DOI issue:
July 19, 1884
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17757#0044
36
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 19, 1884.
Must do it. Duty first, and natural affection afterwards. But so
painful.”
11 Surprised at fresh, anguish of Noble Loid, ’ said Rosebery.
“Thought he’d have got used to it by this time. Since he has
always voted against the Government from day he got his Peerage,
his coronet must be to him a crown of thorns.”
Wednesday.—Granville speaking when night lapsed in morning.
Salisbury been disappointing, Granville not exhilarating. In
truth the Division’s the thing, and nothing new to be said. House
more crowded than ever. Sham Debate on Government of London
Bill in Commons died out, and more Members pushing in to see the
Division. Poet Laureate entered, looking picture of depression.
“ Cheer up, Alfred,” I said to him. “ It ’ll soon be over, and you
haven’t to speak.”
“It’s not that,” he said, forlornly holding out a Nineteenth-
Century hat. “ It’s this that weighs me down. Haven’t worn a
thing like that for over fifty years. Was told I must put it on to
come down to-night. Don’t know what to do with it. If I put it on,
makes head ache; if I take it off, I lean up against it, or sit on it, or
find my feet in it. Then always brush the nap wrong way. How do
you fellows remember which way nap goes P Fancy it doesn’t go the
same way on all hats. Look here. New this morning.”
Certainly a bad-looking hat under circumstances; but no one,
except Lord Hardwicke, would notice it.
“ Shall drop it out of carriage-window on way home,” Tennyson
said, with gleam of old life in his sad eyes.
Funny to see him holding it during Granville’s speech, as if it
were some strange animal; not sure wouldn’t bite or scratch.
Quarter-past One Division called. Q,uarter-of-an-hour later all
over. Franchise Bill rejected by Majority of 59 in House of 351
Members. Labby chuckled, and rubbed his hands. The brow of the
Markiss grew black as a thunder-cloud.
“ Fifty-nine! ” he muttered, between clenched teeth, “and our
normal majority against Gladstone is 120. This is a pretty beginning
in July. What will it be in Octobe^P ”
Thursday.—On Tuesday Salisbury played check to Franchise
Bill. Next move with Gladstone. Played it to-night in crowded
House. All Bills thrown overboard; Session forthwith wound up.
Meet again in October and give Lords another chance. Premier
announces all this in quietest tone. Quite disgusts Randolph, who
had thought better of him.
“ Believed he’d go on the rampage,” he said, talking the matter
over afterwards; “ would defy Salisbury" and all his works, challenge
Peers to mortal combat and give us a lively half-hour. Instead of
that avoids all mention of Lords. Sets forth business programme in
calm matter-of-fact way. Thought better of him than this.”
Randolph does his best to make up average. Storms at Dilke for
alleged misquotation. Dilke replies. During his speech Randolph
almost as much on feet as Dilke, shouting, gesticulating, contra-
dicting, and showing admiring House how Gladstone ought to have
conducted himself.
Row going forward, Irish Members of course step in; bring up
the Cornwall case ; pursue Ministers with questions.
“ You’ve got your verdict; ruined your man,” I said to O’Brten.
“ Wouldn’t it be more decent, not to talk of generosity; to leave the
pursuit to others ? ”
“Ah, Toby", me boy,” said O'Brien, “you don’t understand the
chivalry of Irish nature as represented on these Benches. I’ve got
him down as you say, and I mean to torture him—to death if he
can’t hold out.”
Began business at Half-past Ten. Yote for salaries and officials of
House of Lords. Labby wants to stop payment.
“ Let the Lords put their own coats on and find their own sticks,”
he says, in his fine frank way. “ If they have to bring up the coals
themselves in winter, open the windows in summer, cook their own
chops, carry the mace to and fro on their own shoulders, sweep the
floor, dust the benches, and fetch and carry their own papers and
letters they’ll thankfully accept abolition.”
Business done.—Two Yotes in Civil Service Estimates agreed to.
RIFLE TRIFLES.
[By Dumb-Crambo Junior.)
Rifle Association.
Frys Meeting.
Staff Officer and Bull’s-eye.
Commissariat and Transport.
Running Man and Deer.
Sounding the Assembly
Head-quarters Bugle will always be
preceded by Three Gees. ”—Extract
from Regulations.
Friday.—Tremendous row in both Houses. Gladstone said that
Salisbury had said wouldn’t discuss Franchise Bill with rope round
his neck. Of course not. Why should he ? Might be useful when
he wanted to pull himself together to make speech. But scarcely
necessary, and most unusual. Markiss led row himself in Lords,
Randolph obliging in Commons.
“Yery good,” said Charles Russell, taking another pinch of
snuff on strength of it. “Yery clever. Quite smart. The Markiss
gets into difficulties with his own side for not communicating com-
promise to them. So gets up row in both Houses to draw off attention
from himself by attacking Gladstone.” Business done.—None.
“The Commons’ Preservation Society.”—Will, any one follow
! Lord Salisbury in starting a “ Lords’ Preservation Society ? ”
To the Scientific Dress-Cutting Association.
[By a Perspiring Victim of Heat and Broadcloth.')
Sermons you periodically preach us
Concerning Dress-cutting. Oh! in this weather,
They were a blessed boon, could they but teach us
Practically—to “ cut” it altogether !
Young Lady [in the Drawing-room). “Just listen! I can hear
the Gentlemen laughing. I believe they tell all their good stories
directly we ’re out of the dining-room.”
Experienced and rather severe Matron. “ Good stories, dear!
