DOI Heft:
November 1, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17757#0223
PlJNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 1, 1884.
business of Session lies in a nutshell. Could, be cracked in a fort-
night, and everybody off home, where at this time of year they
ought to be. Consequence is, a little impatience with long speaking.
Business done.—Address moved.
Friday.-—Randolph tried a fall with Chamberlain to-night, and
got badly thrown. Impression spreads that Chamberlain better be
left alone. A mild, rather juvenile person. Looks as if he might
occasionally be taken out, aud whipped with impunity. Randolph
begins to think not, and Wolfe agrees. To-night he positively
called Wolff “ a jackal! ” More than Randolph could stand. The
remark not only rud*:', but scientifically inaccurate.
“ How can a Wolff be a jackal ?” Randolph asks Speaker, on
point of order.
Speaker can’t say. But thinks best way will be not to take
matter too literally. Of course when Chamberlain said Member
for Portsmouth was a jackal, he didn’t mean that Lord Randolph
was a lion. In fact, whole matter was figure of speech.
Wolff puzzled, but not contented. Chamberlain explained,
with increasing suavity, that the remark was purely figurative—
exactly the same as when Stafford Xorthcote had called Ran-
dolph “a bonnet.” A pretty hit this. Left nothing more to be
said or done. All the score to Chamberlain.
Trevelyan back to-night. House cheers him when he appears at
the Table. Liberal, Conservative, or whatever we be, all eager to
i recognise in his promotion the just reward of conspicuous and modest
merit. Irish Members boo-hoo and howl, and wave shillelaghs.
Tim Healy told Trevelyan that his pillow would be haunted, by
! the ghost of the murdered Joyce. More figurative language this.
| Only means that, whilst Chief Secretary, Trevelyan did his duty,
undaunted by threats, and unmoved by contumely.
Business done. — Debate on Address.
A BRILLIANT BATCH.
The report that, in certain undesirable eventualities, the Govern-
ment might find themselves forced to advise Her Majest? to add
materially to the Ministerial strength in the Upper Chamber of the
Legislature, has caused no slight flutter in the breasts of those who
have all along been for putting new life into the Peers on what is
termed a “ broadly liberal and intellectually comprehensive basis.”
The following preliminary List of Names, together with suggested
Titles and appropriate Mottos, though brief and fragmentary,
nevertheless reads well, and, as an earnest of what is to follow on
the same platform, will be hailed with enthusiasm by all well-
wishers to a reinvigorated and cosmopolitan Senate : —
Xante of Commoner.
Title.
Motto.
Mr. Dobbs
Lord Watermain .
“ Pro rata {ratios."
Mr. Wilson Barrett
Chairman of the District
Earl of Denmark Hill .
“ PLoni Soit qui mal y
Sixpence."
Railway Company
Messrs. Crosse and Black-
Lord Block .
“ Bene Svffocatus.”
well ....
Duke of Soho
“ Jam Satis.”
Mr. Bradlaugh
Earl of JM orthampton
“ Ego et Lex Mens.”
“ Aut Caesar aut Midi
Mr. Augustus Harris
Lord Dundrury
Mr. Toole
Lord Toole
“ Too late tulatus
Dr. Crichton Browne
Earl of Braintree .
“ Fitch dyin.”
The Tichbome Claimant
Lord Portland
“ Pro bono Publicani."
Mr. Bancroft
Proprietor of Eno’s Fruit
.Marquis of Wilton
“ Bogey non Bog us. ”
Salt ....
Duke of Salisbury
“ Sell sola Salus.'”
SO AERY YOUNG!
The cultured care and thoughtful originality that have culminated
not only in a mere_ “revival,” but in an absolute ‘ ‘ rejuvenescence ” of
Hamlet at the Princess’s, invest the following rough notes, picked up
' iaite recently in Oxford Street, with much interest.
* * * * * *
Othello.—Good idea. A young lively nigger-boy. Might have
•ones and a banjo. Always up to a lark. Smothers Desdemona (old
mough to be his mother) out of pure fun. Might do regular “ Yah,
1 yah! ” business over it! Worth thinking out!
j ^ Macbeth.~M.ake him young? Hum!—No. Lady Macbeth? Yes.
That’s the idea. She a mere frolicsome girl egging him on. Me a
mothless, staggering old dotard of eighty, befooled into everything.
