DOI issue:
May 16, 1885
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17758#0238
May 16, 1886.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
229
ON THE MERRY MONTH OF MAY.
’ARRY
D-EAB CnABLIE,
_ ’Ow are yer, old Turmuts ? Gone mouldy, or moon-struck, or wot ?
sticking down in the Country, like you do, I tell yer, is all tommy-rot.
It’s Town makes a man of one, Charlie, as me and the Nohs ’as found out,
And a Snide ’un like you should he fly to it. Carn’t fancy wot you ’re about.
Old Huskin', I know, sez quite t’other, hut then he is clean off his chump.
"here’s the Life in long lanes with no gas-lamps ? Their smell always gives
me the ’ump.
Come hout on it, Mate, it ’ll spile yer. It’s May, and the Season’s begun,
All the Toffs is in Town—ah! you trust ’em! they know where to drop on the fun.
Don’t ketch them a-Maying, my pippin, like bloomin’ old Jacks-in-the-Green,
A-sloppin’ about in damp medders, with never a Pub to be seen.
Ao fear ! We ’ve primroses in tons—thanks to Beakey—for them, as can pay.
And all other larks as is larks, mate, they know meet in London in May.
It is all very well, on a Sunday, for jest arf a dozen or so
to take a ehay-eart down to Epsom, and cut down the May as yer go.
1 ve ’ad. ’igh old times on that lay, Charlie, gals, don’t yer know, and all that,
Iteturning at dusk with the beer on, and May branches all round yer ’at.
IUth plenty of tuppenny smokes and ’am sanwiches, Charlie, old man,
And a bit of good goods in pink musling, it ain’t arf a had sort o’ plan.
Concertina, in course, and tin whistle, to give ’em a rouser all round,
And “ Chorus ” all over the shop, till the winders ’ll shake at the sound.
Dhat’s “ May, merry May,” if yer like, mate, and does yours ancetrar a treat,
but the Rural’s a dose as wants mixing, it won’t do to swaller it neat;
that’s wy the Haristos and ’Arry, and all as is fly to wot’s wot,
hikes passing the Season in London, in spite of yer poetry rot.
Country ’a all jolly fine in the Autumn, with plenty of killing about,—
hay’s rabbittin’s not a bad barney, and gull-potting’s lummy, no doubt;
But
No.
green fields with nothink to slorter, no pubs, no theaytres, no gas !
i no, it won’t wash, and the muggins as tells yer it will is a hass.
.tr
at’
ven _
Button-’oler and Bond Street* old pal, that’s yer fair top-row sarmple for fun!
^7, we git all the best of the Country in London, with dollups chucked in.
- ’ in herby !—ascuse the Hitalian !-
■ ^ »»**«XX, XXXV, xxxxx&bxxx-■ - —~ J - ~ ^ ~
Tb f > I ’n *' Tillage,” my biffin, the Mighty Metrolopus,—ah !
nat s Paradise, Sir, and no kid, with a dash o’ the true lah-di-dah.
^ovent Garden licks Eden, I reckon, at least it ’ll do me A 1 ;
m-’nW OTirl „ol tLaf’o Tror -Paiv frm_rnw anrrrml
l? ’em a trot, and no flounders! It’s ’ard, bloomin’ ’ard, my dear boy,
nen Eorm as is Form ain’t no fling, as a German ud say, fo der quay.
Mister Ruskin sit up, and the rest of the ’owlers see snakes,
y v i t\®lr r°t about old Mother Nature, as never don’t make no mistakes.
’With ature ’8 a fraHd and a fizzle, that is if yer can’t fake her out
n tbe taste of a Man about Town, ony sort as knows wot he’s about.
I tdl’J^U’8 aD yum-yum jest now. Hexhibitions all hover the shop,
Like tbp • 'eeP8 0D!e a movin’. I’m on the perpetual ’op,
(I lnni1 j nnc.6' Aitch har aitch is a stayer, a fair Royal Rowell, I say.
ed a quid on that “ Mix,” but I carnt git the beggar to pay.)
It’s thetFI'i?S ” °Pen’ y°u know. Rayther dry, but the Extrys 0. K.
Yus Pri xtrys> I ’°fd, make up life, arf the pleasure and most o’ the pay.
But’wot- arM Bainters, Philanterpists, Premiers and Patriots may gush,
Lor bl ^ °ecome t^eir Shows if it weren’t for the larks and the lush ?
It’s funanrirVLei? k°y’ Dieter Galleries, Balls, Sandwich Sworries and all,—
Keep yer tae , z makes ’em go, not the picter, the speech, or the squall.
And you’ll n "i? Buffet’s my maxim, look out for the “jam” and the laugh,
That’s V 01iar Pi°k o’ the basket, the rest is all sordust and chaff.
