
nothing less than nightly “ Confirmations.” If this is the case, and
proves to be some clever move of the Church and Stage Guild, it will
be interesting to know the name of the enterprising Bishop whose
services Mr. William Holland has managed to secure. Anyhow,
the idea sounds excellent, and appears to be capable of infinite
expansion. Baptism, marriage, vaccination, decease, bankruptcy—
anything in short requiring a “ certificate,” might be worked into
the bills of most of the leading West-End Houses with advantage
and point; for, in these days of personal announcement, no vulgarity
is deemed to be too excessive to be out of place in a theatrical adver-
tisement. Taking a strictly ecclesiastical view of the matter,
“ Orders ” would seem to be the only other downright institution of
a kindred stamp hitherto utilised in this line with success. However,
“ Confirmation ” is a step further on, and we shall watch the move-
ment with marked interest.
Old Distich adapted to an Air from Arari’s Overture.—
(Suggested by his Offer to enter a Monastery.)—When the Devil
was sick, The Devil a Monk would be ; When the Devil was well,
The Devil a Monk was he.
Instrument of War—a Loot.
Here is a representation of a modern
Arab Orpheus, Sir, with his
Loot. Such a chap ought to be
drawn—(here he is)—and quar-
tered—(so he is, with Arabi).
Eminent Egyptians.
In spite of the War, two emi-
nent Egyptians suspected of en-
tertaining a sneaking partiality—
or pashality — for Arabi Bey,
will, it is stated for certain, not
quit our shores. Their names
are Herne Bey and Pegwell
Bey. The latter is at present
actively interested in a large
Shrimp Pottery Business not far
from Ramsgate. Herne Bey is
apathetic. The equivalent for
| Arabi’s. title in the East of
London is “ Tiger Bey.”
August 12th—Shooting to be
Let.—A Gentleman who has got
a tremendous lot of shooting in
his great toe, would be happy to
get rid of it on almost any terms.
—Address, Herr Schutz, Corn
! Exchange.