Punch (88.1885)

35

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 17, 1885.

PUNCH TO PRINCE ALBERT VICTOR.

January 8, 1885.

Many Happy Returns ! One majority more
In our stout'Royal line. As your father before
(It seems yesterday, rather than so many years)

Heard the right loyal rattle of volleying cheers,

"Which rang round the Island when he came of age,

So, Sir, you may hear them, and Punch will engage
They are hearty as ever A triple-linked chain
Binds Country to Court ’neath Victoria's reign.

Long may it endure ! Fortune happily smiles
On the reign and the race of the Queen of our Isles.
Many years and fair hap to the reign and the race,

Is the wish of us all; and Punch yields a chief place
Henceforth in his heart, which the years have left green,
To the Son of his Prince, and Grandson of his Queen !

SO VERY CLEAR!

OR, "WANTED A HAND-BOOK.

(Political Economists discussing subject of the hour over their wine.)

First Political Economist (after having been holding forth vaguely,
but with some decision, on the subject of Capital and Labour). Yes,
you may depend upon it, old Bismarck’s right, and that the increase
of Emigration is an irrefragable evidence of the rising prosperity of a
nation. Soon as a man has made money enough to .do it, he leaves
his country, and goes off somewhere else.

Second P. E. Ah, yes, I see. But, if he is so prosperous at home
(:reflectively), why should he want to be off elsewhere ?

Third P. E. Just so. That’s what I was thinking. But I
suppose it’s the result of supply and demand. It’s astonishing how
little people know about these plain questions. (Recalling indistinctly
fragments of a Magazine article.) Take the present depression
of trade, for instance. People will tell you it’s because there’s no
demand ; but any man who studies the question five minutes can see
at a glance the real mischief is over-production.

First P. E. Hot a bit of it. That’s the usual blunder on the
subject. For the matter of that, what do you mean by “ over-pro-
duction ? ” I don’t suppose you could define it for the life of you.

Second P. E. Oh! I think I understand that. Say, I represent
demand, and you represent supply, and B. is the market, and I go to
B. for one pair of boots, when you have just sold him five thousand.
B.’s surplus stock, which be has now on his hands, is the result of
over-production, and, I suppose, a dead loss.

First P. E. (brightly). Nothing of the kind. Simple enough.
All B. now requires is a Protective Tariff. He is hampered for the
moment by foreign competition. The boots he is offering at fifteen-
and-sixpence a pair can, let us say, be produced in'Pennsylvania,
shipped across the Atlantic, and sold at a good profit in this country
at five-and-ninepence. What’s to be done then ? Why, the Govern-
ment claps on a twelve-shilling duty, and it’s as clear as A B C that
the matter rights itself. B.’s now is the cheapest market. You and

four thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine other people in want
of boots go to B., and he gets rid of his surplus stock.

Second P. E. Yes—ahem! it’s quite plain, of course. But why
should I, for instance, and the four thousand nine hundred and
ninety-nine other people purchase our boots for fifteen-and-sixpence
a pair, when, but for the Protective Tariff, we could have got the very
same article for five-and-ninepence ? Why, in fact, should we
virtually throw our money away ?

Third P. E. No—no; that’s where you’re wrong. You don’t
really throw your money away. It remains in the country. (Trying
to recall the wrong end of something he has read in an abridged
edition of “ Adams' Wealth of Nations.") I can’t exactly explain to
you how it is—but I know that you don’t really, in the long run,
throw your money away. (With confidence.) It looks as if you did
—but you don’t.

First P. E. Oh, yes: I’ve read it all up, you know, and he’s
quite right. You see it’s the trade makes the prosperity of the
country. If there’s no trade, there’s no prosperity, and if there’s no
prosperity—well, where are you ?

Third P. E. Just so. Where are you ?

Second P. E. (still unconvinced). Yes, I know—but still I would
rather pay five-and-ninepence for my boots—and spend the balance
on something else, you know.

First P. E. Hopeless fallacy! if every one was like you, why,
there would soon be no bootmakers at all.

Third P. E. Yes, it’s just that sort of unsound theorising—that
is ruining British Commerce. Take the Agricultural Interest for
instance. Why I suppose you and those like you would stamp out
the British farmer next ?

First P. E. (savagely). Ha! I’ll be bound you would.

Third P. E. Well—if you put it to me—if it ever comes to my
paying fifteen shillings and sixpence, or even fifteen-pence-half-
penny for a quartern loaf, all I can say is—the prosperity of the
country—and, for the matter of that—the British farmer too—be
hanged! [Tableau.

STABLE PHILOSOPHY?

Mr. William Morris, poet, paper-decorator, and philosopher—the
“ Vat.es" of Socialism, so his interviewer, with a happy mingling
vagueness, styles him—has been holding forth at some length for the
benefit of an enterprising daily paper on the subject of his projected,
but at present rather distant, earthly Paradise. In this social Eden
it seems that “ a squad of Dukes ” (sic) will not, as might reasonably
have been expected, be called upon to take their five hours’ turn
(shirt-sleeves tucked up) with a set of brawny-armed navvies on a
railway cutting, but they will simply be effaced, and disappear.
Even Mr.William Morris will be a plain “citizen,” and drop the
complimentary Esquire from his envelopes, and say nothing on his
visiting cards, so it is to be presumed, about his being a genuine Votes.
The “ Revolution ” which is to bring about this perfectly beatific
state of things is, however, not to be accomplished without force, and
in preparation for it Mr. William Morris is already working with
indefatigable might. It appears that:—

“ His lecture-hall at home—3, Upper Mall, Hammersmith, a quiet, half-
rustic spot, within a few yards of the placid, turhid Thames—is an old

stable, which he has comfortably fitted
up, and completely transformed for its

SYMPHONY IN BLACK.

novel purpose.”

/ V sjj

The Vassal who does Soot
and Service.

As far as his work is concerned,
therefore, the great apostle may
he said to be fairly installed. Ail
he evidently wants is his chance.
It is pleasing to know that, while
in the new condition of things,
thus rapidly being hastened on at
Hammersmith, “BarbaricRaces ”
are “to be let alone,” the real
elevation of the working-classes
will be brought about by the abo-
lition of the maintenance of pri-
vate property in land, capital, and
machinery. This is all very beau-
tiful, and we shall look out for
the next prophetic utterance of
the Hammersmith Fates with
kindly and encouraging interest.

“How to Spend a Truly
Happy Day.”—Take a ticket from
Mark Lane to South Kensington
by the Circular Railway, and try
to use it!

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