But if y01! Charlie, my pippin; the parsons and prigs may demur,
Ah! “ Mav 'ud *mler their tip, wy, you ’ll ’ave to go thundering fur.
Of laughter ! ” up in Town, fills your Snide ’un as full as he ’ll carry
d lotion. That’s gospel to Toffs and yours scrumptiously,
’Arry.
-Ah, mate, ony wish I’d the tin;
QUITE A NEW LINE OE ITS OWN.
[Suakin to Berber. Official Report.)
The first half-vearlv meeting of this now flourishing little line ^a8 ®,
yesterday inside the Company's temporary Zareba,hastily thrown up
purpose at Otao, and was largely attended by “friendly and'
holders interested in the success of the undertaking. Upon the Chairman^
was fully armed and prepared for any emergency that might arise during t
reading of the report, taking his place, a few falling shots from the Mljace
scrub, apparently aimed at the outgoing Directors, created some shght moment Y
excitement, which, however, speedily quieted down on.the not
unexpected announcement being made that neither the Ordinary,
nor Debenture Stock holders would anyone of them receive any dividend wnai
ever. A i1* -
The fact, the Chairman proceeded to point out, was not one that nee
courage those who had embarked their capital in the concern masmuchas me
lme had, durmg the past quarter, been worked under singular disadvantages.
VOL. LXXXVUI.
The continual blowing-up of the permanent way, and
shelling of the stations, signal-boxes, and rolling stock,
had greatly added to the item of “ Expenditure,” while
the receipts from the passenger traffic, he regretted to
add, had, unfortunately, to be set down as nil. This was
partly owing, no doubt, to the untoward circumstance
that the very first excursion train of the season was cap-
tured in a cutting near Kobak, and sold with its contents
then and there into slavery
This had destroyed confidence in the regular working
of the line, while the fact that the one season-ticket
holder, an Arab Gentleman residing in Kordofan, was
believed on several occasions to have murdered all the
Guards, Stokers, and Engine-drivers, for the sake of
securing the coal and stuffing of the carriage-seats, and
carrying it all off on camels, purposely concealed in a
secluded siding, did not lead the Directors to anticipate
any very substantial increase in their profits in this
direction. He was, at the same time, happy to state
that the appearance of two new Mahdis in the neigh-
bourhood of Berber, led him confidently to look for a
large temporary up-traffic of homeless fugitives in the
coming Autumn. On the whole, the Balance-Sheet was
not all he would wish to see it; but he thought he might
honestly say that there were many encouraging features
about it. After a rather stormy protest from an armed
minority, which was, however, allayed by the getting
into position of two Gatlings, the report was unanimously
adopted.
STUPIDITY TO THE STARVING.
“ If foolishly rejected at the tables of the rich, these larva}
should be a reward for the toil of the bread-winner.”
Why notfEat Insects ? p. 52.
“ My starving friends, your clamour bores,
Why don’t you turn Insectivores ?
You want an inexpensive treat,
I offer ‘ Insects good to Eat.’
You talk, at times, of ‘Rising,’—rise,
Like fish, and feed, like them, on flies!
They ’re excellent! The Reverend Sheppard
Has tried Grasshoppers, freely peppered.
The Grub of timber,—plank or tub,—
Should be the toilers’ daily ‘ grub,’
And neither beef nor veal is safer,
At table, than the common Chafer.
Wireworms, those eligible imps,
Are a cheap substitute for shrimps.
Why should you spurn from pans and pots
The food that suits the Hottentots ?
Or quite reject from sauce and curry
What fattens the Australian Murri P
The very Caterpillars cry,
‘ Bake us with butter, boil, and fry!.’
You do not let their prayers prevail,
Nay, you neglect the common Snail!
Alas, your ignorance, my friends,
Too often in starvation ends! ”
So Science spoke, but should I meet
The head of Science in the street,
Stuck on a pike by eager friends,
And stuffed with what she recommends,
With caterpillar, grub, and fly,
I might not greatly mourn, not I;
But think of Foulon and the food
He offered to the multitude,
Whereby at length it came to pass
That his dead mouth was stuffed with grass!
Drawing the Cork.
The Prince of Wales was last week unanimously
elected an honorary member of the Royal Cork Yacht
Club. For a nervous mariner what a delightful Yacht
Club to belong to! No danger of shipwreck in a Cork
Yacht. That’s the sort of thing for us, my buoy ! This
is the Club from which a Dr. Tanner was expelled for
heading a mob that behaved like geese, in hissing the
Royal party. Well, if the Cork Club’s floating Capital’s
in first-rate condition, it won’t be the worse for the loss
of one Tanner.
