Punch: Punch (83.1882)

November 4, 1882.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Wilson dance a pas seul in a very limited space; and the entire
show has such a soporific effect on him, that it absolutely sends him
to sleep for twenty years, and when he wakes he finds his hair
turned white, and, on looking' into a bucket
of water, the truth must strike Mr. Leslie
that he closely resembles the photographs
of the late Mr. Dar-
win. In his native
place he finds every-
thing changed, as in
the original story so
well dramatised by Mr.

Boucicault, and so
marvellously played by
Mr. J. Jefferson as

Rip. End of Act II.—It’s Stork

Goblin and Drinkin’. Lionel Brough’s without action,

part was, on the first

night, a very stupid one ; his one joke, which he shared with Mr.
Leslie, as Rip, being, “ Chal-uck it up a catch-word which, if

repeated often enough, may stick.

The Kittens of the Katskill Mountains ; or, “All among the Ballet! ”

Miss Violet Cameron’s sole chance is with the Letter Song
(wasn’t there a far superior Letter Song in La Perichole ?) in
the Third Act, which may become popular, though it is not
“catchy”—indeed, there is so
little for an audience to
away with them that
slightest removal of a tune
would endanger the entire
Opera.

Miss Saidi Martinot is
pretty and lively, but on the
first night, though probably
improved by now, she could
scarcely be heard beyond the
third row of stalls.

The dialogue is generally dull, occasionally
enlivened by a selection from Joe Miller; as
when the Lawyer wants to be paid by Rip
“ for the opinion he had of him the other day,”
and Rip returns that “he never had any opinion
of him”—for which overhaul not only Joe Miller
but Smith’s Irish Diamonds, &c., &c. No
doubt the French collaborateurs were delighted
with this jeu de mot when it was explained
to them with the aid of a grammar and
dictionary. . _ _ “All her eye and Saidi

One good thing in the dialogue we record : Martin 0 ! ”

“You know what a person ought to do who
lives in a glass-house?” “Yes,” is the reply, “pull down the
blinds.” This, whether new or old, whether Mr. Farnie’s or Mr.

Anybody Else’s, is excellent. But it
stands alone, as does the Letter Song.

Mr. Brough has little to sing, do,
or say, except the already mentioned
phrase “Chal-uck it up,” which ap-
plies to Rip's score for drink chalked
up on the tavern shutter; and Rip's
score on the shutter closely resembles
Rip's orchestral score, being of a very
even character throughout. That it
will have a fair run is probable, but
that it will never rival the popularity
of Les Cloches is absolutely certain.

It was reported that M. Planquette
refused £20,000 for Rip. If it was a
music publisher who made this offer, he
must have been Boosey. But M. Plan-
_ quette, being a devout man, went to
Chappell, and was able to wire to his friends, “Chappell closed ! ”

Duet—Rip and Derrick—with a
real good shake.

SCHOOL-BOREDOM.

Dear Mr. Punch,

Your Correspondent is mistaken as to the number of
Standards which Candidates for the School-Board will be required
to pass. There are now seven instead of six, and I suppose the
number will be seventeen before the next School-Board Election.
Meanwhile, I send you two letters, Jioth from Lady Candidates, who
solicit my vote at the ensuing Election. The first is as follows :—

“ Dear Sir,

“ I beg to inform you that I am desirous of obtaining a seat
in the School-Board at the forthcoming Election, and for the follow-
ing reason :—I wish to see the brutal and barbarous practice of cor-
poral punishment entirely abolished. I desire to see the Board
Schools supplied with sugar-plums instead of birch-rods. ‘ Hope
springs eternal in the human breast,’ &c., and the hope of reward is
a far more powerful incentive to exertion than the base fear of the
rod. Having no children of my own, I can devote my entire atten-
tion to this great question; for I do not hesitate to say that our
practice of flogging is a national disgrace.

“ I am, dear Sir, Your obedient Servant,

“ Tabitha Tantrum.”

Another Candidate, Mr. Punch, takes an entirely opposite view
of this vexed question. She writes as follows:—

“ I trust, Sir, you will not allow yourself to be led away by the
ridiculous theory lately started that corporal punishment should be
abolished in all Board Schools. I have seen the letter of Miss Tan-
trum. She says she has no boys of her own, and, I presume, is not
likely to have any. What, then, is her opinion worth ? I am proud
to say that I am the mother of six children, and, I tell her, that
boys will be boys, and that boys that never require a licking are
never good for anything. Abolish flogging, indeed ! You might as
well abolish the Ten Commandments, trial by jury, fox-hunting,
cricket, or any other established institution of the country. I
always thought Miss Tantrum was a sensible person until now,
what I think of her now I shall leave you to guess. Hoping for the
honour of yo.ur support at the forthcoming election.

“ I am, &c. Wilhelmina Whackum.”

Between these rival Candidates, Mr. Punch, I am somewhat
puzzled, but before committing myself to either I shall wait to see
whether they can qualify for a seat in the School Board by passing
the seventh standard. j am, &c. A Perplexed Ratepayer.

CONSERYATIYE ORSONS ENDOWED WITH REASON.

If what Lord Carnarvon has publicly stated is true—or nearly
true—we are within what, in cultured slang, is called “a measurable
distance ” of the Millennium. He says that three-fourths of the
literary power of the country, and four-fifths of the intellectual
ability, are on the Conservative side. The mere statement of such a
fact, if it is a fact, is enough to send the sternest Radical delirious
with joy. The Conservative Orson is at last endowed with reason.
A political Party which has acted for centuries as a drag on social
progress—which did all it could to stop the introduction of gas and
railways, which believed in waggons and a four days’ ride from
London to Manchester, which hated cheap newspapers, and fought
hard fqr stamp and paper duties, which still has a sneaking kindness
for dear bread, and an outspoken love for dear clothes, dear wine,
and dear land,—is glorying in the possession of nearly all the literary
and intellectual power in England. We will not inquire too closely
into the origin of this power. It may be a divine gift—a sudden
inspiration—or it may be the result of long, earnest, and observant
education. The Conservatives may have followed the example of
their late lamented leader, and have learnt wisdom even from their
enemies. Let us hope that they will use this wisdom for the public
good, and do something in the future that will make us forget the
wretched past. Passive, not to say obstructive, ability is not a
quality likely to meet with general admiration.

What Will You Teck ?— At the banquet given to the First
Life Guards by the Emightsbridgians, the Duke of Teck is reported
to have said, in returning thanks for himself, that he had “ turned
up in Egypt like a bad shilling, and now trusted that the Army would
regard him as a comrade.” Why ? Are the enlisted Qneen’s shil-
lings all bad ones, that they should regard false coin as a comrade ?
Surely, His All Serene Highness did himself an injustice. “ Wewould
not hear his enemy say so.” He went out in the Postal Telegraphic
Service, didn’t he?—and was employed as an in-and-out post when
not engaged in keeping his eye on a distinguished Russian visitor.

Parallel to a Proverb.—’Tis the early bird that beholds the
Comet.

Vol. 83.

7—2