"hinks he sees the Witches. Liver ? Can’t clutch the dagger on
iccount of his lumbago. Might have his fight with Macduff Ln his
bedroom with his feet in hot water. Make Duncan a fair-haired
’>oy. Pretty foil to the old ’un— eh ? Think it would work out
" nice and fresh.” N.B.—Turn it over.
King Lear.—By the gods, I never thought of him. There’s the
boy for you! I can see myself with a long flowing wig of golden
Saxon ringlets and perfect legs ! Began, Goneril, and Cordelia, not
my daughters, but my three Maiden Aunts ! Why, it’s perfection.
Look at the lines, too !
“ How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is
To have a thankless ^lunt /”
It’s splendid ! Must see to it at once'!
Tempest. — Ha! That's good! How about a young, graceful,
well-favoured, shapely Caliban ? I’ve often thought, now, if I
could only-
'******
Here, unfortunately, the MS. breaks off ; hut what there is of it is
full of suggestion, and literary and dramatic circles cannot fail to be
on the watch.
A TIP FROM TEA-LAND.
The Authorities at Canton—so the correspondent of the Daily
News informs us—have posted a “Metrical Proclamation” about
the City, urging the almond-eyed Citizens to keep cool, avoid panic,
and stick to their work, even in view of the possible advent of
French men-of-war. Says this rhyme with reason:—
At Taikok and at Shakok, the headlands of the hay,
At Tumun and at C’heungan, to Canton the front way,
Our mighty army’s posted, our forts close clustered stand,
While thunder-lraught torpedoes guard the water and the land.
The six months of the hack way we’ve against surprise ensured,
And the City by defences have impregnably secured;
The highest-ranked officials being the foremost in the strife,
The French devils, if they come, will be sure to lose their life.
We shall blow up their steamers, so they cannot run away.
Then all you Canton people at your employments stay ;
Don’t move your goods and chattels, or ’twill be the worse for you.
Thus we by edict counsel what is best for each to do.
A wise edict, good counsel ! The Poets of the Flowery Land can
talk plain sense evidently, which is more than some of our flowery
bards can do. Perhaps such singularly pithy and outspoken
“ Metrical Proclamations,” in plain English, might be of service even
on the walls of onr politics- perturbed cities. Mr. Punch is minded
to try one. Behold :—
At Brummagem and Dumfries the roughs have had their way,
Have broken up a meeting, and bid a Marquis stay.
This is blank violation of Fair-play’s simplest rules.
Those who offend are rascals, they who defend them fools.
Political armies posted are a multitudinous hand,
And thunder-throated demagogues spout over all the land.
The hundred-mouthed new hydra perhaps must be endured,
But citizens ’gainst violence and row must be secured.
The highest-ranked officials who favour rowdy strife
Deserve to lose their offices, and stand disgraced for life.
They strike a blow at freedom, onr honour put at stake.
So, all yon patriot Britons, whichever side yon take,
Stand up against mob-violence, or ’twill be the worse for you.
Thus Punch by edict counsels what is best for all to do.
There ! John Chinaman has been the means, for once, of teaching
a lesson to John Bull. Lay it to heart, John, and act resoluteh
upon it, or most certainly, in the blunt language of the Mongolian
Metrical Mentor, “ ’twill be the worse for you l ”
POLITICAL PHEASANTS.
“ They are gone, they are off, hooray, ho-ho ! ”
Cried an old cock-pheasant with raucous crow.
“ In the fall of the leaf, from their copses brown,
And their acres, our Members, away to Town,
At the Royal summons to join debate
On a matter so weighty it may not wait.
Which has put a long pause to their poking fun
At the Pheasants with cartridge and choke-bore gun.”
“ Ah, yes ! ” sighed his mate, the sagacious hen,
“ But they’ve left behind their keepers, and men,
Besides the poachers that, all the same,
A share of the suffrage also claim ;
And we fetch in the market ten shillings a brace,
So I fear, my Bird, we shall hnd onr case
For the better scarce made by the ’Squires’ egression
From their Country Seats for an Autumn Session.”
“School-Board Idylls” (vide P. M. G.).—The School-Board
idles ? No. Rather the contrary. It overworks.