The Latest Suggestion eor Our Troops in the
Soudan.—“ Leave well alone! ”
x
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
229
ON THE MERRY MONTH OF MAY.
’ARRY
D-EAB CnABLIE,
_ ’Ow are yer, old Turmuts ? Gone mouldy, or moon-struck, or wot ?
sticking down in the Country, like you do, I tell yer, is all tommy-rot.
It’s Town makes a man of one, Charlie, as me and the Nohs ’as found out,
And a Snide ’un like you should he fly to it. Carn’t fancy wot you ’re about.
Old Huskin', I know, sez quite t’other, hut then he is clean off his chump.
"here’s the Life in long lanes with no gas-lamps ? Their smell always gives
me the ’ump.
Come hout on it, Mate, it ’ll spile yer. It’s May, and the Season’s begun,
All the Toffs is in Town—ah! you trust ’em! they know where to drop on the fun.
Don’t ketch them a-Maying, my pippin, like bloomin’ old Jacks-in-the-Green,
A-sloppin’ about in damp medders, with never a Pub to be seen.
Ao fear ! We ’ve primroses in tons—thanks to Beakey—for them, as can pay.
And all other larks as is larks, mate, they know meet in London in May.
It is all very well, on a Sunday, for jest arf a dozen or so
to take a ehay-eart down to Epsom, and cut down the May as yer go.
1 ve ’ad. ’igh old times on that lay, Charlie, gals, don’t yer know, and all that,
Iteturning at dusk with the beer on, and May branches all round yer ’at.
IUth plenty of tuppenny smokes and ’am sanwiches, Charlie, old man,
And a bit of good goods in pink musling, it ain’t arf a had sort o’ plan.
Concertina, in course, and tin whistle, to give ’em a rouser all round,
And “ Chorus ” all over the shop, till the winders ’ll shake at the sound.
Dhat’s “ May, merry May,” if yer like, mate, and does yours ancetrar a treat,
but the Rural’s a dose as wants mixing, it won’t do to swaller it neat;
that’s wy the Haristos and ’Arry, and all as is fly to wot’s wot,
hikes passing the Season in London, in spite of yer poetry rot.
Country ’a all jolly fine in the Autumn, with plenty of killing about,—
hay’s rabbittin’s not a bad barney, and gull-potting’s lummy, no doubt;
But
No.
green fields with nothink to slorter, no pubs, no theaytres, no gas !
i no, it won’t wash, and the muggins as tells yer it will is a hass.
.tr
at’
ven _
Button-’oler and Bond Street* old pal, that’s yer fair top-row sarmple for fun!
^7, we git all the best of the Country in London, with dollups chucked in.
- ’ in herby !—ascuse the Hitalian !-
■ ^ »»**«XX, XXXV, xxxxx&bxxx-■ - —~ J - ~ ^ ~
Tb f > I ’n *' Tillage,” my biffin, the Mighty Metrolopus,—ah !
nat s Paradise, Sir, and no kid, with a dash o’ the true lah-di-dah.
^ovent Garden licks Eden, I reckon, at least it ’ll do me A 1 ;
m-’nW OTirl „ol tLaf’o Tror -Paiv frm_rnw anrrrml
l? ’em a trot, and no flounders! It’s ’ard, bloomin’ ’ard, my dear boy,
nen Eorm as is Form ain’t no fling, as a German ud say, fo der quay.
Mister Ruskin sit up, and the rest of the ’owlers see snakes,
y v i t\®lr r°t about old Mother Nature, as never don’t make no mistakes.
’With ature ’8 a fraHd and a fizzle, that is if yer can’t fake her out
n tbe taste of a Man about Town, ony sort as knows wot he’s about.
I tdl’J^U’8 aD yum-yum jest now. Hexhibitions all hover the shop,
Like tbp • 'eeP8 0D!e a movin’. I’m on the perpetual ’op,
(I lnni1 j nnc.6' Aitch har aitch is a stayer, a fair Royal Rowell, I say.
ed a quid on that “ Mix,” but I carnt git the beggar to pay.)
It’s thetFI'i?S ” °Pen’ y°u know. Rayther dry, but the Extrys 0. K.
Yus Pri xtrys> I ’°fd, make up life, arf the pleasure and most o’ the pay.
But’wot- arM Bainters, Philanterpists, Premiers and Patriots may gush,
Lor bl ^ °ecome t^eir Shows if it weren’t for the larks and the lush ?
It’s funanrirVLei? k°y’ Dieter Galleries, Balls, Sandwich Sworries and all,—
Keep yer tae , z makes ’em go, not the picter, the speech, or the squall.
And you’ll n "i? Buffet’s my maxim, look out for the “jam” and the laugh,
That’s V 01iar Pi°k o’ the basket, the rest is all sordust and chaff.