No—‘ good ' is not the word.”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[July 19, 1884.
Must do it. Duty first, and natural affection afterwards. But so
painful.”
11 Surprised at fresh, anguish of Noble Loid, ’ said Rosebery.
“Thought he’d have got used to it by this time. Since he has
always voted against the Government from day he got his Peerage,
his coronet must be to him a crown of thorns.”
Wednesday.—Granville speaking when night lapsed in morning.
Salisbury been disappointing, Granville not exhilarating. In
truth the Division’s the thing, and nothing new to be said. House
more crowded than ever. Sham Debate on Government of London
Bill in Commons died out, and more Members pushing in to see the
Division. Poet Laureate entered, looking picture of depression.
“ Cheer up, Alfred,” I said to him. “ It ’ll soon be over, and you
haven’t to speak.”
“It’s not that,” he said, forlornly holding out a Nineteenth-
Century hat. “ It’s this that weighs me down. Haven’t worn a
thing like that for over fifty years. Was told I must put it on to
come down to-night. Don’t know what to do with it. If I put it on,
makes head ache; if I take it off, I lean up against it, or sit on it, or
find my feet in it. Then always brush the nap wrong way. How do
you fellows remember which way nap goes P Fancy it doesn’t go the
same way on all hats. Look here. New this morning.”
Certainly a bad-looking hat under circumstances; but no one,
except Lord Hardwicke, would notice it.
“ Shall drop it out of carriage-window on way home,” Tennyson
said, with gleam of old life in his sad eyes.
Funny to see him holding it during Granville’s speech, as if it
were some strange animal; not sure wouldn’t bite or scratch.
Quarter-past One Division called. Q,uarter-of-an-hour later all
over. Franchise Bill rejected by Majority of 59 in House of 351
Members. Labby chuckled, and rubbed his hands. The brow of the
Markiss grew black as a thunder-cloud.
“ Fifty-nine! ” he muttered, between clenched teeth, “and our
normal majority against Gladstone is 120. This is a pretty beginning
in July. What will it be in Octobe^P ”
Thursday.—On Tuesday Salisbury played check to Franchise
Bill. Next move with Gladstone. Played it to-night in crowded
House. All Bills thrown overboard; Session forthwith wound up.
Meet again in October and give Lords another chance. Premier
announces all this in quietest tone. Quite disgusts Randolph, who
had thought better of him.
“ Believed he’d go on the rampage,” he said, talking the matter
over afterwards; “ would defy Salisbury" and all his works, challenge
Peers to mortal combat and give us a lively half-hour. Instead of
that avoids all mention of Lords. Sets forth business programme in
calm matter-of-fact way. Thought better of him than this.”
Randolph does his best to make up average. Storms at Dilke for
alleged misquotation. Dilke replies. During his speech Randolph
almost as much on feet as Dilke, shouting, gesticulating, contra-
dicting, and showing admiring House how Gladstone ought to have
conducted himself.
Row going forward, Irish Members of course step in; bring up
the Cornwall case ; pursue Ministers with questions.
“ You’ve got your verdict; ruined your man,” I said to O’Brten.
“ Wouldn’t it be more decent, not to talk of generosity; to leave the
pursuit to others ? ”
“Ah, Toby", me boy,” said O'Brien, “you don’t understand the
chivalry of Irish nature as represented on these Benches. I’ve got
him down as you say, and I mean to torture him—to death if he
can’t hold out.”
Began business at Half-past Ten. Yote for salaries and officials of
House of Lords. Labby wants to stop payment.
“ Let the Lords put their own coats on and find their own sticks,”
he says, in his fine frank way. “ If they have to bring up the coals
themselves in winter, open the windows in summer, cook their own
chops, carry the mace to and fro on their own shoulders, sweep the
floor, dust the benches, and fetch and carry their own papers and
letters they’ll thankfully accept abolition.”
Business done.—Two Yotes in Civil Service Estimates agreed to.
RIFLE TRIFLES.
[By Dumb-Crambo Junior.)
Rifle Association.
Frys Meeting.
Staff Officer and Bull’s-eye.
Commissariat and Transport.
Running Man and Deer.
Sounding the Assembly
Head-quarters Bugle will always be
preceded by Three Gees. ”—Extract
from Regulations.
Friday.—Tremendous row in both Houses. Gladstone said that
Salisbury had said wouldn’t discuss Franchise Bill with rope round
his neck. Of course not. Why should he ? Might be useful when
he wanted to pull himself together to make speech. But scarcely
necessary, and most unusual. Markiss led row himself in Lords,
Randolph obliging in Commons.
“Yery good,” said Charles Russell, taking another pinch of
snuff on strength of it. “Yery clever. Quite smart. The Markiss
gets into difficulties with his own side for not communicating com-
promise to them. So gets up row in both Houses to draw off attention
from himself by attacking Gladstone.” Business done.—None.
“The Commons’ Preservation Society.”—Will, any one follow
! Lord Salisbury in starting a “ Lords’ Preservation Society ? ”
To the Scientific Dress-Cutting Association.
[By a Perspiring Victim of Heat and Broadcloth.')
Sermons you periodically preach us
Concerning Dress-cutting. Oh! in this weather,
They were a blessed boon, could they but teach us
Practically—to “ cut” it altogether !
Young Lady [in the Drawing-room). “Just listen! I can hear
the Gentlemen laughing. I believe they tell all their good stories
directly we ’re out of the dining-room.”
Experienced and rather severe Matron. “ Good stories, dear!
No—‘ good ' is not the word.”