DOI issue:
September 2, 1882
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17753#0105
September 2, 1882.] PUNCH, OR THU LONDON CHARIVARI.
97
EXCHANGE NO ROBBERY.
“And so you have become Naturalised in England, Monsieur Bil-
boquet ! ”
“ Mon Dieu, oui, mon Ami ! But it do not make much of difference.
I ’ad Lost se Battle of Vaterlo, and now I ’ave Won it! Voila tout!”
THE FIRST OF SEPTEMBER.
The First of September, remember
The day of supremest delight.
Get ready the cartridge, the partridge
Must fall in the stubble ere night.
The breechloader’s ready, and steady
The dog that we taught in old days ;
He’s firm to his duty, a beauty
That cares for but one person’s praise.
He ’s careful in stubble, no trouble
In turnips, he’s keen as a man ;
But looks on acutely, and mutely
Seems saying, “Shoot well, if you can!”
They flash from the cover—what lover
Of sport does not thrill as they rise,
In feathered apparel ? Each barrel
Kills one, as the swift covey flies.
So on through the morning, still scorning
All rest until midday has past,
When lunch should be present, and pleasant
That alfresco breaking of fast.
One pipe, then be doing, pursuing
The sport that no sport can eclipse :
So homeward to dinner, a winner
Of praise from the fairest of lips.
Marry ! come up !—In consequence of the passing of
the Married Woman’s Property Act, it will probably be
found necessary to alter, considerably, some of the express
conditions mentioned in the Marriage Service. “ For
richer, for poorer ” must be now struck out, and, perhaps,
“ for better, for worse ” will go with it. “ With all my
worldly goods I thee endow”—celava sans dire. Hence-
forward, the wife has her own property to herself, and
the husband his to himself. Self-preservation is the first
law of Nature. But, as we are coming back to the “ first
law of Nature,” how far beyond it will the next step
take us ?
Several “blue hares” have been shot on the moors.
What a lot Baron Abomelique, surnamed Blue Beard,
must have had of ’em in his time.
PLIGHTS AND SIGHTS;
OR, A SOME STEPS IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.
> The recent controversy with the Dean as to the safety and feasi-
bility of letting batches of five hundred adventurous sightseers at a
time loose among the intricate ladders and dark and. dangerous
galleries that lead to the dome of St. Paul’s, having spurred the
“Working-Men’s Committee” to the consideration of further
gymnastic opportunities of a similar description, the following
hitherto unattempted feats will shortly be added to any complete list
of things to be done by intending visitors to the Metropolis
Ascent of Iron Flag-staff on the top of Victoria Tower, Westmin-
ster .—May be made daily by parties of not less than twelve, at any
hour from 3 a.m. to 9 p.m. Tickets at Lord Chamberlain’s office, the
Lunacy Commissioners,- Charing Cross Hospital, and all respectable
licensed victuallers.
Cleopatra's Needle, and Albert Memorial, Hyde Park.—Same
conditions, excepting that for the latter a guide with ice-hatchet and.
ropes must be hired at the base. N.B. For the convenience of inex-
perienced climbers, a solicitor, with Forms of Wills ready for
signature, will be generally found, in attendance on foggy or wet
afternoons between 12 and 4. Witnesses, if required, can always
be secured on the spot by payment of a small fee.
_ The Outside Parapet of Waterloo Bridge.—Free. Intending
visitors over eighty should, in windy weather, get a policeman to
accompany them along the ledge on all-fours and hold them securely
by the hair when turning corners.
Main Drainage System.— Can be inspected at all points, and
descent made immediately on application to any of the local officials.
This should, however, not be attempted after dusk without a map
and lucifers. N.B. There is no cab-stand at Barking.
The Interior of the Chandelier at Drury Lane Theatre.—Through
the roof at any hour. As the above is seen to its best advantage
when lighted, a free admission for two to the Upper Boxes, giving
access to a prohibited back staircase, will be found most conve-
nient. Care should be taken not to drop heavy walking-sticks, rolls
of half-pence, or front-door keys on to the heads of the occupants of
the stalls beneath. Moreover, the chandelier not being capable of
supporting the weight of more than two visitors at a time, it is as
well to arrange with the policeman in pursuit, and offer him a small
consideration to wait in the neck.
The Tigers' Den at the Zoological Gardens, Regent's Park.—Free
daily. The best hour for entering the above is about twenty
minutes before feeding-time, when the animals are generally pretty
fresh and always lively and amusing; strangers who are paying
their first visit, however, would do well to. provide themselves with
a complete diver’s dress, a pickaxe, fog-signal, and a side of raw
beef. There are no fees.
The Dome of the Albert Hall—At all hours by fire-escape in felt
slippers. Care should be taken to avoid, if possible, going through
the glass roof into the larger organ-pipes.
The Weathercock on the New Lain Courts— In company with the
Lord Chancellor, at any hour after dark, &c., &c.
But will Mr. Dickens kindly look at his capital Dictionary, and
revise still further in the same direction ?
The River-Drift Girl.
( Written at Skindle’s, and dedicated to Professor Boyd Dawkins.)
0 River-drift Girl,
With the tangled curl,
Afloat in your light canoe !
Who’s happier than
The River-drift Man,
So happy to drift with you!
Oh, ’tis sweet to note,
In the drifting boat—
As clouds drift o’er the blue—
The drifters ga,y,
As they drift away,
Away in their light canoe.
