DOI issue:
November 29, 1884
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17757#0260
LONDON CHARIVARI
A PUZZLER.
Hairdresser {mechanically). “Much off, Sir?”
Customer. “ Don’t Overdo it—don’t Overdo it ! ! ” \_Goes to sleep.
IMPERIAL CONFEDERATED PARLIAMENTARY
NOTICES (for 1889).
House of Lords.
Order of the Bay, and Notices.
Viscount Botany Bay.—To ask questions as to an
article which appeared in the Gaulois relative to a review
of the Royal Australian Life Guards.
The Earl of Montreal. — To call attention of the
House to the Report of the Royal Commission upon the
Canadian Navy.
Hong-Kong Defence Bill. Select Committee to he
named.
House of Commons.
Orders of the Day.
Supply.—Committee of New Zealand Representatives.
Pollution of Rivers (Transvaal) Bill. Second Reading.
Questions.
Mr. William Sikes.—As to the condition of the South
Australian Gaols.
Mr. R. Full Dodger.—As to the Police Force of Mel-
bourne.
Mr. John Bonhome.—As to the teaching of the French
language at the Board-Schools of Montreal.
Notices of Motion.
On going into Committee of Supply,
Mr. Larouchere.—To move that, in view of the fact
that the Conservative Party has been in a majority in
the House of Lords for some years, the Hereditary Peer&
from Australasia be immediately returned to their own
country.
Mr. ArthurElliott.—To call attention to the grouping
of Parliamentary Burghs in Scotland, Tasmania, and the
Cape of Good Hope.
Mr. Biggar.—To move that it is inexpedient to con-
sider any matter involving the welfare of any part of
the new Empire until the wrongs of Ireland have been
permanently redressed.
Summary of a recently well-settled case in accordance
with the Attorney-General’s statement. Worth pow-
der and shot, of course. But, like the ’possum, he came
down ; and—came down handsomely.
GOOD NEWS EOR COMMON COUNCILMEN.
I
The Corporation has built for itself a new Council Chamber, of
: such admirable design and proportions, so elaborately decorated and
with the decorations in such exquisite taste, with such supremely
j comfortable seats for themselves, and such an abundance of accom-
modation for those of the Public who care to listen to their words of
wisdom, that the heart of every Common Councilman glows with
pride and satisfaction, when gazing at the beautiful building that
the genius of this architect has produced. It has another claim, too,
upon their admiration. It was commenced when rumours were rife
that their end, as the Corporation of the City of London, was
rapidly approaching; and completed soon after the withdrawal of
the Bill that was to have ended their long and not inglorious history.
It bears testimony, therefore, at one and the same time to their
admirable taste, their dauntless courage, and their undying faith.
Why, then, are the brows of our leading Common Councilmen
clouded with care whenever aUusion is made to this beautiful new
| Council Chamber ? For this one simple but most sufficient reason;
scarcely a word uttered by the City Fathers in their new home reaches
, the ears of the listening Reporters. Smith may make such a speech
I upon Art, in connection with Sculpture for Blackfriars Bridge, as
would astonish the whole Royal Academy, but the cruel Reporters
j say they did not hear a word ! Brown may utter such an eulogium
I upon “ Triumphant Billingsgate,” as would at once convince a pre-
judiced public that this classic region is as chaste as ice, and as pure
as snow, and that there can be no Ring there as everything is on the
I Square ; but the Reporters merely report that it was unintelligible !
Jones may treat the pleasant subject of sewage in his own playful
manner, and even illustrate it with examples of growing crops of
i corn in flower-pots, to the delight and astonishment of the lookers-on,
alas ! not hearers ; and the Reporters will express their regret that
the flower-pot exhibition was utterly incomprehensible! And
Robinson, ever popular Robinson, who used to be always welcomed
with a shout, may crack some of his very best jokes, such as “ when
Kilkenny cats fall out, somebody is very like to come out all right! ”
but all in vain, the Reporters cannot hear, so the Reporters cease to
be Reporters as they cannot report. But as the poet says :—
“ The clouds will pass if we ’ve patience to wait,
And the sun shine forth, though the hour be late.”