Reflection by Lord Randolph.—Spell “ Bonnet” how you will,
there must always be a “ Bee in it.”
business of Session lies in a nutshell. Could, be cracked in a fort-
night, and everybody off home, where at this time of year they
ought to be. Consequence is, a little impatience with long speaking.
Business done.—Address moved.
Friday.-—Randolph tried a fall with Chamberlain to-night, and
got badly thrown. Impression spreads that Chamberlain better be
left alone. A mild, rather juvenile person. Looks as if he might
occasionally be taken out, aud whipped with impunity. Randolph
begins to think not, and Wolfe agrees. To-night he positively
called Wolff “ a jackal! ” More than Randolph could stand. The
remark not only rud*:', but scientifically inaccurate.
“ How can a Wolff be a jackal ?” Randolph asks Speaker, on
point of order.
Speaker can’t say. But thinks best way will be not to take
matter too literally. Of course when Chamberlain said Member
for Portsmouth was a jackal, he didn’t mean that Lord Randolph
was a lion. In fact, whole matter was figure of speech.
Wolff puzzled, but not contented. Chamberlain explained,
with increasing suavity, that the remark was purely figurative—
exactly the same as when Stafford Xorthcote had called Ran-
dolph “a bonnet.” A pretty hit this. Left nothing more to be
said or done. All the score to Chamberlain.
Trevelyan back to-night. House cheers him when he appears at
the Table. Liberal, Conservative, or whatever we be, all eager to
i recognise in his promotion the just reward of conspicuous and modest
merit. Irish Members boo-hoo and howl, and wave shillelaghs.
Tim Healy told Trevelyan that his pillow would be haunted, by
! the ghost of the murdered Joyce. More figurative language this.
| Only means that, whilst Chief Secretary, Trevelyan did his duty,
undaunted by threats, and unmoved by contumely.
Business done. — Debate on Address.
A BRILLIANT BATCH.
The report that, in certain undesirable eventualities, the Govern-
ment might find themselves forced to advise Her Majest? to add
materially to the Ministerial strength in the Upper Chamber of the
Legislature, has caused no slight flutter in the breasts of those who
have all along been for putting new life into the Peers on what is
termed a “ broadly liberal and intellectually comprehensive basis.”
The following preliminary List of Names, together with suggested
Titles and appropriate Mottos, though brief and fragmentary,
nevertheless reads well, and, as an earnest of what is to follow on
the same platform, will be hailed with enthusiasm by all well-
wishers to a reinvigorated and cosmopolitan Senate : —
Xante of Commoner.
Title.
Motto.
Mr. Dobbs
Lord Watermain .
“ Pro rata {ratios."
Mr. Wilson Barrett
Chairman of the District
Earl of Denmark Hill .
“ PLoni Soit qui mal y
Sixpence."
Railway Company
Messrs. Crosse and Black-
Lord Block .
“ Bene Svffocatus.”
well ....
Duke of Soho
“ Jam Satis.”
Mr. Bradlaugh
Earl of JM orthampton
“ Ego et Lex Mens.”
“ Aut Caesar aut Midi
Mr. Augustus Harris
Lord Dundrury
Mr. Toole
Lord Toole
“ Too late tulatus
Dr. Crichton Browne
Earl of Braintree .
“ Fitch dyin.”
The Tichbome Claimant
Lord Portland
“ Pro bono Publicani."
Mr. Bancroft
Proprietor of Eno’s Fruit
.Marquis of Wilton
“ Bogey non Bog us. ”
Salt ....
Duke of Salisbury
“ Sell sola Salus.'”
SO AERY YOUNG!
The cultured care and thoughtful originality that have culminated
not only in a mere_ “revival,” but in an absolute ‘ ‘ rejuvenescence ” of
Hamlet at the Princess’s, invest the following rough notes, picked up
' iaite recently in Oxford Street, with much interest.
* * * * * *
Othello.—Good idea. A young lively nigger-boy. Might have
•ones and a banjo. Always up to a lark. Smothers Desdemona (old
mough to be his mother) out of pure fun. Might do regular “ Yah,
1 yah! ” business over it! Worth thinking out!
j ^ Macbeth.~M.ake him young? Hum!—No. Lady Macbeth? Yes.
That’s the idea. She a mere frolicsome girl egging him on. Me a
mothless, staggering old dotard of eighty, befooled into everything.
