Punch: Punch (83.1882)

302

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 30, 1882,

CHRISTMAS GHOSTS.

’Tis Christmas Eve, a festive
time,

They loved it in the Middle
Ages;

’Tis honoured both in prose and
rhyme,

On many illustrated pages :

But not for me the songs they
raise ;

All youth’s illusions long have
vanish’d;

Here come dead faces of old
days—

The phantoms that I’d fain
have banish’d.

Here’s Fred, who wrote his
father’s name,

And cash’d the cheque, the
strangest notion;

Brave Bill, whose burglaries won
fame,—

They sent him gratis o’er the
ocean.

There’s Majrmaduke, who made
a noise

By running off with Lady
Janet;

And Sam by slaying two small
boys,

His children, in the Isle of
Thanet.

Dear Ghosts! Although your
chains may clanlc,

May your small failings be
forgiven;

Believe me that you left a blank,

When from your friends un-
timely riven.

So here I pledge each honest soul

That Charon o’er the Styx has
ferried.

Though folks may think, upon
the whole,

It’s just as well they ’re dead
and buried!

Appropriate.—The Exhibition
of Rational Dress will be called
the Rational Gallery.

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 116,

J. A. FROUDE.

Carlyle's Sgtcaking Likeness (grimly)—

“ After my Death 1 wish no other Herald,
No other Speaker of my living Actions,

To keep mine Honour from Corruption,

But such an honest Chronicler as—Froude.”

OUR CHRISTMAS CARD-
BASKET.

Marion & Co.’s Christmas
Cards. The name sounds as if
the cards in question would be
pictures of Robin Hood, Little
John, and Friar Tuck—(Tuck,
by the way, has his own special
Christmas Cards)—but they have
nothing to do with the lawless
Foresters, whether at the Gaiety
or elsewhere, though, of course,
suggestive of Gaiety, as they
should be at this season.

Mr. Harding, of 157, Picca-
dilly, has called and left his
Christmas and New Year Cards.
Charming designs. But Christ-
mas and New Year are getting
very mixed, and we find ourselves
sending a Happy New Year, with-
out the Merry Christmas Card,
to arrive on the 25th, and then
we shall have to send the Christ-
mas Card to arrive on the first
of January. Poor Yalentine’s
Day !! What can be left for that
occasion ?

Last, but very far from least,
in this receptacle we find those
of the latest visitors—Prang's
Prize Cards, — and real Prize
Cards they are too, some of them
being the most beautiful of all
this year’s prolific, varied, and
artistic crop. They must rank
first among the Prang-cipal pro-
ductions of Christmas time.

HEE-HAW ! HEE-HAW ! !

Among the novelties at the
Alcazar are advertised “The won-
derful ^Esthetic Donkeys.” It is
satisfactory to know that Messrs.
Maudle, Postlethwaite, & Co.
are going to do something at last
towards earning an honest living.

The Compliment of the.
Season.—All the ingredients of
stuffing.

THE CORRESPONDENT IN TURKEY.

Quite astounded! Received my “first warning” this morning
from new “ Censor of Foreign Correspondents.” Don’t know what
for. Can the Sultan possibly have got hold of that capital joke I
sent to the humorous column in the Mull of Cantyre Weekly Adver-
tiser about the Golden Horn not having much gold in it at present F
Must really be more caref ul, or shall have to discontinue connection
with Mull of Cantyre Weekly Advertiser altogether.

Find a new “ Central Press Bureau’’has been established. Cor-
respondents invited to “correct their apprehensions by authentic
official intelligence,” and visit the Bureau.

Do so. Find a Pasha in attendance. Asks what paper I write
for. Tell him the Mull of Cantyre Weekly Advertiser—most im-
portant journal. Gets oat a map of China, and tries to find Mull of
Cantyre.

Not a bad fellow, the Pasha. Offers me cigar and coffee. I ask
him what official news he can let me have. He replies, “lots.”
Have I heard that Sultan’s constitutional tendencv to toothache has
been revived in attempting to please members of Harem by devour-
ing all the boxes of Rahat-ia-Khoum given him for Christmas
presents ? I tell him, politely, that this is not quite the sort of news
the readers of the Mull of Cantyre Advertiser will care to read.

Pasha seems really pained. A§ks, “ what they do care to read?”
I reply, “ any high political news; state of Egypt; sentiments of
Prince Bismarck, Count Kalnoky, the Czar, &c.” Pasha smiles,
apparently pleased ; says he can give me plenty of information
which he is sure will be quite new to British Public on these points.

Egypt, he says, by latest advices, is simply longing to have Turkish

troops instead of British. Lord Dufferin has written private note
to Sultan, expressing his profound contrition for having ever
thought himself better qualified than the Turkish Ministry to
manage affairs of Egypt. As for the Khedive, he can hardly be
restrained by sixteen strong attendants and a strait-waistcoat from
rushing to Constantinople, to fall at His Majesty’s feet. Prince
Bismarck has sent a telegram (in cipher), to express his desire to-
float a new Imperial Ottoman Loan on Berlin Bourse. The Czar’s
friendly disposition shown by his attempt to borrow the “bomb-
proof landau ” in which Sultan supposed to drive to Mosque, but
which, as a matter of fact, does not exist, seeing that “ the Sultan
is sufficiently guarded by the enthusiastic devotion of all his
subjects.”

Pasha wants to know if I should like any more news F “Not
to-day ?” “Then good-bye ;” and I am to remember that I have
lost one of my three “ lives;” and if I lose two more, a special
steamer is in readiness in harbour to convey me out of His Majesty’s
dominions. Failure to telegraph the news just given me will be
regarded as an offence against the Censor. Hopes I shall not have to-
spend my Christmas on Mull of Cantyre, and is sure the M. of C.
Advertiser's readers will be delighted to receive the authentic official
news which is always to be provided at the “ Central Turkish Press
Bureau.”

J J. & J. Smith’s Diaries.—We like Diaries, specially Pepys's
and Evelyn's, but, since the Belt Case, we don’t intend to keep a
Diary of our own, but are going to keep Smith's instead. The most
useful are their Office Diaries,—i.e., “Given,” of course, “the
Office.”