DOI Heft:
December 20, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17757#0305
298
U UjSCjHL, OK THE LONDON (JHAKJVaKI. [December 20, 1884.
Magistrate (newly appointed). “Now, Constable, what Cases this morning?”
Police Sergeant. “Please, your Worship, I have in Custody—John Simmons, alias Jones, alias Smith, al-”
Magistrate. “Ah. well—I’ll try the Women first. Bring in Alice Jones!”
JUSTICE IN A NEW LIGHT.
(,Something more than a Farce founded upon Facts )
Scene—One of the Royal Courts of Justice after the re-installation
of the Electric Eight. The place brilliantly illuminated. Judge
presiding. Far, Witnesses, and the usual accessories of a Court
of Justice.
Judge (looking up from his Notes). Well, this is really very
delightful, and I think we ought to congratulate ourselves upon the
change. Without the electric light, on a foggy afternoon such as
this, we could not have seen to read the largest type, and now--
(All the lights go out suddenly, and the place is left in utter darkness.)
Dear me ! What can be the matter ?
Voice. Please, your Lordship, I think it must be something wrong
with the machinery.
Judge. I don’t recognise the voice, but is it an expert who is
addressing us ? (A pause.) I mean someone who knows anything
about the lighting apparatus, (Another pause.) Who has been
speaking to me ?
Voice. Please, Sir, it’s me—the chap as waits for the copy for the
eyening papers.
Judge. Tut, tut! As you are not a suitor conducting or defending
a ease in person, you have no right of audience, Sir ! Well, we must
get on as well as we can. Mr. Wigblock, have you any more wit-
nesses ? I cannot see you, for even the wig of the Registrar is now
out of sight. You are there, Mr. Wigblock, are you not ?
Mr. Wigblock, Q. C. Yes, my Lord.
^ Judge. Quite so. Sorry 1 have not the advantage of seeing you.
Now proceed. (Babel of sounds.)
Voice of Usher (after three minutes'1 confusion). Silence!
Judqe. Will someone please feel about the witness-box to ascer-
tain if anyone is occupying it ?
Voice of Usher (after a careful examination). Yes, my Lord.
There is somebody.
Judge. Oh, very well. Then go on.
Voice from Witness-Box. Please, my Lord, I fancy I have been
sworn by mistake. I am summoned here for a breach of promise
case.
Judge. Dear me! This is very careless! No; we don’t want
you, Sir, unless you can tell us something about this disputed
patent.
Voice from Witness-Box. What patent, my Lord F Here! Isay!
what are you about P [As hustled out of the Court in the dark.
Foreman of Jury. Please, my Lord, I find that seven of the jury
have played a very dirty trick upon us. Taking advantage of the
breakdown of the lighting apparatus, they have gone away, and
there ’s only five of us left.
Judge. Disgraceful! I cannot see my clerk or my desk. If I have
to address the Bar I have to stoop in a most constrained and un-
dignified manner to make myself heard. I wish some friend, power-
ful enough to move the Authorities, would help me. Ah ! I have
it! I will call upon Mr. Punch ! Well, I don’t know what we
can do now—but adjourn.
Voice (from back of the Court). Perhaps, my Lord, you might
take our case. I appear in it in person, and so does the Defendant.
If you will only listen to us, we don’t mind about anything else. As
our case is likely to occupy a fortnight-
Voice of Defendant. No—three weeks.
Voice of Plaintiff'. Well, let’s say a month. We might take a bit
of it now.
Judge. Really this seems a reasonable proposal. Well, you can
go on.
Voices. Thank you very much, my Lord.
[.Personally conducted case is personally conducted in the usual
fashion for two or three hours. At the end of the time,
Judge yawns, and stretches himself.
Judge (to Litigants). I think that will do for to-day. (Addressing
Audience.) And now, has any one got a light ?
The Junior Bar (en masse). Here, my Lord!
Judge. Thank you very much. ? ,
\_Scene closes in upon his Lordship arranging the next day s
cause-list by the light of a f usee.