And so it is with the City Fathers. The clouds are passing from
their massive brows, and the sun of their eloquence wiU again shine
forth, to the relief of Reporters and the delight and amusement of
mankind. Assistance has come to them from a most unexpected
quarter. A learned Doctor, after nine years of patient investigation,,
has discovered the secret why Italian voices are the most beautiful in
the world, and how ordinary English voices can be Italianised. The
process is so simple that there can be but little doubt that every
Common Councilman will at once try it.. For the utterly insignifi-
cant sum of a guinea, he can procure a silver tube, about ten inches
long, which contains wicks saturated with the special elements of
Italian air. Two inhalations will so improve and strengthen his
voice t«hat his delighted hearers will listen with rapture to any
nonsense he may choose to utter, supposing such a man ever con-
descended to talk nonsense, and Smith’s beautiful, but weak, tenor
voice, at present inaudible to all, will at once.become a tenore robusto,
and resound through the beautiful Council Chamber like that of
Tamberlik in days of yore ; BROWrN’s squeaky alto will become soft
and musical; Jones’s baritone will remind us of Graziani ; and the
deep but inaudible bass of Robinson will then bring back to our
recollection dear old Lablache.
We hear that our staunch economist has suggested that one of
these priceless instruments should be hung up in each of the four
doorways, so that each member before commencing his oration can
have just a couple of inhalations free of charge. It is also suggested
by the Chairman of the Musical Committee, that the speeches should
in future be delivered in recitative, but the Lord Mayor, who is a
strict disciplinarian, at once ruled it out of order. The next meeting
of the Common Council is looked forward to with intense excitement,
Madame Marie Roze and Lady Macfarren having special seats re-
served for them among the Aldermen, and Dr. Carter Moffat one
beside the Town Clerk.
A PUZZLER.
Hairdresser {mechanically). “Much off, Sir?”
Customer. “ Don’t Overdo it—don’t Overdo it ! ! ” \_Goes to sleep.
IMPERIAL CONFEDERATED PARLIAMENTARY
NOTICES (for 1889).
House of Lords.
Order of the Bay, and Notices.
Viscount Botany Bay.—To ask questions as to an
article which appeared in the Gaulois relative to a review
of the Royal Australian Life Guards.
The Earl of Montreal. — To call attention of the
House to the Report of the Royal Commission upon the
Canadian Navy.
Hong-Kong Defence Bill. Select Committee to he
named.
House of Commons.
Orders of the Day.
Supply.—Committee of New Zealand Representatives.
Pollution of Rivers (Transvaal) Bill. Second Reading.
Questions.
Mr. William Sikes.—As to the condition of the South
Australian Gaols.
Mr. R. Full Dodger.—As to the Police Force of Mel-
bourne.
Mr. John Bonhome.—As to the teaching of the French
language at the Board-Schools of Montreal.
Notices of Motion.
On going into Committee of Supply,
Mr. Larouchere.—To move that, in view of the fact
that the Conservative Party has been in a majority in
the House of Lords for some years, the Hereditary Peer&
from Australasia be immediately returned to their own
country.
Mr. ArthurElliott.—To call attention to the grouping
of Parliamentary Burghs in Scotland, Tasmania, and the
Cape of Good Hope.
Mr. Biggar.—To move that it is inexpedient to con-
sider any matter involving the welfare of any part of
the new Empire until the wrongs of Ireland have been
permanently redressed.
Summary of a recently well-settled case in accordance
with the Attorney-General’s statement. Worth pow-
der and shot, of course. But, like the ’possum, he came
down ; and—came down handsomely.
GOOD NEWS EOR COMMON COUNCILMEN.