But if y01! Charlie, my pippin; the parsons and prigs may demur,
Ah! “ Mav 'ud *mler their tip, wy, you ’ll ’ave to go thundering fur.
Of laughter ! ” up in Town, fills your Snide ’un as full as he ’ll carry
d lotion. That’s gospel to Toffs and yours scrumptiously,
’Arry.
-Ah, mate, ony wish I’d the tin;
QUITE A NEW LINE OE ITS OWN.
[Suakin to Berber. Official Report.)
The first half-vearlv meeting of this now flourishing little line ^a8 ®,
yesterday inside the Company's temporary Zareba,hastily thrown up
purpose at Otao, and was largely attended by “friendly and'
holders interested in the success of the undertaking. Upon the Chairman^
was fully armed and prepared for any emergency that might arise during t
reading of the report, taking his place, a few falling shots from the Mljace
scrub, apparently aimed at the outgoing Directors, created some shght moment Y
excitement, which, however, speedily quieted down on.the not
unexpected announcement being made that neither the Ordinary,
nor Debenture Stock holders would anyone of them receive any dividend wnai
ever. A i1* -
The fact, the Chairman proceeded to point out, was not one that nee
courage those who had embarked their capital in the concern masmuchas me
lme had, durmg the past quarter, been worked under singular disadvantages.
VOL. LXXXVUI.
The continual blowing-up of the permanent way, and
shelling of the stations, signal-boxes, and rolling stock,
had greatly added to the item of “ Expenditure,” while
the receipts from the passenger traffic, he regretted to
add, had, unfortunately, to be set down as nil. This was
partly owing, no doubt, to the untoward circumstance
that the very first excursion train of the season was cap-
tured in a cutting near Kobak, and sold with its contents
then and there into slavery
This had destroyed confidence in the regular working
of the line, while the fact that the one season-ticket
holder, an Arab Gentleman residing in Kordofan, was
believed on several occasions to have murdered all the
Guards, Stokers, and Engine-drivers, for the sake of
securing the coal and stuffing of the carriage-seats, and
carrying it all off on camels, purposely concealed in a
secluded siding, did not lead the Directors to anticipate
any very substantial increase in their profits in this
direction. He was, at the same time, happy to state
that the appearance of two new Mahdis in the neigh-
bourhood of Berber, led him confidently to look for a
large temporary up-traffic of homeless fugitives in the
coming Autumn. On the whole, the Balance-Sheet was
not all he would wish to see it; but he thought he might
honestly say that there were many encouraging features
about it. After a rather stormy protest from an armed
minority, which was, however, allayed by the getting
into position of two Gatlings, the report was unanimously
adopted.
STUPIDITY TO THE STARVING.
“ If foolishly rejected at the tables of the rich, these larva}
should be a reward for the toil of the bread-winner.”
Why notfEat Insects ? p. 52.
“ My starving friends, your clamour bores,
Why don’t you turn Insectivores ?
You want an inexpensive treat,
I offer ‘ Insects good to Eat.’
You talk, at times, of ‘Rising,’—rise,
Like fish, and feed, like them, on flies!
They ’re excellent! The Reverend Sheppard
Has tried Grasshoppers, freely peppered.
The Grub of timber,—plank or tub,—
Should be the toilers’ daily ‘ grub,’
And neither beef nor veal is safer,
At table, than the common Chafer.
Wireworms, those eligible imps,
Are a cheap substitute for shrimps.
Why should you spurn from pans and pots
The food that suits the Hottentots ?
Or quite reject from sauce and curry
What fattens the Australian Murri P
The very Caterpillars cry,
‘ Bake us with butter, boil, and fry!.’
You do not let their prayers prevail,
Nay, you neglect the common Snail!
Alas, your ignorance, my friends,
Too often in starvation ends! ”
So Science spoke, but should I meet
The head of Science in the street,
Stuck on a pike by eager friends,
And stuffed with what she recommends,
With caterpillar, grub, and fly,
I might not greatly mourn, not I;
But think of Foulon and the food
He offered to the multitude,
Whereby at length it came to pass
That his dead mouth was stuffed with grass!
Drawing the Cork.
The Prince of Wales was last week unanimously
elected an honorary member of the Royal Cork Yacht
Club. For a nervous mariner what a delightful Yacht
Club to belong to! No danger of shipwreck in a Cork
Yacht. That’s the sort of thing for us, my buoy ! This
is the Club from which a Dr. Tanner was expelled for
heading a mob that behaved like geese, in hissing the
Royal party. Well, if the Cork Club’s floating Capital’s
in first-rate condition, it won’t be the worse for the loss
of one Tanner.
The Latest Suggestion eor Our Troops in the
Soudan.—“ Leave well alone! ”
x