U UjSCjHL, OK THE LONDON (JHAKJVaKI. [December 20, 1884.
Magistrate (newly appointed). “Now, Constable, what Cases this morning?”
Police Sergeant. “Please, your Worship, I have in Custody—John Simmons, alias Jones, alias Smith, al-”
Magistrate. “Ah. well—I’ll try the Women first. Bring in Alice Jones!”
JUSTICE IN A NEW LIGHT.
(,Something more than a Farce founded upon Facts )
Scene—One of the Royal Courts of Justice after the re-installation
of the Electric Eight. The place brilliantly illuminated. Judge
presiding. Far, Witnesses, and the usual accessories of a Court
of Justice.
Judge (looking up from his Notes). Well, this is really very
delightful, and I think we ought to congratulate ourselves upon the
change. Without the electric light, on a foggy afternoon such as
this, we could not have seen to read the largest type, and now--
(All the lights go out suddenly, and the place is left in utter darkness.)
Dear me ! What can be the matter ?
Voice. Please, your Lordship, I think it must be something wrong
with the machinery.
Judge. I don’t recognise the voice, but is it an expert who is
addressing us ? (A pause.) I mean someone who knows anything
about the lighting apparatus, (Another pause.) Who has been
speaking to me ?
Voice. Please, Sir, it’s me—the chap as waits for the copy for the
eyening papers.
Judge. Tut, tut! As you are not a suitor conducting or defending
a ease in person, you have no right of audience, Sir ! Well, we must
get on as well as we can. Mr. Wigblock, have you any more wit-
nesses ? I cannot see you, for even the wig of the Registrar is now
out of sight. You are there, Mr. Wigblock, are you not ?
Mr. Wigblock, Q. C. Yes, my Lord.
^ Judge. Quite so. Sorry 1 have not the advantage of seeing you.
Now proceed. (Babel of sounds.)
Voice of Usher (after three minutes'1 confusion). Silence!
Judqe. Will someone please feel about the witness-box to ascer-
tain if anyone is occupying it ?
Voice of Usher (after a careful examination). Yes, my Lord.
There is somebody.
Judge. Oh, very well. Then go on.
Voice from Witness-Box. Please, my Lord, I fancy I have been
sworn by mistake. I am summoned here for a breach of promise
case.
Judge. Dear me! This is very careless! No; we don’t want
you, Sir, unless you can tell us something about this disputed
patent.
Voice from Witness-Box. What patent, my Lord F Here! Isay!
what are you about P [As hustled out of the Court in the dark.
Foreman of Jury. Please, my Lord, I find that seven of the jury
have played a very dirty trick upon us. Taking advantage of the
breakdown of the lighting apparatus, they have gone away, and
there ’s only five of us left.
Judge. Disgraceful! I cannot see my clerk or my desk. If I have
to address the Bar I have to stoop in a most constrained and un-
dignified manner to make myself heard. I wish some friend, power-
ful enough to move the Authorities, would help me. Ah ! I have
it! I will call upon Mr. Punch ! Well, I don’t know what we
can do now—but adjourn.
Voice (from back of the Court). Perhaps, my Lord, you might
take our case. I appear in it in person, and so does the Defendant.
If you will only listen to us, we don’t mind about anything else. As
our case is likely to occupy a fortnight-
Voice of Defendant. No—three weeks.
Voice of Plaintiff'. Well, let’s say a month. We might take a bit
of it now.
Judge. Really this seems a reasonable proposal. Well, you can
go on.
Voices. Thank you very much, my Lord.
[.Personally conducted case is personally conducted in the usual
fashion for two or three hours. At the end of the time,
Judge yawns, and stretches himself.
Judge (to Litigants). I think that will do for to-day. (Addressing
Audience.) And now, has any one got a light ?
The Junior Bar (en masse). Here, my Lord!
Judge. Thank you very much. ? ,
\_Scene closes in upon his Lordship arranging the next day s
cause-list by the light of a f usee.