I
The Corporation has built for itself a new Council Chamber, of
: such admirable design and proportions, so elaborately decorated and
with the decorations in such exquisite taste, with such supremely
j comfortable seats for themselves, and such an abundance of accom-
modation for those of the Public who care to listen to their words of
wisdom, that the heart of every Common Councilman glows with
pride and satisfaction, when gazing at the beautiful building that
the genius of this architect has produced. It has another claim, too,
upon their admiration. It was commenced when rumours were rife
that their end, as the Corporation of the City of London, was
rapidly approaching; and completed soon after the withdrawal of
the Bill that was to have ended their long and not inglorious history.
It bears testimony, therefore, at one and the same time to their
admirable taste, their dauntless courage, and their undying faith.
Why, then, are the brows of our leading Common Councilmen
clouded with care whenever aUusion is made to this beautiful new
| Council Chamber ? For this one simple but most sufficient reason;
scarcely a word uttered by the City Fathers in their new home reaches
, the ears of the listening Reporters. Smith may make such a speech
I upon Art, in connection with Sculpture for Blackfriars Bridge, as
would astonish the whole Royal Academy, but the cruel Reporters
j say they did not hear a word ! Brown may utter such an eulogium
I upon “ Triumphant Billingsgate,” as would at once convince a pre-
judiced public that this classic region is as chaste as ice, and as pure
as snow, and that there can be no Ring there as everything is on the
I Square ; but the Reporters merely report that it was unintelligible !
Jones may treat the pleasant subject of sewage in his own playful
manner, and even illustrate it with examples of growing crops of
i corn in flower-pots, to the delight and astonishment of the lookers-on,
alas ! not hearers ; and the Reporters will express their regret that
the flower-pot exhibition was utterly incomprehensible! And
Robinson, ever popular Robinson, who used to be always welcomed
with a shout, may crack some of his very best jokes, such as “ when
Kilkenny cats fall out, somebody is very like to come out all right! ”
but all in vain, the Reporters cannot hear, so the Reporters cease to
be Reporters as they cannot report. But as the poet says :—
“ The clouds will pass if we ’ve patience to wait,
And the sun shine forth, though the hour be late.”
And so it is with the City Fathers. The clouds are passing from
their massive brows, and the sun of their eloquence wiU again shine
forth, to the relief of Reporters and the delight and amusement of
mankind. Assistance has come to them from a most unexpected
quarter. A learned Doctor, after nine years of patient investigation,,
has discovered the secret why Italian voices are the most beautiful in
the world, and how ordinary English voices can be Italianised. The
process is so simple that there can be but little doubt that every
Common Councilman will at once try it.. For the utterly insignifi-
cant sum of a guinea, he can procure a silver tube, about ten inches
long, which contains wicks saturated with the special elements of
Italian air. Two inhalations will so improve and strengthen his
voice t«hat his delighted hearers will listen with rapture to any
nonsense he may choose to utter, supposing such a man ever con-
descended to talk nonsense, and Smith’s beautiful, but weak, tenor
voice, at present inaudible to all, will at once.become a tenore robusto,
and resound through the beautiful Council Chamber like that of
Tamberlik in days of yore ; BROWrN’s squeaky alto will become soft
and musical; Jones’s baritone will remind us of Graziani ; and the
deep but inaudible bass of Robinson will then bring back to our
recollection dear old Lablache.
We hear that our staunch economist has suggested that one of
these priceless instruments should be hung up in each of the four
doorways, so that each member before commencing his oration can
have just a couple of inhalations free of charge. It is also suggested
by the Chairman of the Musical Committee, that the speeches should
in future be delivered in recitative, but the Lord Mayor, who is a
strict disciplinarian, at once ruled it out of order. The next meeting
of the Common Council is looked forward to with intense excitement,
Madame Marie Roze and Lady Macfarren having special seats re-
served for them among the Aldermen, and Dr. Carter Moffat one
beside the Town Clerk.