"hinks he sees the Witches. Liver ? Can’t clutch the dagger on
iccount of his lumbago. Might have his fight with Macduff Ln his
bedroom with his feet in hot water. Make Duncan a fair-haired
’>oy. Pretty foil to the old ’un— eh ? Think it would work out
" nice and fresh.” N.B.—Turn it over.
King Lear.—By the gods, I never thought of him. There’s the
boy for you! I can see myself with a long flowing wig of golden
Saxon ringlets and perfect legs ! Began, Goneril, and Cordelia, not
my daughters, but my three Maiden Aunts ! Why, it’s perfection.
Look at the lines, too !
“ How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is
To have a thankless ^lunt /”
It’s splendid ! Must see to it at once'!
Tempest. — Ha! That's good! How about a young, graceful,
well-favoured, shapely Caliban ? I’ve often thought, now, if I
could only-
'******
Here, unfortunately, the MS. breaks off ; hut what there is of it is
full of suggestion, and literary and dramatic circles cannot fail to be
on the watch.
A TIP FROM TEA-LAND.
The Authorities at Canton—so the correspondent of the Daily
News informs us—have posted a “Metrical Proclamation” about
the City, urging the almond-eyed Citizens to keep cool, avoid panic,
and stick to their work, even in view of the possible advent of
French men-of-war. Says this rhyme with reason:—
At Taikok and at Shakok, the headlands of the hay,
At Tumun and at C’heungan, to Canton the front way,
Our mighty army’s posted, our forts close clustered stand,
While thunder-lraught torpedoes guard the water and the land.
The six months of the hack way we’ve against surprise ensured,
And the City by defences have impregnably secured;
The highest-ranked officials being the foremost in the strife,
The French devils, if they come, will be sure to lose their life.
We shall blow up their steamers, so they cannot run away.
Then all you Canton people at your employments stay ;
Don’t move your goods and chattels, or ’twill be the worse for you.
Thus we by edict counsel what is best for each to do.
A wise edict, good counsel ! The Poets of the Flowery Land can
talk plain sense evidently, which is more than some of our flowery
bards can do. Perhaps such singularly pithy and outspoken
“ Metrical Proclamations,” in plain English, might be of service even
on the walls of onr politics- perturbed cities. Mr. Punch is minded
to try one. Behold :—
At Brummagem and Dumfries the roughs have had their way,
Have broken up a meeting, and bid a Marquis stay.
This is blank violation of Fair-play’s simplest rules.
Those who offend are rascals, they who defend them fools.
Political armies posted are a multitudinous hand,
And thunder-throated demagogues spout over all the land.
The hundred-mouthed new hydra perhaps must be endured,
But citizens ’gainst violence and row must be secured.
The highest-ranked officials who favour rowdy strife
Deserve to lose their offices, and stand disgraced for life.
They strike a blow at freedom, onr honour put at stake.
So, all yon patriot Britons, whichever side yon take,
Stand up against mob-violence, or ’twill be the worse for you.
Thus Punch by edict counsels what is best for all to do.
There ! John Chinaman has been the means, for once, of teaching
a lesson to John Bull. Lay it to heart, John, and act resoluteh
upon it, or most certainly, in the blunt language of the Mongolian
Metrical Mentor, “ ’twill be the worse for you l ”
POLITICAL PHEASANTS.
“ They are gone, they are off, hooray, ho-ho ! ”
Cried an old cock-pheasant with raucous crow.
“ In the fall of the leaf, from their copses brown,
And their acres, our Members, away to Town,
At the Royal summons to join debate
On a matter so weighty it may not wait.
Which has put a long pause to their poking fun
At the Pheasants with cartridge and choke-bore gun.”
“ Ah, yes ! ” sighed his mate, the sagacious hen,
“ But they’ve left behind their keepers, and men,
Besides the poachers that, all the same,
A share of the suffrage also claim ;
And we fetch in the market ten shillings a brace,
So I fear, my Bird, we shall hnd onr case
For the better scarce made by the ’Squires’ egression
From their Country Seats for an Autumn Session.”
“School-Board Idylls” (vide P. M. G.).—The School-Board
idles ? No. Rather the contrary. It overworks.
Reflection by Lord Randolph.—Spell “ Bonnet” how you will,
there must always be a “ Bee in it.”