Appropriate Cricket-Ground.—Batters-y Park.
Vol. 83.
4
97
EXCHANGE NO ROBBERY.
“And so you have become Naturalised in England, Monsieur Bil-
boquet ! ”
“ Mon Dieu, oui, mon Ami ! But it do not make much of difference.
I ’ad Lost se Battle of Vaterlo, and now I ’ave Won it! Voila tout!”
THE FIRST OF SEPTEMBER.
The First of September, remember
The day of supremest delight.
Get ready the cartridge, the partridge
Must fall in the stubble ere night.
The breechloader’s ready, and steady
The dog that we taught in old days ;
He’s firm to his duty, a beauty
That cares for but one person’s praise.
He ’s careful in stubble, no trouble
In turnips, he’s keen as a man ;
But looks on acutely, and mutely
Seems saying, “Shoot well, if you can!”
They flash from the cover—what lover
Of sport does not thrill as they rise,
In feathered apparel ? Each barrel
Kills one, as the swift covey flies.
So on through the morning, still scorning
All rest until midday has past,
When lunch should be present, and pleasant
That alfresco breaking of fast.
One pipe, then be doing, pursuing
The sport that no sport can eclipse :
So homeward to dinner, a winner
Of praise from the fairest of lips.
Marry ! come up !—In consequence of the passing of
the Married Woman’s Property Act, it will probably be
found necessary to alter, considerably, some of the express
conditions mentioned in the Marriage Service. “ For
richer, for poorer ” must be now struck out, and, perhaps,
“ for better, for worse ” will go with it. “ With all my
worldly goods I thee endow”—celava sans dire. Hence-
forward, the wife has her own property to herself, and
the husband his to himself. Self-preservation is the first
law of Nature. But, as we are coming back to the “ first
law of Nature,” how far beyond it will the next step
take us ?
Several “blue hares” have been shot on the moors.
What a lot Baron Abomelique, surnamed Blue Beard,
must have had of ’em in his time.
PLIGHTS AND SIGHTS;
OR, A SOME STEPS IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.
> The recent controversy with the Dean as to the safety and feasi-
bility of letting batches of five hundred adventurous sightseers at a
time loose among the intricate ladders and dark and. dangerous
galleries that lead to the dome of St. Paul’s, having spurred the
“Working-Men’s Committee” to the consideration of further
gymnastic opportunities of a similar description, the following
hitherto unattempted feats will shortly be added to any complete list
of things to be done by intending visitors to the Metropolis
Ascent of Iron Flag-staff on the top of Victoria Tower, Westmin-
ster .—May be made daily by parties of not less than twelve, at any
hour from 3 a.m. to 9 p.m. Tickets at Lord Chamberlain’s office, the
Lunacy Commissioners,- Charing Cross Hospital, and all respectable
licensed victuallers.
Cleopatra's Needle, and Albert Memorial, Hyde Park.—Same
conditions, excepting that for the latter a guide with ice-hatchet and.
ropes must be hired at the base. N.B. For the convenience of inex-
perienced climbers, a solicitor, with Forms of Wills ready for
signature, will be generally found, in attendance on foggy or wet
afternoons between 12 and 4. Witnesses, if required, can always
be secured on the spot by payment of a small fee.
_ The Outside Parapet of Waterloo Bridge.—Free. Intending
visitors over eighty should, in windy weather, get a policeman to
accompany them along the ledge on all-fours and hold them securely
by the hair when turning corners.
Main Drainage System.— Can be inspected at all points, and
descent made immediately on application to any of the local officials.
This should, however, not be attempted after dusk without a map
and lucifers. N.B. There is no cab-stand at Barking.
The Interior of the Chandelier at Drury Lane Theatre.—Through
the roof at any hour. As the above is seen to its best advantage
when lighted, a free admission for two to the Upper Boxes, giving
access to a prohibited back staircase, will be found most conve-
nient. Care should be taken not to drop heavy walking-sticks, rolls
of half-pence, or front-door keys on to the heads of the occupants of
the stalls beneath. Moreover, the chandelier not being capable of
supporting the weight of more than two visitors at a time, it is as
well to arrange with the policeman in pursuit, and offer him a small
consideration to wait in the neck.
The Tigers' Den at the Zoological Gardens, Regent's Park.—Free
daily. The best hour for entering the above is about twenty
minutes before feeding-time, when the animals are generally pretty
fresh and always lively and amusing; strangers who are paying
their first visit, however, would do well to. provide themselves with
a complete diver’s dress, a pickaxe, fog-signal, and a side of raw
beef. There are no fees.
The Dome of the Albert Hall—At all hours by fire-escape in felt
slippers. Care should be taken to avoid, if possible, going through
the glass roof into the larger organ-pipes.
The Weathercock on the New Lain Courts— In company with the
Lord Chancellor, at any hour after dark, &c., &c.
But will Mr. Dickens kindly look at his capital Dictionary, and
revise still further in the same direction ?
The River-Drift Girl.
( Written at Skindle’s, and dedicated to Professor Boyd Dawkins.)
0 River-drift Girl,
With the tangled curl,
Afloat in your light canoe !
Who’s happier than
The River-drift Man,
So happy to drift with you!
Oh, ’tis sweet to note,
In the drifting boat—
As clouds drift o’er the blue—
The drifters ga,y,
As they drift away,
Away in their light canoe.
Appropriate Cricket-Ground.—Batters-y Park.
Vol. 83.
4