Punch: Punch (87.1884)

94

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI

[August 23, 1884. <

“THE STAFF!”

Talented Young Contributor (the clay after “ Bank Holiday ”). “ Is the Editor in ? Was

HE HERE YESTERDAY ! I CALLED IN THE-

Office Boy. “Oh no, Sir,—none of us wasn’t ’ere yest’day ! ”

THE LORDS AND THE FRANCHISE BILL.

(,Second and Improved. Edition, adapted to the Tory Campaign in the Autumn.)

The House of Lords has not thrown out the Franchise Bill. Certainly not; they have
merely refused to pass it.

On the contrary, they fondly love its principles, but strongly object to its practice.

All they insist upon is, that it should be accompanied with such a scheme of Redistribu-
tion as would neutralise all its intended results.

Without this, the Agricultural Labourers, who have so long been the objects of their
loving care, would get no more benefit from the Franchise than other people.

Without this, Two Millions of mere Borough Yoters will have more votes than Three Millions
of highly-educated County Yoters. (This enigma will be explained to the meanest agricul-
tural capacity, on application to Edipus, Carlton Club, Pall Mall.)

The Lords wish the whole measure, one-
half of which they have refused to pass,
and the other half of which no one has yet
seen—probably because it is not yet in
sight—to be passed in October, in order that
they may give their whole minds to showing
the same loving care for Pheasants as they
have long displayed for Peasants.

The Lords want the Bill, the whole Bill,
and nothing but the Bill, but they decline
to receive it at the hands of William.
They are so anxious, so eager, so deter-
mined to have their own complete Bill, that
they will tight the incomplete Bill of the
incapable Government, clause by clause,
and line by line ; and as they have a gre-
garious, obedient, strong-headed majority
of some sixty or seventy, they can promise
their beloved friends, the Agricultural La-
bourers, that no votes shall be forced upon
them, except on such conditions as their
Lords approve.

The Government want to give them votes
at once, untrammelled by other considera-
tions. The Lords refuse to give them votes
until means can be found to render them
harmless. Let the People judge between
the two!

LAYS OF A LAZY MINSTREL.

A PANTILE POEM.

Beneath the Limes, ’tis passing sweet
To shelter find from noontide heat;

At Tunbridge Wells, in torrid days,
This leafy shade ’s beyond all praise—
A picturesque, cool, calm retreat!

I sit upon a penny seat,

And noddle time with languid beat,

The while the band brave music plays
Beneath the Limes !

I watch the tramp of many feet,

And passing friends I limply greet;

Well shielded from the solar rays,

I sit and weave some lazy lays,

When hours are bright and time is tieet—
Beneath the Limes!

Beneath the Limes, ’tis good, you know,
To lounge here for an hour or so,

And sit and listen, if you please,

To sweet leaf-lyrics of the trees—

As balmy August breezes blow !

You ’ll dream of courtly belle and beau,
Who drank the waters long ago,

And flirted, danced, and took their ease—
Beneath the Limes!

No doubt they made a goodly show
In hoop, in sack, and furbelow;

These slaves to Fashion’s stern decrees,
These patched and powdered Pantilese,
With all their grand punctilio—

Beneath the Limes!

Beneath the Limes, perchance you ’ll fret
For bygone times, and may regret
The manners of the time of Anne,

The graceful conduct of a fan,

And stately old-world etiquette !

The good old days are gone, and yet
You never saw, I ’ll freely bet,

More beauty since the Wells began—
Beneath the Limes!

For Hetty, Bell, and Margaret,

With Mary, Mab, and Yiolet,

Alicia, Phyllis, Mona, Nan,

And others you ’ll not fail to scan,

Will make you bygone times forget—
Beneath the Limes 1

literary.

Q. Why is a Preface like Charity ?

A. Because it begins a tome (at home).